by Brooks, Tori
It was simple, Lindsay decided. She tried – honestly tried – therapy and it wasn’t working. In fact, she was getting worse. Before she could always hold it together whenever Dev was around or she at least had reminders of him. Right after holidays or her birthday were easy because she had gifts and flowers as new tokens of his affection. That wasn’t doing it anymore. She needed Dev. She needed more than he was giving her.
Her spring break was coming up, but Dev’s wasn’t until the end of March, a week later. Lindsay would have given anything for them to line up. Kenny had some interview set up for the band in Chicago the weekend his spring break officially started. An interview with A Thousand Words that some ridiculous little teen magazine would use to make their circulation requirement for the month. Why didn’t they call it what it was? An interview with Jess with a few quotes from Dev while Kenny and Bryan sat there and watched. With accompanying pictures. The details didn’t matter, what did was Kenny had effectively stopped Dev from hurrying home to spend the break with her. He could have booked this quick interview any time if they were willing to do it on a Saturday, which clearly they were. Dev could have flown out the Friday before and back to Boston on Sunday, and it wouldn’t have interfered with school or his break at all. Kenny did it this way to cut down the time Dev would have in Seattle, with her.
She couldn’t corner him here anyway, Lindsay realized. Dev would disapprove of Lindsay skipping school to spend time with him and her parents were as likely to run interference as Jess and Kenny were. Meeting Dev away from home, on neutral ground, might be the opportunity she’d been waiting for to show her honey just how much she needed him. Lindsay didn’t need to push him too much. She wasn’t about to push him away. Just enough to nudge him outside of that emotional prison he’d accidentally locked himself in. Kenny might have accidentally done her a favor.
Lindsay considered her options and planned with determination. She was a senior, it was her last semester, and she was already eighteen. Lindsay approached her teachers and most were amiable to giving her the assignments for the week of Dev’s spring break early. She completed them easily and gave them to a friend to hand in the following Monday. Now she just had to ambush Dev.
○ ○ ○
“I’m taking a long weekend and flying out to meet you,” Lindsay said when she called Dev on Thursday.
“Baby, I’ve got a photo shoot and interview in Chicago. I’m flying out as soon as my one o’clock class is over Friday.”
“I know. Email me the hotel info and I’ll meet you there,” Lindsay agreed and hung up before Dev could protest.
Dev sighed. It was getting more difficult, and once Lindsay graduated it was going to get worse yet. He looked up the number for the hotel and dialed it. He should marry her now and save them both a lot of trouble. The problem was he wasn’t ready yet and neither was she. Marriage was a commitment. A responsibility Dev knew he wasn’t prepared for. He loved Lindsay, that wasn’t the problem, and he knew he would marry her from the beginning. Dev felt they belonged together to his very core. Getting married now, before they were both ready, would sabotage their relationship.
He wondered how the hell Bryan managed it at eighteen when Dev was sure he couldn’t at twenty. His mom always said it was ridiculous to get married young. She’d know. Of course it had worked for her. He laughed as he remembered her exasperated argument once with Jess. She said it was unacceptable not to be old enough to drink at your own wedding.
In three years Lindsay would be twenty-one and old enough by his mother’s standard. He’d graduate by then too. Perfect. Dev was confident they’d both be ready by then. He’d discuss it with her this weekend, Dev decided as the hotel picked up and he booked a second room.
○ ○ ○
Lindsay sat in the waiting room and thumbed through a magazine. The receptionist didn’t have nearly enough phone calls to keep her busy and stop her from stealing long glances at Lindsay as she sat there waiting. Lindsay tried to ignore her. If she were alone, she might think the stylish redhead was gay, or that maybe her own hair was out of place, or that maybe she was extraordinarily pretty today. Except Lindsay walked in with Dev, and he gave her a quick kiss on the cheek before following the others back for the interview, so she knew very well the woman was jealous.
She tossed the magazine back on the table in disgust. The ridiculous little teen magazine had better pictures of her boyfriend than she did. Although she knew what he looked like with his shirt off. Hopefully, before the night was through, with his pants off too. Lindsay smiled at the thought, then the smile fell away when she remembered her dad’s reaction to discovering she was leaving for Chicago to meet Dev. That didn’t go well. She’d saved her allowance and earned money tutoring the basketball team, genuinely tutoring them. Jack couldn’t stop her, but he wasn’t happy.
Lindsay looked up as Bryan and Kenny walked out. She craned her neck to look down the hall behind them.
“He’s still back there, Lin. Relax, it’ll be a while longer,” Bryan said.
She nodded. Pretty much like she thought, they really only wanted to talk to Jess and Dev.
“Kick you out so there are fewer people to shield Dev?” Lindsay asked.
Bryan laughed. “Like it really matters. Jess is the one who does it all anyway, and no one kicks him out.”
Kenny loitered by the receptionist but Bryan came over to sit with her.
“Have they tried kicking Jess out?” Lindsay asked.
Bryan nodded. “Dev follows him. You’d think they were inseparable. Actually, I think the media all have the idea that Jess and Dev are tight. The way they banter and play on stage, Jess covering for him in interviews; it all paints a picture.”
“Wouldn’t they be surprised,” Lindsay shook her head in disbelief that people bought it.
“Well, we’re all pretty tight. It’s not completely wrong.”
“Just mostly.” She grinned at Bryan.
“Yeah.” He shrugged.
Lindsay turned when she heard Jess’s voice in the hall and Dev’s moan in response. As they got closer, she could make out what Jess was fussing about.
“I can’t believe you said that,” Jess entered the waiting room shaking his head.
Lindsay was instantly on alert. Dev misspoke? Dev? She watched Kenny turn from the receptionist, horror on his face as he looked from Jess to Dev in alarm.
“What?” Kenny asked.
Dev caught Kenny’s eye and tried to slink away toward where Lindsay and Bryan sat but Jess caught his arm and pulled him back.
“Oh, no you don’t. Sam asked if there was anything he really wanted to do, what was it? You’d think he’d say something like visit the Great Wall or something –”
“It’s not like –” Dev interrupted.
“Shut up. You had your chance at great responses, twerp. No, our darling nerd said he wanted to sneak into Comic-Con and meet the cast of Firefly.”
Beside Lindsay, Bryan laughed.
“Firefly?” Kenny asked.
“Some show that got canceled over a decade ago after only a few episodes. I had to ask. What a geek!”
“Now be fair, it has a following,” Bryan said.
“You,” Jess pointed a finger at Bryan, “are not allowed to defend him.”
“And there was a movie,” Lindsay added with a grin.
“Are you defending your boyfriend or annoying Jess?” Kenny asked.
“Either. Both.” She shrugged.
“Whatever,” Jess said, frowning. “You’re not even supposed to be here, so you’re not allowed to speak.”
“Hey!” Dev protested.
“Go. Take her somewhere.” Jess released him.
“Jess, you’re no fun when Bren’s not around,” Lindsay told him.
Jess cringed.
“Don’t remind them of that, Lin,” Bryan said and pulled her to her feet. He nudged her into Dev’s arms and positioned himself to act as a barrier as Dev led her out the door to find a ca
b.
○ ○ ○
“I see,” Lindsay nodded in understanding, if not agreement, when Dev relayed his marriage plan later in his hotel room. “Do you really have to reason through everything? Any room in there for a little ‘wing it and see what happens’?”
“I’m not crazy, Lin, even the best laid plans have to be flexible. Things come up. But it gives you a chance to start college in the fall and get a few classes under your belt.”
“And you’ll want me running off to school or work every day once we’re married? So the time we do have while you’re not flying here or there will be further paired down by my schedule?”
“Well, no. Not unless you want to, of course. Baby, it’s just that you know I think you’re smart and I thought you might want to . . .”
“Follow in your footsteps and get a degree I’ll never use,” Lindsay finished for him with a frown. Dev looked concerned and upset. This obviously wasn’t going the way he’d planned. Well, it wasn’t going the way she planned either.
Lindsay pulled on a smile. “I don’t want to argue. I’m just happy to be here with you.” She stood and took Dev’s hand, pulling him to his feet.
He was in a suite, this one had a small breakfast table near full height windows overlooking the city. She slung her purse over her shoulder, led him to the table, and pulled out a chair. Dev sat as directed, not protesting the switch from the comfy sofa to the hard, straight-backed chair. Lindsay dropped her purse on the floor beside him and sat on his lap. She kissed him and he cooperated completely. Of course, he would, it was only mid-day and the noisy street below the window gave the illusion they weren’t alone.
“Tell me how the interview went,” Lindsay prompted, reaching for her purse again. “Aside from the Firefly reference. Fun, by the way. Was that for me?”
“It was. I thought you’d like that.”
“I do. So how’d the rest go?”
“It sucked. I kept coughing because of my asthma and the inhaler wasn’t really helping.”
“I thought you’ve been doing okay with the new meds.” Lindsay frowned. She pulled out a raspberry flavored lip balm and applied it liberally.
“I was, well, I am. Stress always increases the risk, you know. The photographer was a smoker and I think that tipped the scales. Kenny was pretty mad although there wasn’t much he could do about it. The guy wasn’t smoking, the smell just clung to him.” He hesitated when Lindsay held up the lip balm to try to apply it to him too.
“It’s raspberry,” she scolded when he frowned. He held still and she glided the balm over his lips. “What have you got against the classic cherry flavor anyway?”
“It reminds me of cough medicine.”
Lindsay put the lip balm away. Then, sliding off Dev’s lap to kneel in front of him, she played with his tie. “What does raspberry remind you of?” She kissed him tenderly.
“Mmmm. You,” Dev answered and kissed her again. Lindsay reached down into her purse again, then up to Dev’s strong arms. She slowly pulled his hands from her waist to behind his back as she leaned forward and kissed him passionately. He leaned back into the chair, not paying attention to her hands until he felt the handcuffs lock his wrists behind the back of the chair.
“Lindsay?” Dev asked with an uneasy edge to his voice.
“Hmmm?” she answered, as she resumed kissing him.
He tested the restraint. She knew he could lift his hands free of the chair if he stood up, but they’d still be secure behind his back. Plus he’d probably trip over her in the process. Lindsay didn’t want to give him time to realize that. She could practically hear the gears turning in his head and had to distract him. Running her hands up his thighs slowly, Lindsay pressed her lips against his and kissed him deeply. Or tried to. Dev was beyond multi-tasking, he wasn’t even returning her kisses while considering the position she had him in. She might as well move forward then.
Lindsay kissed him again gently on just the corner of his mouth, running her fingers through his hair. That usually distracted him. She felt Dev calm somewhat and kissed him softly on the lips again. This time he cooperated with the kiss.
“Uncuff me,” he whispered as soon as she broke away.
“In a minute,” she answered, kissing him again. Her hands cradled his face for a moment before letting her fingers trail slowly down his chest. Lindsay wished she could take the time to take off his shirt, but surprise was the only thing she had on her side. She couldn’t take the chance. Maybe next time. Dev turned his head away, breaking the kiss, when he felt her unbuckle his belt.
“Lindsay, no,” Dev said firmly. She ignored him and unbuttoned the waistband of his slacks.
“I’ll keep my clothes on. Don’t panic.” She kissed him again.
“And I’d prefer to keep mine as well.” Dev pulled away from the kiss and coughed. “Lin, no. You know how I feel about this.”
“You’ve been very clear on your position on sex. But it seems to me, since a former president decided a blow job isn’t actually sex, that you could go with it for a change,” Lindsay responded as she unzipped his fly.
“No. Baby, don’t,” Dev pleaded, his voice was little more than a whisper and he wheezed now as he spoke.
“I love you and you love me. I need to express that and this is how I do it.” Lindsay was gratified to see that Dev’s snug white underwear showed a promising bulge and she rubbed it gently.
“Lin . . . stop, please,” Dev pleaded, then broke down in a fit of shallow coughs.
Lindsay laid a hand gently on his cheek and let the other reach into his pants, cupping his balls still held hostage in his briefs. She leaned forward and breathed hot air through the thin cotton fabric, smiling as he moaned slightly in response. She did it again and started to peel away the restraining fabric.
“Lins –”
Lindsay looked up as Dev slurred her name just in time to see him go limp. She screamed, but Dev didn’t react.
“Dev? Devin!” she yelled, looking at his closed eyes and bluish lips. She grabbed her phone and called 911 then grabbed her purse and looked for an inhaler. She sometimes carried one for him in cold weather. There wasn’t one in there this time though.
“911 operator, please state the nature of the emergency.” Lindsay raced to the couch and picked up Dev’s suit jacket from the back and started checking pockets.
“My boyfriend passed out. He has asthma.”
“Is he breathing?”
Lindsay stopped her search for an inhaler and returned her attention to Dev. She checked and sighed in relief. His breath was shallow – barely perceptible – but he was breathing. And the wheezing stopped. She thought that was good, but the 911 operator refused to confirm it.
The next few minutes were a teary blur for Lindsay. She tried to tell the operator where they were, but forgot the hotel and room number. The information was on the back of the door. The operator walked her through answering questions as Lindsay realized Dev would be horrified to be found partially undressed and handcuffed to a chair.
She released the restraints and tried to gently ease him to the floor. His inert form was heavier than she expected. Dev hit the floor hard, causing him to exhale in a sharp cough. On his back, his breathing eased slightly, but he was still unconscious and she heard the wheezing again that meant his lungs were struggling. She refastened his pants and belt, but couldn’t tuck his shirt in. It would have to do.
Dev was dressed, but Lindsay was in hysterics by the time the medics came and put an oxygen mask on him. They refused to promise he’d be okay as she followed them to the ambulance and rode in shock to the hospital.
○ ○ ○
Dev woke, initially disoriented by his surroundings. Lindsay had a death grip on his arm and he realized he had an IV in the other arm when he reached over to pry her fingers loose. She was asleep, sniffling slightly with puffy eyes.
“She cried herself out.”
Dev looked and saw Kenny sitting in a shadow opposite Lin
dsay.
“What happened?”
“Funny, thing. Lin won’t say.”
Dev nodded, then realized he had a throbbing headache.
“Are you going to tell me how you managed to end up out cold in the hospital? You didn’t seem too bad after we left the interview and you got a little fresh air. I can only assume Lin has a role to play in this.”
“Still trying to put the pieces together,” Dev whispered, stalling for time. “Anything to eat?”
Kenny leaned forward and pressed the call button for the nurse. She responded immediately and promised a sandwich.
Meanwhile, Dev was going over his last memories carefully. He’d miscalculated Lindsay’s determination. A book his mom read once when she and Flynn were having trouble came to mind. He didn’t read it, but he remembered looking at the blurb on the back. Something about different ways of expressing love, and some people don’t feel loved simply by hearing it declared. The cliché ‘actions speak louder than words’ jumped out at him and made him roll his eyes at the time. Now he understood it.
Lindsay’s self-esteem was intertwined with sex so tightly her whole life that he failed to see he hadn’t solved that insecurity. She just hid it away because he argued and she loved him. Maybe more than he deserved, Dev berated himself.
Kenny’s chair screeched as he scraped it across the floor closer to the bed. Dev felt his friend watching him and judging the woman he loved. They were never friends, but Dev’s actions – no, his inaction – put Lindsay in an untenable position.
“It wasn’t her fault.” Dev opened his eyes and stared at the ceiling. “I miscalculated. It won’t happen again, Kenny. I’m sorry if I scared you.”