by Sarah Price
She pressed the button and light illuminated the room.
“Sadie Miller,” she said, staring up at the startled face of her sister. “I do believe that we need to have that talk, ja?”
Sadie’s hand hovered over the banister, her eyes wide as she stared at Leah, an expression of surprise on her face. Her mouth fell open, but she remained silent.
“I thought so,” Leah said softly. She gestured toward the table. “Let’s go, Sadie. Have a seat.”
For a moment, Leah thought Sadie was going to ignore her. She hesitated, her eyes glancing at the door. Leah didn’t know what she would do if Sadie merely walked out, ignoring her request to sit down. She said a quick prayer to God, asking Him to help her through this confrontation.
To her relief, Sadie finally walked to the table and settled on the bench where the kinner usually sat down for meals. She folded her hands and placed them on her lap, not looking at Leah as she waited. The silence in the room hung between them, for a long, drawn out minute.
With a deep breath, Leah found the courage to begin talking. From somewhere, deep within her heart, she found the words that she needed to say. “Been noticing some things, Sadie,” Leah said slowly. “Sneaking out of the house, skirting your duties, ignoring your chores.”
Sadie continued staring straight ahead, her eyes narrow and an angry expression becoming apparent on her face.
“And I noticed you been sick a lot,” Leah added. “Something you want to tell me?”
Silence.
Leah sighed. “You can’t hide this forever, Sadie,” she said. “People are going to find out.”
Sadie snapped her head so that she stared directly at Leah. “Find. Out. What?” Her words came out in a short, clipped tone, each word measured and terse.
“Lydia told me,” Leah sighed, reaching out to touch her hand. “She told me about the boppli.”
“Ah,” Sadie said, leaning back and tapping her fingers against the tabletop. “Boppli. Do you mean Jacob’s boppli? The one that you never told any of us about? The one conceived during his rumschpringe and concealed from all of us? Or do you mean the one that Lydia’s telling everyone that I’m supposedly having? The insulting, disgusting lie that is being spread around the g’may? You mean that boppli?”
It was Leah’s turn for her mouth to drop.
“That’s right. A lie!” Despite Sadie’s best intention, tears flooded her eyes. She wiped at them with the palm of her hand, hating the fact that she cried. The depth of hurt was too great to not cry. “And people believed it! That’s the most painful part of it.” She laughed, a hollow noise filled with misery. “They believed that I would do something like that!”
“But…but the sickness and doctors…”
“You want to know the truth?” Sadie stood up, her hands resting on the edge of the table. “I’m not pregnant, Leah.” She leaned forward, her face inches from the stunned Leah. “That’s right. All that speculation, all that concern, all the looks from the people in the schoolhouse. Why? Because they believed gossip? They believed Lydia?” Standing up straight, she scoffed. “They think I am the sinner. How ironic! If they only knew the truth, they’d be the ones begging for forgiveness!”
The truth? Leah caught her breath. If Sadie wasn’t pregnant, why was she always so tired and sick? Clearly there was more to this story and it was time that Leah heard it. “What is going on, Sadie? Tell me, schwester.”
The softness of Leah’s words and the worried look upon her face brought Sadie back to the present. “The truth, Leah, is that I have breast cancer.” And with those words, she exhaled loudly, the fight leaving her. She felt as if a weight was lifted off her shoulders. “That’s right. Cancer.” The word tasted as awful as it sounded.
“Oh Sadie,” Leah whispered.
Once again, she wiped at her eyes with the palm of her hand, trying to garner the strength to continue. Somehow she found it. “After all the good things that I do, the hard work and dedication, my faith in God and His word, people still believed something that Lydia said. Something so awful that the bishop came to visit me, to chastise me, and council me on the evils of my ways.”
Leah averted her eyes, the shame of the moment apparent in her expression. “I had no idea.”
“Of course you didn’t,” Sadie snapped, the anger returned. “Everyone focused on Tobias and then the tornado came. Finally, the revealing of the great secret about Jacob. No one had time to listen. And when you heard the lie…that awful, disgusting lie… from Lydia…of all people…you believed her.” She shook her head, amazed at the unfolding of events.
“We were wrong,” Leah offered as an explanation. “I never suspected…” She left the sentence unsaid.
“You believed her!” Sadie hissed from between clenched teeth. “Everyone believed her. Including Manny! Do you think I didn’t notice that he has not stopped by once to see me since the tornado? And you weren’t there at the schoolhouse meeting! Not one woman would look at me.” A morbid laugh escaped her lips. “Oh they believed Lydia all right! Only this time, you all were wrong and I’m not certain whether or not the truth is any better than the lies!”
“I’m so terribly sorry.”
This time, the tears flowed freely. Sadie sobbed and covered her face with her hands, ashamed of herself for crying. She let Leah stand and embrace her, holding her while she released the pent-up emotions of the past few weeks.
“We’ll get through this,” Leah said, holding Sadie and rubbing her back as if she were a child. “We’ll get through this together, Sadie. I promise.”
Whoopie Pie Place
Hanging up the phone receiver, Leah took a deep breath and closed her eyes. She exhaled and whispered a silent prayer to God, thanking Him for His everlasting love and support: In everything give thanks: for this is the will of God in Jesus Christ concerning you.
“Well?”
Leah opened her eyes and glanced over her shoulder. Susie had left the horse and buggy, despite Leah asking her to wait there. They had stopped at the neighbor’s house to borrow the telephone one more time. Her first call was to the doctor’s office. She demanded an appointment with Dr. Conceicao, knowing that too much time already slipped by with Sadie harboring her secret.
After that call, Leah looked through her pocket for the index card with the number to the convention center. She needed to talk to her contact there, to know that everything was all right and that the woman still wanted the order fulfilled by the Miller sisters and not Laverne. The answer to that question would determine whether or not Thomas would go to pick up the bulk supplies that she had ordered the previous week. If so, there was a lot of work ahead of them to organize the supplies for distribution throughout their g’may.
“You never did listen well,” Leah quipped, the lightness of her tone answering any question that Susie might have. With a broad smile, Leah announced, “They aren’t giving the business to Laverne. In fact, they sounded rather relieved to hear that we had a plan.”
“Praise God!” Susie whispered.
“I just did.”
Susie laughed. “Is that what you were doing?”
Leah sighed as she started walking back toward the barn, resting her arm across Susie’s shoulders. “It just goes to show that the devil is not stronger than the Lord.” She paused, her thoughts going back to Sadie. “This time,” she added softly.
Leah knew that the time would come to discuss Sadie’s medical problem with the entire family. Now, however, was not that time. Other more pressing issues needed to be addressed first, starting with a confrontation, one that had been a long time coming.
“Now, I have another problem to address and, I sure would like you with me, Susie,” Leah said, her lips pursed together as she controlled her temper. “We need to take a ride over to Lydia’s. I need a word with that girl.”
When Leah stopped the horse in the driveway, the buggy coming to a rest at the hitching ring on the side of the barn, she was surprised to see anoth
er buggy already there. From the looks of the reflectors on the back of it, she immediately recognized who it belonged to: the bishop.
What was it Sadie had said earlier? The bishop had been to speak to her?
“Oh help,” she muttered as she stepped on the break and, with her eyes on the house, slid open the buggy door and hurried toward the house. She didn’t look back to see if Susie kept up. Her focus was on the house and what she feared was being said on the other side of the door.
Without knocking, Leah burst into the house. She stopped when she saw the bishop standing before Lydia, his hat in hand and his head bowed. Lydia sat on the sofa, her hands covering her face and her shoulders heaving as she cried. Both Abe and the bishop turned to look at her, surprised at her sudden appearance.
“What’s going on here?” Leah insisted. Behind her, Susie was out of breath and staring, wide-eyed as she peered over Leah’s shoulder.
Abe took a deep breath and gestured for her to join them. “You best be hearing this, Leah,” he said. “Impacts the whole family now.”
A chill spread throughout her body.
The bishop leveled steely eyes at Leah. He reached up and ran his hand over his long white beard before he spoke. “Lydia has sinned,” he said in calculated tones. “She has spread gossip among the people, causing dissension among the g’may and harm to another’s reputation.”
“Bishop, I…”
He held up his hand, stopping her mid-sentence. “I feel for you, Leah. I know this will cause hardship for the family. But this is not the first time that I’ve spoken with your schwester. Unfortunately,” he paused, returning this attention to Lydia. “It will be the last. I have spoken with the other leaders of the church and it has been decided. Lydia is under the Meidung.”
“Shunned?” Leah blurted out the word, the shock too great to bear. She knew that Lydia was troubled, seeking attention through her illnesses, whether real or imaginary. But to be shunned? To be rejected by her own community to the point that nobody could acknowledge her any longer? For the Amish it meant being all but invisible to the people nearest and dearest to them.
Lydia lifted her head, staring at Leah through her tears. “Help me, Schwester! Tell him the truth! Sadie should be shunned, not me!”
Lydia’s words tore through Leah. Always the victim, Leah thought bitterly. Straightening her shoulders, Leah returned her sister’s cry for help with a cold look. The bishop spoke true: it would be a hardship on the family, in more ways than one. But she had brought it on herself. “I understand, Bishop,” Leah heard herself say.
Shunned. Until Lydia repented and confessed before the g’may, before the g’may would decide about accepting her back, no one would talk to Lydia. She was to be avoided, non-existent to the family. She couldn’t help with the baking for Whoopie Pie Place. She couldn’t eat at the same table as them or join in fellowship. In all ways, Lydia was no longer part of the community and family.
“Leah!” Lydia cried out.
Lifting her chin, Leah ignored her distraught sister and kept her gaze focused on the bishop. “And I best be telling you that we’ll be needing extra prayers for our family.” She took a deep breath, knowing that the truth had to be told. “Sadie has the cancer, Bishop. She told me this morning.”
Behind her, Leah heard Susie gasp. Leah reached out to take Susie’s hand in hers.
“She’s been sick, all right. But bearing the burden of this illness on her own,” Leah added. Selfless Sadie, always the one to suffer in silence.
The bishop’s face paled, but his expression did not change. He clenched his teeth, the muscles twitching in his face. Leah didn’t need to be a mind reader to know what he thought and felt. Most likely, he felt the same way Leah did earlier that morning in the darkness when Sadie shared her secret: ashamed.
“I’ll spread the word,” the bishop finally said. “We’ll be there to support her.”
Leah nodded, understanding what he meant. Lydia’s accusations must have traveled far and wide. Damage control was in order and the bishop knew that he was just the person to do it. The truth shall set you free, Leah thought bitterly, her eyes turning one last time to the defeated form of her sister, sitting on the sofa as she sobbed.
Leah
Neither Susie nor Leah spoke during the buggy ride back to the Miller’s farm. Twice Leah glanced at Susie, knowing that she was shocked by the news of Sadie’s health issue. It wasn’t the way that Leah wanted Susie to learn about Sadie, but she knew that it was high time that word spread throughout the community. There were an awful lot of people who needed to beg forgiveness in prayer, including herself.
After Sadie shared the news with her that morning, Leah spent an hour alone, in the fading darkness of dawn with a pen and paper before her. She made a list of all the things that she needed to do that day. Already she could check off three items: confirm the order, confront Lydia, and send Thomas for the bulk supplies.
There was still a lot more to do and all of it in a short period of time. Getting the supplies to the women who offered their help was next on the list. Then, when the rest of her day was cleared, Leah needed to find out, exactly, what the treatment plan was for Sadie. That would entail a trip to the hospital and, most likely, a lot of waiting for doctors to have a spare minute.
By the time Thomas returned from the store with the supplies, it was almost eleven o’clock. She had been waiting for an hour, the boxes lined up on the floor and a handwritten list already prepared for each of the women who had volunteered to help. The only thing missing was Sadie.
“Have you seen Sadie out there?” she asked Jacob when he brought in the first forty-pound bag of flour and dropped it on the floor by the table. Leah wanted to tell her about their appointment at two o’clock.
“Nee,” he said, averting his eyes from Leah’s.
His humbled demeanor became him, Leah thought. Gone was the haughty attitude. In its place was this new Jacob, a quiet and helpful one that seemed more reflective and less bossy. For the moment, it was a welcomed change, even if Leah knew that the root cause weighed heavily on his mind.
Tobias would be home soon and Jacob would have no choice but to face the boy. It was up to Esther, Leah realized, as to whether or not Tobias would be told the truth. And, if Tobias were informed, certainly the rest of the g’may would learn of Jacob’s indiscretion fifteen years ago.
“Esther helping out or still in bed?” she asked, her tone sharp. There was no use trying to hide her irritation from her brother.
“Bed.” The single word spoke of the tension residing in Jacob’s house.
Leah sighed, frustrated. She needed Esther’s help to sort through the supplies and organize everything into boxes. Susie had helped out already that morning, but had needed to return home to make dinner for Merv. Given the recent discovery of his drinking problem, regardless of his vow to stop sneaking alcohol, Leah suspected her sister wanted to keep an eye on her husband.
Without Lydia, Susie, and Sadie to lend a hand, Esther’s assistance was more important than ever. “I’ve just about had it with your fraa,” she said under her breath. “I’m heading over to have a word with her.”
He looked skeptical and reached out to grab Leah’s arm. “Mayhaps best to leave her be for now. Get Sadie to help out.” When he said his youngest sister’s name, he frowned as if realizing that she was missing. “Where is she, anyway? Haven’t seen her in two days!”
Leah yanked her arm free and stared back at Jacob, a cold look in her eyes. “You leave Sadie be, now. She’s resting and I told her she could. She’s got a lot on her mind and has no business helping us out today.”
When he lifted an eyebrow, Leah felt the urge to snap at him. She suspected what he thought. The irony of his scorn hit her like someone had thrown a rock at her. But she knew better than to let her temper get the best of her. Instead of retorting to his gesture, she merely scowled and stormed out of the room, headed toward Jacob’s side of the house.
It was high time someone had a stern talk with that woman, Leah told herself. She needed to get herself out of bed and back into life. After all, Esther had her own dochder to take care of and the family needed her help. All of the family. It certainly wasn’t as though Leah, Susie, and Sadie weren’t facing their own problems. But life went on. Everyone had to pull their own weight and it was high time Esther started doing her share.
As she pushed through the front door of Jacob’s house, she took a deep breath before heading toward his bedroom. With all of her suppressed emotions from the past few weeks, this was one conversation that Leah was actually looking forward to having.
Susie
When she returned from Leah’s, she hadn’t expected to see Merv’s mamm at the house. After all, Dora was supposed to be watching the kinner at her own home while Susie helped at the Miller farm. That was the way that it usually worked. She sure hoped that something hadn’t happened or that Dora wanted to drop the kinner home earlier than usual for Susie needed to return to the family farm after she checked on Merv.
A sense of dread fell over her as she stepped through the side door. After all that they had been through and the small advances toward healing, she didn’t want to face the reality that Dora might be there because Merv relapsed. The last thing she wanted was to face the bishop with yet one more problem from the Miller family.
“Hello?” she called out as she set her handbag by the back door.
The smell of fresh cooked chicken greeted her. Slowly, she walked toward the kitchen door and peeked through the glass window. On the other side, the table was set and both little Gid and Sylvia were sitting on the bench, their legs swinging back and forth as they waited for their dinner. Little David sat in booster seat on a chair, playing with a carved wooden figure of a horse.