by Sarah Price
His words cut through Susie and she immediately froze, her hand in midair as she stared at her younger brother. “She’s what?”
He nodded his head, oblivious to the scowl that crossed his sister’s face. “Ja,” he said, wiping his hands on his black work pants. White smears of flour were left behind. “Said she needed to lie down a spell.”
Pressing her lips together, Susie breathed in heavily. How often could Lydia be sick? If it weren’t a headache or extra fatigue, it would be heart palpitations or stomach pains. Everyone knew that her real problem was in her head. If only she would stop fretting so about having a boppli, the good Lord would surely show Lydia the way. He always provided. Didn’t Matthew 6:26 say it best? Look at the birds of the air, that they do not sow, nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not worth much more than they?
“That’s it!”
Tobias jumped at Susie’s exclamation. He backed away as Susie stormed out of the kitchen and into the storefront. She could feel his presence, following behind her, his curiosity surely piqued.
“Leah!”
Her older sister had been checking voice messages and held up one finger to silence Susie as she jotted down notes on a scrap piece of paper. When she finished, she pressed a button on the machine and turned to face Susie, a look of concern on her face. “Ja?”
“I’ve had it with sister Lydia! I can’t do all this by myself!”
Susie watched as Leah took a deep breath and braced herself for the news. “Now what?” Leah asked.
“She’s left again!” Susie tossed her hands into the air. “Just like that! Stormed off, went home, doesn’t feel well. You know the story. I can’t have this. It’s too much stress put on my shoulders and it’s just not fair.”
“No,” Leah admitted. “No it’s not.”
“And I have church service next week,” Susie admitted, her shoulders hunching forward. She felt heaviness on her chest and emotion in her throat. She glanced over her shoulder at Tobias and frowned. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Leah motion him to return to the kitchen, to leave them in peace.
“We will help you, Susie,” Leah said as she walked forward. “Mayhaps we ought to close the store for a few days. It seems we all could be using a break.”
Blinking her eyes to hold back the tears, Susie shook her head. “Nee,” she replied, feeling her own pulse quicken. While something had to be done about Lydia, they had too much on the line with those two big orders in the upcoming weeks. They needed every willing hand to make sure that they were able to deliver what they promised. Closing wasn’t an option. “That’s not fair to the tourists. Not fair to Laverne.”
“Oh hogwash!” Leah scoffed. “Laverne is understanding. If we give her enough notice…”
And then the floodgates opened. Susie felt the tears sliding down her cheeks and, despite her embarrassment at openly crying, she didn’t try to stop them. “It’s not that,” she cried. “I can’t stay home. I just can’t.”
Leah frowned, clearly not understanding what her sister was saying.
“It’s Merv,” Susie admitted, her eyes on the floor. “He’s so upset with me. All the time.” With a finger covered in flour, she wiped at her eyes. “Constantly criticizing. Constantly putting me down.”
Leah placed her hand on Susie’s arm and forced her to look up. “What are you saying, Susie?”
“Oh, I pray at night,” she said, a heartsick smile on her lips. “I get down on my knees and pray that Merv will change. I loved him so much at one point in time, of that I’m sure.” The words sounded horrid to her ears and she suddenly felt regrets at having spoken them out loud. “Mayhaps I could love him once again,” she whispered. “If only he’d let go of his anger.”
Her sister caught her breath and lifted her chin, staring at Susie with fierce eyes. “You need to speak to the bishop.”
The words had barely slipped through Leah’s lips before Susie grabbed at her hand. “Nee!” She held Leah’s hand tightly. “You must promise to never tell anyone.”
“But...”
“Promise!”
Leah frowned. Susie knew exactly what her sister was thinking. How could she not? It wasn’t often that such things were heard of, although one would have to assume that it was merely because marital problems were kept private and not shared; not even with extended family. Only once in her life time had she heard of a bishop getting involved with a couple who seemed to be having issues. But those issues involved something worse than just harsh words and anger. Alcohol had been involved. If Susie recalled properly, the husband worked among the Englische at a construction company and was too often tempted by the non-Amish workers who would drink at a bar after their day’s work. The guilt of breaking the Ordnung must have weighed heavily on the husband and he took it out on his wife. After strict counseling with the bishop and a change of employment for the husband, the problem seemed to have ultimately disappeared.
But alcohol was not involved in their problem, Susie told herself. It was Merv’s horrible temper and hostile anger toward her. The root of his problem? She truly didn’t know. But going to the bishop would surely create even more issues. Merv would be humiliated and embarrassed. She shuddered to think of how he would react should the bishop decide to take action and confront him.
“Why don’t you go home early, then? Sadie can finish up the baking, ja?”
Susie shook her head. “Nee,” she replied. “That’s the last thing I want. Being here makes me right happy, even if Lydia is so unreliable.”
Leah
The last tour bus had just left the parking lot, the sound of its noisy diesel engine fading the further away it went. Leah watched from the store’s window, a strong wave of fatigue washing over her. It had been a long day and she was both physically and mentally drained. She needed to close up the shop and head over to the store to pick up some supplies for next week and to place a bulk order for the upcoming wedding and convention.
She had arranged for Michelle to pick her up at four-thirty and only had a few minutes to prepare. Quickly moving to the kitchen, she accidentally ran into Susie who was hurrying past the door, carrying a batch of fresh-made whoopie pies. With a gasp, Leah watched as the whoopie pies tumbled to the ground.
“Oh help!” Leah said, steadying Susie before she bent down to start picking them up. “Didn’t see you there, Susie. Let me help you with those.”
“Ach vell, all is gut,” Susie replied, avoiding Leah’s eyes as she crouched down beside her and helped. “At least these were wrapped.” She stood back up and placed the whoopie pies on the counter. “It wouldn’t be the first batch I have ruined today. Mayhaps Lydia is right,” she sighed. “Mayhaps I have flies rattling ‘round in my head.”
Leah wished that she had some words of encouragement for her sister. But she knew not what to say. She could not begin to imagine the hardship of living with an angry man who never had a kind word to speak in her direction. “Never you mind, Lydia. You have no such flies in your head. But I am concerned for you. Why have you not left? The baking should have already been finished an hour ago. Sadie is gone, ja?” Leah asked, looking around the room.
“Ja, she left about thirty minutes ago. That child wears herself out sometimes. She is looking pale, ja?” replied Susie.
Leah didn’t have time to answer for she heard the honking of the car horn. Grabbing her handbag, she headed toward the door. “Michelle is again right on time. I will see you in the morning Susie. Don’t forget to lock up and we’ll talk more about…” She hesitated, not quite certain of how to refer to the news that Susie had shared. “…your situation tomorrow, ja?”
Outside on the porch, Leah breathed in the fresh air, still smelling of fresh baked goods emanating from the store. She hurried down the porch steps and over to the vehicle, which Michelle had already turned around ,waiting for Leah. Opening the door and climbing into Michelle’s mini-van, Leah let out a sigh. How good it felt to be in
side a cool place! Despite her love of the Amish culture and religion, the only ones that she knew, she certainly wouldn’t have minded the Ordnung permitting air conditioning during the hotter months, especially in a place where so much baking was involved!
“Hey there, I have the air on for you. I figured you would like something to cool you off after being in that hot bakery,” Michelle said, a smile on her face and a twinkle in her eyes. “I have no clue as to how you and your sisters can work in such heat. Won’t the Bishop allow you to have air conditioning in the bakery? It is a business, after all, and would be helpful to the customer’s comfort.”
“We tried that with the bishop. We were lucky enough to have permission for electricity to run the kitchen appliances!” Leah said, shaking her head. “I reckon that if the customers complained, that would be one thing. But we’re too successful to argue that the hot air keeps them away.”
Leah and Michelle’s relationship was an odd one. Michelle was an Englischer and the driver for a lot of the local Amish community. From the time they had met as young girls, when Michelle would sometimes ride along with her father who drove for the Amish community to support his family, the two young girls shared a friendship of closeness. Neither understanding the other’s way of living, they agreed to disagree on most things. But Leah knew that she could always count on Michelle. Not just to arrive on time, but to be a good and faithful friend.
Reaching behind her seat, Michelle swerved on the road. As she did, Leah grabbed the handle to hold on and glanced at Michelle. The Englischer seemed oblivious to the momentary panic that her companion had felt as she handed a folder to Leah.
“This is the information you asked me about when you requested a ride. I did a quick search on Google and came up with a few things. A lot of it is over my head in understanding. Why they can’t just put things in simple language is beyond me.”
As Michelle continued to rattle on about the Internet and all of its good and bad points, Leah opened the folder. Reading over the contents, she became engrossed in what she was reading and, without knowing it, ignored her friend.
“You haven’t heard a word I have said, Leah Mast! What’s going on?” Michelle asked, placing a hand on her friend’s arm to get her attention. “Something is wrong and I can tell just by the look on your face. Something amiss with Tobias? Is he sick again?” She paused, a stern look on her face. “Leah, what are you not saying?”
Looking up from the paper in her hand, she looked at Michelle. Knowing that of all the people around her, Leah could trust her. “Ach, I think he is, Michelle. I’ve seen signs that do not please me,” she admitted. “It gives me cause to believe that possibly his sickness has returned. I cannot thank you enough for getting this information to me. To find time to read these before anyone sees them will be a challenge, for sure and certain.”
“You do carry the weight of your family on your heart and shoulders, Leah. What can I do to help? Does he need to see the doctor? Can I help you get him to one? I have a cousin in the Cincinnati area that works at the Cincinnati Children’s hospital. Perhaps she can recommend a doctor there?”
“Yes, I do need your help. I need to take him to the doctor but I fear Cincinnati would be too far. Mayhaps a local one?” responded Leah.
Michelle pulled her mini-van into the parking lot of Walnut Creek Cheese, one of the local bulk stores in Holmes County. Frequented by all the locals, Amish and English, as well as the tourists, on some days, the parking lot at Walnut Creek was chock full of horse and buggies, tour buses and automobiles. Today was no exception. Getting out of the van, Leah noticed one of Laverne’s tour buses. Leah guessed that Laverne had brought the Nebraska group to shop for some meats and cheeses, which were a specialty here.
Completing her shopping for the bakery and a few things for home as well, Leah unloaded her cart of goods into the back of Michelle’s van. A woman, who was obviously a tourist, began taking pictures of Leah. Turning her head to prevent this, Leah noticed that the lady was getting closer. Covering her face, she asked nicely for the woman to stop taking her picture.
“I just want one good picture. What’s wrong with that?” the lady spouted harshly at Leah. “You Amish make money off the tourists here but act like we are villains when we just want to take your picture.”
Hearing the harsh words addressed at her friend, Michelle jumped out of the van, quickly helping Leah load her groceries into the van.
“Get in, I’ll get these groceries.” Michelle told Leah.
“No, I’ll not. These are my groceries and I will continue,” she whispered back. “But thank you anyway.” She glanced over her shoulder. “She’s leaving anyway.”
Getting into the van when they were ready to leave, the two women just looked at each other. Not sure whether to laugh or cry, they began laughing.
“Some tourists sure do rub me the wrong way,” Michelle said, looking at Leah.
“Ja, me too, I reckon. At least some of the time, but there are so many nice people that come. We cannot let one bad apple spoil the whole bushel,” Leah admitted. “I will say that I would have loved to have stuck my tongue out at her. That would give her a good picture of the Amish lady. Ja?”
Once back at the bakery, Michelle turned serious.
“Here, take this. It’s the name of a local doctor. I want you to take Tobias there to see this doctor. I took my son to him once and I really like him. He comes highly recommended. I took the liberty of calling and making an appointment and I have cleared my schedule so that I can drive you. If that’s not okay with you, I will call and cancel it. “
Studying the piece of paper Michelle had given to her, she saw that Michelle had done just that: made Tobias an appointment. A rush of emotion overcame Leah. Although she suspected Tobias wasn’t feeling well, knowing she was taking him to the doctor made it more of a reality. Leah looked up at her friend, fighting the urge to cry. It wasn’t proper to show such emotion. “Thank you, Michelle,” she finally said, folding the paper and slipping it into her handbag. “This appointment date will be right gut.”
Sadie
As the afternoon turned into evening, Sadie stared in the small mirror that hung on the wall of her bedroom. Her brown hair peeked out from beneath her prayer kapp and her large, gentle eyes stared back at her. She gave a big sigh as she glanced at the door, making certain that it was still shut tight. The last thing she wanted was anyone to walk into the room. Not now.
Standing in front of the small mirror, she raised her hands to feel her breasts. It took her a second to find the small, round spot, but when she did, she felt the sharp, shooting pain throughout her right breast and moving into her left one. Wincing, she quickly dropped her hands and squeezed her eyes shut, willing the pain to go away.
It had been ten days since she had first noticed the tenderness in that area. She had never felt such swollen, tender pain in her breasts, not even during her monthly cycle. She had hoped it would go away, hoped that it was normal. She was afraid to ask her sisters. No, she corrected herself. She was embarrassed. And now, it was so tender and painful that she could ignore it no longer.
Oh, she had tried. Tried to ignore the way that it bothered her. Tried to ignore how she was feeling inside, especially in the early evenings. And the mornings? They were just dreadful. But she had pushed herself, knowing that one glimpse into Manny’s eyes would correct all that was wrong with this. He loved her. She knew that he did. And after his surprise visit? That had made her feel as if she walked on top of the clouds for the rest of the day.
But she also knew that she had waited long enough. Too much longer and there would be nothing else to do. At least she suspected as much. She didn’t know a lot about these things but time was important when it came to certain medical issues. And this was one of them. Manny loved her enough that he would understand…would stand by her side, she reasoned. After all, hadn’t he practically asked her about getting married?
Sadie glanced in the mirror one last ti
me before she took a deep breath and hurried out of the room.
Once downstairs, she quickly crossed the kitchen floor and slipped out of the backdoor. She didn’t want to bump into Leah for she was always so inquisitive about her comings’ and goings’. The last thing that Sadie wanted was to have to voice her concerns for herself. Leah had too much to worry about, with running the business, raising their youngest brother, Tobias, and tending to her own family’s needs.
The store had closed over an hour ago. It always closed at four. Sadie glanced around and thought that she saw her oldest sister wandering down the path to the pond that was just over the hill. Sadie knew that Leah frequently went to the pond to sit and think in the afternoons before evening chores. It was the perfect time for Sadie to steal into the store without fear of being disturbed.
She opened the door to the store and hurried to the front counter. With a quick glance over her shoulder to make certain no one had spied her, she slipped around the display case and walked over to the cash register. Her heart was pounding and she had to take a few long, deep breaths in order to calm herself.
It had been too long that she had been procrastinating. Too long that she had put off doing this. Yet, Sadie knew that she had no choice.
She reached out a shaking hand toward the register and then paused. For days, she had been mentally yelling at herself, convincing herself that she had to simply do it. Today, she knew that she no longer had time left to delay.
Shutting her eyes, she said a quick silent prayer before reaching down to pick up the receiver of the telephone on the far side of the register. It felt cold in her hand and she tried to steady her finger as she dialed the number that she knew by heart.
On the other end of the line, there was a brief silence before she heard the sound of ringing. Once, twice. And then a friendly female voice answered the phone with a cheerful “Good evening, Dr. Lohman’s office.”