by Cindy Kirk
All that was left was for Ryan to go to Betsy, explain what he’d done and tell her there was no obstacle to keep them from being together.
Only one thing worried him. What if this wasn’t why Betsy had broken off their relationship? What if she simply didn’t love him?
What was he going to do then?
* * *
Betsy took Mr. Marstand home, then returned to the house. The sun had set and the house that had been comfortable at fifty-two degrees while they’d been working had taken on a decided chill.
If she emptied more closets or cleaned out a few more cupboards, she might have been able to keep warm. But she was tired of working. Tired of wondering why Ryan hadn’t returned.
Not that she wanted him to, but it was rude to promise to come back and then not call. Still, even if he did call, she wasn’t in the mood to talk. Mr. Marstand had given her a lot to think about. Who knew the quirky octogenarian was such a sage?
Pulling a musty-smelling crocheted afghan from the table, Betsy wrapped it over her coat and leaned back in the chair. In the past when a childhood memory surfaced, she pushed it back.
For the first time, Betsy let the memories wash over her. Happy. And not-so-happy ones.
She recalled the drunken binges, the broken promises, the horrible things said in anger. To her surprise, she remembered a few happy times, too. Times when her mother’s eyes had been clear and bright. Times when they’d laughed and sang songs. Times when her mother seemed genuinely glad to have a son and a daughter.
Her mother had never asked for her forgiveness. Now, because she was dead, that would never happen. What had that minister said? Something about grace being needed but not deserved?
Could she forgive her mother? Let go of the hurt? Put aside the anger?
She’d seen evidence of the rage that burned inside Keenan. Even though he was innocent of the charges that had sent him to prison, he’d been a short-fused bomb waiting to explode. It would have been only a matter of time until he’d really hurt someone or himself.
Betsy closed her eyes and summoned up an image of her mother and the trip to Devil’s Tower. When they’d stopped for gas. When she’d returned to the car after paying and surprised Betsy and Keenan with the bottles of orange Nehi soda.
Another good moment, Betsy thought in surprise. Good times that she’d nearly forgotten.
“I forgive you,” Betsy whispered. Then, because it seemed if you were going to forgive someone the words should be said with more certainty, with more gusto, Betsy took a deep breath and tried again. “I forgive you, Mother,” she called loudly, her words echoing in the silent house. “For everything.”
At first nothing happened. Then, like a warm summer rain that washes everything clean, the hurt and anger Betsy had been holding on to since she’d been a child let go of her heart and the tension in her chest eased.
Betsy glanced around the darkened living room. Nothing had changed on the outside. But on the inside, well, on the inside, the sun, which had been covered by clouds, was shining brightly.
* * *
Because the sidewalk leading up to her apartment was wet, Betsy carried Puffy from the car. She sniffed. “Puffball, I don’t know if it’s you or me, but one of us needs a bath.”
Betsy figured it was probably both of them. Aunt Agatha’s home had a musty, foul smell that made Betsy wrinkle her nose each time she walked through the door. Soon it would be clean. The hardwood floors would be resurfaced and waxed, and lace curtains would hang at bright and shiny windows.
She pictured Ryan and Puffy bursting through the door and her opening her arms to hug them both.
Stop it, she told herself. What Mr. Marstand had said was all well and good, but she refused to let Ryan be hurt because of her.
Puffy began squirming in her arms, making pulling the house key from her pocket even more difficult. Then her phone rang.
Betsy dropped the dog to the porch and gave her the hand signal for “Sit” while she pulled out the phone. “Hello.”
She listened in disbelief as the district attorney told her the preliminary hearing on the charges against Chad had gotten moved up to tomorrow. Apparently Chad didn’t want the “unpleasantness” hanging over him any longer than necessary. There was an opening on the docket and his attorney took it.
“Of course I can be there,” Betsy said. The phone cut out for a few seconds. She thought he said something about having her attorney there for support, but she didn’t have an attorney. “I’ll see you at ten.”
After retrieving the key from her purse, Betsy opened the door and found herself face-to-face with Ryan.
Puffy, the traitor dog, jumped up and down like an acrobat on a trampoline. Betsy had to admit, her own heart had given a little leap. But just one. Okay, maybe two.
Betsy shouldered past Ryan, inhaling the clean, fresh scent of him. Not only did he smell terrific, but he also looked even better. Black pants. Crisp white shirt with cuffs rolled up.
“You know breaking and entering is a crime,” she said, acutely aware of her own disheveled appearance.
“I have a key.” He smiled. “How many times do I have to remind you?”
“Yes, well—”
“What’s that smell?” Ryan sniffed, then wrinkled his nose. “Is that foul odor coming from you?”
Betsy felt heat rise up her neck. “It’s my aunt’s house. The smell must have gotten in my clothes. Maybe even in my hair.”
Before she knew what was happening, he’d unzipped her parka and slipped it off, holding it at arm’s length. “I’ll hang this on the back deck to air out,” he said. “While you take a shower.”
Who was he to order her around her own home? Although she had to admit, the smell was a bit overpowering. “Excuse me, this is—”
“No need to thank me,” he said. “I’ll feed Puffy, then take her outside. I don’t think she smells.”
He caught the dog midleap, then sniffed while Puffy tried to kiss him. “Nope. She’s fine. It’s just you.
“Go on,” he said when she hesitated. “You don’t want your apartment to start stinking.”
With a little yelp, Betsy ran off down the hall. Once she was out of earshot, Ryan dropped his gaze to the small red dog staring up at him with a skeptical expression.
“You’re right, Puffy, she didn’t really smell all that bad. But when a guy asks a woman to marry him, I think she’d like to smell like vanilla, rather than musty old gym socks.”
* * *
Betsy took her time in the shower, wanting to make sure no trace of that horrible odor remained on her skin or in her hair. Only when she was absolutely certain that it was all gone did she step from the shower. After slathering her skin with her favorite cherry-vanilla-scented lotion, she took a few minutes to dry her hair.
She heard pots clanging in the kitchen, which meant Ryan was making dinner again. Although she’d allowed it once, this time she was putting her foot down. But first she was dabbing on a little makeup and pulling out the flat iron.
Betsy strode into the kitchen about ten minutes later. Although she’d been tempted to put on her pajamas with feet, she decided that might send a mixed message. She settled for her favorite skinny jeans and an oversized turquoise sweater.
“You look fantastic.” Ryan glanced up from a pizza crust he was decorating with her stash of olives, mushrooms and green peppers. He lifted his head and sniffed. “And you smell even better.”
His grin was so infectious she couldn’t help but return his smile. Until she remembered he must leave. And she needed to make him.
“I want you to go.”
Ryan cocked his head and looked at her with a quizzical expression as if she’d spoken a language he didn’t understand. “The pizza is almost ready to go into the oven,” he said. “I saw some romaine in the fridge. Why don’t you toss together a salad and I’ll uncork the bottle of wine?”
“I’m not hungry.” The comment might have been believable if her stomac
h hadn’t growled.
He smiled and Betsy realized she wanted nothing more than to let him stay. She wanted to sit across the table and share her conversation with Mr. Marstand. She wanted to tell Ryan she’d forgiven her mother. She wanted to talk to him about the preliminary hearing tomorrow. Most of all, she wanted him to hold her in his strong arms and tell her everything would be okay.
But he had to leave. Or did he?
You and Ryan need to face whatever is going on in your life together, Lexi had urged.
Have you shared those big important reasons with Ryan? Mr. Marstand had asked.
After all the chaos she’d experienced growing up, Betsy prided herself on being a rational woman. One who looked at all sides of an issue and arrived at a logical conclusion.
That’s what she thought she’d done with Ryan. She’d logically concluded that he—and his practice—would be badly hurt because of his involvement with her.
It didn’t have anything to do with feeling she didn’t deserve to be happy. She wasn’t self-destructive, not the way Keenan had been.
She was doing this for Ryan. Walking away from the man she loved to protect him. The problem was he refused to let her walk away. He kept coming around. This was a complication she hadn’t foreseen. It didn’t make sense. He’d left all those other women without any fuss. Why was he being so stubborn now? Betsy raised a hand to her head, as if that could stop the spinning thoughts.
“Is your headache back?”
She glanced up to find him standing beside her, his eyes filled with concern.
“You would have eventually left me anyway, right?”
He didn’t act as if he didn’t know what she was talking about, didn’t make a joke or brush the question aside. Instead he gazed into her eyes and said very simply, “I will never leave you.”
Betsy wasn’t sure how to feel about that answer. On one hand his loyalty thrilled her. On the other, it terrified her. How was she going to protect him if he wouldn’t let her?
“I love you, Betsy.” Ryan’s voice deepened with emotion. “You’re the woman I’ve been waiting for my whole life.”
There was a part of Betsy that wanted to wrap the sweet words around her heart and hold them close. But the logical Betsy knew it didn’t matter what he thought he wanted. She had to protect him.
“You’ve liked a lot of women,” she said pointedly, trying to defuse his earlier words.
“Yes, Betsy, I’ve liked a lot of women. Like being the operative word.” Ryan took her hand and led her to the sofa. He brushed the Pom off the sofa, ignoring Puffy’s startled look, then pulled Betsy next to him as he sat down.
“We don’t need to have a big conversation about your dating history.” Betsy’s voice sounded breathless, even to her ears. “I was simply making small talk. But I’m asking you again to leave. And this time don’t come back.”
The words were all there. The problem was her delivery lacked any real oomph. That was probably why Ryan merely blinked and shifted to face her rather than grabbing his coat and heading out the door.
“I’m not going anywhere.” His hand slid down her arm, leaving goose bumps in its wake. “The reason you’re having such difficulty making me leave is—”
“Because you’re stubborn.”
“No.” He caressed the palm of her hand with his thumb, his stroking fingers sending shock waves of feeling through her body. “Because you don’t really want me to go. And do you know why?”
It was difficult for her to think. How could such a simple touch be so sensual? She pulled her hand back. “No, but I’m sure you’re going to tell me.”
Time seemed to stretch and extend.
“Because you love me as much as I love you.”
“You don’t love me,” she said automatically.
Ryan’s expression didn’t change. It was as if she hadn’t even spoken. He stared at her for a long moment, his eyes boring into hers. “Do you love me?”
“What?”
“Answer the question,” he said in a courtroom voice that left no wiggle room. “Do you love me?”
“Yes,” Betsy blurted out, then instantly realized her mistake. “I mean no. I don’t.”
“Now that we’ve got that settled—” Ryan’s mouth lifted in a slight smile, as if pleased by her response “—I’m going to tell you a story.”
Somehow without her noticing, he’d moved closer. Too close. A smoldering heat flared through her. It took several erratic heartbeats for Betsy to find her voice. “Once you tell your story, will you leave?”
“When I finish, if you want me to go, I will.” Despite his serious tone, there was a smile lurking in his eyes again.
“Okay.” Betsy sat back and crossed her arms. “You may proceed.”
“Once upon a time, there was a prince. He had a wonderful family, friends he respected and a career he enjoyed. But the prince was lonely. He wanted a princess to join him in his kingdom.”
“First time I ever heard anyone refer to Jackson Hole as a kingdom,” Betsy muttered.
He ignored the interruption. “There were lots of beautiful princesses for this handsome prince to choose from.”
Betsy snorted.
Without warning Ryan bent his head and kissed her softly on the mouth.
“Hey, what—”
“Every time you interrupt, you get a kiss. Now, may I continue?”
Betsy nodded, resisting the urge to touch her lips.
“While there were lots of beautiful princesses, not just any princess would do. When the prince came upon Princess Betsy, he realized he’d found the one he’d been waiting for his whole life. But there was a problem.”
His eyes seemed to glitter, suddenly looking more black than gray.
“Chad Dunlop.” The name popped out before she could stop it.
His eyes dropped to her mouth. Leaning close, he kissed the base of her jaw, his breath warm against her neck as he spoke. “The problem was Princess Betsy didn’t believe Prince Ryan loved her. She didn’t trust him.”
Betsy pulled her brows together. If he was telling a story, he should at least try to be factual. “I trust you.”
He took the fingers of her hand and kissed them, featherlight. “Not enough to tell me about Chad and the upcoming hearing.”
Betsy inhaled sharply, snatching her hand back. “You know?”
He nodded.
“So you understand why we can’t be together.”
“No.” He shook his head. “I don’t understand at all.”
Ryan was a smart guy. The fact that he didn’t seem concerned about the hearing only added to her worry. “You saw how Chad acted in the office the other day. He’ll make it look like you’re a fool taken in by my charms.”
“I’m not sure about the fool part.” He shot her a teasing grin. “But I have been taken in by your charms.”
“Be serious. I won’t let your association with me damage your reputation.” Tears filled Betsy’s eyes. “Please, Ryan, I’m not worth it.”
His head jerked up.
Betsy didn’t know which of them was more surprised. Not worth it? Did she really feel that way? Had Mr. Marstand been right? Had her past affected her more than she’d realized?
“You are worth it, Betsy. And don’t worry about Chad’s attorney. He might try to discredit us, but it won’t work.” Ryan slid his fingers through her hair. “We love each other. There’s no shame in that.”
“Your association with me could damage your reputation,” she repeated, her voice cracking.
“If that happens, we’ll deal with it.” His gaze searched hers. “Being with you is all that matters to me.”
Her heart swelled in her chest and she hugged the sentiment close. But Ryan wasn’t being rational. He needed to look at what he’d be giving up, what he stood to lose if he was wrong. Having his good name and his reputation tainted by scandal was a real possibility. Chad was crafty and the attorney he’d hired was the best in the region.
&nbs
p; Ryan’s gaze scanned her face. The moment his eyes touched hers, something inside Betsy seemed to lock into place and she couldn’t look away.
“I can survive losing my career.” He cupped her face in his hand. The raw emotion in his eyes took her breath away. “I can’t survive losing you.”
Betsy’s heart rose to her throat. Forgiving her mother had been only the first step in throwing off the shackles of the past. Trusting in Ryan’s love and feeling worthy of that love was the next step. Could she take that step? Was she ready?
“I love you,” she murmured. Then, because something so important should be said with gusto, she said it again. Only this time louder and with all the passion in her heart. “I love you, Ryan. I don’t want to live my life without you.”
He let out a long breath but waited, as if sensing she wasn’t finished. As if knowing there were still words welling up inside her that needed to be shared.
“From the time I was ten I was convinced I loved you. I realize now that it was mere girlish infatuation.” Betsy fought the urge to drop her gaze to her hands. Instead she focused on his eyes, those beautiful gray eyes that held so much love. “Spending time with you has made me realize how superficial those feelings were. But my feelings for the man I’ve come to know are anything but superficial. They’re deep and true. I’ll never love anyone more than I love you.”
“You and No Other.” A sudden look of tenderness crossed his face. “That’s what the coin says.”
Betsy nodded.
“That’s how I feel about you.” His voice grew husky. “That’s why I had those words inscribed inside the ring.”
Before she knew what was happening, Ryan took her hand, then dropped to one knee. He reached into his pocket and pulled out a diamond ring. The large marquis-cut stone caught and scattered the light.
“Will you marry me, Betsy? Will you share your life and your heart with me?”
She leaned over and cupped his face in her hands and gently kissed his lips. “Yes.”
He slipped the ring on her finger and suddenly she was in his arms. Tears of happiness welled up and overflowed. As if on cue, Puffy jumped high in the air, barking and trying to kiss them both.