“Well, Rory took me to see my grandfather. He wanted to see if my grandmother left any info around,” I announced. I suddenly had everyone’s attention.
“How did that go?” Miles asked carefully.
I shrugged. “I got some pictures of my dad, but that’s about it.”
“That sucks,” Ethan said.
“At least you have more photos now,” Miles offered.
“I’m not really torn up about it,” I admitted. “But I am a little pissed that he’s never met Tara.”
“Why’s that?” Miles asked.
“He knows she’s not Rory’s, and he refuses to be her grandfather because of it.” I shrugged. “He was an odd piece of work.”
The guys shared a look.
“What?” I asked. They grinned.
“You said something, didn’t you?” Miles asked. I made a point to look anywhere but at them. They chuckled.
I turned back to them. “I may have said something,” I muttered.
They kept chuckling. My face warmed. It took a while for them to calm down.
Isaac
The sound of the front door shutting eased the tension in my body. She was gone. I took deep, dragging breaths. I didn’t know how much longer I could keep myself here. Sweat soaked my shirt and ran down my face. The second she stepped into the house I knew she was here. I don’t know how, but I did. The urge to rip and pound my fist into something tore through me. Just like with Joshua.
I looked down at my bruised and scraped knuckles. He'd been bloody and unconscious before I managed to stop myself. I left him bleeding and lying in the grass. What the fuck was wrong with me?
And then Lexie came in. Muscles tired, I lay down on my side on the floor. I could have hurt her. I almost did. I closed my eyes as tears ran down my face. What kind of guy wants to hurt the girl he…
Someone who is tired of everyone’s shit.
No, no, no… Zeke’s dad was like that… Miles’ dad… I wasn’t like them.
Are you sure? You did kill Sophie.
Maybe I did… but that didn’t mean I wanted to. I’m not that way! But the urge to pound my fist into her face when she wouldn’t leave… that wasn’t normal.
You could have saved Sophie, but you didn’t. You held your hand over her face and killed her.
I went limp, too tired to even think. It’s true. I was a pathetic piece of shit. I had always known it. Always. Under it all, in the deepest part of me, I knew. I was nothing. Not even worth the air I was breathing. Tears fell faster as the truth settled into me like a burning stone in my chest.
Maybe you can change that…
That voice kept talking through the night until, finally, dawn came.
Chapter 12
Thursday
I cleaned my brush again and used my palette knife to mix more of the blue shade I needed. We were in Miles’ living room using the coffee table for my project. I had spent the last hour putting the night sky on Miles’ cast, complete with stars, gasses, and even the moon. Now, all I needed was to mix the Tardis blue and paint in the Tardis flying through the sky.
“So…” Miles began, looking at me over his glasses. “What do you want to talk about?”
I chewed on the corner of my bottom lip as I mixed the paint. “I didn’t say I needed to talk.” I tried to make my voice light, but it didn’t work.
“No, you didn’t.” His eyes were warm as I met them. “But you usually draw or paint when you have something on your mind. And you usually do it at home.”
I resisted squirming under his eyes. He always was too observant. “Okay, you… might be right.” I picked up the brush and started working on the little blue box.
“What is it?” he asked gently in his silky-smooth voice that I loved.
“Let me finish this first,” I hedged. I really didn’t want to fuck up his cast because of what I was going to tell him.
“Are you nervous about Isaac’s fight today?” he asked, as if he couldn’t help it.
I smiled to myself. “Yeah, but that’s not it.” I started working on the side of the box.
“Are you worried about Ethan’s back?” Miles tried again.
I shook my head. “Yeah, but again, that’s not it.”
“Am I in the proximity?” he asked.
I shook my head as I began cleaning my brush. Knowing Miles, he was just going to keep guessing until I told him.
“All we need to do is let it dry before I do the white on the Tardis,” I told him as I cleaned my fingers with a paper towel. I stalled as long as I could. I looked up and met his eyes. “There is something I need to tell you.”
His eyes ran over my face before coming back to my eyes. “Is this about your scans?”
I swallowed hard. “Yeah. The results came back.” I looked down and started tearing the paper towel to pieces. “They aren’t good.”
His hand reached out and stopped me from tearing the towel even more. “How bad are they?”
I let out a deep breath and held his hand. “Do you remember back in October, Rory had me see every kind of doctor there was?”
“Yes.”
I looked up and met his emerald eyes. “When my aunt Claire, died, the family learned that there was a black spot of dead tissue on her brain. There was no medical reason for it, but the family knew what it was. It was damage from the dead.”
His eyes narrowed on mine. “They found a spot in October, didn’t they?”
I nodded. “Yeah, and after getting jumped in April, Rory wanted me to get the scan again. I put it off as long as I could.”
“The amount of dead tissue grew, didn’t it?” he asked carefully.
My eyes burned as I looked down at his hand holding mine. “Yeah. And the symptoms are getting worse.” Tears fell down my face.
“We’ve noticed you’ve been tired lately,” he admitted, his voice rough. I wiped my face and tried to breathe past the tightness in my chest.
“I’m also getting nosebleeds for no reason now,” I admitted.
Miles grew tense beside me. “Alright, what are our options?”
My eyes shot to him. “Um, surgery, cutting back on crossing the dead, uh… that’s it. There’s nothing else to do.”
“Alright,” he said carefully, his eyes unfocused as continued. “I’ll have Dr. Zimmer find the best neurosurgeon in the States-”
“I’m not having the surgery,” I told him, my voice soft.
His eyes focused on mine.
“Lexie, if it could help, if it could buy you more time, isn’t it worth it?” Miles’ hand tightened on mine.
I gave him a small smile. “There’s no proof it’ll work. And…” I wiped my face again as a fresh wave of tears fell down my face. “And I’d rather spend the time I have left with the people I love rather than in pain. The only thing I can do is wear my beads right now and cut back on crossing the dead.”
Miles’ jaw clenched. “Lexie…” he whispered, his voice rough around the edges. I leaned into him. He wrapped his arms around me and hugged me tight while being careful of his cast. I buried my face in his shirt and clung to him. “We’ll keep looking,” he promised, his face buried in my hair. “We’ll find a way to keep you safe.”
“I hope so,” I breathed. I really hoped we could.
* * *
I woke up only to realize I was on the couch in the living room at home. Rubbing my eyes, I tried to remember what happened. I got really tired at Miles' house so I came home, and apparently, I didn't make it upstairs. I sighed. This whole being tired all the time thing was starting to piss me off. How long did I sleep this time? I pulled my cell out of my pocket and checked the time. It was two o’clock. Shit! I grabbed Hades, jumped into the Blazer and took off for the Rec Center.
I parked, shut off the truck, and ran inside. By the time I reached the payment table, the lobby was empty. One of the fights must have started already. Shit! I got my ticket and hurried in. The MMA cage was in the center of four large bleachers full
of people. I looked for the guys and spotted Zeke’s giant frame in the bleachers on the far side of the ring.
Careful to keep Hades beside me, I moved around the ring and officials until I was near the side of their bleachers. Zeke spotted me coming. He said something to Asher who was by the edge. Zeke was a little further down. Ethan and Miles were sitting behind them. Asher turned and spotted me. I looked up at them and the packed bleachers, wondering how we were going to get up there.
Asher moved his feet and reached down to me. “Put your foot on the ledge, Ally.”
Getting an idea of what he was doing, I reached up, took his hand, braced my foot and did a one leg jump. Asher pulled me up and stepped back a little towards Zeke.
“Get your ass out of my face,” Zeke growled. I looked up and met Asher’s warm eyes. It was a couple of heartbeats before I could pull away.
“Thanks, Ash.” I moved up the bleachers to sit between Miles and Ethan. It was the only safe thing to do right now. Asher made room, Hades managed to jump up and squeeze between Zeke’s knees.
“So, did I miss him?” I asked as Asher sat back down in his spot.
“Nah, but Jordan got his ass kicked,” Ethan informed me. Ouch. Yeah, Jordan hit on me and couldn’t take a hint, but ouch.
“What happened?” Miles asked, his voice hushed.
“I, uh,” I turned to him, “I fell asleep.”
His eyes filled with understanding as a tall man with a microphone moved out into the cage. I recognized Isaac’s shoulders and he walked through the bleachers to the cage. Another guy followed not far behind.
“In the red corner, weighing in at one hundred and seventy-three pounds and standing five feet ten inches tall - Isaac Turner!”
We cheered as Isaac moved into the cage. He continued shaking his arms and legs to keep them warm.
“In the blue corner, weighing in at one hundred and seventy-five pounds, and standing six feet tall - Michael Bower!”
Everyone applauded. I watched Isaac, my stomach already in knots. I could watch a guy I was in love with get the shit kicked out of him. Right? Oh fuck.
Isaac and his opponent moved to the center of the ring. They touched gloves and circled each other. I took Ethan’s hand and tried not to squeeze it too tight. Bower moved in first, throwing a series of punches. Isaac blocked, slipped to the side and got him with a right hook. I winced as Bower backed off a little. They sized each other up. Bower moved in again, feinting a blow to the head and then landing a blow to the ribs.
They went at it, throwing punches and shooting out kicks. It wasn’t long before Bower got his arms around Isaac. Then he pushed Isaac and took him to the mat. Isaac landed a nice punch to Bower’s jaw. The guy tucked his chin and it turned into a grappling fight.
“Come on, Isaac!” I cheered as loudly as I could, hoping he’d get Bower in a lock.
The ref broke them apart. They got to their feet and each moved to a side of the cage. A strange shadow crossed Isaac’s face. I blinked and looked up at the lights to see what was causing the shadow. I looked back at Isaac again. The shadow was gone. I started bouncing my knee.
This time Isaac went after him. And I mean went after him. Isaac changed in a second. He knocked Bower around the cage, landing punch after punch. He didn’t miss a kick, he didn’t miss an opening. He tore into Bower. Bower’s right eye swelled. A cut opened on his face.
When the ref went to break them apart, Isaac brushed him off and almost looked like he was going in for more. But he got up and turned to go back to the other side. That shadow moved up his throat to his ear then disappeared. That was strange…
When Bower was good to go the ref stepped back. There was no circling this time, there was no sizing up. Isaac tore into Bower, beating him. It went on and on until Isaac got him to the mat. Isaac drove his knee into the guy’s gut, then punched him four more times before the ref pulled Isaac off an unconscious Bower. And I mean pulled Isaac. Isaac swung around with his fist raised as if he was going to clock the ref. That shadow ran over his face again, down his neck and down his chest.
Or… at least it looked that way. Dread filled my heart as the ref checked on the unconscious Bower.
“Medics!” the ref called. The paramedics hustled into the cage. Isaac walked out and headed for the locker rooms without looking at anyone. I watched the medics work.
“Did that feel off for anyone else?” I asked them carefully.
“Yeah, that was fucking off,” Zeke snapped as he turned to look back at us. “He was on the verge of illegal.”
“That was disturbing,” Miles said carefully.
“What the fuck was he thinking?” Ethan snapped.
“He didn’t even check on Bower,” Asher pointed out. “He always checks if he’s knocked someone out.”
And then there was that shadow… I looked over the ceiling at the lights, for flags, looking for anything that might have caused it. I didn’t see shit. That knot of dread in my chest grew bigger.
“I think I’m going to go talk to him,” I said as I got up. I braced myself on Asher and Zeke’s shoulders so I could step down between them to their level.
“I’m knocking his head off,” Zeke growled as he tried to get Hades out of the way.
I turned back to him. “Zeke, give me five minutes. I think something’s wrong.”
Zeke met my eyes and we had our usual staring contest. This time he sighed. “Five minutes exactly,” he told me.
“Got it,” I told him as I started moving sideways on the bleachers. I had to slip by Asher, who was sitting down, his face a little above boob height. Yeah, that wasn’t awkward at all. I jumped down as the medics started taking Bower out on a stretcher.
I opened the men’s locker room door. “Girl coming in; cover your junk!” I called before waiting a second. There were a few chuckles.
“Everyone’s already dressed!” a guy’s voice shouted back.
The locker room wasn’t full, thankfully. A thick silence hung in the air as several muscular guys wrapped their hands and ankles as they got themselves ready for their fights. I looked down the first row. Isaac wasn’t there.
“You looking for Turner?” A guy who looked to be in his twenties with short, dark, cropped hair asked. I nodded.
“He’s down two aisles,” a familiar voice offered. Jordan got up from the bench. His face was bruised and cut, at least from what I could see around the ice. “Heard Bower took a beating. How bad was it?”
I met Jordan’s one open eye. “He’s on the way to the hospital,” I said quietly.
The older man straightened, his brow drawn. “Well, shit.”
I walked two rows over and found Isaac sitting on a bench in the middle of the wide row, unwrapping his hands. Even from here I could tell he looked like shit. The bags under his eyes were dark, his face was pale.
“What do you want?” he growled, his voice boiling.
I walked over and stood next to the lockers. “Are you okay?”
“Fine.” His voice was short and clipped.
“What the hell was that out there?” I asked, keeping my voice down.
“Fighting.”
“Isaac, he’s going to the hospital,” I told him, very clearly. “You just put a guy in the hospital.”
“It’s a fight. He lost, I won,” he snapped.
“That isn’t what happened out there,” I stated, my voice growing harder. “According to Zeke, you came really close to illegal fighting. What is going on?”
He got to his feet, slammed open his locker and jerked his gear bag out. “I don’t want to talk about it.”
“Well, you need to, because you went ape shit on that guy, you’re not hanging out with us, and you're pissed as hell lately,” I told him, keeping my voice down. “What is wrong?”
His shoulders became taut with tension as he dropped his bag.
“Isaac, talk to me,” I pleaded.
He shoved his feet into his shoes. “Back off.” His voice was deeper than u
sual. It sent a shiver down my spine.
“Isaac, I’m your friend—"
“Some fucking friend. You blew me off yesterday,” he bit out. "Whenever you fucking need something, I'm there. But I need you and you're fucking off with my brother or the guys! I'm so sick of this crap. You're never around! You even fucking kept Sophie a secret! Who fucking does that? So don't give me that ‘I'm your friend' bullshit!" He got to his feet, grabbed his bag and headed for the emergency exit.
I’d had enough. I grabbed his arm to turn him. “Cookie Monster—”
Isaac dropped his bag and turned.
My heart leaped into my throat. That wasn’t Isaac. His face was thickly shadowed, his irises flashed a burning red. He bared his teeth at me. “Why would I want a cunt like you around?” he snarled, his voice dark and deep. It sent cold fingers of fear down my spine. I knew that voice… His hands shot out. I fell backwards into the lockers, hard, the sound echoing through the locker room. I slid to the floor. Stunned, I gaped up at him. The red glow disappeared from his eyes, the shadow pulled back from his face. He stared down at his shaking hands as if they had betrayed him. It was only a second before running footsteps came towards us. Isaac grabbed his bag, and ran out the emergency door.
Jordan and the other guys came around the corner.
“What was that?” Jordan spotted me and scowled. “Did he just fucking push you?”
I nodded, still staring after Isaac. A door opened and closed somewhere.
The dark-haired older man squatted next to me, his eyes concerned. “Did he only push you?”
I nodded. “That’s… he’s never…” I was struggling to wrap my head around this.
“Well, steroids will do that to you,” he said. “He needs some help. Come on, let’s get you off the floor. It’s gross in here.”
He held his hands out to me. I took them. He helped me to the bench.
“Did a redhead come through here?” Ethan asked cheerfully.
Jordan turned toward the front of the locker room. “Lexie’s down here. And if you don’t beat the shit out of Isaac, I will.”
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