by Joe Zito
September 15th 1976
My wish has come true. Dear diary, I am looking right now at my new stereo, complete with a record player and eight track player. Ok, so it’s not brand spanking new but it’s a stereo. It was from the janitors lounge. I guess they’re cleaning it up down there and getting rid of stuff. Only problem is, I have no records to listen to. Oh, well, I’m sure I can find Stairway to heaven playing somewhere on the radio.
October 5th 1976
Dr. Stone keeps asking me about this garage and if I remember anything at all about what happened the night of June 17th, 1974. He’s freaking me the fuck out too, because Dr. Stone: I have no idea what the fuck you are talking about! He says I’ve suffered a traumatic event. He won’t come out and tell me what that event is though. Oh and get this dear diary, he says that I told him exactly everything that happened at this garage when I first came here. I don’t remember fucking telling him anything.
December 31st 1976
It’s new years eve. Big deal. Kind of doesn’t mean much when locked up in a looney bin. But, I do want to thank you dear diary for listening to my ramblings and secrets this past year. I hated you at first and even though I know you are not real and you’re just paper and a binding, you really are a good friend. You’re always there to listen to what I have to say. And I am saying thank you.
February 9th 1977
I had a surprise meeting today with Dr. Stone today. He said I was put on the list for well behaved patients that are not a threat and am being considered for special weekend outings, things like going into town, shopping, movies, you know dear diary, normal stuff that normal people do. He said it was all under heavy supervision though and that security would be with us at all times, but that’s ok. I’ll be getting the hell out of here for a while at least. Just hope they approve it.
March 14th 1977
Anita had a helper with her today. Super cute girl too; long blonde hair, looks about twenty or twenty one. Big boobs. I mean big, big boobs. God was nice to her. Pretty face too. Anita told me that she was in training to be a nurse and that she would be with her for about a month. Her name is Jessica, according to her nametag.
March 22nd 1977
I’m twenty five and still alive. I think. Happy Birthday to me. My best friend’s mom brought me some sugar cream pie. She makes the best damn sugar cream pie. The little girl is five and so damn cute.
April 4th 1977
Great news, dear diary. I was approved for getting the hell out of here on weekends! And it starts this weekend. Four hours on a Saturday. I’ll take it. Still working in the laundry though.
April 7th 1977
It’s weird being on the outside again, at least for a while. Nothing has changed drastically. They took us to a mall in Blare. I haven’t been to a mall in ages. We did get some nasty stares from people when they saw that we had security with us and knew we were from the crazy house up the road. But fuck it, I didn’t care. I was out in the free world for a few hours and I loved it. They gave us a little spending money which was nice. I bought some cheap ear rings and a new brush. I also picked up this cute as hell dress for the little girl that I think she’ll love. Last but not least I got Led Zeppelin 4 at this record store called Soundz and oh how I needed that. I had an all nighter practically with myself after we got back and had lights out and I had put on the album, playing it at a low volume. It was magic.
May 19th 1977
That girl, Jessica, she was with Anita again today. I am so sorry dear diary for saying this but that girl is hot. She kept smiling at me, kinda like in a flirting way I thought. I liked it.
June 2nd 1977
Jessica came in today. Anita wasn’t with her which surprised me. She said that Anita thought she should start doing some things on her own and that she was ready. What a big girl, her and her big girl boobs. I am so sorry dear diary. She is so damn pretty though. I can’t help it. My god, am I crushing over this girl? I haven’t felt this way since Heathe…………………
June 5th 1977
I am a horrible person. How dare I have feelings about anyone else but my best friend who has since passed. Jesus, I can’t help it. I don’t know what it is about Jessica. Maybe I just miss having a friend in my life, I mean a really good friend, like what I use to have. If she talks to me I’m not going to fight it. There’s nothing wrong with having a friend, is there dear diary?
June 18th 1977
Anita said I blacked out again, just like I did around the same time last year. She said all day long yesterday I had this look of terror on my face and that Dr. Stone was about ready to put me in one of those rubber rooms. I have no idea what is happening to me or what makes me that way every time this year.
July 4th 1977
Sorry Dr. Stone but the name Red Brown doesn’t ring a bell. But if he was here I guess I would tell him thanks for finding me laying half dead on the side of the road like you say. Anyway, dear diary, happy fourth of July! I’ll be watching the fireworks show on tv, down in the rec room with all the other crazies tonight. Funfun.
July 11th 1977
So I wonder if Jessica would be upset if I told her that I wanted to fuck her. Well, dear diary, I know I really can’t fuck another girl, but we can do other things. Jesus, listen to me. I feel like I’ve been sex deprived since the fuckfest I had when I first got here with bloody Pete. Ok, I know I have sex with Larry the electrician on occasion, but, it’s just that every time Jessica walks into my room, she has this weird, bashful yet kinky smile on her face, like she has a crush on me too. I don’t know what to do dear diary. Oh shit, someone just knocked on the door…….be back soon……….
July 11th 1977
Yep, you know who it was dear diary. Miss Angel’s little girl crush. So, I went for the small talk stuff. I asked her if she likes working here and she obviously said yes and that it’s just a job. I asked her how old she was and she’s nineteen, at least that’s what she told me. I think she looks nineteen. So I’m six years older than her, so what. I asked if she was going to be working on my floor regularly and she said yes and that got me excited. I think she was a little nervous because the kept playing with her hair and laughing really about nothing, so yes dear diary, I think she has a crush on me. Now if I can only get her in here after hours and I know I can do it.
July 14th 1977
I had a dream about this little boy last night. He kept following me around. I think we were in a field or something. Very strange, dear diary.
July 16th 1977
I got it dear diary. I know how to get Jessica alone.
July 20th 1977
I can’t believe Jessica agreed to let me do her nails, especially after hours. My heart was racing the entire time I was working on her hands, which by the way dear diary are the sexiest, smallest female hands I’ve seen. She had changed out of her uniform and was wearing her jeans and a tight pink t-shirt that formed perfectly over her breasts. It was just me and her sitting on my bed and we talked about girl stuff and guys and periods and when we were finished she took my hand and said thanks for the manicure. But she didn’t let go for a moment. I was looking right into her eyes and she was mine and just like that we kissed each other. I could feel her lips trembling and she let out a nervous laugh when we were done. I felt warm between my legs. It was an innocent kiss. No tongue or anything. She suddenly apologized and I told her it was ok. I asked her if she liked it. She told me she did. After she left, I felt like I was drunk or maybe even high and I’ve never been either of those. I haven’t been this turned on since that time in the gara…………………………….
August 4th 1977
Jess and I had our first real sexual encounter tonight. It felt so good dear diary to feel someone else inside me besides my hands, although I’ll never stop touching myself. She was really nervous at first. She thought we were going to get caught. I told her not to worry and that this place is dead at night. I took off my grey sweatpants and my panties, but kept my shi
rt on. Jess was completely clothed which I was fine with, well sort of. I was dying to know what she looked like. I just have to give it time. She used her fingers on me. She was so gentle, almost like she was afraid she was going to hurt me. I told her not to be afraid and don’t hold back. Finally I removed her first two fingers from me and I smiled at her and told her to watch. I sat up on my knees and began touching myself. There in the darkness of my room I could see her eyes getting big with wonder or maybe even shock as she watched me play with myself. I assume she’s never seen a twenty five year old woman go to town on herself. It was like I was giving her an education dear diary. My face was covered in sweat and I smiled at her and told her to come closer so she could see how I was doing it and that it was ok to use your whole hand on yourself, and all the rubbing and gripping wasn’t going to hurt me. Maybe she’s never masturbated like this before. My hand was on fire and I was rubbing myself so fast and inserting two, three fingers at a time into myself. I finally came and had to bite my finger to keep from screaming out my orgasm dear diary. Jess covered her mouth to hold in a laugh. She asked me if it felt good. I laughed and told her it was extremely painful. She’s only nineteen dear diary. When I was finished, my heart was racing and I was sweating like crazy and then I put my glistening wet hand to my face and inhaled myself. Jess kind of looked at me funny but she was still smiling. She asked me why I did that. I asked her if she’s ever smelled her hand after playing with herself or using the bathroom. Almost defensively she said no. Really dear diary, I can’t be the only girl alive that has ever been curious about the way her female parts smell. I’m sure other girls do that, right? Ok, so what if I’m a freak dear diary. I just like the way I smell down there. I pulled Jess close to me and we kissed. I put my hand on her cheeks. She pulled it closer to her and smelled my sex. I smiled and asked her if she liked it. She smiled back and said yes. Before she left she said she had to pee. And I asked her if I could watch. She agreed, obviously. She looked so damn cute sitting on the toilet, covering her face and laughing because she was embarrassed. After she left I sat on the toilet and masturbated again, inhaling her scent until could smell her no more.
August 19th 1977
So, Dr. Stone allowed me to paint my neighbor’s fingernails today, my neighbor being Rhonda in the next room to the left of mine. She has nasty hair pulling problem. Half of her head is long hair, the other half is near bald with strands of hair in three different spots. It’s kinda freaky dear diary but she is a level one patient like me, so Dr. Stone said it should be fine with me painting her nails. Although I do have some ideas to fix her hair problem, well not the pulling part but I could manage a new doo for her.
August 23rd 1977
Folding laundry every day kind of sucks.
August 26th 1977
Jess and I made love for the second time tonight and it was beyond great. Actually, it was her turn to feel good and she did dear diary, oh sweet jesus she did. I even convinced her to get naked. She did but she kept her bra on. Baby steps dear diary. Oh my gosh, her boobs are so big they look like they could bust out her bra. She looked really sexy just standing there by my bed, waiting for me to finish peeing. We started making out as soon as she came into my room and she got me all worked up that I had to pee. When I was done I flushed the toilet and kicked my panties away from my feet and went to my bed. I jumped up on there and pulled my shirt off. My breast’s aren’t anywhere near the size of Jess’s. She makes me look like a little girl almost. I patted my knees and told her to come to me. She did and I told her to lay her head down in my lap. She did. I gazed down on her and gently caressed her face, all while encouraging her to touch herself down below. I told her to do it like I showed her. She said she wanted me to show her again because she forgot. Oh, dear diary what a little liar she is. I turned myself around with my pussy right in her face so she could see. I started rubbing myself hard and fast the way I like it. I called her a little copy cat when I glanced over my shoulder and saw her hands going crazy all over herself. She said she wanted to be like me and I laughed at her and then something amazing happened dear diary. She said she had a surprise for me. She raised her glistening hands to my face. Smell she said. I grabbed both of her wrists and inhaled her scent. I began to lower my hand so I could finish masturbating but she pushed my hand away, back to my face. She said she would take care of me. Her lips moved toward my middle part and then I melted in her mouth.
September 15th 1977
So I picked up this record by the Dead Boys today on our little 4 hour weekend outing. Good shit too. I guess it’s what people call punk dear diary. I just call it rock and roll. I wish we could stay out longer but I can’t really complain. At least they allow some of us to leave for a little bit. You know what’s funny dear diary? I never think about running away when I’m out or trying to escape. I’ve gotten to know some of the crazies here and some of them really aren’t that crazy. Ok, maybe they are but they’re my life now. Oh, I almost forgot dear diary, I got the little girl this cute as hell pink shirt with a heart on it. I hope she likes it.
October 22nd 1977
I was supposed to take care of Amy dear diary. I told Heather I would help raise her with Susan and Mark…..oh my god I can’t stop crying….it’s three in the morning…..oh my god.
October 22nd 1977
Sorry dear diary, I forgot, no names.
October 31st 1977
Happy Halloween dear diary! They’re having a little shindig tonight down in the cafeteria with punch and cake and Halloween decorations. They do it every year dear diary. And yes I am going. I fucking love Halloween. They even allow some of the level one patient’s to dress up. Last year I went as snow white, ya know, because of my luscious black hair. It was a lot of work though. I think I’ll just plain clothes it this year.
October 31st 1977
Oh dear diary…..i’m so fucking terrified right now…..i can’t stop shaking….i saw something…..something bad….it was bad, bad, bad dear diary. It was right there in the cafeteria at the party. Oh my god it found me dear diary, it came back, it came back!
November 1st
What the fuck was all that about Ms. Angel? Do you know dear diary? It came back, what? What came back and what the hell was I rambling about?
November 20th 1977
I can’t stop laughing dear diary, I’ve been laughing I think for ten minutes straight. Really Dr. Stone, a scarecrow? Just got back from my therapy session which is usually a waste of time but today it was rather hilarious. Apparently I told him in my statement three years ago that a scarecrow killed my friends and then tried to kill me, a fucking scarecrow, dear diary. How stupid. What kind of idiot makes up stories about scarecrows killing people. Fucking dumb, dear diary.
December 31st 1977
Happy New Year dear diary, I know, big deal right. Blaaaaahh. Another year gone in the crazy house.