by Kim Schubert
“Do you love him?” I asked, softly hearing the same question echoed in my own heart.
“Yes,” she answered easily.
“Does he make you feel loved?” I asked, rocking her gently.
“Always,” she answered pulling away to dry her eyes.
I shrugged. “Then fuck the haters,” I said with a smile.
She nodded. “Let’s get by the fire I am freezing,” I told her moving toward the group of shifters, who honestly had probably just heard everything we had said, at least from the way Darren approached us in only a pair of low slung sweat pants, he had.
Wrapping Kass in his arms, he kissed her deeply cradling her face with his palm before whispering something too low for my hearing.
Settling on a log, a naked shifter plopped ungracefully next to me, stretching out. “Alec,” I greeted him with a smile on my lips.
“Hey Olie, didn’t know you were out here tonight,” he said, clearly unperturbed by his nudity.
“Kass needs some moral support with you hippies,” I answered, trying not to laugh.
“What? Are we that terrible to look at?” He said standing, putting his packing at my eye level.
Covering my eyes, I laughed. He plopped down next to me again. “Seriously not cool to laugh at that move,” he scolded me.
I shrugged, pushing him gently on the shoulder, “Sorry, I couldn’t help it.”
“So will you be partaking in tonight’s feast?” He asked, leaning forward and no longer waving his goods in my face.
I gave him a disgusted look, “I don’t eat meat,” I informed him.
“Ever?” he asked, shocked.
“Not since I had a choice,” I answered him, my tone hinting there was more to it than that.
“You are missing out,” He said ignoring the stiffness of my shoulders.
I shrugged, pulling out my frozen tofu hot dogs, “I bet you can’t taste the difference!” I taunted.
Alec pretended to retch, scrambling away from me on the log, giving me an ass shot. “The horror,” he mocked.
Darren whistled and we all turned. “Thank you all for being here tonight,” He said. Kass snuggled under his arm. She gave a gentle smile, still uncertain either about all the naked people or just the event. I couldn’t blame her. Their anticipation ran high in the air and was contagious.
“I appreciate the support each and every one of you bring to my family and my fiancé, but we aren’t here for political reasons, let’s run!” he shouted and his excitement was mirrored as bodies began shifting into various animals before my eyes.
A glorious leopard walked by with a carnal grin as magic rode the air with the pops and stretching of skin under the pale moonlights glow. Luminescent eyes glowed all around us, brilliant greens, deep blues, and a few chocolate browns.
Alec turned into the most beautiful auburn wolf I have ever seen as I watched him. “That’s impressive,” I informed him. He chucked before running into the night with the rest.
Darren came to sit Kass next to me before following the rest out, shifting into a gigantic lion with golden eyes.
We sat quietly for a few moments as they stragglers cleared out, “Impressive, aren’t they?” I asked, opening a bag of marshmallows.
“Ehh, just a bunch of overgrown hippies running in the woods,” she said with a laugh.
Coughing on the marshmallow I ate, I gave her a shocked look. “What - a girl can’t poke fun?” she teased.
A tall, well-built bald man with intricate tattoos stepped out of the shadows. “You come for the s’mores, Bear?” I asked him as Amy shuffled out after him.
Bear smiled, well aware of his large presence as Kass sat up straighter.
“Hi Amy,” I said, smiling, “Do you want some s’mores?”
She shrugged, looking at Bear. He nodded and she shuffled towards us, plopping down as I handed her the supplies.
“Why the glum face?” I asked, peaking at Bear who was tactfully checking the perimeter.
Amy shrugged shoving her marshmallow on a stick, shoulders slumping, corners of her mouth turned down.
I looked at Bear raising an eyebrow. He shifted, feeling my eyes on him. Kass shifted uncomfortably as I continued to stare holes into the overgrown man.
He relented with a sigh. “Tell her,” Bear ordered, coming to sit on a log across from us.
Amy turned to glare at him before turning back to me. “I can’t hold my shift,” she confided.
I blinked a few times looking between her and Bear. He shrugged.
“Any ideas on why?” I asked, having never encountered this particular problem before.
“No,” Amy sulked, scuffing her foot against the dirt.
Bear cleared his throat and offered, “It began after she killed her step father and mother.”
“Those fuckers have nothing to do with it,” Amy sneered at him.
“Language,” Bear scolded softly.
Amy blinked back the moisture in her eyes, putting on an angry face I knew all too well. How in the world did I reach out to her? How did I climb of my own demented psyche to relate to her enough to be able to help her through the complex web of emotions? Emotions I had ignored by just shoving them down deep and keeping myself distracted by and sated by killing.
I turned to the fire, watching the oranges and deep reds sizzle as Amy’s marshmallow caught on fire, burning to a dark crisp before falling off.
I felt Bear’s eyes on me as I straightened up. “I can’t help her. I can’t even handle my own emotions.”
“But you helped Hannah,” Bear said softly.
“I did, but that wasn’t working through her emotions.” I said, shaking my head, “That was simply removing them. I can remove, I can bury, but the problem is they always resurface when the memories do. Hannah was mishandled. Now with her training, she is adapting.”
Kass stood, placing a hand on my shoulder. “Amy, walk with me.”
Amy nodded, moving away from Bear and me.
I felt like such a failure. I wanted to be able to help her, but I was woefully unqualified to understand my own emotions let alone hers.
Running my hands through my hair, I shoved my feelings of inadequacy down into the deep pit of my soul where I stored the rest of my useless and troublesome emotions, using the only coping mechanism I knew before I was able to look back at Bear.
He was leaning forward, the fire light flickering over his tattoos giving them the appearance of life.
He opened his mouth to say something - something I knew I didn’t want to hear. Picking up the marshmallow bag, I tossed one into his mouth. He bit down on it, his eyes dancing with mirth as I promptly went back to ignoring him.
Eventually the tall lumbering shifter fell back into the shadows and I was left to my own thoughts, staring blindly into the fire.
What I kept coming back to, my worry, was Blake. He had been radio silent except for a few text messages telling me he was glad that I was alright and that he had more ‘family business’ to attend to.
I had a terrible feeling it was going to haunt all of us.
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