Heart of the Lotus

by Mary R Woldering

  The fluid swept through Wserkaf like a flood of emotions that ended in void and floating as suddenly as a thunderclap. He looped around the sun as before, his plumage bursting into white fire.

  All.

  I am the eye of Ra, the truth of the Moon god Iah. I rise. I know,” a bird-like noise was issued from his throat.

  Ehh… Ehhh….

  Music played from an unknown source in Wserkaf’s thoughts. He wasn’t sure if he was hearing it or remembering the happy and bouncy beat.

  Time looped again. The parade of all memories and moments passed through the former Inspector like force-fed dreams. Wserkaf struggled to get up. He felt, along with the visions, that this was an end-of-life review and that he might die.

  I can’t die, he thought, I have too much to do. I must right things to the glory of the sun. The spell was nearly complete.

  Why kill me? Do you want me dead rather than tainted, Dede? Do you know then that truth and all that is Ma-at will die unspoken and unknown on my lips in this cycle and that in time, not knowing the truth, men will create fantasies of what is real?

  Several more loops of time wound around and through his exhausted shell of a body.

  Then, a gentle voice called to him, urging him to get up; to go to the edge of the lotus pool and to sit in the way he and sweet Naibe used to sit when he had his home.

  Have I been lying here an instant or is everything in my life illusion and myth? Was I even born? Do I exist? Have I stopped living somewhere along this memory and continued in spirit, no wiser to reality? Is this what the highest initiation is? To not know and yet not be troubled by it? Is death the secret of life?

  He felt elevated again and silently laughed. His hands shook violently. He gripped the edge of the pool and struggled to sit. She was with him.

  Beautiful. So beautiful, his feet swirled, watching the sparkling stars come up out of the water and circle his head.

  A woman offered him some nice syrupy dates. Through Wserkaf’s blurred vision he saw her golden eyes shining in adoration.

  “Naibe?” he felt faint. Impossible. Maatkare has killed her. She cannot be with me. Be gone from me, cruel hoax.

  In his dream, she was crowned with stars. She caressed his trembling arm and nurtured him as he lay his head in her lap. Sensing the warmth of her body, he realized she was no dream. “How?” another unashamed tear drooled from his eye and reached her hand.

  “Shhh. Wseriri,” she toyed with a ringlet of his funeral lock at the nape of his neck.

  Feels good, he sighed again, listening to her whisper ever so gently:

  “I knew you needed me,” her face grew dark. “I couldn’t stay away from you. Now rest. I’m here, just inside your heart where I have lived ever since you placed me there.”

  “I… I’ve gone mad. I’m seeing things. You can’t be real unless you died. He… he did this… Dede is…?” Wserkaf’s voice came out in a rasping croak.

  “Awww…” the shadowy figure consoled, cradling him. “I’m here now. He’s not here anymore. Don’t worry, my sweet love…”

  Wserkaf reveled in the warmth of her touch. Swept away once again, he felt the tempo of her heart beating. A strange incessant little fluttering sound quicker than her heart, beat beneath it.

  “You,” he began, then his thoughts poured out. A child. I feel it’s little self there. Is it? he wondered, knowing there had been a great chance he was the sire of what grew there.

  “Oh Wse…” her laugh was as golden as her eye-stars. “Not your seed that grows there. But it was your wish for me that came true…”

  Wserkaf tried to open his eyes again, but the sun was too bright.

  “I feel in my heart it’s of Marai, but you created the magic. He made this little one begin in me the sweet afternoon I first saw your face. Your magic to bring us joy; a trick then, Wse; reality now. So, he is still very much the son of your wishes that Marai gladden my belly with a child.”

  “Sweetness of the Gentlest One. Glad news for my sad heart,” the priest found her hand and held it tightly because he felt himself slipping away again. At some point, he roused himself enough to let her feed him a piece of the candy.

  “You were too sweet for me…” he whispered and drifted to sleep, exhausted, but ultimately revived.

  Chapter 28: Things Unplanned

  Ari loved flying with Djerah. They had taken the second flight, this time in broad daylight. The young man had wanted to see if a sunny day made any difference in the ability of the craft to rise from the water and speed away. It hadn’t. This time, they had kept out of sight of Maatkare and Marai and whatever drama was happening in the area outside burned-out Buhen. Marai had looked up only once and sent the thought that they ought to stop the experiments with the boat until he was back because, although he was very proud of Djerah, it was distracting him from dealing with the situation in front of him. He sent back the thought that he would be returning the next day. Whatever Maatkare wanted to do now that he had Deka would be up to him. Any consequences for the general’s attacks on Buhen would be for the new king to decide.

  The element of secret flight, of course, was gone. As Djerah had readied the boat and stationed the wdjat in the prow, a crowd of citizens from Buhen and Qustul gathered on the shore to watch him lie in the boat and for her to position herself beside him so she could coach his trance. The only thing he didn’t like was the level of arousal he achieved in the trance while they flew.

  “Simple thing, Djerah,” Ariennu snorted, greatly amused. “You get yourself ‘up’ and the boat goes ‘up’. I’ve already told you what you need on a regular basis once you learn how to channel your root and sacral energy, but I still feel you are not wanting to believe me.” She reached forward and touched him along the small of his naked back after they returned. That got an immediate reaction, even though he was tired.

  “Oh. You have to stop,” his sigh reported his ecstasy.

  “Do I, now?” Ariennu pulled him backward and glared at him, pretending to be angry more than playful. “Is that what you want; me to stop? Or, are you begging yourself to make me stop? I know it’s not boys you prefer. Maybe you want me to make you my slave for a while. Some men like that.”

  “No, it’s just…you aren’t mine to take,” Djerah closed his eyes, but she knew he enjoyed her touch because he was speaking through his teeth and his thoughts of turning and leaping upon her while they were still in the boat were loud enough to alert even Marai at a distance. She continued to tease him by walking her fingertips down his arms and then back up them again.

  “I respect you and Marai too much,” Djerah insisted, sitting up straighter.

  “So somehow,” Ariennu mocked, “you feel you could not respect me if I were to keep on coming at you like this?” She looked down, enjoying the results of her hand play. “Respect isn’t a word tossed about in the air near me. It’s very ‘wilderness’ of you to count women as a shepherd counts his sheep and goats. Marai was like that at first. What I enjoy with men is precisely why they do respect me, but they may be afraid to say it sometimes. As for Marai?” she tapped the glimmering stone in her brow. “You think he doesn’t know already? He just said he won’t be here until tomorrow. If that’s not permission, then I’m a fool,” her laugh was as golden as Djerah’s hair had recently turned. “I told you before, I belong to no man. My gut tells me men begin to make a great mistake in thinking a woman is a sandal, or at best a prized hound. When they do is when I start walking away. I do what I want,” her fingers dug into the area at the front of the young man’s groin insistently, causing him to groan in pleasure.

  “Marai is the man I love deeper than my own heart and the one I will always need without end. He saved my life when I was dying and married me to him,” her voice quieted, misty with romance. “He knows all the secret places of my heart the way no one ever will and I really wouldn’t want another to be so close to me like that. He is my loving heart,” Ari looked up at Djerah again, an almost girlish e
xpression on her face.

  After an almost pained silence, she felt the wind stir and added another thought. And you’re a tender morsel if there ever was one. I told you that when you first came back to us after you were beat up like that. “I know you need mercy,” she added aloud. “You’re about to burst, and that’s not healthy. So, you’re coming with me and we’ll get this done.” Ariennu got out of the boat, seized Djerah’s hands, and pulled him up with her, allowing him only enough time to retrieve the wdjat from its position in the prow. She towed him toward the shaded house where they slept, the way a mother would coax a child in from a day of play. “You relax and you might even like it.”

  Djerah’s face darkened, but Ari noticed he didn’t struggle. Some of the elder men poked each other, clucked, and hummed approval as Ari trudged up the muddy bank with him.

  “Naibe’s still resting inside the common room on our side, I know that much,” she continued. “There’s a place around the back near the bath with an alcove. After, we can bathe.” Ariennu chuckled, anticipating. She waited for him to deposit the wdjat in their basket of goods and tiptoe back to her.

  “Sleeping?” she asked about Naibe and accepted his nod. “Watch this,” she breathed into Djerah’s dumbstruck face, then pulled his head to her breasts and leaned back against the wall. She reveled in the pleasure of his breath and the soft texture of his hair. Oh, my goddess, this is going to be good… she felt his tongue gently circle her nipples. Extending her fingertips, she gestured so that the light filtering in through the woven thatch roof transformed into a thin veil of rainbow light, like the phantom colors that shimmered over water mist in the sun.

  “See,” she sighed. “We do what we want in here. You build a flying boat and I build us a hide-away and wrap it in rainbows. If someone passes by or if Baby One wakes up, they’ll think it’s nothing and move along.”

  “Marai did this when we camped at night on the way here, so we wouldn’t have to deal with thieves.” Djerah added.

  “Where do you think he learned it?” she gestured a second time for the other side. “And if you’re still worried about facing Marai, I can make you think you dreamed it,” she smiled. “Something makes me think you’ll want to remember it, though.” her fingers traced his hairline and his chiseled jaw. “Here,” she guided his hands to shape her breasts as his lips moved to her throat. “Damn you are nice,” she whispered, then laughed. “Should have done this sooner. Knew you would be.” She slid down the wall with him, hitching her skirt so it wouldn’t be too rumpled and beginning to stroke the outside of his sheath tracing small circles over the straining leather surface. Her eyes flashed admiration as her hands busied themselves with the knot on his loin strap.

  He stumbled.

  She giggled: “Lose your balance, big man?”

  Wseriri.

  Djerah froze, his hand assisting Ari in unfastening his sheath.

  “Did you?” he stopped her.

  “Shhh…” she traced her fingers inside the strap and pulled, then cackled in delight.

  “Would you look at that… I didn’t say anything. Come here…” She hitched her leg up, brushing against him, but then she heard what sounded like a thought-whisper.

  Come to the water. I am here for you now.

  “It’s Baby, talking in her sleep. Must be a deep dream. Don’t let it bother you,” she gripped Djerah close, urging him on with a sigh of pleasure. One eye open, she wondered: I know I sealed this alcove for sight and sound. That sounded like Naibe was awake, but she looked fast asleep enough when we passed her and he checked her. If she’s awake, she’ll know and give us some room. She shrugged and turned her attention to the young man who had taken her leg and placed it so she could wrap the other around his waist. She teased, avoiding the first thrust, then allowed it…

  “So sweet…” she whispered, determined to ignore anything further from the spirit world.

  There were moments of bliss that left Ari thinking Djerah’s wife had lost her wits to leave him for another man, but then she learned early in her long life that there is always more to having a close companion than bed sport. Being with Maatkare and many other men and women in her life had taught her that.

  Still, she then nodded for him to go to the floor with her so she could enjoy more freedom of movement.

  See, her thoughts cooed in a moment of rest before more. There’s nothing wrong with taking what you need if another is willing to give. You know you needed it. See how eager you are now? And you are most satisfying, let me tell you. I might even let you stop after a while.

  I know, Djerah’s thoughts sighed. I’m just not sure… he began, but she hushed him and urged him again.

  “Thought you’d like it, and now I feel you even being proud you could get an old hen like me to shout.” Ari touched her finger to the tip of Djerah’s upturned nose, lay her head on his chest briefly, and then rolled with him to the side. “Do me like this…” she started.

  Come to the water, sweet Wseriri…

  Both Djerah and Ariennu froze at the sound of the young woman’s voice ringing through their passionate thoughts.

  “Still sleep talking?” Ari paused, knowing something wasn’t right, but reluctant to give up the pleasure. He is so good at this, a sweetheart. I’d like to see both him and Marai on me at the same time. Now that… but she knew it would never happen. Both men were far too private for that sort of behavior.

  Djerah paused her.

  “You heard it too,” he breathlessly suggested. “Don’t deny it.”

  “Yeah, I did. I’ll check, but if it’s nothing I will kill her for this,” she pecked at Djerah’s nose.

  “I’ll be here,” he returned. “Used to it with a house full of widows and children.”

  At least he’s able to think about that stupid Raawa he was with without being sad now. Ari eased herself up, reveling in the weak-kneed wobble. Damn, man… some good ones there…

  She stayed his lips and continued to listen for more sounds as she straightened her skirts and dispelled the shimmering illusion she had created.

  Ariennu scrambled into the sleeping area. She saw Naibe lying almost on her back, her arms spread wide. For several moments, she stood observing the young woman, timing her breath and heartbeat. Djerah didn’t wait for her to return. He had risen, refastened his sheath and shendyt, and had crept up behind her. His hand went to her arms affectionately.

  Something’s not right, Djerah. She looks like she’s fainted, not asleep. Something about the way her arms are so pale and her face…

  “Is she?” Djerah asked, instantly aware of Ari’s thoughts.

  Ari stroked Naibe’s hair and felt her brow for signs of fever.

  She feels odd. Her stone’s active, but she’s down deep. I almost don’t sense her breathing.

  As they watched, Naibe’s chest rose slightly, but she gave no sign she knew she was being checked.

  “There. She breathes,” Ari looked up at Djerah who suddenly squatted to join her. “Let me check the child,” she positioned her hands over the linen covered roundness of Naibe’s belly.

  A moment later, Ari sighed in relief. “Baby’s good, but I think we’d better try to wake her up. This is not normal for her to be like this,” she bowed her head, anguished.

  “What, Ari?” Djerah watched her breathe in and out slowly and send healing pools of color through the young woman. Then, drawing them back, she moaned dizzily.

  “That’s it, baby, take it if you need it. Come back,” she whispered.

  Djerah grabbed her arms more tightly, then extended his own hand as if imitating her.

  “Easy. What’s happened to her? You looked like you were going to faint and fall over on her.”

  “She’s weak… really weak. She always goes too deep to get away from something bad. This happened once before when we were living in the Poors. I saw Marai heal her like this. We did it to you when we were repairing you too, but without Marai here…”

  “Without
him here?” Djerah frowned and Ari read his thought that snapped her back to her senses. As if you really need his or any man’s direction, suddenly.

  “Right,” she reminded herself. “Breathe thoughts of healing into her. That’s all you do. Let her stone pull what she needs from you.”

  “Happened before in the Poors?” Djerah wondered, but still breathed out.

  “Later. We can talk about it later. Marai made her promise after that, she’d take care of herself. That’s why no one wants her doing things of spirit with that child in there,” Ariennu shook her head. “The child’s well, but she’s given everything else she has for some other reason. Why? Why, little one?” Ariennu worried, suddenly distraught and now even guilty.

  She felt Djerah put his arms around her more tightly and press his face into the back of her neck.

  “When we were resting,” he suggested, “it seemed like she was talking to someone named Wseriri? I heard her say that word. Did she mean Prince Wserkaf, that inspector that came around a few times?”

  “Same one,” Ari touched Naibe’s face again. Dammit girl. Why did you do this? He can’t be of any use to you. All that’s over with.

  Naibe didn’t speak or move, but both Djerah and Ariennu sensed a fragile thought through the link in their stones:

  He called to me Ari. He needed me.

  “No, Baby, you imagined it. There’s nothing her needs from us. He’s an ally now, but…” she started, keeping her whisper low and eyes scanning for others outside the sleeping area who might come in and wonder what was wrong.

  MaMa, I went to him last week. Something’s going on with him. Something bad. He called me then too. I went to you both when you first took the boat to find Marai, too. I knew you heard my voice, but I only stayed a moment. Then, I heard Wseriri today. This time… her thought trailed and she seemed to grow weaker.

  “No,” Ari grabbed the unconscious woman’s jaw. “No, no, no, no…” then looked back at Djerah. “Did you know she’d been doing this?”

  “Not exactly,” Djerah admitted. “I thought I felt her when we were at our first flight. She was trying to talk to this Deka, but everything else going on was so strange I just didn’t want to think about it.”