But afterward, she wouldn’t sleep with him in his bed.
“You have to be comfortable, Dan. You need a purely restful night.”
What she said was true, but he couldn’t help feeling she was holding back. The intimacy they’d shared should have continued through the night, with legs intertwined now and then, a hand reaching out from time to time. The way loving couples slept. The real reason for separate bedrooms was something she wouldn’t share.
He thought about the sparkling ring he’d brought home last Wednesday night, after his appointment. A perfect diamond to be sure, but not glitzy or huge enough to make Ally uncomfortable. He thought she’d like a traditional round setting, but he’d change it in a heartbeat if she said the word. Maybe when she found it under the tree tomorrow, and he proposed to her, any remaining doubts she had would fade away.
He was prepared to handle the biggest argument she could present: Michelle. Ally might think his marriage proposal was because of the baby. Their arrangement was so convenient; they lived like a little family already. Ironically, however, his daughter had nothing to do with his feelings for Alexis.
He imagined a kaleidoscope of Ally’s everyday life—feeding the baby, greeting him at the door, talking on the phone, baking cookies with flour in her hair. Full of energy. A woman who loved hard, with courage, and whose personal sweetness always triumphed over her defenses. A woman who had tried to do the right thing from the time she was a child herself, regardless of the pain or expense she might incur. Was it any wonder he’d fallen in love with Ally?
Please, God, let her say yes.
THE SEVEN-FOOT-HIGH FIR tree dominated the game room. Early on Christmas morning, Ally stood in the doorway, as she’d done every day during the last week, and felt a thrill just looking at the majestic tree and all the colorful decorations. Dan had helped in his spare time, tossing tinsel in what he called his “free-form” style, while she savored the symmetry of the ornaments she’d hung. Never before had she trimmed such a beauty, and never before had she looked forward to sharing the spirit of the day with people she loved as much as Michelle and Dan.
Except for Sherri. She should be here, too, celebrating and loving Michelle. Your daughter is happy, darling. I promise.
Alexis tried to regain control. It wasn’t easy. Finally she focused on the gifts and saw a few additions to yesterday’s pile. Dan must have been busy at the last minute. Not her. Although most people complained about it, shopping had proven as much fun as decorating the tree. In the last two weeks, she’d wrapped all her presents with delight. She was anticipating a lovely day, and was especially eager to see Dan’s reaction to the gifts she’d created for him.
“Can’t wait, can you? Just like a kid.”
The man in her thoughts appeared behind her wearing jeans and a T-shirt, and holding Michelle, who wriggled against her daddy like a tiny, battery-operated baby doll.
“I can’t wait to watch Michelle play with—or eat, or smack, or destroy—her presents,” she replied. “But it will have to wait for later, when she’s not fussing. Come to the kitchen. She’s hungry.”
Alexis started for the stairs. “Oh, did you change her?”
“Of course! That’s the first thing we did. Right, petunia?” He kissed his daughter on her belly. “Can’t have you a soggy mess and getting a rash, can we?”
Michelle gurgled and vocalized as though having a real conversation with her daddy. Alexis’s heart warmed at their continually growing relationship.
“I’m so proud of you, Dan. You’re not a rookie anymore. You’re handling Michelle like a pro, as if you’ve done it with a dozen other children.”
“Aw, shucks, ma’am,” he said with a wink. “She’s just like a little ol’ football—that can’t be thrown or dropped.”
Her compliment had gotten to him. His ruddy face, his attempt at humor. He was embarrassed. She patted his arm. “You’ll be fine when you’re on your own. I know she’s in good hands now.”
His complexion paled, and she said quickly, “But I’m ten minutes away if you need me. Anytime at all.”
He nodded in silence. After they entered the kitchen, Dan continued to hold the baby while Ally prepared the rice cereal.
“Bib’s on her high chair. Do you want to feed her since you’re available today, or shall I?” she asked.
“I love making a mess,” he said. “Let me at it.”
Such everyday conversation, she thought. So lovely, so intimate.
He propped Michelle in her chair, and a moment later, Ally gave him the cereal but placed the bottle out of the baby’s sight. “Don’t let her see it until she eats a few spoonfuls.”
“Gotcha.”
Ally had just crossed the kitchen to start the daily pot of coffee when she heard Dan say, “Hang on a sec, Ally. Come here and look at this.”
She raced back to them.
“Look and listen,” Dan said. He put a bit of cereal on Michelle’s spoon, fed it to her and then tapped her bottom gum. Click, click, click. “She’s got a tooth!”
A huge grin split his face. His eyes gleamed. His whole being exuded joy. The man looked as though no other baby in the entire world had ever gotten a first tooth.
Her heart melted yet again, drop by drop, as Dan revealed once more the essence of who he was—a devoted dad to a child he’d known for less than three months.
Ally would never love another man the way she loved Dan Delito.
“FORGET ABOUT ALL THE PRICEY stuff,” Dan said to Ally an hour later in the game room, “just give her lots of tissue paper.”
Michelle was having a ball exploring colorful ribbons and bows, slapping at paper and ignoring all the gifts inside the boxes. The picture she made was totally adorable and cameraworthy. Ally took one shot after another.
“I hope some of them are even half as fabulous as the subject matter,” she said.
Dan lay flat on the floor now, faceup, the baby prone on his stomach. Drool landed on his shirt, one little hand slapped his chest, and then Michelle’s bottom rose as she used her toes to push herself forward toward his chin.
“Go, baby, go,” Ally encouraged, snapping away. “She’ll be crawling soon. I’m going to babyproof this house before I leave. Outlets, stairs, fireplaces—goodness, there’s a lot of potential hot spots for a baby.”
“But not today,” said Dan, sitting up. “Today is for celebrating—and I see some more presents waiting to be opened before we head out to my folks’.”
That was the plan. A private morning and a family afternoon. He watched Ally scurry to the base of the tree. “I’ve got something for you, Dan. I hope you like it.”
She sounded nervous about it. Silly woman. “Of course I’m going to like it,” he said as he walked toward her, holding the baby, and then sat down on the floor. “I’m going to love it no matter what it is, so relax.”
“Actually, it’s from Michelle and me.” She gave him the gaily wrapped square package, then gripped her hands together while he began to tear the paper away with Michelle’s help.
“Then I’m going to doubly like it,” he said, his curiosity rising as more of the present was exposed.
Awesome. He wouldn’t have to fake a reaction at all, but for some reason, his voice wouldn’t work. In his hands was a colorful homemade scrapbook with the title: Michelle’s Playbook for Daddy. It was a work of art and creativity.
He slowly turned the pages, trying to take it all in. Ally had used a potpourri of color, design and materials, and best of all, she’d interspersed photos of the baby with the text. Each topic started a new page and was presented as though it were written by Michelle.
He gazed at the woman who’d created this special gift for him, this labor of love. “I’m speechless. I can’t even imagine how many hours must have gone into this. It’s beautiful, Ally, and something I’ll keep forever.”
Her cheeks were on fire. “I guess Michelle had a lot to say.”
He opened to the first page, which
was entitled: Waking Up. He read:
Hi Daddy!
When I wake up in the morning, I need lots of kisses and raspberries and giggles. We need to start the day happy. After you kiss me all over, you can change my soggy diaper. Don’t forget to use the wipes and salve for my bottom. And throw the diaper in the special pail. I don’t want a stinky room!
Love and XXXX,
Michelle
P.S. Any questions? Call Auntie Ally.
“This is fantastic,” he said. “You’ve even listed the baby products on the bottom of the page.”
Her eyes shone like green marble, her smile wide. “I’m so glad you like it. After all, I want to be sure you know what you’re doing with my niece!”
After I leave.
He understood all too well the words she didn’t say, and his mouth became dry. His time had come. She had no idea that, however nervous she had been about giving her gift to him, he was ten times more anxious about what he was going to do next. But he tried to act cool.
“Ally? See that box with the big red bow?”
She nodded.
“For you. From me.”
While she retrieved it, he put Michelle into her swing and set it in motion before sitting down again. He patted the floor next to him when Ally returned.
She sat down and began unwrapping. A smaller second box was inside the first. Then a third was inside the second, each one wrapped and tied.
“Oh, Dan. You’re making me work for my gift. It’s like those Russian nesting dolls.”
“Sure.” As if he knew what those were.
She was really into it, having fun like a kid. This Christmas was surely the best holiday she’d ever had. So maybe he’d made a mistake with the ring. Maybe he should have waited and given her lots of regular presents to open instead of muddying the waters.
Too late now. She’d reached the smallest package and was eagerly untying the petite bow. She ripped the wrapping paper and stared at the blue velvet box for a moment, then glanced toward him, a crease growing across her forehead. In the pit of his stomach, he knew he’d blown it.
“Dan?” she whispered.
He covered her hands with his own. “I love you, Ally. It’s as simple as that. I think about you all the time, daytime, nighttime, at home, at a game, you’re always with me. And—and I was hoping we—we could make a life together. Because, I just love you. And if my hands are sweating, I’m sorry.”
“Oh, Dan.”
Horrified at the tears that rolled down her cheeks—not tears of joy, he was pretty sure—he scooped her onto his lap.
“Don’t cry, please don’t cry.”
She’d buried her head against his shoulder, her weight against him, arms around him. Full of trust. Love. He thought he understood that much, but was otherwise confused as hell. He’d figure it out later. Now, he held her, cuddled her. Kissed her. The next move, however, had to be Ally’s.
She handed him the unopened box. “I can’t accept this, Danny, no matter how much I’m tempted.”
That sounded promising, but there was no script in his playbook for this. He’d have to punt.
“Do you love me, Ally?”
“I—I do,” she whispered. “Of course I do.”
His heart soared. Confidence returned. He could do this—he was good at improvising. As long as she loved him, anything was possible.
“Talk to me, Ally,” he said softly while brushing kisses on her temple.
He saw her chest heave, heard her huge sigh. “Remember the weekend you were away, and I saw Kim’s picture in your bedroom?”
“Uh-huh.”
“Well, I also saw another picture, a small one of you and her together, when she was very sick. You had shaved your head.”
His lids snapped shut. He remembered when that photo was taken—during the worst of times. “And?” he pursued.
“I could see how much you loved her. I knew it the first time I met you, when you were stinking drunk. You and Kim were so tight—a once-in-a-lifetime kind of love.”
Oh, God. He knew where she was going with this now, but he didn’t stop her. He wanted to know everything on her mind. She turned her head, and he saw the tears.
“I cried for you the night I found that picture. I cried for her, too. And then I cried for me.”
“No, Ally, no. There’s no need to cry. I love you.”
“I believe you care. That you have true…affection. So let’s just continue as we are. What do they call it nowadays? Friends with benefits?”
“What?” he cried, not believing his ears. “That’s not good enough! It’s an insult to us both. I want more than that.” He caught his breath, spoke softer. “Ally, sweetheart, I want to come home to you every night and hold you in my arms, I want to share laughs, go on long walks—everything that’s part of an honest, full-time marriage.”
But she was shaking her head before he’d finished speaking. “I’m sorry, Dan. Truly sorry. But I won’t be—I cannot be—second-best, and that’s what a marriage to you would be like. Kim would be in the house with us.”
“Then we’ll get another house.”
“She’d be there, too. She was your true love. Not I.”
Silence reverberated in the room, while he wrapped his mind around all her assumptions. Did a joyful life have to end with Kim? In a long-ago time, he’d thought it did, but not anymore. How could he make Ally understand?
“No one, Ally, should settle for being second-best. Not you, and not me. You’re right about Kim and me having a great marriage, a wonderful relationship. It’s exactly because of that marriage that I know what I’m missing—and I want it again!
“I want to live again. I want to love again. And with you, my wonderful, sweet tigress, I would not be settling for second-best. My heart pumps love, sweetheart. Lots and lots of love.”
She twisted around in his lap, looked at him with tears still running down her beautiful face. “Every woman in love wants to be first.”
“Deserves to be first,” he added, “and you are first simply by being uniquely you.”
She settled back against his chest, which was still so constricted it hurt to breathe. “You’re killing me here, Ally.”
“Oh, sorry. I’ll move.”
If he didn’t laugh, he’d cry. “Stay where you are, woman, and just answer my question.”
“And what would that be?” But now, a tiny twinkle shone in her eyes, and he brought her close and kissed her once, twice, then again and again. She didn’t object.
“Will—you—marry—me?” The words between kisses were the best he could do.
“Yes—I—will.” Seemed Ally couldn’t do any better than he.
They laughed together. “I’m a happy man today. Thank you, Ally.”
Her tears threatened again. She wasn’t a barracuda at all. Just a sweet family goldfish.
His future looked bright, blessed with all the joy and noise of family, including a woman he loved with his whole heart. He placed the ring on her finger. A perfect fit.
Dear God, please let it last this time. Let the beautiful promise be fulfilled. Amen.
TRAVELING WITH MICHELLE WAS both an art and a science, and they were only going to Dan’s parents’ place. Ally hoisted the stuffed diaper bag from the floor of the baby’s room and slipped the strap over her shoulder. Amazing how one little baby required so much stuff.
She started down the flight of stairs, stealing glances at the ring on her finger. Dan had understood her hesitation. He hadn’t dismissed her fears with trite explanations. Later, he’d encouraged her to resume her career whenever the time was right—for her. He was tender, warm and sweet, a man who knew how to love. And she loved him back, one hundred percent. She had no doubts at all. He was no Calvin Brown.
Dan and Michelle were bundled up for winter and waiting for her at the front door with shopping bags full of gifts to bring with them. As she descended the last flight, she heard, “What is taking your mommy so long?”
&n
bsp; The M word. So beautiful. “I’ll have to adopt her.”
Dan cricked his neck back. “So file the papers, and do it faster than you pack a bag. We’re sweating in these clothes.”
But his grin belied his complaint, and as soon as she came abreast of them, he said, “You are gorgeous.” And he kissed her.
“Ready for the hordes?” he asked, opening the door.
“I wish you’d warned them, you know, about us.” Not for their sakes, but for hers. She liked his family but still wasn’t used to crowds or to a fuss being made. Wasn’t used to twelve people talking at once. And what if they weren’t happy about the engagement? How would that affect Dan?
She stepped outside to threatening skies. “Looks like snow coming.”
“Then let’s get started.”
Ten minutes later they were finally packed into the big car, with Dan behind the wheel, and on their way to Rita and Nick’s.
“It’s not too late,” said Dan as they entered the highway.
“Too late for what?”
He spoke his mom’s name aloud for his hands-free car phone, and a moment later Rita’s voice came through the system.
“Hi, Mom. It’s Dan. We’re on our way. Need anything last minute?”
When he glanced at Ally in question, she whispered, “Give her a heads-up.”
“Ah, one more thing, Mom. Yeah. Ally and I have something to tell everyone. Something good. So crack open a bottle of ginger ale.”
That’s all it took for Rita to start screaming for Nick, and Dan disconnected. “Feel better now?”
“Yes.” But the dancing butterflies were having a ball in her stomach.
“Anything else on your mind?” he asked.
“Like a million things.”
“Such as?”
“The tabloids will have a field day smashing your reputation again. Maybe mine, too.” She sighed and bit her thumbnail. “I don’t like that.”
“Who cares? The legit papers will get it right. What else?”
She thought about it. A different house? A new job? Life during the off-season? It was too much to think about at once.
“We’ll figure it out as we go along,” she said. “It’s the only way to handle it all.”
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