After several minutes of concentrating on breathing evenly, his rigid muscles relaxed a bit. Yeah, the tension had eased off, but what the hell had triggered the flashback in the first place? His mind skimmed over the last twenty-four hours and there was nothing. His shift had been routine and quiet-- just like most of his shifts here in London. One kitchen fire that had set off the alarm but that the homeowner had brought under control, one hiking and two boating related injuries-- none serious, and a cat that required rescuing from a tree-- or at least the pet owner had thought so. The cat-- not so much.
A frown pulled down his brows. He’d thought the flashbacks, the anxiety attacks were a thing of the past as he hadn’t suffered one since moving to London two months ago. Damn it, he hated that even a year after that hellish fire he could still get ambushed like that. Still relive those intense, terrifying feelings. Still feel like he couldn’t move. Couldn’t breathe. Like a nightmare even though he wasn’t asleep. He still did suffer the occasional nightmare, which was bad enough, but having a flashback during the day… that was unusual. And he didn’t like it one damn bit.
He glanced quickly around. Thank God no one had entered the locker room. While the Chicago fire wasn’t any secret, he’d never told anyone about the attacks or his nightmares and he sure as hell had no intention of starting now. Based on his emergency medical training as well as the research he’d done online, he knew stress and anxiety were common after traumatic episodes. And God knows that night had been traumatic--
He ruthlessly cut off the thought and grabbed the soap and lathered up, refusing to wince when his hand brushed over the scar on his side. His body no longer hurt, only the memory. And only if he allowed it to. And he wasn’t going to let it. He wasn’t in Chicago any longer. No more big city. This was London, Georgia. Small town. Small buildings.
No high rises.
A shudder ran through him and he pushed away the remnants of the haunting thoughts. He was just tired. Even though his shift had been routine, he hadn’t gotten much rest. Nothing wrong with him that a few extra z’s wouldn’t cure.
He rinsed off the soap then stood beneath the hot spray for several more minutes, allowing the heat and rising steam to relax away the last of the tension knotting his muscles. After he shut the water, his gaze flicked to the clock. Damn, it was later than he’d thought.
“Better get your ass in gear,” he muttered, snagging his towel. He had plans this morning. And if things went the way he wanted, the way he hoped, his entire forty-eight hours off would be busy.
He quickly dressed in jeans and a black T-shirt. Grabbing his duffle, he exited the locker area and headed down the hallway leading to the main room. Voices drifted toward him along with the familiar firehouse scents he’d loved since he was a kid and was first introduced to them by his dad, a fireman in their hometown just outside Chicago. That citrusy tang of the cleaner the guys used to keep the equipment and bays spotless. And that distinctive mixture of automotive smells-- rubber tires and motor oil.
He pulled in a deep breath, then sniffed the air and winced at the underlying odor of burnt bacon. Uh oh. Dave Pearce was on kitchen duty this morning and although he was a great guy and a great friend, the dude was not a great-- or even a good-- cook. He and Dave had met five years ago when Dave was in Chicago visiting relatives. He’d happened upon the firehouse while out exploring the city and had stopped in. Liam, just off duty, offered to show him around. They’d hit it off and been friends ever since. Two years ago Liam attended his buddy’s wedding in London and had basically fallen in love with the place. Woods, mountains, lakes, hiking and biking trails, gorgeous scenery, peace and quiet-- who could ask for anything more? He’d already been mulling the possibility of leaving Chicago and all the pressures of the big city when the high rise fire occurred. In the aftermath of that tragedy, after a lot of soul searching, he’d sent in an application to the London Fire and Rescue.
Liam continued down the hall then paused in the kitchen doorway. Dave stood in front of the stove. Over his clothes he wore an apron emblazoned with the words Firemen Have Big Hoses. He held a smoking frying pan and was shaking his head.
“Want me to call the fire department?” Liam asked. “Or do you and your big hose have it covered?”
Dave shot him the Death Stare. “Oh, you’re a riot. How about giving me a hand here? If I poison the entire shift I’ll probably get fired.”
Liam crossed to the fridge and pulled out another package of bacon and set it on the counter. “Would serve them right for letting you anywhere near the kitchen. How is it they didn’t learn their lesson the last time-- when you served those omelets that looked like incinerated Frisbees?”
“I guess all the melted cheese and hot chili peppers I piled on top disguised the burnt parts.”
Liam considered then nodded. “There’s no such thing as too much cheese and hot peppers.”
“That’s all I’m sayin’,” Dave agreed. Then he frowned. “Hey, man, you okay? You look a little… I don’t know. Pale. You sick?”
Damn. Clearly the remnants of his flashback still lingered. And of course Dave-- who knew him like a brother-- would notice. Liam gave a laugh he hoped didn’t sound as forced as it felt. “I’m good. Must be the lighting in here.” He assuaged his conscience by telling himself that he really was fine. Certainly he wasn’t sick. Plus, the kitchen’s huge overhead florescent lights would make even a devout sun worshipper appear washed-out.
“Glad you’re okay.” Dave slid the burned bacon onto a platter. The strips looked like wrinkled black shoelaces. “Wanna stick around for breakfast?”
“Tempting as that sounds, I’m outta here. Places to go, people to see, all that jazz.”
A knowing look came into Dave’s eyes and he grinned. “Uh huh. Bet I know where you’re going and who you plan to see.”
Liam moved to the stove and lowered the heat. “You wouldn’t scorch stuff if you didn’t turn the burner on ‘high.’”
“Changing the subject, huh?”
“No, just trying to save the poor guys on this shift from unnecessary gastro-intestinal distress.” He headed back toward the doorway. “Hope it’s a quiet and safe one for you. Say hi to Melanie for me. How’s she feeling?”
“You know that saying ‘happy wife, happy life?’”
“Yeah.”
“Well, there should be another one-- very pregnant, very uncomfortable, very tired, very swollen, and very cranky wife-- not so happy life.”
“You’re full of crap and you know it. Beautiful wife who, for reasons that remain a mystery, adores you, plus a baby on the way-- you’re so happy you practically throw off glowing rays of sunshine.” Liam squinted at him. “I’ll be damned--I think I actually see little bluebirds of happiness flying in circles around your head. Oh, wait-- that’s just a halo of burned bacon smoke.”
“Wow, you’re a regular comedian this morning,” Dave grumbled, but the effect was ruined by the wide grin splitting his face. “I am one lucky bastard, aren’t I?”
“The luckiest.” And Liam sincerely meant that, which genuinely surprised him. Not that he didn’t wish his buddy every happiness-- of course he did. It’s just that not too long ago that definition of happiness had been a bachelor lifestyle including no strings sex with a revolving door of hot babes. Then, a little over two years ago Dave had met Melanie and whammo. Dave had fallen like the proverbial ton of bricks. They’d married four months later and Dave had been as happy as a pig rolling in mud ever since.
“You could be that lucky, too, you know,” Dave said.
“And give up smokin’ hot sex with smokin’ hot women? No, thanks,” Liam said with a laugh. But the laugh felt forced. As did the words. They somehow seemed more like what he was expected to say rather than how he truly felt.
“Dude, I didn’t give up smokin’ hot sex. How do you think Melanie got pregnant?”
“If Melanie heard you talking about your sex life she’d kick your ass to outer space.”
“A remark that would also get your ass kicked.”
Dave waved off the potential threat. “As for smokin’ hot women-- I married one. Mel’s the only woman I want or need.”
“You sound just like Matt.” Liam’s older brother had gotten married six months ago. “Ever since he and Carol got hitched he’s got that same goofy smile as you.” And damned if Liam hadn’t found himself envying both Dave and Matt’s relationships. With increasing frequency. Especially since Matt’s wedding. Since that day, for reasons Liam couldn’t explain, his revolving door of hot babes and meaningless sex had seemed really… meaningless. Empty. And lonely.
“Me and Matt-- we’re smart guys,” Dave said. “We know what we’re talking about.”
“You keep talkin’. I’m outta here.”
“Yeah, get lost. I’ve got eggs and toast to crisp up here. Good luck at the library.”
Liam paused in the doorway. “Huh?”
Dave rolled his eyes. “Don’t pretend like that’s not where you’re going.” His grin turned sly. “Tell Emma the librarian I said hey.”
Liam’s heart actually skipped a beat at the mere mention of her name. Which was completely ridiculous. Yeah, ridiculous. Still, he was helpless to stop the reaction.
Emma Heely.
Her name drifted through his mind and his pulse kicked up a notch. Damn, he had it bad. And damned if he knew why. She wasn’t anything like the sort of woman that usually snagged his attention. But there was no getting around the fact that it had been this way since the moment he’d laid eyes on her four weeks ago, when he’d volunteered along with Dave to teach an after school fire safety class at the public library.
He’d seen her as soon as they’d entered library. She stood behind the main reception desk, her lips pressed together as she frowned at a computer screen whose glare was reflected in her black framed, rectangular glasses. His gaze probably would have passed over her, but just then the door opened behind him and Dave and a swarm of elementary school kids rushed in. An excited chorus of, “Miss Heely!” filled the hushed room as they made a beeline for her. She’d looked up and smiled. And in a heartbeat Liam had basically lost his mind. He’d definitely lost his ability to speak because all he could do was stare.
With that single smile she transformed from frowning and serious to… wow. That smile lit up her entire face and creased a pair of shallow dimples in her cheeks. Her eyes glowed behind her glasses and then she laughed-- a captivating sound that immediately made him want to join in.
And then she moved from behind the desk.
And double wow.
Surely her buttoned-up white shirt with the library’s So Many Books, So Little Time logo printed on the front, black pants, dark hair pulled back in a severe bun, and glasses shouldn’t have ignited his libido, but he suddenly felt as if he’d been hit with a blow torch. She looked studious and conservative, prim and proper, and kinda nerdy-- exactly like he’d imagined a librarian should look, if he’d ever given it any thought. Which he hadn’t.
Until he saw her. And suddenly all he could think about was unbuttoning that straight-laced shirt, undoing that prissy bun, and backing her up against the nearest book case to find out if her gorgeous plump mouth tasted as good as it looked. Yeah… there was definitely nothing prim or proper about those full lips.
She stood surrounded by that group of kids, greeting them with smiles and hugs and high fives, laughing at their antics as they all vied for her attention. They waved crayon drawings at her, and she accepted them all, examining each one and exclaiming over it as if it were made by Picasso himself. The kids basked in the glow of her praise and it was clear they adored her. Still smiling, she began herding them toward the media room where he and Dave would give their program.
Were all librarians like her? Damned if he knew. He’d never spent much time in a library. In fact, he’d be hard pressed to name the last time he’d set foot in one. High school, maybe? Hmm… probably not, given his less than stellar academic record. Maybe middle school. Maybe not even then. But whenever it was, he sure as hell hadn’t felt like he’d been whacked in the head with a two by four. And by a woman that normally would not light his fire. Yet there was no denying that he felt as if he’d been set ablaze.
Which was crazy. He was about to tear his gaze away and put those few seconds down to temporary insanity, but just then her attention focused on a small boy Liam judged to be about seven or eight who’d hung back from the group. She walked to him then hunkered down so they were on eye level. Given the tears shimmering in the kid’s eyes and his quivering chin, it was clear he was upset about something, although he was clearly trying to brave it out and not cry. Liam couldn’t hear what she said, but the warmth and compassion in her gaze and tone obviously comforted the child because a few seconds later he wrapped his arms around her neck and gave her a fierce hug that nearly knocked her on her butt. Then she handed the kid a tissue, took one herself, and they both gave their noses huge, loud blows. The kid dissolved into giggles then ran off to join the group.
Something about that exchange seemed to flip a switch inside Liam. Maybe because he remembered being that kid-- the shy one who’d often hung back from the group. He also vividly recalled fighting back tears one day in fifth grade, shortly after Grandpa Bill had died, appalled and terrified that the other kids would see him and tease him mercilessly, call him a crybaby. How his teacher had seen his distress and sent him off on an errand to the main office, an act of mercy and kindness he’d never forgotten. His own childhood experiences had taught him that it took a special kind of person to both see when a kid was hurting or felt left out and the heart to do something about it, and it was a trait he greatly admired. And this woman clearly had it.
He’d stood there gawking, wondering what in God’s name was happening to him when she turned toward him. And his ability to think of anything at all vanished. Their gazes met and Liam swore that for the space of several heartbeats everything stopped-- including his heartbeat--and he was walloped by something... lust? Desire? Most definitely. But also something else. Something more. Something he couldn’t name because he’d never felt it before.
For those crazy seconds all the chatter faded away and it was just him and her. Then she’d blinked behind her glasses, the lenses of which seemed to magnify her brown eyes and approached them. Brief business-like introductions followed. Emma… her name was Emma. Emma Heely.
Feeling as if he was in a trance, Liam opened his mouth to say hello, but instead, “That boy… what did you say to him?” popped out.
The question clearly surprised her. “One of my favorite quotes: You are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think.”
Liam frowned. “That sounds somehow familiar. Who said that? A president? One of those philosopher guys?”
She regarded him through very serious eyes. “Winnie the Pooh.”
An image flashed through Liam’s mind… him tucked in his childhood bed, Grandpa Bill sitting on the edge of the mattress, reading from a worn copy of Winnie the Pooh. He’d read Liam that story dozens of times. And had said those words. You are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think. A rapid kaleidoscope of memories flicked through his brain, and he could almost hear his grandfather’s deep voice, whispering those words before a Little League game. Before a swim meet. The night before a big test.
Those words… words his grandfather had repeated to him so many times. Words Liam had forgotten. Until now. Until she’d said them. And jogged his memory.
He tried to think of something, anything to say so he didn’t just stand there gaping at her like a mute dope. But no, he just stared, rendered silent by the connection he felt with her. She no doubt thought he was a complete zero weirdo.
She’d given them a quick briefing on the set-up for their program then left them to join the kids. Liam could onl
y shake his head and wonder what had just happened to him and how fast he could sign up for a library card.
Clearly his reaction hadn’t gone unnoticed because Dave had whispered to him, “Jeez, dude, I think you just drooled on your boot. Since when does the buttoned-up, nerdy, bookworm type ring your bell?”
Since about thirty seconds ago, apparently. A sentiment he might have considered saying out loud if he’d been able to locate his voice.
“Definitely not what you usually go for,” Dave said.
Liam cleared this throat. “Um, no.” True. But also true was the fact that the last time he’d wanted a woman this intensely, this quickly was… hell, he had no idea. Nor could he recall ever experiencing such a profound, gut-level connection to a woman, especially one he’d just met.
“I’d steer clear of Miss Emma Heely if I were you,” continued Dave in an undertone. “Melanie’s met her. They had coffee together a couple weeks ago.”
“Melanie didn’t like her?”
“No, she liked her a lot.”
“Then why would you warn me off her?”
“Melanie told me Emma moved here three months ago to escape a bad break-up with-- you guessed it-- a fireman. Apparently she’s not only sworn off men for the foreseeable future, but she’s more likely to dismember a fireman than give him the time of day. Besides, she doesn’t strike me as one-night stand material which makes her totally not your type.”
A statement Liam couldn’t disagree with-- except for those feelings of discontentment and emptiness he’d been experiencing. None of which he’d shared with Dave. Emma didn’t strike Liam as one-night stand material either, admittedly his type since his last relationship ended a year and a half ago. But that didn’t seem to matter. He was fiercely drawn to her in spite of himself. And determined to act on that attraction. He’d never encountered a woman who quoted Winnie the Pooh, particularly the one passage he remembered from his grandfather. No way could he resist.
He's No Angel (Heaven Can Wait Book 1) Page 3