by Davis, L. D.
“No,” she said, forcing another one of those hollow smiles. “I’m not very hungry.”
I couldn’t pretend that I hadn’t noticed her eating habits as of late. It needed to be addressed. It wasn’t just her I had to worry about, but she needed to eat right so that she could produce enough milk for Kaitlyn.
“Em, you’ve been skipping meals like crazy lately.” I decided to try a different approach. “Are you sick?”
“No. Just trying to lose a few pounds and I haven’t had much of an appetite.”
I didn’t necessarily disbelieve her. She hated the extra weight she put on after she had the baby. “You know I think you’re beautiful no matter how many pounds you are, right?”
“Sure,” she said, unconvinced, like I was lying.
I wasn’t lying about that. But I was tired of lying about us – to her, to myself. I was tired of pretending. I was done with this pretending shit. I wanted my wife back all the damn way. I had been patient and waiting for things to shift back, but we seemed stagnant. I told her once I would fight for her to the death. Now it was time to fight, though the enemy I was fighting wasn’t Kyle, it was us. I needed to know exactly how she felt and what she thought before I put on my armor.
“Em,” I said her name with weariness. I was tired, very tired of our charade. I sat down on the bed beside her. “Just…just say what’s on your mind.”
“I have nothing to say. I said all I have to say. I’m not hungry and I’m trying to lose a few pounds.”
“And you went to see a plastic surgeon,” I said darkly.
That wasn’t something she had told me about. I found out by accident only a few days ago. I answered her phone while she was in the shower, and it was a doctor that was popular in the area for his cosmetic work. They called to confirm her follow up appointment. I canceled it.
“How do you know about that?” she asked quietly and I told her.
“Why the hell are you seeing a plastic surgeon?” I asked her.
“I need some work done. It’s no big deal.”
“You don’t need any work done and you were never into being plastic before. Why now?”
She stared up at the ceiling. “Just because. It’s my decision, right?” She was trying to keep the conversation light, but I could hear the anxiety in her voice.
“It is your decision,” I softly conceded. “But it’s not like you.”
“I guess we’re all being someone we’re not lately,” she said and then bit her lip as if she had not meant to say it.
I hung my head, nearly blown over from her words. I sighed and tried to stay on topic.
“Em, I wouldn’t change anything about you. I think every part of you is perfect. Will you please come downstairs and eat something? You love Sam’s cooking.”
“Maybe later,” she said, but I knew she was lying as she sat there, palming her chest. I knew it ached, because so did mine. It ached so damn bad. There was no reason not to ask the obvious questions. There need not be any more holding back.
“Do you want to…separate? Do you want to leave me?” I swallowed hard after asking the questions. It wasn’t something that I was willing to grant her, but I needed to know where her mind was.
To my surprise, she looked at me with a stunned expression on her face. “I never said that.”
“You act like it. You’re acting happy when you’re not and I’ve tried everything to try to prove to you how sorry I am how much I want you. What I did has not only devastated you but it’s devastated me. I don’t know what else to do.”
“Luke, it’s been two weeks,” she said bitterly. “I would think that you would give me a little more time. It took you nearly two years for you to stop being angry about what I did to you.”
“Emmy, I just don’t want to find out six months from now that you can’t get over it.”
“I don’t know what you want from me,” she said. “I’m handling it the best way I know how.”
“I just…I just want to know what you’re thinking,” I said. I know I looked desperate, but I was desperate.
“You don’t want to know what I’m thinking,” she gave a humorless laugh.
“Damn it!” I snapped. “Emmy, I just told you that’s what I want from you!”
She looked at me with slightly widened eyes, surprised at my outburst, but then she sat up and faced me.
“Okay. Here it is,” she said. “Every morning that you have to go into the office, I feel like I can’t breathe. I put on a good show when you’re leaving, but once you’re out the door, I have to struggle to breathe, Luke, because I don’t know – will today be the day you run into Iris? What will you say? What will she say? What will you do? Will today be the day that she walks into the office despite what you told her? And will you let her in and close the door? What will happen behind that closed door? Will today be a day when you say you’re working late but you’re really with her?”
My eyes widened and my mouth fell open. Those were a lot of serious questions she was asking herself every day. Her state of mind was becoming very clear and I was feeling like an even bigger asshole than before, especially since Iris did come into my office and I hadn’t told Emmy. I opened my mouth to speak, but she put her hand up and cut me off.
“Oh, I’m not finished yet,” she snapped. “I wonder how long you guys have been talking as more than friends. I wonder at what point you knew you were out of line and what did you think that made you continue. I think about how you told her she was beautiful and sexy while I’m walking around with baby vomit in my hair and my fat flabby ass. I wonder how many times you’ve kissed her before, if you’ve touched her, if you’ve made her come. I wonder what you think is wrong with me – what am I lacking that would make you even turn your head to look at someone else. I wonder how you could do this after all the hell we had gone through to get to the happy place we were in – at least I thought it as a happy place. And…”
I felt gutted by her words. Her questions about my actions were understandable and expected, but when Emmy started questioning herself and the happiness we had, it was more than I could take. My eyes burned with unshed tears, but I had to fucking man up, and I needed to hear all of it.
“And what?” I asked her. “Finish.”
“I’ve said enough,” she said gently and looked at her hands in her lap.
“But you haven’t said everything you’re thinking,” I said impatiently and gritted out “Say it all.”
I watched her delicate throat as she swallowed hard. After months of watching Emmy close herself off, I knew when she was trying to shut down. I wasn’t having it. No more silent pain and anger. No more pretending. My emotions were heavy in my chest and pushed me slightly over the edge.
“Just fucking say it!” I yelled.
She flinched and looked at me with so many emotions spread across her face, I was unable to categorize exactly what she could have been feeling. I fully expected her to get up and walk away from me, but to my surprise, she got on her knees and wrapped her arms around me. I clutched her fiercely.
“I never touched her before that day, I swear,” I said to her as I tried to keep it together. “I liked her but I didn’t think anything of it until she said something on that day. There is nothing that you are lacking, Emmy. You’re perfect.”
“My mom thinks I have unattractive hair and need to join a gym,” she sniffed. Usually Emmy doesn’t take her mom’s critiques to heart. She was usually confident enough to not let it shake her, but I could hear it in her voice that she was questioning her appearance.
“Your mom is a crackpot,” I told her and was rewarded with a real laugh. I pulled back and looked into her beautiful face. “Please don’t get plastic surgery. When I say you’re perfect, I mean it.”
She looked me in the eyes with her own eyes full of questions.
“Luke…did you kiss her or did she kiss you?” she asked after some reluctance.
“No, Em, she kissed me,” I answered quickl
y and hoped that it wasn’t too quickly, indicating some kind of guilt.
The frown that formed on her face twisted my heart strings. “But you kissed her back.”
“No, baby, I did not. I was so shocked I just stood there.” I felt so ashamed admitting that. I felt like a lesser man for my inaction. “I can’t believe I just stood there like that.”
“But she said she was touching you. Was she?”
“A little bit,” I admitted. “Mostly she kept touching my arms.”
Emmy caressed my upper arms. Finally feeling her hands touching me so willingly was an incredible sensation. “Well…you do have yummy looking arms.”
“But they’re yours, not hers,” I said softly.
“I think she gets that now,” she said with a little bit of haughtiness. She climbed into my lap and rested her head on my shoulder. I felt megatons of weight lift off of my chest. I finally felt like I was breathing again. Emmy was my source of breath and for two weeks I was near death.
I stroked her hair, inhaled her soft scent and let her body close to mine soothe my soul. “Have I told you I loved you lately?”
“No. You should sing it to me.”
The last song at our wedding reception was “Lately” by Tyrese. I had held Emmy as close as we could get with an unborn Kaitlyn between us, dancing in a tight circle as I sang the song to her.
“You better sing that to me again,” she had said with her lips pressed against mine. “And often.”
And I did. All the way up to the day our world almost ended.
I sang to her now, running my fingers through her hair and caressing her body. I touched her face, her neck, her back, her arms, her legs, between her breasts. She didn’t recoil. She didn’t push me away. She accepted my touch as if she needed it as much as I needed to give it. She turned herself around and straddled me as I finished the song.
“I love you, too,” she said and kissed me.
I pushed my hands under her shirt and caressed her bare back. Her hands roamed frantically over my body. She stopped abruptly and before I could object, she started to unbutton my shirt. When that was going too slowly for her, she let out an aggressive grunt and tore my shirt open. I was shocked and very turned on. This aggressiveness wasn’t like the night I woke up with her sucking me. This wasn’t anger. This was pure desire.
“Someone is a little eager,” I teased and playfully pulled at her shirt.
“Just take my damn shirt off,” she demanded and planted a kiss on my lips.
I chuckled and answered her demand. I removed her shirt and her bra and tossed them away.
“Did you lock the door when you came in?” Emmy asked with her lips on my jaw.
“Nope. Hopefully your mom will have enough sense to know what’s going on up here.”
“She probably knew it was going to happen before us.”
“Mmm,” I managed as her teeth nipped my neck. “You’re probably right. She’s the one that sent me up here. I started to just text you, but she gave me a hard time.”
“Well, let’s not disappoint her,” she growled lightly and pressed her bare chest against mine.
“I can’t wait for these to stop being a source of food,” I said as I cupped one of her breasts. I missed pulling her nipples between my teeth and watching her wriggle from the sensation.
“If you don’t want a source of food all over you, I suggest you make your hand migrate south.”
I flipped her onto her back. She let out a little squeal that I cut off with a kiss as I began to release the zipper of her jeans. I slipped my hand under her panties and flattened my palm against her clit. She moaned into my mouth and squirmed against my hand. I pushed a single digit inside of her and eased it in and out, but this was going too slowly for me. I needed more. I pulled away from her warm mouth and quickly began removing her jeans and underwear.
“Someone is a little eager,” Emmy mocked.
“Very,” I said and quickly removed the rest of my clothes. Eager was an understatement.
Impatient, I pressed my body to hers, fitting my cock against her sex. I kissed her and rubbed the head of my cock against her clit. Emmy moaned into my mouth and pressed her hips up to meet my thrusts. My shaft slid through the length of her pussy, collecting her moisture.
“Shall I make you come like this?” I asked her, watching her face.
“Yesss,” she moaned and then begged. “Please.”
“You don’t have to beg me, baby,” I said to her as I rubbed against her harder and faster. Every time the head of my cock rubbed over her clit I groaned. She was getting wetter every second. “You’re so moist, Em.”
Emmy was squirming beneath me, moaning and licking her pretty lips. I knew she was getting close to coming and I planned to give her one hell of an orgasm. I kissed her, sucking in her escalating moans. Her orgasm began with a shrill sound out of her mouth as she turned her head away from my kiss to let it out. I slammed my cock into her, hard and fast. I groaned, but Emmy started to scream. I covered her mouth and watched her eyes roll back in her head and her face turn that sexy shade of pink. I held myself deeply inside of her as her orgasm began to fade. Hesitantly, I took my hand off of her mouth. I needed to be deeper inside of her. I needed her to feel every inch of me. I looped my arm under her left leg and immediately felt myself slide deeper. Emmy tensed and her eyes grew large with alarm as she put her hands on me to stop me.
I understood. I’m not being conceited, but I am a very well-endowed man. Even after all of this time, I sometimes hurt Emmy with my size, but it was always only at first. The pain always shifted to pleasure.
“I’m yours and you are mine,” I said in a firm tone that told her I was not changing position and I was not backing out. “I’m going to have you all the way and you are going to have me all the way.”
“Too much,” she managed even as I slid in another inch.
“I need to feel you, Emmy,” I said and thrust into her hard and deep. She covered her mouth to muffle her own screams as she looked up at me with impossibly wide eyes.
I moaned and asked her “You feel me?”
“How can I not?” she snapped.
I grinned down at her and pulled up her other leg. She looked very apprehensive, but I wasn’t going to hold back. I pulled out until just the tip of my cock was in her slick entrance.
“Ready?”
“How can I possibly prepare to be invaded by your obscene freak of nature?” she shot at me and gripped the sheets in an effort to brace herself.
I was finished talking about it. I slammed my erection into her tight core until my balls were pressed against her. I groaned loudly as I felt her pussy contracting around my cock.
“You feel so fucking good,” I told her. I pulled out and thrust into her again, harder than the last time. Emmy did nothing to hide her cries now. “You’re so fucking perfect, Em.”
I braced myself with my hands on the headboard and pounded into my perfect wife with wild abandon. I felt her walls clutching at my shaft. She was so wet that I could hear the moisture as I slid in and out of her. I was hurting her, but I was giving her pleasure as well. Despite the pain etched across her face, she held onto my body, digging her nails into my skin.
I let go of the headboard and put my hands on her hips. Eliciting a yelp of surprise from Emmy, I rolled us over until I was on my back and she was on top of me.
“Oh my god!” she screamed. Her automatic response was to attempt to move away as the head of my cock hit and pressed on her cervix. I was much harder and longer than I was the night Emmy tried to angrily fuck me. The angle was different. I was deeper, much deeper. I held onto her hips and slowly rotated my hips.
I looked up at her beautiful, flushed face. Her hair was sticking to her cheeks and neck. She looked wild and sexy.
“You’re so beautiful, Emmy, so perfect,” I groaned. I started to thrust inside of her while holding her in place. Emmy thrashed above me, clawed at my hands, and screamed my name again an
d again. I felt my orgasm rushing through me. I needed to come inside of her, mark her again as mine. I needed her to come on me, mark me again as hers.
“Come on my cock, baby! Shit, I’m going to come!” I yelled as I thrust wildly inside of her. “You feel too damn…” I grunted and moaned. “…fucking…PERFECT!” I shouted as I began to come inside of her. Emmy burst into sobs as she came. I stroked my cock inside of her, groaning as I filled her. Emmy shuddered violently and then collapsed on my chest.
“I love you so much,” I whispered to her. I felt her tears, hot on my chest. “You are my everything, Emmy,” I told her as she sobbed heavily.
Every emotion she tried to push away while we were pretending seemed to surface. She cried harder than I had ever seen her do before.
“I will do anything for you, baby,” I whispered as I caressed her back and her hair. “You are perfect, so perfect…”
I held her for a very long time. I didn’t try to hush her. She deserved to cry. I had hurt her so badly.
“Nothing and no one will ever come between us again,” I told her, and meant it. I would protect and fight for our family always, at any cost.
Chapter Thirty-One
It was a beautiful Saturday. The heat wasn’t oppressive and the sky was a perfect shade of blue with sparse white clouds. Everything seemed so much brighter after I got my wife back.
I took her parents to the airport with a smile on my face, and not just because I was getting rid of Sam and her big mouth. I even gave the woman a big hug that lifted her off of her feet and kissed her cheek, ignoring her surprised outburst. I shook Fred’s hand with enthusiasm. I hurried out of the terminal, anxious to get back home to my woman.
I plugged my iPod into the stereo for the trip home. I tapped the steering wheel to the upbeat 90’s music as I sat in traffic. I sang out loud to the words I knew and whistled to the parts of the song I didn’t know. I had a perpetual smile on my face, which only grew wider as I thought about the night I shared with Emmy.
We had lain in bed for a long time after Emmy’s breakdown. We talked quietly and caressed each other until we realized one of us would have to put the kids to bed. Em looked exhausted, so I volunteered for the job, but Sam and Fred insisted on putting the kids down since it was their last night with them for a while. Fred was discrete, but Sam gave me a knowing look. She nudged me and told me to go back to my wife. Who was I to argue?