Not that I was looking to be part of a couple.
Shit.
I turned away, shuffling things on my table even though I had no real need. My thoughts had simply taken a train of thought too far. It happened sometimes. I’d be thinking about the way an epidemic spread, and instead of mentally picturing a week of an exponential spread, I’d have the whole mathematical equation worked out until the entire country was infected.
I’d learned to rein in those trails that served only to distract me. I could do the same now with my thoughts about Addison. Because that’s all they were, a distraction from the real work here.
“Are you getting settled in?” I asked, the question practically bursting out of me.
“I am.” Her voice was nice and even, like she hadn’t noticed anything odd about my behavior. “My roommate is great. I’ll admit, I was nervous about living with someone I’d never met, but we get along really well.”
“How are your parents adjusting to your move?”
Why did I keep asking her personal questions? They weren’t overtly personal, I knew, but they weren’t helping my mind pack away the distractions. I should’ve stuck with discussions about viruses and anti-virals and cluster outbreaks.
Still, I waited for her answer, more curious than I wanted to admit.
“Well, I haven’t spoken to my dad in a year, and before that, there’d only been calls on Christmas and birthdays, if he remembered.”
I glanced over at her, but she was checking a few cultures I had growing.
“My mom didn’t want me to leave, of course, but I think part of it was that she didn’t want to lose her free babysitter.” She said the words without rancor, but I heard a trace of sadness beneath them.
I turned around, then told myself that I didn’t need to comfort her. I shouldn’t comfort her. I was her supervisor, not her friend. Certainly not anything else.
“Sorry,” she said, giving me a grim smile. “I love my family, but I don’t always like them very much.”
The admission made me chuckle.
She gave me a questioning look. “That’s funny?”
“It is. Trust me, if you met my brothers, you’d be laughing too.”
“Why’s that?”
Now, she was the one asking personal questions. I needed to put a stop to this.
“I have three of them,” I said, avoiding her question. “One older, and two younger.”
“Do they still live in Boston?”
I raised an eyebrow.
She tapped her temple with her index finger. “Eidetic memory, remember? There’s more than one article about you where it’s mentioned that you grew up in Boston.”
“My older brother, Jax, does. Slade lives in Texas, and Blake lives in Wyoming.”
“Is it hard, being away from them?” she asked. “My sisters and brothers could be a pain in my ass, but I love them, you know?”
“My brothers and I…we get along better the farther we are apart.”
She came over to stand near me, her head cocked to one side like she was trying to figure me out. “When was the last time you saw them?”
“Last week,” I said, my jaw tightening at the memory. “Our grandfather died.”
She reached out this time and put her hand on my arm. “I’m so sorry. I remember reading that he’d raised you after your parents passed.”
“He did.” I didn’t shake off her hand even though the logical part of my brain told me to shut this down. Now.
She squeezed my arm. “It’s never easy to lose someone.”
I nodded but didn’t say anything else. I didn’t like this, talking about my family, about my feelings. I couldn’t think straight when things were like this. I needed to take control again, get things back to the way they had been. I’d barely spoken to Grandfather in three years. The fact that he was no longer here for me to call or visit shouldn’t have bothered me. He’d been no part of my life here in Atlanta, so now that I was back, things should’ve been able to go back to normal.
Except, now, as I looked at the concern on Addison’s face, I began to wonder if my life would ever be normal again.
Eight
Addison
Things had gotten, um, strange at work today. Not uncomfortable or inappropriate, I didn’t think. The things we’d talked about hadn’t been anything I wouldn’t have talked about with co-workers in the past. Okay, technically, he was my supervisor, but people talked to their bosses about things all the time.
Except I wasn’t sure that the same questions would’ve felt the same with someone else. I wasn’t the sort of person who talked about how things made me feel, but with Cai…I couldn’t seem to separate my thoughts from my feelings around him.
Which meant I needed something to distract me.
Fortunately, the moment I walked into the apartment, I knew distraction was exactly what was going to happen.
Dorly sat on the sofa with her girlfriend, Codie Siko, but as soon as they saw me, both of their faces lit up in a way that made me second-guess my desire for distraction. I’d met Codie on Sunday, and I’d liked her as immediately as I had Dorly even though the two of them were as different as night and day. Where Dorly was blunt and didn’t take shit from anyone, Codie was quiet and sweet, the type of person that automatically made others want to protect her. She had delicate features and a petite build, as well as a soft way of smiling that added to her fragile appearance.
It hadn’t taken me long to realize that Codie wasn’t a pushover though. She and Dorly balanced each other perfectly. If I’d wanted to be in a relationship, I’d want something like what they had.
But I didn’t want romance or love or a commitment. Recently, I’d been thinking about the physical side of things more often, but I wasn’t sure where to go with that, so I’d just left things where they were. Buying batteries for my vibrator was a whole lot cheaper than dating, and there’d never be a chance at hurt feelings.
“We’re going out,” Dorly announced. She gave me a once-over. “Go get changed.”
“Where are we going?” I asked as I headed toward my bedroom.
“A club,” she called after me.
“Shower first, then.” I went into the bathroom instead. I wasn’t expecting anything to happen, but I’d learned that it was better to be prepared and not need something than it was to be caught off-guard.
“Can I pick out your clothes?” Codie asked, raising her voice to be heard over the water.
“Sure.” She had better fashion sense than I did anyway. I tended to find something I liked and stick with it for as long as possible. I thought about telling her I didn’t want anything too revealing but decided it wasn’t necessary. I didn’t own anything that I wasn’t comfortable wearing.
* * *
“What the hell, Codie?” I stared at the mirror, not recognizing the woman looking back at me.
She’d taken a lacy camisole top I’d gotten as part of a gift from Lottie and paired it with a plain white blouse, leaving the blouse mostly unbuttoned and tied off at the bottom so that it framed the low neckline and sheer material of the top. She’d vetoed a bra even though, if I looked hard enough, I was certain I could see the outline of my nipples.
Then there was the skirt. I had a suspicion that it had started life belonging to Codie. Or perhaps a child’s doll. Either way, it fit me like a second skin and barely covered my ass.
“How am I supposed to bend over without flashing my underwear at everyone?”
Dorly shrugged. “The way I see it, you have two choices. Either don’t bend over, or don’t wear underwear.”
I glared at her. I’d always had long legs, and this skirt made them look even longer. I’d at least won the right to choose my own shoes rather than a pair of five-inch heels that made me feel like the giant in Jack and the Beanstalk.
“We’re not done yet,” Codie informed me. She held up a small jar. “How do you feel about hair glitter?”
* * *
�
��I feel like an idiot,” I muttered as I slunk along behind Codie and Dorly. “That’s what I should have told her.”
This was the last time I let Codie play dress up. On top of the clothes that were getting a hell of a lot of attention, she’d put some glittery gel shit in my hair, and now my hair was some brassy shade of bronze. And sparkling. So was my face thanks to the make-up Codie had put on.
At least one good thing would come from all this. If we ran into anyone from work, I doubted they’d recognize me.
The moment I walked into the club, however, I felt that the odds of me seeing anyone I knew had gone from slim to none.
Because this wasn’t a regular club.
It was a sex club.
“Um, Dorly?”
She grinned at me. “Surprise.”
I glared at her. “Are you kidding me?”
She gestured for me to follow her, then took Codie’s hand so her girlfriend didn’t get lost in the crowd. We tucked ourselves into a back corner where the music wasn’t quite so overwhelming.
“I thought we were going to the club where you and Codie worked.”
“We did,” Codie said. “Dorly’s a bouncer, and I’m a waitress. It’s how we met.”
“But this is a sex club.”
Dorly half-shrugged. “Technically, it’s a BDSM club, but most people don’t make a distinction.”
“The people here are really great,” Codie said. “They screen everyone. You can’t even walk in off the streets unless it’s an open night. Everyone here is either an employee, a paid member, or the guest of a member.”
Dorly nodded. “She’s right. They take safe and consensual seriously. Complaints are investigated in-house with a team of badass security people, and they’ve got no problem calling the cops on someone if their behavior warrants it.”
While still feeling strange about this being sprung on me, their reassurances helped with the anxiety. I’d only know them a short time, but I didn’t believe they’d do anything to put my safety at risk.
“Everyone here’s really open about sex,” Dorly continued. “As long as you’re respectful, you can ask anyone anything. They get all kinds. Gay, straight, bi. Masochists. Sadists. People with specific fetishes. Voyeurs. Exhibitionists. People in long-term relationships. Married couples. People just looking to hook up for one night.”
“As long as it’s safe and consensual, pretty much anything goes,” Codie summed up.
I looked around again, letting my mind absorb everything at a slower rate now that the shock had worn off.
“I have to ask,” I said after a moment, “why did you bring me here instead of a regular club?”
Dorly shrugged. “You looked like you needed to unwind, and what better way to blow off some steam than a good fuck? It’s a hell of a lot safer to hook up with a guy here than it is to go home with some random from a bar.”
“I don’t think losing my virginity to a leather and whips stranger is really my thing.”
Shit.
There I went, my nerves making my mouth run, and now I’d just blurted out that I was still a virgin, and I was getting that wide-eyed stare I hated.
Dorly gaped at me, and when she finally began speaking, it was a rush of words. “Shit, Addy, I’m sorry. I didn’t know. I wouldn’t have brought you here if–”
“It’s okay.” I said quickly. “It’s not some religious thing, or me waiting for Mr. Right. I’m just the sort of person who likes to know what I’m getting into. I don’t mean literally. I’m a scientist, so I know how sex works. There’s no surprise for me there. Or unrealistic expectations. I know the average penis size and how different a male orgasm is from a female one. And it’s not like I’ve never masturbated before–” I covered my face with my hands. “Someone please shoot me now.”
Laughter made me raise my head, but Dorly and Codie didn’t look like they were laughing at me, just at the fact that I couldn’t stop talking.
“I’m sorry,” Dorly said. “That was just a lot of information coming out all at once.”
“I’m going to go home now.” I started to stand, but Codie grabbed my arm.
“I think this is exactly where you need to be,” she said. “You said you’re not looking for love, right? You want someone who’s going to come at sex from a logical point of view. Physical pleasure without emotional attachment. But you want someone you can trust to make sure you enjoy yourself, and trust not to be some sleazy stalker or someone dangerous.”
“Right,” I agreed. “I’ve been mentally and emotionally ready for years. I’ve just never had the time to figure out how to find someone like that.”
Codie glanced at Dorly, then looked back at me. “I think I know someone.”
“Who?” Dorly asked.
“There’s this guy who comes in every couple of weeks or so. He’s polite, respectful, and I’ve only ever heard good things about him. I don’t know his name, because he’s not much of a talker, but he’s a member in good standing, which means his background check was crystal clean, and his behavior here has been above reproach.”
“Who are you talking about?” Dorly asked again.
“We call him Mr. K,” Codie said. “One of the girls heard him say his name once but couldn’t hear it clearly. All she caught was the ‘k’ sound. First, last, we don’t know that either.”
“You know the important things, but not the personal things,” I said slowly. Maybe Codie was right. Maybe this was what I needed after all.
“I can see if he’s here tonight,” Codie offered, “and ask if he’s interested, and it can be as impersonal as you want it. From what I hear, that’s exactly what he likes.”
Tonight? I hadn’t come here thinking about having sex for the first time. Then again, I’d thought we were going to a dance club where I’d deal with the same sort of men I’d met back in Minnesota. I hadn’t known we’d be coming here, or that a place like this could offer exactly what I was looking for.
There was one thing I had to make sure was clear if I was going to do this though.
“He’d need to agree not to do any of the whips and chains stuff,” I said.
“Don’t worry about that. That’s part of the whole safe and consensual thing. You’ll set down terms of what you want and what you don’t want before he even touches you.”
I nodded before I realized I was going to agree. “Okay,” I said. “But if you’re going to talk to him, I’d prefer if you told him up-front what I was comfortable doing.”
Codie smiled. “All right. Let’s start with bondage. How do you feel about handcuffs?”
Nine
Cai
Today had been a weird day. Just all-around strange. I’d told Addison more about my family than I’d told any of my co-workers. In fact, Pansy was the only one who knew anything about my family, or anything personal about me, and that was mostly because we’d gone to college together. I’d spent so much time tutoring her that, inevitably, those sorts of things had just come up.
Maybe that’s what’d happened with Addison. Outside of times when I was working with a team during an outbreak, I didn’t spend extended amounts of time with anyone. It made sense that having someone in my lab would make me want to fill the silence.
Except that wasn’t what happened. I hadn’t been talking because things had felt awkward without either of us saying something. I’d talked to her because I’d wanted to. I wanted to know who she was, how her brain worked. She interested me.
Professionally.
I certainly didn’t wonder what it would’ve been like to turn those platonic touches into something else. To feel her mouth under mine…
My dick gave an interested twitch.
That was just unfair. I’d been in the club for ten minutes, and a dozen half-naked women had walked by, but none of them had struck my fancy. It wasn’t a physical thing. They were beautiful, sexy. I could see ways their features would be considered by many to be superior to…others.
“Hello.”
A soft female voice caught my attention, and I looked around for a moment before looking down at a petite Asian woman I recognized. I’d talked to her a few times before. She was a waitress here, though I couldn’t remember her name. I thought I remembered someone mentioning that she was dating one of the bouncers.
“I’m Codie.” She stretched up on her toes, as if trying to make it easier to hear her. “Can I talk to you about something?”
I nodded and followed her a couple feet away to a shadowed corner. “How can I help you?”
She smiled in a way that made me wonder if I should’ve worded that differently.
“Have you found anyone to play with tonight?” she asked.
Dammit. Were my people skills really that bad?
“I thought you had a boyfriend.”
“No,” she gave me a shy smile, “a girlfriend.”
She was dating Dorly, then, the only female bouncer in this place. But if Codie and Dorly were dating, then…
“I’m afraid I don’t understand.” Or, rather, I was hoping I didn’t understand, because I really didn’t want to have to break it to Codie that I didn’t want a threesome with her and her girlfriend.
I didn’t share well.
“Don’t say no until you hear me out.”
This was sounding better by the minute.
“I have a friend who’s looking for a nice, anonymous encounter with someone who knows how to be in control.”
I folded my arms. This wasn’t getting any clearer. “What’s the catch?”
“She’s a virgin.”
It was on the tip of my tongue to say hell no, and then go back to looking for someone to take to one of the back rooms. But something about Codie’s request gave me pause.
“Why would she want to lose her virginity to a stranger at a BDSM club?”
“She wanted to feel safe,” Codie explained. “But she also doesn’t want a commitment. You know how it is, picking up someone at a club for casual sex.” She gave me a probing look. “Or maybe you don’t, being a large, strong man. But, for some of us, it can be…dangerous. Dorly and I told her that she’d be safe here.”
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