by Shae Buggs
“Sorry,” Kara says nervously, her cheeks turning a bright pink. “My towel fell off again.”
Drey and I laugh silently to ourselves as Kara turns an even darker pink, the color of her freshly painted fingernails. The last of the three men walks over to me and touches my shoulder.
“Hi, I’m Jake,” he says as he grabs the oil out of his bag. If I’m not mistaken, I think he winks at me.
“I’m Lucy,” I say as I try not to drool all over myself. Jake is so cute. I can tell he is in shape and possibly more toned than Mason. But why am I comparing him to Mason? Why am I thinking about Mason at all?
“I will be taking care of you all day today,” Jake says quietly so only I can hear. Raising his voice, he says, “So I see you ladies have arranged to have mud baths later in the day, is that correct?”
“Uh huh,” The three of us say in unison since those are the only words we can manage to get squeak out.
“Perfect,” he smiles. “That’s my favorite treatment at the spa. We will be doing your foot massages during your bath then.”
“Sounds great,” Drey says as she bats her lashes at Luke, her new toy.
I close my eyes and revel in the feeling of muscular hands gliding across my body. The oil is warm and smells like coconut and paradise. My body turns to putty. I can hear Drey and her catch of the day giggling next to me. He seems to be doing more flirting than massaging. I’m sure she would prefer that anyways.
I open my eyes because I notice that Kara has been really quiet. It looks like she has her teeth clenched and I remember that she is very ticklish. Last time we had our massages, she had to tell Birtha to rub only the middle of her back. I see her face soften as his hands glide to her shoulders. I watch her for a couple of minutes and I think I hear her snoring now.
I feel like I have entered another universe when the hot rocks are set down my spine. I am no longer human, but a jelly fish. I let my mind wander not thinking of anything in particular until an hour has passed.
“I feel so refreshed,” Kara says as she finishes putting her swimsuit and sun dress back on in the dressing room. “I can’t believe that I flashed everyone though.”
“Yeah, that was pretty funny,” Drey laughs. “Especially since you chose to wear your nude granny panties today. We had swim suits on when we got here. Why didn’t you just take all of your clothes off?”
“I just felt uncomfortable being completely naked so I brought some underwear to put on for the massage,” she says blushing again.
“Well, you can’t wear them in the mud bath,” I add.
“I know!” Kara scoffs, I think a little embarrassed.
“Weren’t those men gorgeous?” Drey says as we reach our covered cabana by the pool. We have salads and fruit waiting for us when we arrive. “I can’t wait to see Luke again at our mud baths.”
“I know, you two looked like you were getting along quite nicely,” Kara giggles.
“Alright ladies what will you have to drink?” says the poolside waitress in her itty bitty black skirt and bikini top. That is one ‘uniform’ that leaves nothing to the imagination.
“I will have a strawberry daiquiri,” Kara says.
“Yeah, I’ll have the same thing,” Drey echoes to the waitress.
“And you already have a drink coming to you, Miss,” the waitress says turning to me.
“I do?” I say completely confused.
“Yes, your husband brought you a margarita before he went golfing just a few minutes ago,” she explains.
“Oh. Well that’s what I was going to order anyways so I guess that’s ok.” On my approval, the waitress leaves to go get the drinks.
“Why would Mason bring you a margarita?” Drey asks a little skeptical of the situation.
“He was probably just being nice,” Kara says as she takes a bite of the watermelon on her plate. “He probably just feels bad about the plane and room incidences. Scott said that he thinks this whole amnesia thing has really changed Mason.”
“I guess you’re right.” The waitress comes back with our drinks. My drink has a little umbrella in it and a note attached. I read the note out loud:
“Just a little something for my bride-to-be. I hope you have a great day at the spa. –Love Mason.”
“Now I feel bad for being so mean to him,” I gush as I re-read the note. “And this is the best margarita I have ever had! Try it,” I say offering it to Drey and Kara.
“No, thank you,” says Drey. “Ever since that crazy fraternity party we went to junior year in college, I have never been able to drink tequila since.”
“Same here,” Kara cringes. “That stuff makes me gag.”
We sit in the cabana for an hour or so eating and sipping on our second round of drinks. We slip into the pool a couple of times to cool off and then head back to the dressing rooms to get ready for our mud baths. We get back into our robes and sit in the chairs by the windows again and wait for our treatment.
“Man, my stomach has been rumbling ever since lunch,” I say rubbing my abdomen. “It must have been the dressing on the salad.”
“My stomach is fine and we all had the same thing,” Drey says.
“Yeah, I feel fine,” says Kara. “The only thing we had different was our drinks. It must have been the tequila. We told you that was bad news.”
“But I drink it all the time. I even had it last night and it didn’t bother me. Maybe I’m just getting nervous for the wedding. Or maybe I have been stressing about work too much. Drey, I really need my phone so I can check my emails.”
“Do you really think that is going to make you less stressed?” she asks giving me a suspicious look. “I’m not giving it back to you. I’m enjoying spending time with you without your phone.”
“Ok, fine. You win again,” I surrender. “But I still feel like shit. I’m sure it will go away once we start our treatment.”
“Right this way,” says Ms. Clanky from the front desk again.
We are escorted to a room with four tubs, only three of which are full of mud. There are no windows in the room and the lights are dim. There are a few candles set around giving off a faint aroma but it is overshadowed by the musky smell of the mud. Its not a bad smell, just different. We take our robes off and climb in our tubs.
“I wasn’t expecting the mud to be this warm,” Kara says as she settles into the first tub.
“I know it feels great doesn’t it?” Drey says as she climbs in.
I take my robe off and hesitantly step into the tub. Drey and Kara look so relaxed but I feel faint. I cling to the side of the tub as I lower myself in.
“What’s wrong Lucy?” Kara asks. “Is it your stomach still?”
I nod and squirm a little in the mud. “The rumbling has moved down into my lower stomach and is starting to be really uncomfortable. I feel really gassy all of a sudden.”
“Well, let it all out before our sexy men get here,” Drey laughs.
“This isn’t funny, Drey,” I say starting to panic. “I think I need to find the bathroom.”
5. Shit, Damn, Fart
Before I can make my move to the ladies room, the door to our room opens and the three men from earlier walk in with their bags. I lower myself back into the tub and glare at Kara and Drey who are now trying not to laugh. They must have heard my stomach rumble. It was so loud that I’m surprised the guys didn’t hear it as they set up their things. I had to release some of the gas in my stomach before I exploded. I try burping but am surprised to hear that it comes out the other end instead. It’s a muffled sound because of the mud but still loud enough for the girls to hear and a bubble forms at the surface. Drey and Kara are practically crying they are laughing so hard. The second I feel better I am going to kick their asses for laughing at me. The boys say their hellos and put their hands in the mud to start massaging our feet.
My feet are squirming around as I try not to make a sound.
“Oh, are you ticklish?” Jake asks smiling up at me.
>
“Yeah, that’s it,” I lie to him. What am I supposed to say, that I have farted ten times in the last five seconds and that I feel like I am going to shit myself?
“I can rub your legs instead if you would rather me do that,” he suggests.
“Um, no, the feet are fine,” I say. I wish I could tell him that the farther he moves up my legs, the closer he moves to the danger zone. “I’m sorry, I’ll try to keep still.”
I sit there for what feels like forever and my stomach is gargling and aching like crazy. Every time my stomach makes a noise I try to say something really loudly to Drey or Kara so Jake and the other guys can’t hear it. One time though I screamed “Hiya buddy!” because I couldn’t think of anything else to say fast enough. Everyone looked at me like I was crazy.
I worked out a perfect system so that right when an escaped gas bubble was about to appear at the surface of the mud, I would wave my hand across the top and stop the bubble from surfacing. I keep thinking how lucky I am that the mud already has a strong scent so no one can smell me letting loose.
Our time is only half over and I am so uncomfortable. I know I can’t make it until the end of the treatment. My stomach suddenly grumbles so loud without enough warning for me to try to cover up the sound. Everyone looks at me. Again.
“Are you ok?” Jake asks pulling his hands out of the tub. “Your stomach sounds like drain pipes and you look like you are sweating.”
I feel my forehead with the clean part of my arm and my head is so wet you would think I just got out of the pool.
“I have to get out of here,” I say feebly lifting myself out of the tub. I feel weak.
“Be careful, that mud is slippery on the floor,” Jake warns as I shimmy out of the tub, not very gracefully, with my legs clenched. I slosh mud all over the floor and I splatter the front of Jake’s shirt.
I obviously don’t hear him because as I am rounding the table by the bathroom door, I slip on the mud and scream as I slide to the ground knocking everything off of the table as I go down. My scream wasn’t the only thing that everyone in the room heard. I know I farted at least three times on my way to the floor but I don’t care. Right now it’s just a race to the toilet. I grab on to the doorknob and pull myself up. I fling open the door and make a break for the toilette slipping a little along the way. The door shuts behind me but I know no door is thick enough to block the sounds emanating from the bathroom. I know they can hear everything. All I care is that I made it to the bathroom in time. I can hear their conversation through the door.
“Is she going to be ok?” Jake asks and it is obvious he is trying to be genuine but is clearly stifling his laughter. There is a pause in their talking and I think it is because of the splattering noises I am making. Normally, that would make me extremely uncomfortable but, I don’t care anymore.
“She’ll be fine but I think our session here is over,” Drey says and the guys take that as their cue to leave. I hear quick shuffles as they pack their stuff up and bolt for the door. I don’t blame them for their hasty departure. The sounds that are coming out of this bathroom are out of this world.
Drey and Kara are laughing hysterically. How dare they? Although, it is pretty funny. I mean, I just practically shit myself during my mud bath. If I wasn’t so sick, I would probably be laughing too.
“Lucy,” Kara says as she opens the bathroom door slightly. “Drey and I are going to get cleaned up and head out to the pool. Just go back to the room and rest. We will meet up with you later.
“Ok,” I say barely able to get a word out.
Kara closes the door and she and Drey gather their things. I’m sure when they open the door to the waiting room, the noise in this bathroom will flood the previously silent room. I can hear them giggle as they finally shut the door and exit the mud room.
Somehow I make it back to my room although it was an eventful journey getting here. I just wanted to be out of that room as fast as I could. I grabbed a towel, wrapped it around my body still covered in mud and shimmied my way through the waiting room, across the lobby, and up the elevator. Apparently my mud bath ended at a popular time to check in as there were hundreds of people in the lobby, or at least it felt like it. Realistically, I probably passed ten people, but when you are covered in mud, wrapped in a too small towel and about to crap yourself standing up, ten people feels like hundreds.
Now that I have showered, I feel a little better and I’m at a point where I don’t have to be two feet away from the toilet anymore. I’m drinking bottled water, trying to stay hydrated but the thought of eating anything makes me sick.
I can’t believe our parents will be here tonight and I don’t know how I am going to make it through the rehearsal dinner.
I hear voices outside the door and then Drey and Kara walk into the suite and see me sprawled out on the couch in my robe. I think I still have mud in my hair.
“How are you feeling, Lucy?” Drey asks covering her mouth with her hands to hide her smile.
“Ha ha very funny,” I say, my voice dripping with sarcasm. “What an awful experience. At one point I wasn’t sure if it was mud or poop running down my leg.”
They both break into a fit of giggles and tears start running down their cheeks. “I’m so sorry, Lucy,” Kara says sounding sincere but her laughter doesn’t stop. “Do you need anything?”
“Like some Depends?” Drey screeches and she can barely breathe she is laughing so hard. “You should have seen the look on your face when you hit the ground. I thought you might have shit yourself right there.”
Kara glares at her and comes and sits next to me on the couch. “We need to get you ready for tonight. We want Mason drooling over you.”
“I think he put something in your margarita,” Drey says. I have been telling myself all afternoon that he wouldn’t be that cruel but maybe she‘s right. I bet he had something to do with it. There is no other explanation for this agony.
“If that’s the case, then he is going to pay,” I say trying to get feisty but my gut clenches reminding me of my less than fortunate state. I lay my pounding head back on the couch.
“You can’t let him see you like this. If he did this to you, then you can’t let him know how it affected you. You have to pretend like it didn’t faze you.”
“Oh, it fazed me alright. But I see what you’re saying. I won’t let him know that he won today.” Even though I feel like hell, a little fire has been lit inside of me. I’m ready to take on Mason…after one more trip to the porcelain throne. I stand feebly and shimmy to the bathroom, my knees clenched together.
The next couple of hours consist of the two of them attempting to get me ready for the rehearsal and the dinner. Every 20 minutes or so, I have to shoo them out of the bathroom and let Montezuma’s revenge take its course. After they finally get all of the mud off my body, they do my hair and my makeup and get me into my dress. I have on a fitted baby pink dress that hits a few inches above my knee. I should feel hot in it but today I feel anything but. The good news is I have lost about five pounds today so the dress fits me better than it normally does. I’m immediately relieved that I won’t have to suck it in all through dinner.
I insist on wearing heels even though Kara and Drey think I need to stick with sandals since I have had such an exhausting day. I want to look my best so I put on my matching Louboutins and sway a little as I stand in front of the mirror. I have a collection of heels but I never wear them because, quite frankly, they are very uncomfortable. But I like the way the shoes look and Mason loves me in heels. “Well, Mason, you can eat your heart out,” I murmur to myself as I admire my reflection in the mirror. I look pretty good for having such a crappy…er…awful day.
The three of us make our way down to the beach. Why did I think getting married on a beach was a good idea? I can feel my hair respond slightly to the humid air.
My parents and my in-laws should be here. Ugh! I don’t want to deal with them right now. Not after my day anyway. My mom can be
quite smothering and she is always worried about Mason and I. She means well but sometimes it is overwhelming. My dad is very outgoing and social and always has something to say. I’m hoping he is tired from the flight and will be a little more relaxed tonight.
Mason’s parents are very interesting. Mason’s dad owns a big consulting company and Mason works for him. Both his mom and dad come from money and have made their own fortune along the way. They are also very social but they can come off as snobby. I have a good relationship with them but it hasn’t always been that way. It used to bother me when Martin, Mason’s father, would push him so hard at work. Mason has always felt like he isn’t good enough for his parents which is surprising because Mason is so confident. It’s one of the traits I like most about him.
“Hi bumpkin,” my mom coos as she runs clumsily towards me. She isn’t very coordinated normally and to top it off, she has a glass of wine in her hands. I definitely get my unstable ways from her. She slips a little as she tries to move in the sand but eventually makes it to us.
It’s so good to see her. We are very close but I have been so busy with work lately that I haven’t got to spend much time with her. She pinches the part between my butt and my thigh as she gives me a hug and it tickles. “Mom!” I say as she giggles at her funny game. She always does this to me and has since I was a little girl. Lucy and Drey head over to the area where the rehearsal will take place, giving me time to talk to my mom.
“Have you been drinking?” I say as I smell the alcohol on her breath and watch her sway a little.
“Oh, just having a little fun darling. Your father is around here somewhere.” She gazes off in the distance as she shields her eyes from the sun. She has a large blue visor on so her hand gesture is just for show. It looks like she went with the nautical theme today as she is sporting white linen pants and a blue and white striped shirt with gold buttons off center down the front.
She starts waiving frantically. “Frank, she’s here!” she shouts towards the figure that looks like my dad. My dad is very handsome but he has an interesting style. Today he is wearing a sun hat, khaki shorts and an orange shirt covered in fish of some kind and beer bottles. The fish are smoking cigars. He calls it his party shirt and has one in about five different colors. He bought them when he went on a fishing trip in Montana several years ago. He is a goof ball but I love him.