‘So, ummm, I’ll see you tomorrow.’ Her voice was scratchy and hardly above a whisper. Her face had become too calm as if she’d schooled a mask to hide whatever she was feeling. He’d said something that caused this reaction. About where he lived or who owned the place. He wished he knew what it was but it wasn’t his place to ask.
Then she was rushing from the pub. Not quite running but not much slower. A great end to the first day in his new job—sending his employer racing away because of his big mouth. He knew enough about secrets to know he’d landed on one in Dulili. He just had to be careful not to land on it again.
Chapter 2
As soon as Lachlan arrived on Tuesday morning, Alicia blurted, ‘I’m so sorry I ran out on you.’
He looked more than a little shocked at her greeting. ‘Hey, it’s fine. No apology needed. My drink was done anyway.’
But it wasn’t fine. Alicia was uncomfortable at being unable to explain why she ran. Her stomach churned each time she thought of how rude she’d been on his first night in town. But her innards flipped over twice as hard every time she imagined speaking about her house … that was now his house. I’ll never get used to that.
It wasn’t just the house. It wasn’t just Lachlan being there. It was the reality, the finality. She would never live out her dreams. Paul was dead. Their house was gone. They’d never paint the kitchen sunny yellow. They’d never polish those wooden floors. They’d never be wrapped together in a huge brass bed in front of the big bay windows looking out over the creek at dawn.
They’d never live there, document the restoration in photographs, raise their kids on the farm and bore them with tales of ‘when I was young’. It was all beyond her. Gone. Her dreams finished.
The part that hurt most was that she had to find out from him. They both deserved better than that. Why had the Dulili grapevine broken before it reached her? Had no one wanted to tell her that of all the houses her employee could have been living in, it was her house? Someone should have. They shouldn’t have left it for Lachlan. She had to sort that out but first she owed her employee an explanation before he packed his bags and left.
She lasted the whole nerve-wracking day before she decided she had no choice but to broach the issue. It wasn’t that they hadn’t worked together civilly, it was that civil wasn’t enough. He should be made to feel welcome in Dulili and last night had been no welcome. Her muscles ached thinking about having to lug everything again, if he left. She had to clear the air.
When she shut the shop at five, she headed out back to where Lachlan was closing the gates. She had two cans of soft drinks and offered one to him when he turned.
‘I think I can speak to you about where you’re living without behaving like a fool.’ Her voice was a bit hesitant as she handed him the drink even though she’d been rehearsing mentally all afternoon.
He sat on a pallet of seed and wriggled to get his tight bottom settled into the bag. He must know what she wanted to talk about because he didn’t question her, although he watched carefully as she jiggled around, no doubt looking as uncomfortable as she felt. Lachlan was patient and she was extra glad about that. He didn’t rush her. He didn’t try to fob her off. He waited, quietly.
She cleared her throat when she’d finally worked up enough courage to speak. ‘You live on my parents’ property. Bullock Hill. The house you’re in was my grandparents’.’ She took a big slug of soft drink. ‘I didn’t know you were there. My folks should have said someone had taken the house but they didn’t.’ Saying that hurt more than she’d expected. Her chest burned, and not from the cold drink. There was more she should say but it wasn’t coming. It wasn’t even forming in her mind. She coughed before she added, ‘It needs a fair bit of work. I hope it isn’t too awful for you.’
His gaze wasn’t directly on her, nor was he looking at anything else. It was more like a trance which made her wonder if he’d heard anything. He had to have heard her. She didn’t think she could repeat it.
The soft drink gurgled in her stomach. Heck. Maybe she was in an even worse mess than she thought.
Before complete panic could overwhelm her, he looked steadily into her eyes. ‘If you’d seen some of the places I’ve lived in, you’d know it’s luxury.’ His words were spoken softly. If she had been taking a noisy gulp, she might have missed them.
She nodded because she didn’t know what else to say. She finished her drink with a few quick sips, trying to cover up the silence.
‘Don’t worry about explaining anything to me, Alicia. I have so many sore points I don’t know that I remember them all. I knew I’d hit one of yours last night, and I knew enough to leave it. No need to explain.’ He crunched his can in one hand, fingers wrapping tightly around the battered aluminium. ‘You gave me a job. You’re easy to work with. You don’t ask too many questions. I couldn’t want better.’
Neither of them said anything for a long time. A loud squawk from behind made them both jump.
Alicia chuckled as she turned. ‘Oh, it’s you.’
‘You’re speaking to the bird?’
A large sulphur-crested cockatoo sat on the empty wooden pallets stacked near them. One black eye stared as if assessing whether it would be safe enough to remain. The bright yellow comb settled slowly onto its head. It must have decided to trust them.
‘Do you feed it?’ It wasn’t a whisper but Lachlan kept his voice low and steady. All the sinews on the left side of his throat pulled tight as he turned to study the visitor.
She chuckled. ‘He cons me into feeding him every morning.’ She hesitated. ‘Well, I guess it’s the same bird.’
‘What?’ Lachlan shook his head. ‘I thought you farmers hated birds?’
‘Whatever gave you that idea?’ She grinned and moved to get a dipper of sunflower seeds from the cupboard near the shop doorway. She placed a pile on the ground near the gate. The cockatoo gave another squawk and flapped over to the feed. They watched as it cracked each seed carefully before nibbling out the insides. Even with such a big beak, eating the sunflower seeds was quite a delicate process.
‘Don’t farmers hate pests?’ Lachlan asked.
‘Birds aren’t really pests, not enough to kill them. Sure they eat some seed and sometimes damage property by chewing but around here there are lots of trees so plenty of food for them.’
‘Oh.’ Something about that sound had her wondering about his view of farmers. She had to set him straight.
‘Farmers are a lot greener than I think you’re imagining. They owe their livelihood to nature. They have to work with it and protect it. And they do.’
He turned to her and she saw she’d challenged his views. His eyebrows were elevated, eyes wide and shiny, his mouth pulled slightly upwards. ‘I never thought of farming like that. I thought they poisoned birds.’
‘Not here they don’t. They may not feed them but no one kills them. I think there’d be very few who did, anywhere.’
‘Yet farmers kill weeds?’
‘Weeds directly compete with what they’re trying to grow for water and nutrients, so yeah, they kill them. Although, there are organic farmers who don’t do that. It’s a changing world, farming. We’re learning new ways all the time.’
‘Wow. I never knew. I thought …’ He looked a bit sheepish before he continued. ‘Sorry but I thought they were stuck in a time warp and did things without changing or thinking.’
Alicia laughed, too loudly, and the cockatoo took off with a screech. ‘There’s only one like that in this district. No doubt you’ll know him when you meet him.’ She grimaced when an image of Robert Wynther came to mind. ‘There’s a lot happening with farming. It’s a really dynamic industry. If you’re interested, there are a heap of magazines up on the counter you can read. And ask me questions, I’m happy to talk farming any time.’
Lachlan gave her a sharp stare before he nodded. Maybe he wasn’t keen to learn about farming but she hoped he wouldn’t have a negative attitude towards the industry,
especially working in it. She’d try to swing him around gently. He seemed keen to learn so she’d feed bits of information when she could. She wanted him to enjoy living in Dulili, and to do that he should understand the place.
‘Can I get you another drink?’ Alicia asked.
‘No, thanks. I should go.’ He stretched his arms high above his head as he stood. A tightly muscled, slightly hairy abdomen peeked from between the flapping ends of the blue shirt that had become untucked from his jeans. ‘See you tomorrow.’ He dropped his hat on his head and loped away.
Shuddering tingles rippled through her body from her brain. What am I doing? She’d noticed the musculature of his stomach and not in an employer way. She smacked her forehead, scrubbed the memory from her brain and went inside.
She didn’t want to think about Lachlan, except in a work capacity but questions kept popping into her mind. Why would someone take up the dollar housing deal in a small town? He said it was cheap but there had to be more. He’d moved more than half the continent away from where he’d grown up. Do you do that because it’s cheap?
He spoke like life had always been exceptionally harsh but he was a difficult man to know. Was she reading him wrongly? It had only been two days but she’d always judged people quickly. She wondered how he could be as gentle and polite as he was if life had been harsh. Was it just show? He was a willing worker but could you be content after a harsh life? Was he going to change when he settled in?
Were all the dollar people like him? She couldn’t imagine packing up and starting over. Even when Paul died, she wanted to stay in Dulili. Stay where she knew everyone and felt secure. She couldn’t imagine how bad life would have to be to make her uproot and plant herself elsewhere.
Evelyn would know more about people’s reasons for coming to Dulili. She was on the dollar town committee. Alicia didn’t want to know the specifics, not even about Lachlan; she wanted a general idea of why people would take up a deal like this. What would propel someone to move to a dying rural town and make a new life?
Dulili was fabulous, if you were a farmer or into agriculture. From what Alicia had heard, most of the newcomers were just plonking themselves into a house with no land, no stock, no crops, no horticulture. So what were their plans? Why did they need to take up the deal? If they weren’t into farming, what on earth were they going to do here? Had the committee thought about that?
She should have thought all this sooner. It was awful that she hadn’t. Not just awful for the newcomers but awful because if she understood people’s motivations she might have been able to have some positive input into the scheme and the town revitalisation. Her business depended on the town’s growth. As it was, she’d been so caught up with coping with her own problems that she hadn’t considered anyone else. That wasn’t like her, she usually got involved, boots and all. If she had, she wouldn’t have had to be told by a newcomer that the house she’d planned to live in all her life had been let to a stranger. The fact that she’d been excluded from town business, when it concerned her, hurt more than she was willing to admit. She needed to see Evelyn about the house face to face. This was two birds, one stone.
***
The following afternoon after work, Evelyn Mitchell met her at the ute door before she’d managed to extract herself from the vehicle. Evelyn had been like a second mother while she grew up but recently Alicia had pulled away. Evelyn smothered her after Paul died and that was something she couldn’t handle. She’d seen Evelyn in town, where she couldn’t smother but hadn’t been out to the farmhouse for months.
‘I can’t believe you’re here.’ Evelyn pulled her from the seat and enveloped her in a hug all in one movement. The welcome was overwhelming and the hug suffocating but Evelyn’s warmth soaked into her and made muscles relax. Evelyn meant well but Mum and Evelyn were direct opposites, which complicated Alicia’s reaction. Evelyn was warm, maternal and inviting. Mum was tall, thin, and rigid. She loved Mum because she was her mother. She loved Evelyn because she made her feel precious with only a hug … but Alicia only wanted to feel like that for a moment, not the length of time Evelyn required.
Alicia stepped backwards to relative freedom. ‘I’m sorry I haven’t been out here but I couldn’t come.’ A rising swell of guilt and regret tinged with sorrow had her choking on the last word and swallowing hard. So much for freedom.
‘I know, honey. You had to cope with Paul’s death as you needed to.’
Alicia wasn’t here about grief. She turned her gaze to the rolling yellow-green summer paddocks, mentally assessing their feed value and nutrient status until she could bring her emotions under control. When she could swallow deeply and freely, she turned to Evelyn.
She blinked quickly, over and over, until the words came to her. ‘You gave away our house.’ It didn’t come out as an accusation, for which she was glad, but instead it was a heart broken plea that embarrassed her. She coughed quickly. ‘Why didn’t you tell me Lachlan was moving into the Bullock Hill house? I had to find out from him. And look like a fool.’
Evelyn’s eyes misted as she glanced at the ground, the ute, the huge gum tree that overshadowed the verandah, and then at the corellas flying past. ‘Didn’t your Dad tell you last week?’
Alicia almost hit the ground. She had to jerk her knees to keep herself upright. ‘No. When?’
‘I’m sorry.’ Evelyn shook her head. ‘Everyone said I had to tell you … but I couldn’t. I told your parents they had to. I even rang to check and your dad said he’d been in to see you.’
Alicia growled in the back of her throat. ‘He came in for chemical.’ No wonder he’d come into the shop. He hadn’t been supporting her at all.
‘He didn’t tell you about the house?’
‘Not a word.’ Not one freaking word.
‘I’m so sorry.’ Evelyn caught her arm and squeezed it tight before dragging Alicia against her. ‘How did … I mean, did you …’ She cleared her throat with a puff of a cough. ‘When Lachlan told you, were you okay?’
‘No.’ Alicia pulled away from the embrace. ‘No. I ran out of the bloody pub. On his first day.’ There was a rising sense of despair, wrapped with a violent fury, embarrassment and aching sadness. The mix of emotions was so tangled that Alicia felt hollowed out. My life is a freaking mess.
‘Johno would have looked after him.’ Evelyn patted her arm and led her towards the house. ‘He seems like a nice boy.’
Alarm bells screeched in Alicia’s head. Evelyn was starting to meddle. ‘He’s my employee, Evelyn. Nothing else. So don’t go starting anything.’
‘No. No.’ Evelyn chortled. ‘For a moment there you sounded like Callum. What did I ever do to make you both like that?’
Whatever did she do? Alicia had always been glad she was linked to Paul because it stopped Evelyn’s constant search for love, not for herself but for everyone around her. Her two sons bore the brunt of it but no one in Dulili was spared. She always acted with the greatest intentions and sometimes even with subtlety, but matchmaking was Evelyn’s trademark. ‘You are unbelievable.’
‘It’s so good to see you smile, Alicia.’
It was hardly a smile worthy of comment but Alicia didn’t argue. She was past that. She couldn’t believe her father hadn’t told her about the house when he’d had the chance.
They walked onto the Mitchells’ shady verandah and then around into the kitchen, the heart of the house. Evelyn kept up a chatter of town news while she organised tea and the obligatory slice of cake. Alicia plonked herself at the kitchen table only half listening. The table was well-worn, with grooves at each of the four places where constant use had smoothed the wood. So many meals had been eaten here, along with morning and afternoon teas. As a child, she’d imagined herself living in a family where delicious meals were shared at a well-loved table.
When Alicia had settled and relaxed, Evelyn said, ‘They say the shop’s doing well?’
Alicia nodded but couldn’t stop a real smile spreading across he
r face. ‘The shop is doing well. Most people are ordering everything in town. I was hoping some would but it’s more than just some.’
‘I’m so happy to hear that, love. Everyone knows you need something to go right.’
Alicia blinked quickly. She watched while Evelyn fussed over the teapot and cups. The shop was the only thing going right but if it was only sympathy bringing customers in, she couldn’t bear that.
‘Are people only supporting me because they feel sorry?’
‘No. What makes you ask that? I think they like supporting local businesses. It stops them driving out of town and spending money they don’t have.’ Evelyn poured the boiling water into the teapot as she spoke. Steam fogged her glasses but it didn’t stop her pouring. ‘The whole town has to pull together to function again. Shopping locally is one of those things.’
Alicia only nodded while Evelyn studied her with a soft gaze.
‘You’ve had a rough time but you have to look forward now. Looking back only hurts,’ she said in her most maternal tone. Her fingers brushed against the back of Alicia’s hand when she passed the tea.
Alicia’s teeth worried against her top lip as she mulled over Evelyn’s words. She had to look forward, the shop was part of that plan. Okay, all of the plan. But today’s line of questioning was also part of moving forwards and thinking of other people. She was moving on, taking manageable steps, at her pace.
‘That’s why I’m here. To look forwards.’ Finally something came out sounding right. Strong. Focused. Committed.
The cake was cut. A discussion about the future over cake and tea wasn’t as confronting as an unadorned conversation. Sips of tea allowed time to think. A bite of cake settled the stomach and eased the tension. It was one of the things she admired about Evelyn—everything could be solved by discussing it over food. Alicia’s family discussed things in the paddock, or on the verandah, where nothing softened harsh words.
Even with the adornments to conversation, Alicia had to wait until she could bring up the dollar housing question. She didn’t want it to be out of the blue, or for Evelyn to think she was asking about Lachlan. There was no way she’d give Evelyn fuel for her matchmaking furnace, even false fuel. It was a relief that they were naturally moving into the right conversation without her having to do any manipulating.
The Healing Season Page 3