by R A Baker
“Oh, Katja,” he whispered. “Please don’t do this. Please?”
I pulled back and asked, “Don’t do what? Fall in love with you? Make your pain mine? I’m already in love with you. Your pain is already mine.”
“Oh, God, Katja. Please,” he whispered softly. I didn’t know what he was saying ‘please’ to.
“I don’t understand what you’re asking, Haven.”
“Please don’t love me,” he whispered.
I pulled back in shock. “I’m already there, Haven. There’s nothing I can do about it. I can’t take it away. I love you and that’s that.”
“I…” He leaned his head against mine and kissed the corner of my eye. He pulled me back and looked in my eyes. “I’ve done things that are horrible.”
I stopped him with two fingers against his lips. “Hold on, Haven. I’ve done horrible things too. You don’t know what I’ve done.”
“Tell me about it then.” His eyes turned silver as I watched.
“No, change your eyes back. I want to make sure you know what I’ve done and you can’t hide from it.” His eyes changed back. “I’ve killed after I’ve seduced the vampire. I killed Antreas even though I loved him. I’ve killed ruthlessly to keep those I love safe. I’ve run away from those I love because I didn’t think they could handle it. I’ve attempted to kill two vampires that I love,” I said softly but with intensity. “I’ve done things that no normal person should ever have to deal with. I love six men. I want to make them all happy and I don’t know how. I’ve opened old wounds that were better left alone. I’ve…” I paused and searched my brain for more examples. “I’ve lied to the men I love. I’ve wreck two vehicles.” Haven chuckled softly. “I’ve hurt those that I love because I take my job as ‘enforcer’ seriously.” I pointed to the tattoo on my right arm. “The list can go on and on, Haven. We’ve all done things that we aren’t proud of. We’ve all done things that we wish we didn’t have to. If you’re a horrible person, than I’m even more horrible. I’ve never given my life over to someone and prayed that I’d get out of it alive. I’ve never sacrificed something that I hold dear, including my life.” I stopped talking and closed my eyes.
Haven kissed me gently and said, “I sacrificed what I did because I needed to know. I couldn’t live my life the way I was without serious damage to my mental health.”
“You sacrificed ten years of your life. You lived the way you needed to in order to survive. I can’t hold that against you, Haven.” I kissed his cheek softly.
“You don’t know the half of it, Katja,” he said quietly.
“And, at this moment, Haven, I don’t care what you’ve done. It won’t change how I feel about you. I’ll say the words again and again and hopefully one day you’ll know that I’m telling you the truth. I love you, Haven. I will always love you even as I lay dying. You’re mine, you will always be mine no matter what happens,” I said softly as my eyes filled with tears again. I wiped the tears away and looked into his blue eyes. His blue eyes weren’t pain-filled anymore. He had joy in his eyes and tears falling down his face. I stroked his face and kissed the tears away. “I love you, Haven, my ice-blue eyed vampire,” I whispered against his lips. I kissed him gently and tightened my hold around his shoulders. He opened his mouth for me and slid his tongue into my mouth.
A high grade sizzle went through me as our tongues met. I pulled back and choked on a breath. “What was that?”
He looked at me and smiled. “That was all you, Katja.”
“What does that mean?” I didn’t know what the sizzle meant. I hadn’t ever felt it that strong before. When we first kissed there was an electric shock that ran across our lips but nothing like this. It was like being touched by a live wire, not that I have any idea what it feels like, but I was betting it felt something like our kiss did.
“You tied me to your fate,” he said with a small smile.
I paled. The blood left my head so fast that I was dizzy and almost passed out. “No,” I whispered. Why would I do something like that? How could I do something like that to him? I already bound Sven and Thorn to me and I was afraid that I was going to take them to the grave with me. “Please, no,” I cried softly. “You’re going to die with me. How horrible a person am I? Sven and Thorn are bound to me also and I’m afraid that all of you will die with me. I can’t have that. You can’t die with me.” I was desperate to change it back. I couldn’t bear the thought of him dying because I was human and going to die some day.
“I will happily die with you, Katja,” he said quietly.
I pulled away from him and stood up. I paced his bedroom. There had to be a way out of this, a way to change it back.
I was on my third trip when Haven’s arms wrapped around me, holding me tight. “Let me go, Haven. I have to change this. You can’t die. I couldn’t bear you dying because I’m human. You’ve lived for however long you’ve lived and now you could die the moment I die. I can’t have that. We need to change this.”
He stopped me with kisses. “Don’t, Katja,” he whispered when he pulled back. “I’m happy now. I’ve wanted this since I met you.”
I started to cry again. “No, I can’t have you dying with me. Please, no,” I wailed softly. I freed myself from his arms and sank to the ground. I curled against his legs and cried, hard and filled with all the pain I felt at tying him to my human fate. He sank to his knees and held me while I cried. My tears dried up but my heart was still broken. I couldn’t bear the pain I felt.
“Katja,” he whispered. “Look at me. Please?” I lifted my head and looked into his eyes. They were his human eyes. I whimpered as I looked into his eyes. The happiness I saw in them made my heart break further. I didn’t know my heart could break any more but it did.
“Don’t be happy about this, Haven. You’re going to die if, when, I die. I don’t even think turning into a vampire is an option because when my heart stops you might die with it. Those that are already tied to me might die along with my heart. I can’t have that. Please. We have to undo this somehow,” I pleaded.
He shook me and said my name angrily. “Don’t. I want this and I am damn happy about it. I will be with you, that’s all that matters. Be happy that I’m tied to you. Be happy that I love you.” My broken heart clenched at his words. He loved me. I should have been happy but I couldn’t get past the pain. I couldn’t breathe. “Breathe, Katja, breathe.” I took a deep breath and let it out slowly.
Haven wrapped his hand in my hair and bent my head back. He kissed my windpipe and ran his tongue along the flesh. He kissed the pulse on the left side of my neck and slid his fangs into my skin. I could feel my blood pump into his mouth. He turned his bite and had me convulsing against him as I screamed in pleasure. He continued to bring me even after his fangs slid from my skin.
He pressed his wrist to my mouth. I tasted metal as his blood dripped into my mouth. I opened and sucked on the wound. My senses sharpened and my body felt stronger as I continued to take his blood into my body. He pulled his wrist back and looked at me. I purred against his body and ran a hand to his groin. He leaned his head down and whispered, “I’m going to bring you over and over. You’ll want me to stop even as you beg for more, Katja.”
I nodded. “Only if I get to do the same.” He chuckled and nodded.
I pushed against him, pressing him onto the floor and straddled him. I could feel his body hard and ready for me. I sighed pleasantly and kissed him passionately, rubbing my body against his. He pulled back and rolled us over so I was lying on the floor and he was on top.
He kissed my neck and bit me. I shuddered as an orgasm rolled through me. He pulled his fangs out and kissed down to my breasts that were still trapped in the corset. His fangs slid into the tender flesh of my left breast bringing me again. He unclasped the corset and opened it. His tongue slid from my breasts to my stomach and down to the top of my panties. He kissed along the elastic and travelled lower. He kissed my groin and slid his fangs through the fabric an
d into my skin. I cried out and clawed at the floor as the orgasm roared through me.
He pulled back and grinned at me. He slid his fingers under the fabric and pulled the panties and garter off in one motion, jerking my body lower and nearer to his. I gasped as he entered me slowly and moved inside me as he was still sliding in. He laid against my body and kissed me, running his hands through my hair.
I used his blood in my body to roll us over and straddled him. His blue eyes widened slightly and I laughed, full-throated and happy. “This isn’t my first foray with vampire blood, Haven.” I moved on top of him, his hands cupping my breasts.
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We spent most of the rest of the day making love and forgetting our pain. We were lying in bed, curled around each other, his hand running gently down my arm. “Do you want to see my family?” he asked quietly. I lifted my head from his chest and nodded.
We got dressed and he pulled me up to the attic again. He pulled an old painting from behind several others and leaned it against the wall. In the painting were a man, a woman, and Haven. The woman was sitting ramrod straight in a high-backed chair, her hands neatly folded in her lap, wearing a beautiful, creamy dress, with her hair pulled back from her face. The man was standing on her left with his hand placed neatly on her shoulder. He was wearing a dark suit and white-ish dress shirt and a wide tie. His hair was neatly styled. Haven was standing on the woman’s right with his hands straight at his side and slightly away from her but turned toward her. His hair was tied behind his head and he looked about sixteen. They looked nothing alike except for maybe the nose. The woman and man, his parents, had dark hair and dark eyes. They were all light-boned but his father was more ridged and formal than Haven.
“My mother and father,” he said without emotion. I looked at him and his beautiful ice blue eyes were silver.
I cleared my throat and said, “They’re very…um, formal.” He chuckled and pulled another painting around. This one was of the three of them, less formal. His mother was lying on a fainting couch with his father smiling down at her. Haven was standing to the left of the painting with one hand behind his back and the other hanging loose, looking at them, sadness in his eyes.
“Why would they make you stand in this painting? It looks like they really didn’t want you in it.”
“They thought it would be inappropriate not to involve me in all of their pictures, no matter the content.” He slung his arm around my shoulders as I looked at the two paintings.
“You looked sad or unhappy and much younger than you are now.” I rolled my eyes. That was a relative comment since he would never age again.
“I was fourteen when they had the first painting rendered and sixteen for the last one.” Haven kissed my cheek and turned me around. “Now. What else would you like to see?”
I shrugged. “Whatever you’d like to show me.” I didn’t want to push him into another horrible memory.
He smiled and said, “Okay, come with me.” He laughed softly and dragged me through the house like a child leading his parent by the hand.
He led me into another bedroom. The bedroom was medium sized with draperies pulled back neatly, framing the window, and painted a light blue, with hardwood flooring. In the middle of the room was an easel and painting paraphernalia. I looked up to the ceiling and saw proper lighting installed for optimum painting environment, at least that’s what Haven said they were used for.
He pulled me to the easel and lifted the sheet that was hanging over it, protecting it from dust and direct sunlight or something like that. He was explaining what everything was but I was only grabbing snippets and then nothing as I looked at the painting that he revealed. It was me and the guys. I was sitting in a chair with the men surrounding me. Trace and Erick on the left, Sven and Thorn behind me, and Todd sitting on my right with Haven behind Todd. I turned to him and asked, “How did you do this? We never posed.”
“From here,” he pointed to his head, “and here,” and pointed to his chest, heart.
“It’s beautiful.” I looked closer at the painting.
We were smiling and happy. My sea-green eyes were vibrant and my lips were tinged ruby. My hair was done in ringlets, which I’ve never had before, but it looked beautiful and framed my face perfectly. Todd was holding my hand and smiling. His brown eyes were darker than in real life and mimicked the color of his bedroom eyes. Trace’s blue-y green eyes were laughing and he was biting his lip even with a smile on his face. Erick’s emerald green eyes were bright, brilliant, like light shining through them. He had his hand on my shoulder and was looking down at me with a smile. Haven had captured Thorn’s many piercings, even his tongue ring, as he was smiling playfully the tongue ring was caught between his teeth. A classic Thorn pose. His shoulder length brown hair was framing his face playfully and multi-colored. Sven had his arm wrapped around Thorn and a hand on my chair with happiness in his eyes and a smile playing along his lips. I looked at Haven, in the painting. He was standing behind Todd with a hand on his chair. His ice blue eyes were happy and a hint of sadness was evident. He had a small smile playing along his lips. His silver hair was framing his face perfectly and partially covered one eye.
“It’s beautiful, Haven,” I said again. “But, why did you make your eyes sort of sad?”
He blinked in surprise. “I didn’t think you’d notice.”
I smiled and rolled my eyes to the ceiling and looked back at him. “Of course I’d notice. Why?”
“This was before I found out that we were tied and you loved me.”
I hugged him tight and then stepped back. “Change them. I don’t want you to be sad. I want you to be happy. Even if you’re going to die when I do.” I added the last sadly.
“I’ll change them if you really want me to but it will be with a condition.” I lifted an eyebrow. “You’ll have to keep me tied to you, no matter what.”
I breathed in sharply. “You can’t mean that. What if we end up hating each other down the road? You don’t want me to promise that.”
He laughed softly. “We won’t hate each other, Katja. I’ll change my eyes to happiness, because that’s what I feel.” He kissed me softly and draped the cloth over the painting.
“Come with me.” He took my hand and pulled me back to his bedroom. He kept going and we entered the bathroom. It was stunning. Gold, silver, marble, and soapstone.
“Let’s bathe, Katja.” He pulled me over to the big whirlpool tub with a marble seat surrounding it and started filling it. He grabbed a bottle of bubble bath and poured some in. The room immediately filled with the aroma of roses and lavender.
“You just wanna get me naked,” I said playfully.
“Of course.” He leaned into me and pressed his lips to mine, tenderly.
I stepped up to him as we kissed and pressed my body against his. He wrapped his arms around me and lifted me off the ground, my feet dangling. I wrapped my arms around his neck and held him in place. I didn’t want to let him go. His mouth was so soft against mine, so tender. I moaned softly in my throat as I pushed my tongue into his mouth and tasted him. He tasted like flowers, light and fragrant, with a hint of blood. I ate at his mouth and accidentally ran my tongue over his fangs, slicing it open. As the first drop of blood hit his tongue, he tightened his arms around my waist and kissed me harder, sucking on my tongue. He moaned all the way down his chest, causing me to writhe gently against him. I wrapped my legs around his waist and lifted slightly, looking into his eyes as we continued to kiss.
I pulled back and breathed heavily. He chuckled softly as I literally panted next to his neck. He set me down and stopped the water before it ran over the seat of the tub. He let a little water out and turned to me. His ice blue eyes were smoldering with passion, with love.
I started to unbutton my suit coat but he stopped me and unbuttoned it for me. He slipped it off my shoulders and kept it around my arms like a binding. He pulled the coat tight and leaned me back, pushing my chest up and my head back.
He unbuttoned my blouse with his free hand and licked up my chest to my neck and bit me. I arched against him and cried out softly. He pulled back and licked his lips as he smiled at me and then brought his mouth down to my breast. He bit me lightly with his teeth and nudged the bra out of the way. He flicked his tongue over my nipple and bit into the sensitive skin around the nipple. He let the coat drop from my arms and helped pull the blouse off while he still sucked on my nipple. I wrapped my arms around his neck and arched even more into his, my hair brushing the floor.
He pulled back even as I screamed his name, keeping me in a state of orgasm with just his touch. He lifted me upright and when I could speak, I whispered, “That’s so not fair. I can’t bring you ten times in a row with just my touch.”
He chuckled against my neck and whispered, “I like to give more than receive, Katja. If you could do what I do you wouldn’t be human anymore.” He bit into my neck and sent me over the edge in seconds. I clawed his back and pressed against him. He held me tight as he slipped his fangs from my neck. I shivered and bit my lip so hard that I felt the pain and then the blood track a line down my chin. He licked the blood from my chin and lips. I could taste his blood as he stuck his tongue in my mouth. The pain faded as his blood coursed through me.
He pulled back and helped me undress. He lifted me into the tub and had his clothes off and was in the tub with me before I was fully settled. He slid in behind me and pulled me against his chest. His strong arms wrapped around me were warm, warmer than I was. I turned slightly and looked at him. His blue eyes were happy and he had a smile playing along his lips. He ran his hands up and down my arms, soothing and loving. “Mmm, this is so nice,” I whispered as I laid my head against his chest. As my eyes slid closed I whispered, “I love you, Haven.”
His arms tightened around me. His whisper was so soft and gentle, “I love you too, Katja. My delicate green eyed flower. Sleep, for a little while.” He kissed the top of my head and I let my body relax and fell into the abyss.