by Susan Lewis
‘And do you think everyone who falls out with their family tries to find out how to kill them?’
‘How would I know? I never asked them.’
Charlotte’s eyes closed as she put a hand to her head.
‘Am I banned from using the iPad now?’ Chloe asked.
‘Yes, you are.’
‘I don’t care.’ As she went to grab the iPad Charlotte held it out of reach.
‘I only want to play a game. I don’t care about going online.’
‘No games until we’ve done some lessons.’
‘I don’t want to.’
Ignoring the protest, Charlotte went to get the books. ‘Tell me,’ she said, spreading them out on the table, ‘are you really unhappy here, or is it just something you say?’
‘I was unhappy before Olivia invited me to her party.’
Wishing with all her heart that could be a cure-all, Charlotte said, ‘What makes you unhappy?’
Chloe shrugged. ‘Everything.’
‘Like what?’
‘Like everything.’
‘If you don’t tell me what it is then I won’t be able to do anything about it.’
Chloe’s eyes stayed down as she said, ‘You wouldn’t anyway.’
‘Try me.’
‘No, because you’ll get angry and shout at me and then I’ll be upset and I don’t want to be upset.’
Reaching for her hand, Charlotte said, ‘I don’t want you to be upset either, so if I promise not to get angry and shout, will you tell me then?’
To Charlotte’s surprise a tear trickled on to Chloe’s cheek. ‘Do you really promise?’ she asked.
‘Of course, cross my heart and hope to die.’ Remembering how she’d got thumped the last time she’d said that, she had to force herself not to draw back.
Chloe’s mouth was trembling as she said in a small voice, ‘I want it to be just you and me, the way it was before.’
Understanding that she meant before Cooper and Elodie, possibly even before Anthony, Charlotte went round the table and pulled her into her arms. ‘We had some lovely times when you were little,’ she said softly, ‘but we still have lovely times now, as a family. I know there haven’t been so many of them lately, but we’ll make sure to do something about that. OK?’
Chloe didn’t answer, only kept her face buried in Charlotte.
‘You could be such a lovely big sister, you know, if you wanted to.’
Chloe tensed and grabbed Charlotte’s phone as it rang.
Taking it from her and seeing it was Anthony, Charlotte clicked on.
‘Hi. How did it go?’ he asked.
‘Can I call you back?’ she replied.
‘Sure.’
After ringing off Charlotte wrapped Chloe in her arms again and rocked her back and forth, connecting only with how much this dear struggling little soul with all her problems and tortured background really meant to her. They’d get through this, she promised herself, no matter how long it took, she’d find the right way for Chloe so that her tender child’s heart and frightened mind stopped hurting her so much.
Anthony was in the winery where he’d been all morning, supervising the 2015 collection. Now he was going through paperwork, though not making much headway as he kept thinking about Charlotte and how distraught she’d looked as he’d driven off earlier. He felt dreadful for leaving her that way, but, like Chloe, he seemed so driven by anger and frustration these days that he was falling into the trap of acting first and thinking later.
Thank god that hadn’t happened last night with Zoe. It had come close, that was for sure, but good sense (or a well-suppressed love of Charlotte) had somehow prevailed as he’d approached the bistro, so he’d managed to end up there instead.
Charlotte was keeping something from him, he was as certain of that as he was that it had to be about Chloe, but until she decided to confide in him there was nothing he could do. As if he ever knew what to do where Chloe was concerned. These days he had to keep reminding himself of how much he’d loved her before his own children were born, because she did precious little to make him feel that way now.
Deciding to go up to the house if Charlotte hadn’t called back in an hour, he picked up a wine thief and went through to check on the barrels of Cabernet Franc. He’d got no further than tasting the first one when a voice called out, ‘Hi, is anyone at home?’
Recognising it as Zoe, he shouted, ‘Back here,’ and emerging from the darkness he shaded his eyes against the brilliant sunlight.
‘Great, I’m glad I caught you,’ she declared, coming into the winery and setting her laptop down on Will’s desk. ‘Has the collection happened? It smells as though it has.’
‘They left about half an hour ago.’
‘Great. So you have a minute? Actually, before we get started am I right in thinking the Chardonnay and Cabernet Franc will be collected in April or May?’
‘Correct.’
‘That’s what I’ve got in the diary. So I’ll make sure Frank, or someone, is here to get shots of the departure. A shame he couldn’t make it this morning, but hey.’
Setting aside the wine thief he’d been using to draw samples from the barrels, he rinsed his glass under a tap and washed his hands.
‘So, I’ve been setting up tastings for June and July,’ she explained, opening her laptop. ‘As of today we’ve got half a dozen in Auckland, a couple in Wellington and four in Christchurch. Of course, this is only the beginning, but having these firmed up means we ought to start looking into flights and hotels. Do you have your diary to hand?’
Opening the calendar on his own laptop, he scrolled to June and began filling in the dates she was giving him. As they worked, he was aware of how close she was standing, so he took a step away. Even if he had no intention of doing anything about the attraction, he wasn’t made of stone.
Reaching for his phone as it rang he saw it was Charlotte and clicked on. ‘So how did it go?’ he asked, reaching for a cloth to wipe the sweat from his neck.
As Charlotte told him about the meeting with CYFS he was only half listening; the problems of the winery, and Zoe apparently leaving when he was sure there was more to discuss, were distracting him. He wondered if he should be trying to end Zoe’s contract after what had happened at the waterfall. If he did, she’d surely want paying to the end, which would turn out to be a lot of money for nothing, and how on earth would he explain it to Charlotte? I needed to get her out of temptation’s way? She behaved inappropriately and we can’t let it happen again? It would be like admitting that he didn’t trust himself, and why on earth would he do that when he had no intention of betraying Charlotte? She already had so much on her plate, she really didn’t need to be worrying about anything else, especially not something that wasn’t going to happen. And given that Zoe had already fixed as many tastings in a month as he’d managed in the whole of last winter, that she had an impressive brochure in the early stages of production, and that she’d brokered the Australian deal, what plausible excuse could he give for firing her?
‘So what do you think?’ Charlotte asked.
‘I’m sorry,’ he said, ‘I …’
‘You weren’t listening, were you?’ she accused angrily. ‘I knew it. You’ve got other things on your mind and we’re just not important enough to take up your time. Well sorry for interrupting,’ and the line went dead.
Charlotte would have rung Anthony back to apologise had Chloe not appeared from upstairs and, amazingly, reminded her that they were going to do some maths.
So, setting everything else aside – CYFS, Internet behaviour, marriage breakdown, even the headache – she spent the next half an hour immersed in fractions and worked through to triple totals with much success until Chloe started to get bored.
‘I don’t want to do any more.’
‘Just answer this question, then we’ll move on to the calculator.’
Chloe wasn’t interested. ‘Did you have a row with Anthony when I was upstairs?’ she asked, doodlin
g in the corner of her exercise book.
‘It’s Daddy, and you shouldn’t have been listening.’
‘I couldn’t help it, you were shouting. Why did you say we weren’t important enough to him?’
Sighing, Charlotte rubbed her hands over her face. ‘I shouldn’t have said that.’
‘So why did you?’
‘Because he made me cross.’
‘So are you going to get a divorce?’
‘No! Now let’s get back to what we’re supposed to be doing.’
‘If we’re not important …’
‘Chloe …’
‘I’m just saying if he doesn’t think we’re important then we should go back to England.’
Annoyed, though genuinely puzzled, Charlotte said, ‘What on earth do you think there is in England that there isn’t here?’
Chloe shrugged, and gouged out the smiley face she’d drawn.
Relieved she hadn’t mentioned her real parents again, Charlotte tried to focus her back on the maths, but she was having none of it.
‘I want to take my fairy dress to show Uncle Rick now I’ve put the sparkles on.’
‘You can do that later.’
‘I want to do it now.’
‘Chloe …’
‘All right, but can we do something else? I don’t like maths.’
‘But you’re good at it.’
Chloe glanced at Charlotte’s mobile as it rang. ‘Is that Daddy?’ she asked scathingly.
Not recognising the number, Charlotte said, ‘No, but I should probably take it. Sit there, and don’t move,’ and getting up from the table she clicked on the line. ‘Tuki River Wines, how can I help you?’
‘Oh, Charlotte, it’s Sara Munds here, Olivia’s mother. I hope I’m not calling at a bad time, but I was wondering if I might pop over and see you this afternoon?’
‘Of course,’ Charlotte responded, hoping, praying, this wasn’t going to turn into bad news for Chloe. ‘Whenever it’s convenient for you. I’m at the house. Do you know where it is?’
‘I know the cellar door, and I believe I just carry on up the drive from there?’
‘That’s right. I’ll see you when you get here.’
Just in case it turned out to be bad news, and Charlotte couldn’t imagine what else it might be, she decided it would be best to end the day’s lessons and let Chloe take her fairy outfit to show Rick.
Half an hour later Sara Munds was sitting on the canopied terrace looking as sporty and tanned, and kind, as she always did. She was the sort of woman, Charlotte was thinking, that she’d love to have as a friend if she had the time. She couldn’t remember ever seeing her look unhappy, or worried, or as though anything could get her down, although Charlotte was sure it must at times, life was just like that. She imagined Sara would have a way of dealing with issues that would be likely to involve laughing them off, or certainly making sure that things weren’t taken too seriously or blown out of proportion.
‘I guessed you’d have a spectacular view from here,’ Sara smiled, as Charlotte brought lemonade and grapes to the table. ‘I can’t think you ever get tired of it.’
‘No, we never do, but I have to admit we sometimes forget to notice it.’
Seeming to appreciate that, Sara said, ‘I always feel there’s something mystical, or maybe I mean ethereal, about the vines when they’re covered in white nets, don’t you? They seem sort of dreamlike.’
Amused, Charlotte said, ‘When we were first here Anthony and I used to love the feeling of protecting them, like they were our children, until they were ready to give up their fruit. A harmonious coming together of man and nature was what we decided. I guess we don’t think about it so much any more.’
Sara smiled and raised her glass. ‘Thanks for seeing me at such short notice,’ she said. ‘I’m sure you’re wondering what it’s about, so I should come to the point. But before I do, I want you to know how upset I am about this. I’d give anything for it not to be happening, but unfortunately it is.’
Feeling her mouth turning dry, Charlotte said, ‘It’s about the party?’
Sara didn’t deny it. ‘I’m afraid a number of children have pulled out … Or I should say their parents called to cancel when they learned Chloe was going to be there.’
Charlotte lowered her eyes as they stung with tears. This was going to break Chloe’s heart, and she, fool that she was, should have foreseen it before making the call to Sara.
‘I’m so sorry,’ Sara said with feeling. ‘Olivia is as upset as I am. She even wanted to abandon the party rather than tell Chloe she couldn’t come, but the children have put a lot of effort into their costumes, at home and at school.’
‘It’s OK,’ Charlotte said, thinking of the effort Chloe had put into hers. ‘I understand.’
‘Do you?’ Sara replied, ‘because I’m damned if I do. She’s an eight-year-old child who bears no responsibility whatsoever for what happened in her early years, and the way some people seem to think she’s going to influence their kids, corrupt them even, when all children of that age are waking up to their sexuality, is just plain ignorant and bigoted.’
Unused to anyone jumping to Chloe’s defence, Charlotte found herself still too emotional to speak.
‘I hope you don’t mind,’ Sara continued, ‘but I’ve spoken with Mike Bain about Chloe’s current situation at school. I ought to add that I’m on the Board of Trustees, so I’m a part of the committee that will decide whether or not she should be excluded. Mike and I are all for keeping her at Te Mata, but I’m afraid neither of us is confident of the vote going our way. Mike knows I’m telling you this, by the way. I have his full permission.’
Relieved to know Chloe had champions, even if they were outnumbered, Charlotte said, ‘If she is excluded, what will happen then?’
‘Mike could probably explain it better than I can, but essentially it will be the school’s responsibility to approach ten other schools in order to find her a place. As a matter of course they will turn her down and you must understand that the reason will have nothing to do with Chloe herself, but everything to do with funding.’
Charlotte frowned, not quite following.
‘It’s at this point, following the ten refusals,’ Sara explained, ‘that the Ministry of Education will be forced to step in to decide where she should go. It could be to any one of the ten schools, or they could say she should stay at Te Mata, but crucially they will then provide the necessary resources to put a special care package in place.’
Charlotte was trying to see this from Chloe’s point of view, and it really wasn’t looking good. ‘She’s suffered so much rejection in her life already,’ she said. ‘To be turned down by ten schools …’
‘Because they have to.’
‘But she won’t see it like that.’
‘Probably not, if you tell her. I don’t think there’s any reason for her to know.’
‘She’ll know about the special care package. It’ll make her stand out from everyone else …’
‘They’re very sensitively handled, and you know Mike Bain wouldn’t allow it to be otherwise.’
‘Provided she ends up at Te Mata. And if she does, what are the other parents going to think about that?’
‘It’s only a small handful and believe me, we’re already doing our best to get them to see reason. I promise you, we’re not an intolerant community, most of us believe in helping one another, and I’m very keen to help Chloe. I’m only sorry that it’s not going to work out for the party, but we would be very happy to have her over any time after.’
Knowing it was the party that would matter to Chloe, Charlotte said, ‘You’re being very kind, thank you. And please thank Mike Bain when you see him.’
‘Of course.’
‘I’m still waiting to hear if a psychologist has been assigned to assess her. I’ve been told a few times that someone will get back to me, but no one has yet.’
‘That’s poor, but I know from past experience
with kids at the school that these things take time. Has she seen anyone before?’
‘Yes, and it didn’t go well, on either of the three attempts, so I don’t imagine that’s working in her favour.’
‘It has to be the right person, and they’re not always easy to find. Not that we don’t have some good people in this area, but what works for one doesn’t necessarily work for another. I’ll do some asking around, if you like.’
Charlotte smiled gratefully. ‘Do you have any idea yet when we have to meet with the Board of Trustees?’
‘As soon as we come to a decision, which shouldn’t be long now. Mike, or one of his deputies, will be in touch.’
Long after Sara Munds had gone, Charlotte remained on the terrace, staring at the distant horizon, barely even aware of the tears rolling down her cheeks. Polly was on her own with Roxanne now. After Roxanne had sabotaged a family day out – Polly hadn’t said how – her husband had declared that he’d had enough. He’d left, taking the younger children with him, and Polly wasn’t sure she could forgive him. Maybe she had by now; they could all be reunited with things working out just fine, but it was hard for Charlotte to make herself believe that.
She needed to start reading about other adoptive parents’ experiences with traumatised children and stop focusing on this one. It just felt so similar to her own with the ages of the children, the pressure on the marriage, the fear of not being what Roxanne needed, that it was as though her life was playing out in a virtual world, telling her what was going to happen – and a horribly superstitious part of herself was afraid that if she ignored it, it would be at her peril.
It wasn’t until she heard Rowan coming up the drive in the Range Rover that she made the effort to pull herself together, ready to face Cooper and Elodie. She couldn’t let them see her like this. She’d be fine for the next hour or so, but how on earth was she going to hold it together when she broke the news to Chloe?
Chapter Eight
It was just after six when Anthony came in to find Charlotte curled up on one of the sofas with Cooper and Elodie, while attempting to deal with emails on her phone as Rowan sorted laundry in the kitchen.