by Maya Banks
His eyes squinted shut and he balled his hands into fists. She took him farther inside, enjoying each and every delicious inch. When she came to rest on his thighs, his hands came up to grasp her waist.
Bracing herself on his chest, she began to move back and forth and side to side. Then she raised up and lowered herself back.
“Jenna, I can’t...I can’t hold out.”
“Tell me what to do,” she whispered.
His hands pulled her down on him as his hips thrust upward to meet her. “Ride me, Jenna.”
Her hair fell forward in veil brushing across his chest and obscuring her face. She found her rhythm and undulated her hips over him. The tension was building in her as well, and she sped up her movements.
His face was a portrait of passion. Sweat beaded his forehead and his eyes glowed. Moans of pleasure spilled from his lips as she increased her pace. She was in control. Her power over him, her ability to make him want her as much as she wanted him filled her with intense satisfaction. Never had she imagined herself in the role of a seductress.
“There’s one other thing the woman in the book did,” she said, slowing her movements. Sliding from him, she moved down his body. Taking him in her mouth once more, she began suckling him, letting him slide in and out of her mouth.
She curled her hand around the base of his shaft and moved her hand up and down in time with her lips.
“Jenna, stop! I’m about to...”
She ignored him and increased her ministrations. He gave a shout and arched into her. She continued her gentle exploration with her mouth until he relaxed beneath her. His hand stroked her hair then slid down her shoulder. “Come here.”
She curled into his arms, laying her head on his chest. He continued to stroke her hair, smoothing it away from her face. A deep breath escaped him, almost as if he had been about to speak. Silence descended on them for a few long moments.
As he held her close to him, rubbing her gently, he took in another breath. “What would you say if I told you that you were only the second woman I have ever been intimate with?”
Chapter Fifteen
“What?” She drew away and looked at him in shock. Her mind fought to analyze what he’d said, but it made no sense. She couldn’t count on two hands the number of women who’d bragged about his prowess in bed. After all, it was the reason she’d sought him out in the first place. “I don’t understand.”
He sat up, crossing his ankles. Smoothing his unruly hair from his face, he let out a sigh. “It’s quite simple actually. I’ve only been with one other woman.”
She scooted to a sitting position, wishing she had something to cover herself with. She drew her knees up to her chest and hugged her arms around her legs. “But what of all the rumors? I’ve had women tell me...” She broke off, embarrassed to admit she’d participated in gossip about him.
“All untrue.”
“But why would they say such things if they weren’t true? And why didn’t you refute what they were saying?”
“Because I don’t care what polite society thinks of me. I can’t be responsible for the untruths they circulate.”
She shook her head, becoming more confused by the moment. “So you are telling me that all these women arbitrarily made up false rumors about you?” While she didn’t refute the tendency to gossip within the ton, she found it hard to believe that so many women would make up something so absurdly untrue.
He blew out a long breath. “I suppose it began with my association with Lady Lockhart. As I told you she is a dear friend. But the rumors began in earnest when one of Lady Lockhart’s acquaintances, Lady Wortham, propositioned me and I politely refused her advances. If I had to guess, Lady Wortham, feeling snubbed, regaled her friends with the details of her affair with me. An affair that never happened. And in an effort not to be one upped, because we all know how society hates to be one upped, more women claimed to have had an affair with me, and it spiraled out of control.”
Jenna looked at him, mouth open. But she could certainly envision it happening as he’d speculated. So, she’d approached a man and asked him to become her lover all on the basis of idle gossip. Mortification seized her, and she had the urge to flee the room. But another thought popped into her mind, and she whipped her head around to look at him. “If none of the rumors were true, then why...why did you agree to become my lover?”
He looked away, his expression pained. When he looked back, she could see guilt reflected in his eyes.
“At first, I was angry. Angry at your assumption, and angry because you were treating me no better than every other woman of society.”
Jenna had the grace to flush. She hadn’t been any better than anyone else. A pulse beat at her neck, though. Had he done this all out of some desire for revenge? She looked away, unable to meet his gaze any longer.
“But you made me feel alive for the first time in many years,” he said quietly. “I wanted to take you in my arms from the first moment you walked into the library.”
The silent pain in his voice caused her chest to tighten. She turned back to look at him. “Who was the other woman, Gray? Is she why I hear such sadness in your voice sometimes? See such pain in your eyes?”
He gazed into the fire, and suddenly he looked vulnerable, sitting naked in front of her. He looked so open, as if all his defenses had been breached. “Five years ago, I met a girl and fell in love with her. She was unattainable, but I loved her anyway, and she loved me. Her name was Roslyn and all I could think about was making her mine.”
He turned back to her, and she saw the memories burning brightly in his eyes, almost mirroring the flames from the fireplace. “Her father was livid that his daughter had condescended to my level and swore that he’d never allow a man such as me to marry into his family. I begged Roslyn to elope with me, and she reluctantly agreed. You see, it wasn’t that she didn’t love me, or thought she was above me, but she knew that by marrying me she would be letting go of her family. It was a choice she should have never been forced to make.”
Jenna’s heart ached for both Gray and Roslyn, for she knew well how familial duty went. “What happened?” she asked softly.
Tears clouded his gray eyes. “Her father followed us and caught up to us before we could be married. In a rage, he confronted us and demanded Roslyn return with him. He told her that her mother had suffered a heart attack when she’d learned Roslyn had run away. Roslyn couldn’t refuse to return with him. She promised me, as soon as she saw to her mother, she would marry me no matter what her father said. On the way back, they had a carriage accident and were both killed.”
“Oh, Gray! I’m so sorry.”
“So, you see, my love for Roslyn ruined an entire family. I went to see her mother, knowing I was at fault for her ill health only to find her the pink of perfection. Roslyn’s father had lied in order to get her to return with him. Only now, they were both gone and Roslyn’s mother had no one.”
“Surely you don’t blame yourself,” Jenna said in disbelief.
“Who else would I blame? I should have never asked her to choose me over her family. If I hadn’t, she’d still be alive.”
“Maybe her family shouldn’t have made it a choice,” she mused. “She could have had both if they had accepted her choice in you.” But even as she said the words, she knew how ridiculous they sounded. Women weren’t offered a choice. Wasn’t that precisely why she was sitting here in front of her lover? Because she hadn’t been offered a choice in whom she married or been given any say so in her future.
Resentment swelled her chest, and for the first time she felt truly angry at her parents, her father. How could they have saddled her with Stuart? Didn’t they care anything for her happiness?
If only she hadn’t been born an earl’s daughter. Then perhaps she wouldn’t be used as a pawn, wouldn’t be offered up like a sacrificial lamb for the family honor.
“They didn’t accept her choice because I was
born on the docks and actually work for my living.” The bitterness in his voice echoed through the room.
“You must have loved her a great deal.”
He nodded, seemingly lost in the pain of his memories. Feeling awkward, she got up and went to put on her clothing. Gray followed her and buttoned the back of her dress. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to make you feel badly.”
She turned around in his arms. “I’m the one who is sorry. I made such assumptions about you, treated you like every other person in society has. For that I am ashamed.”
“No,” he said fiercely. “You aren’t like the others. You actually talk to me, not down at me. I’ve not regretted our affair for a moment. I hope you haven’t either.”
“No, but I am more ashamed that I haven’t been able to conjure regret for acting in complete opposition to everything I’ve been brought up to believe.”
“You are an incredible woman, Jenna. I don’t think I’ve ever met a woman to equal you.”
She smiled at him. “And I don’t think there is another man like you in the world. Roslyn was lucky to have your love.”
“Thank you for saying that,” he said quietly. Regret filled his face as he consulted the time. “We’ve but a few minutes before you must go.” He drew her tightly into his arms just as a knock sounded at the door.
They pulled away and Jenna gave him a rueful smile. “That will be Masterson telling me the carriage is here.”
She paused at the door and turned back to look at him. “You’ve said why you agreed to the affair. But is it also the only reason you have continued seeing me?”
His face hardened and his eyes flashed. “If you have to ask that, then you’ve learned nothing about me.”
She stared at him for a long moment. “Goodbye, Gray. Until tomorrow.”
“Goodbye, Jenna. I am counting the hours until midnight.”
###
Jenna fidgeted in the carriage seat beside Stuart as they rolled toward Lady Lockhart’s residence. She was paying the price for her extended toilette as she tried to remain still so her appearance wouldn’t be mussed. She’d spent hours making sure every hair was in place, that she had chosen the perfect dress.
The result, she had to admit, was rather satisfying. Even Stuart seemed stunned into silence. She’d decided on a green silk gown with a pearl-beaded bodice. The square neckline accentuated the swells of her breasts, and the light green sash that was secured just below the bustline marked the contrast between the lighter green skirts and the emerald bodice.
She wore the locket, though she would have preferred to wear her emerald necklace Mamma had gifted her with on her last birthday. She settled for wearing the matching emerald drop earrings instead.
Tonight she felt beautiful. She only wished Gray could see her. She’d sent him a message saying she couldn’t meet him tonight since she didn’t imagine Stuart leaving the ball before well into the morning. Without their rendezvous to look forward to, the night seemed interminable. But then Gray was a close acquaintance of Lady Lockhart, so maybe he would be present. It was the only ray of hope for the entire evening.
Stuart leaned forward in excitement as they pulled into the line of carriages outside Lady Lockhart’s townhome. To her chagrin, he still appeared to be infatuated with Henry VIII period clothing. The only change from the last time she’d seen him was the color of his costume. Instead of red, he wore royal blue, which she did have to admit matched emerald better than red.
She chanced a glance at his hose-covered legs, surprised to note the muscles that were barely disguised by the stockings. Shaking her head, she turned her attention back to the moving carriage line. Stuart could be quite handsome if he weren’t so devoted to looking like an idiot.
When the door opened, she and Stuart descended and entered Lady Lockhart’s home. They waited to greet their hostess in the receiving line, and Jenna scanned the crowd looking for Gray. Disappointment settled over her when she saw no sign of him.
“Jenna,” Stuart hissed beside her. He nudged her forward, and she offered Lady Lockhart a curtsey.
“I am so glad you came, Lady Jenna,” Lady Lockhart said with a smile. “And of course, you too, Mr. Eglin.”
“We’re so honored to be invited,” Stuart gushed.
They continued past Lady Lockhart as she greeted the person behind them. Beyond, the ballroom was ablaze with light and packed tight with people. Couples whirled by in flashes of color and smiles. The atmosphere was festive, yet her mood was subdued.
She stood with Stuart and smiled as they conversed with some of his acquaintances. She had a steady stream of dance partners, and she performed just as an earl’s daughter was expected. But underneath the polished, practiced exterior, she was picturing entwined, undulating bodies. Hers and Gray’s.
After she was escorted back to Stuart by her dance partner, she excused herself to the ladies’ retiring room. To her surprise, Lady Lockhart entered behind her. “My lady, the ball is lovely,” Jenna said, feeling compelled to say something.
“Thank you, my dear. It was good of you to come. And quite frankly, I looked forward to speaking with you.”
Jenna looked inquisitively at the older woman. Though not on the fringes of youth, she was still exceptionally lovely. Jenna was willing to wager she had been a diamond of the first water in her day. Not a single trace of silver dotted her blond hair, and her face was smooth and unmarred by wrinkles.
She led Jenna over to a rose-colored settee and gestured for her to sit. “I won’t keep you long, but I just wanted to tell you how grateful I am to you.”
“I don’t understand,” Jenna said, her confusion growing by the second.
“I am referring to Grayson, my dear. You’ve made him smile again.”
All the blood drained from Jenna’s cheeks. Her face froze in a mask of horror. “What are you talking about?”
“I’ve shocked you.” Her voice was filled with regret, but did she honestly think Jenna wouldn’t be shocked?
Anger and humiliation tightened her stomach as she regarded Lady Lockhart. “Yes, I’d say you have.”
“Please accept my apologies,” she said in earnest. “I only wanted to tell you what a wonderful influence you’ve been on Grayson. He’s been so unhappy for so long. Roslyn’s death hit him hard. Hit us all hard.” She dabbed at her eyes with a kerchief and looked back up at Jenna, tears bright in her eyes.
The truth hit Jenna like a ton of bricks. “Roslyn was your daughter.” It all made sense now. Papa had attended the funeral of Viscount Lockhart and his daughter five years earlier, though Jenna had never known her name.
“Yes,” Lady Lockhart said in a shaky voice. “After she died, Grayson and I remained in contact. We were the only two left who loved her, so it made sense.”
“I’m sorry for your loss, my lady.”
“Thank you, my dear.” She patted Jenna on the hand. “I am truly sorry to have shocked you. I guess I just wanted to lend you support. Grayson is a wonderful man, and no matter what happens, I will be eternally grateful to you for putting a smile back on his face.”
Jenna offered a tight smile and nodded. Her back was rigid and she rose stiffly. “I best return to the ballroom before Stuart worries.”
“Yes, of course.” Lady Lockhart rose and Jenna walked hurriedly out of the room.
A headache formed at the base of her neck as Jenna threaded her way through the throng of people. Everything passed in a blur. She gulped back the knot in her throat as she neared Stuart. “Stuart, would you mind taking me home?”
“But Jenna, we’ve only just arrived.”
“We’ve been here four hours already,” she said behind clenched teeth. “If you’ve no wish to leave, I can hire a hack.”
“Indeed not,” he gasped. “I’ll be glad to convey you home. Have you taken ill?”
She ignored the question, anxious to flee the ballroom and the cloud of anxiety that threatened to smot
her her. When she finally climbed into the carriage, she leaned back, closing her eyes in relief.
“Jenna, I say, you look quite pale.”
She opened one eye and looked balefully at him. “And how did you ascertain my color in the dark?”
“Well, you must be pale,” he huffed. “You were pale when we left.”
“You are quite welcome to return to the ball, Stuart. Just do so without me. I think I must have eaten something that disagreed with me.”
“Poor dear,” he said with exaggerated sympathy. “You must go straight to bed.”
When the carriage pulled to a stop in front of Jenna’s home, she was out before the footman could open the door for her. She nearly ran up the stone path in her haste to be inside.
She burst into the foyer, pulling her gloves and tossing them aside. Thomas greeted her with surprise. “My lady, is something amiss?”
“My brothers, Thomas. Have they returned home yet?”
“No, my lady. I don’t expect them until much later.”
“Good. If they should ask after me when they do return, tell them I am not to be disturbed.” She paused at the foot of the stairs. “Can you summon a hack for me? I need it in fifteen minutes.”
Chapter Sixteen
Gray sat in the darkness of the library staring into the dying embers of the fire. He felt...alone. He looked down at the crumpled note in his hand. The one that Jenna had sent informing him she couldn’t come that evening. He’d been tempted to attend Lady Lockhart’s ball just so he could drink in the sight of her, but seeing her with her fiancé would have soured the experience.
He formed a triangle with his fingers and pressed his thumbs to his chin. They couldn’t continue as before. Though several days remained until Jenna’s parents’ return, he could ill afford to get more emotionally involved with her than he already had.
With each night she spent in his arms, the more he wanted her there on a permanent basis. If only he hadn’t agreed to this whole arrangement. But even as he was preparing himself for the inevitable loss, he couldn’t bring himself to regret the nights they’d spent together.