I throw my second empty into the truck. My third follows and I open my fourth and chug it down to throw it.
“I got to school and hated it. I hated practice, the team, everything about it. And one night I went to this on campus hang-out and there was an open mic night so I gave it a try and I liked it and I don’t know.”
“Did you tell Josie?”
“Nah, our meeting didn’t go so well the other night. I was pissed and antagonized her a bit.”
We sit in silence, drinking and throwing our bottles into the truck. Katelyn’s throws get harder and harder the more she drinks and I imagine she’s taking out some type of anger.
“For the first time in twelve years I don’t have Mason by my side.”
I know she’s sad and I could hold her and let her cry or I can share in her misery.
“I have a kid.”
Apparently that was the wrong thing to say because if looks could kill I’d be dead right now.
“Does Josie know?”
I can’t help but laugh. I shake my head. “I hope so, unless Noah isn’t hers. Then I’m screwed because that boy is definitely mine and definitely hers.”
“You’re such an ass,” she says pushing my shoulder. I fall back so she thinks she’s strong. “No other kids, huh? How many wives and girlfriends do you have?”
I toss my empty down to the truck and smile when it shatters. I’m going to have to go over and clean out her truck tomorrow.
“No other kids, no wives and no girlfriends.”
“Right now?”
I look at her and give her the stink eye. “Ever. Never. Not since Josie.”
“I’ve seen those rags with your picture on them and you have some blond with you all the time.”
I lean against the tower and sip on my next beer. Katelyn is keeping up with me and we’ll be out soon. This sort of pisses me off. I should’ve bought two cases.
“That’s Sam, my manager. She wants to be my girlfriend and tells me that I owe her since she’s been with me since I started. I don’t know. Lately I’ve been thinking about firing her.”
Katelyn doesn’t say anything; she just stares out into the darkness. Every now and again I see her wipe her eyes. I want to help her but don’t know how. I could wrap my arms around her, pull her into a hug, but that might be awkward for her so I opt to rub her back.
“I’ll never forgive myself. I should’ve called or at least come back. I could’ve kept in touch but leaving here and leaving everything behind – I needed a clean break. I had to try and make a name for myself and when I did, people just kept pushing and pulling and the next thing I know I’m in my hotel room and I’m reading the paper. I kept saying to myself there is no fucking way he’s gone because I didn’t get to say good-bye.
“He’s gone and I never got a chance to tell him how fucking sorry I am for being a total dick and leaving. Mason didn’t do jack shit to me and I left him because I’m a fucking coward and couldn’t face the bullshit going on in my life. God, I’m so sorry you lost him.”
Katelyn leans back and buries her face in my chest. She starts to sob so I put my arms around her and let her cry. I wipe away the tears that have let loose and try to be strong for her. The more she cries, the more I do. Maybe crying is therapeutic, maybe your body needs it to expel the pent up energy. Maybe we just need to cry for Mason.
We stay like this, holding each other, until the sun starts to come up. Her face is red and streaked from smeared make-up. Lines are creased on her face from my jacket, but I don’t care. I continue to hold her until she’s ready to say good-bye.
CHAPTER 12
JOSIE
For the first time, I’m closing the shop for no reason. My lack of sleep is evident by the dark bags under my eyes. Nick felt my forehead, always in doctor mode, before leaving for work and suggested I take a day for myself. I opted to give Jenna another day off as well. No one needs flowers today anyway and if they do, they’ll understand why I’m closed and come back tomorrow.
Noah is crunching away on his cereal, his eyes glued to his recent Sports Illustrated. Yesterday I watched him and Liam with reservation, but still allowed them to get to know each other. Today I’ve decided that was enough. I can’t have my son getting hurt when Liam skips town again. He isn’t planning on staying, whether he’s told me this or not. I just know it. I feel it in my heart. He has a life away from Beaumont, one that doesn’t include Noah and likely never will.
I pour myself a cup of coffee and sit down across from Noah. He doesn’t look up, completely enthralled in whatever article he’s reading. Guaranteed it’s about football. I tried to discourage him, suggest he play soccer but he wouldn’t hear of it. He’s been a natural and it scares me. I see so much of Liam in him and I don’t want to.
“Did you know Liam Westbury was on the cover of Sports Illustrated when he was in high school?”
I spit out my coffee, the hot liquid dribbling down my chin. How does he know this? Nick and I, as well as Mason and Katelyn, have never discussed Liam with Noah. I can’t even remember a time when Liam’s name has come up. We’ve always skirted around that name. I secretly chide the teachers at school always praising Liam for everything he’s done for Beaumont and football.
“Guess what?”
Liam wraps his arms around me from behind, nuzzling my neck. “What?” I ask as I set my books on the shelf in my locker. I catch a glimpse of our junior prom picture – Liam in his black tux and me in my red knee-length dress.
“Someone is going to be on the cover of Sports Illustrated.”
I turn and wrap my arms around him. I know he’s wanted this since last year when he came close to breaking the state record for passing yards and he’s close again this year. “I’m so proud of you.”
“I couldn’t have done it without my girl,” he says before kissing me full on the lips, a big no-no in the hallway.
“We should go celebrate.”
“What are you thinking?” he asks suggestively.
I shrug, pushing my fingers into his recently shaved head. His eyes close as I massage his scalp. He loves it when I do this.
“Are your parent’s home?” he asks and when I shake my head no. He pulls one of my hands into his and walks us out of the school.
“How do you know?” I ask barely able to get the words out without choking.
“I saw the cover at the museum on our field trip.”
“Is that where you met Liam the other day?” My curiosity piques. When Liam showed up at the shop I had no idea how he found out about Noah.
Noah nods. “I was upset over a thing they had for Mason and he was in the bathroom. We talked and I said he was the guy kissing you in the video. Was he your boyfriend?”
Do I answer or deflect? Or do I just come out and say he’s your dad and totally ditched us when I was pregnant even though I never told him. Yeah that won’t work.
“I don’t want you talking to Liam Westbury anymore.”
“Why not?” Noah deadpans.
“Because… because I said so that’s why.” I get up and move back into the kitchen and dump out my coffee. It no longer tastes very good and isn’t doing its job. I just want to crawl into bed and forget this conversation ever started.
Noah slams his magazine down on the table, spilling the rest of his cereal. He sits there, stewing, not moving an inch to clean up his mess.
“Are you going to clean that?” I ask before throwing him a dishtowel. Anger flashes in his eyes. I know I’ve upset him, but he’s just too young to understand the magnitude of this situation. Liam is going to hurt him.
“No,” he says without making eye contact.
“Excuse me?”
He pushes his chair out and picks up his magazine. He turns and looks at me, a look I’ve never seen from my precious boy. His face is red, his breathing is labored.
“I like Liam,” he yells.
I’m taken aback by his outburst. If this is how he’s going to be after two en
counters there is no way I can let Liam into his life.
“Liam doesn’t live here, Noah, and once he’s gone you won’t see him again. Let it go.”
“Why do you hate him?”
I don’t, that’s the problem and I wish I did, but he’s a disruption and he’s already ruining things in my house and I don’t want that. I can’t have that.
“I don’t hate him,” I mumble. I press my fingertips to my temple to hopefully ward off the impending headache.
“You used to kiss him, a lot. I’ve seen the DVD’s. How can you kiss someone so much and not like him?” Noah stands in front of me, his arms clutching his magazine. His eyes are trained on me and all I see is Liam.
“That was a long time ago, Noah. People change. I’ve changed and so has Liam. We aren’t friends anymore and I don’t want you talking to him. I’m the adult here and I make the rules. Liam Westbury is off limits.”
“You’re not being fair. I like him and he’s good at football just like me. He can help me get better and he said he would come to my game today!” My heart breaks at the sight of his tears, but I’d take this one day of tears over the months of tears he’ll cry when Liam leaves him. I reach out for Noah, but he moves away and runs off to his room. I’m going to have to find a way to get a hold of Liam and tell him he can’t come to the game. That he needs to just ignore Noah for all of our sakes. It will be easier that way.
At least that is what I tell myself.
When the doorbell rings I rush to let in Katelyn. She takes one look at me and shakes her head, pulling me into her arms.
“What am I going to do?” I ask Katelyn. I lead her into the kitchen, sitting down. She’s across from me, holding my hand when I should be holding hers. I should be her rock right now. She’s just lost her husband and here I am complaining to her.
“I’m not sure I can answer that for you,” she says, her eyes full of pity. I really need to stop thinking about myself and start thinking about her.
“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t be dumping this on you. You have enough to deal with.” I remove my hand and start cleaning up our mess. I invited her over for breakfast, not problem solving.
“I’m your friend, Josie. You can dump anything on me.”
I shake my head and leave her sitting at the table. She comes and stands next to me while the sink fills with hot sudsy water.
“I remember everything so clearly. It’s like all my memories are this vivid coloring book turned into a nightmare. I dreamt about him last night and I haven’t done that since Noah was about two. I stopped reading the magazines and looking for the music videos because I needed a clean break and now he’s here for the next few days and there’s nothing I can do to keep him from coming to Noah’s game tonight.”
“Have you thought about sitting down with him and talking to him about Noah?” she asks as I start washing the dishes. I soak my hands in the water and relish the feel of the burn from the hot water.
“I don’t think I can.” I sigh and lean my head against hers. “Nick wants Liam to sign some adoption papers or something like that, but I don’t know. Nick and I haven’t discussed this and I fear it’s a knee-jerk reaction to Liam showing up in town.”
Katelyn takes my hands in hers and pulls them out of the water. We're dripping water and soap bubbles travel down the front of our clothes and onto the floor. She holds them tight, her eyes brimming with tears.
“I lost my husband last week and wasn’t able to say good-bye. You are being given a second chance and whether you make that chance just about Noah or to find some closure for yourself you owe it to the three of you to find a happy medium. If Noah was to ever find out that Liam is his dad and you didn’t tell him while he has this one chance to know him, he’ll never forgive you, Josie, and you’ll never forgive yourself.”
“Liam is going to hurt him,” I say through tears.
“Liam might surprise you if you give him a chance.”
We end up spending the rest of the afternoon at her house avoiding the topic of Liam. Katelyn decided she wanted to tackle the man room in the basement and we’re marking things that she thinks Mason’s friends will like. When I come to Liam’s name on the list I have to fight the tears – it’s like she’s forgiven him for everything without a second thought – because Liam is getting Mason’s Most Valuable Player trophy that he earned in college.
CHAPTER 13
LIAM
He gave me the time and place and asked me to come watch him. Said I could give him some pointers on his five-step drop at halftime. I want to do this, I do, but I don’t know. Josie made it crystal clear she wants me to have nothing to do with him and I don’t see her knocking on my door asking me to claim him.
But I want to watch him play. I want to remember what it was like to love the game and maybe I'll learn to love it again now that I have a reason to watch – if I’m even allowed to have this reason. Josie holds all the cards where Noah is concerned.
The last time I sat down for a game was Mason’s last one as a senior. I never had a chance to tell him, but I never missed a game, watching him on television every Saturday. A few times I thought about showing up to one, but I wasn’t ready to face anyone. Apparently, I’m still not since I can’t have a decent conversation or be in the same room with Josie without pissing her off.
But she’s so feisty when she’s upset. I miss that. I miss seeing the fire in her eyes when she’s determined to prove me wrong. I miss the passion in her body when she’s trying to show me what it’s like to be loved by her. I’d give anything to feel that with her again, even if it’s just for one fleeting, solitary moment. Just one quick taste of my girl again and I’d be complete.
I’m a liar.
I’ve been lying to myself since the day I left Beaumont. I walked away from the one great thing in my life because I was selfish enough to think I didn’t need her and that she’d be better off without me.
And if I could, I’d go back and change it all.
“Hello?”
“Liam?” I look at my phone, confused by the number showing on the display.
“Yeah, who’s this?”
“This is Betty Addison, your grandmother.”
I pull the phone away again and look at the screen. Maybe I didn’t hear her properly, but I swear she said grandmother. I only know my father’s side of the family. My mother never talked about her parents.
“Um… okay,” I say not sure what else to add.
“I’m in town this week and I thought we could have lunch. There’s a nice little café by your campus.”
What do I have to lose and it’s free lunch. “Sure,” I say. We set the date and time to meet. We talk a bit more and she asked that I hear her out before making any judgment calls as to why she’s been absent for the last eighteen years of my life.
I agree.
I’m nervous as I wait for her, my leg bounces. The same annoying habit I’ve picked up from Josie. When the chair in front of me pulls out and she sits down I see an older version of my mother. Or what I envision my mom will look like.
“It’s so nice to finally meet you,” she says while studying my face.
Conversation is awkward at first as we get to know each other but half an hour in it's like I've known her my entire life. We sit and talk for hours. My grandma tells me she’s an actress, but hasn’t acted in years. When I ask about my mom and why they don’t talk, she shows me a picture of Bianca. She’s dressed as a starlet, holding a trophy. Betty says it’s her Rising Star Award, she won it at sixteen.
“She never told me.”
“When she met your father she gave up her dreams for his. I fought hard to make her see what she was doing, but your father was determined to have a trophy wife on his arm and your mother would do anything to please him.”
I sit and listen to my grandma tell me about a mom that I don’t even know. The last thing Betty says to me that day is something I will never forget. “Follow only your dreams, Liam.”
<
br /> One phone call and a few hours changed my life and it’s questionable whether that change was for the best.
I could be living happily with Noah now, raising him and coaching his football team. Josie would be my wife. I was going to marry that girl and she knew it. Hell, our parents knew it and mine hated it. They didn’t like that Josie’s parents didn’t have the social status they did and didn’t belong to the stuffy country club, but I didn’t care. That girl rocked my world.
And I’m willing to bet she still does.
I decide to clean Katelyn’s truck. I don’t want her messing with the broken beer bottles and I certainly don’t want the twins climbing in the back and cutting themselves. This is the least I can do for her after she’s opened her heart and home to me.
Last night, holding her, for the first time I felt like I could belong somewhere. I could be me without having to put on a show. Like Liam Westbury could exist again, but maybe this time I could combine him with Liam Page.
Just as I finish sweeping up the glass and disposing of it, the alarm on my phone goes off. I know it’s telling me that Noah’s game is about to start and I need to make a decision. Do I go and risk Josie getting pissed? Or do I go and show my boy that while I may not be around, I do intend to keep my word?
I make the only decision possible.
My bike rumbles as I hit the starter wishing I had kept the rental or at least had my truck. I wonder if my parents kept my truck. I could go ask, but that means visiting and I’m not so sure I’m ready to face them yet. I wasn’t in Los Angeles three days before my dad had my truck taken away. I’m sure Sterling and Bianca Westbury won’t be so glad to see their straight-laced son show up on a motorcycle with his tattoos showing. But then again maybe a trip to the country club is in order.
The drive through town is becoming familiar. I used to dream of these streets at night until my dreams just became hazy and convoluted. After a while you just forget. You forget that old lady Williams never takes down her Christmas decorations even though the town begs her to do it. You forget that the whole town shuts down for Friday night football. People don’t forget you though and what you’ve done, both on the field and off.
Forever My Girl (The Beaumont Series) Page 6