by Sherry Lewis
Too many questions darted through her head. Too many possibilities tore at her. Too many things could go wrong. Maybe they already had.
Shelby started back toward Summervale, but she paid no attention to the ground in front of her and nearly lost her balance several times as she stepped on buried rocks and roots sticking up through the soil.
Maybe, she thought wretchedly, Patricia and Zacharias were supposed to be together. Maybe that’s why Shelby had come back. She stumbled again and caught herself as she fell, scraping the palms of her hands. But she didn’t even notice the pain.
There were so many possibilities, but one kept coming back to her. Maybe she’d created this mess by holding on to Agatha’s life for too long. Maybe it was time to let Agatha come back, reclaim her life, her husband, the twins, her home, and her friends—or at least let Agatha turn her back on them all. Maybe Shelby was making everything worse by selfishly longing to stay.
Or maybe she was destined to remain here and die as Agatha tomorrow.
EIGHTEEN
Zacharias paced the length of his dressing room, muttering under his breath, trying to make sense of the strange phenomenon that had brought Shelby to him. Surely, there must be some way to keep her here. Surely, fate wouldn’t be so unkind as to snatch her away from him now.
Would it?
He tossed back a snifter of brandy and scowled at the walls around him. Fate had never been kind to him, he didn’t know why he expected this time to be any different. It had saddled him with a mother who wanted to control everyone and everything in her path, with a wife who couldn’t love, and a future he didn’t want.
Even as he paced the floor, he could feel the certainty of the future Shelby had shared with him pulling him, dragging him away from Hannibal, from the twin houses, from the life he’d always led.He wanted to live, to experience, to feel, to explore, not merely to exist. Yet if he lost Shelby now, he knew he would merely exist for the rest of his life. He wouldn’t love again. He wouldn’t want to even try.
With trembling hands, he poured another brandy and sent it chasing after the first. But even the liquid fire couldn’t warm him. Everything inside felt as if it had turned to stone.
A knock on his door interrupted his melancholy. He was sorely tempted to ignore it, but what if Shelby or the twins needed him? Scowling darkly, he threw open the door, hoping to find Badgett standing there, knowing even before he looked into her eyes that he’d have to deal with his mother.
“I’m glad you’re here,” she said before he could send her away. “There are matters we must settle.”
“Not now, Mother.”
“Yes, now. This has gone far enough. Too far. I will not allow you to carry on this way any longer.”
He could feel the brandy stirring his temper, but he made no effort to control it. “If you’re talking about Agatha, save your breath. There’s nothing you can say that I want to hear.”
“Nevertheless, you will listen. She’s leading you about like a fool, Zacharias.”
“I don’t agree.”
“That’s because you’re too confused to think clearly. That’s obvious to anyone who knows you.”
“You’re entitled to your opinion, of course, but you’re not entitled to voice it inside this house.”
“I will voice it, and you will listen.”
“No, Mother, I will not.” He turned his back on her. “Now, if you’ll excuse me—”
“I will not excuse you, Zacharias.” She pushed past him into the room, a fortress of black silk. “You behaved abominably to Patricia the other day. She came to me in tears. This must stop. There is no other acceptable solution. Dr. Messing is on his way here to settle Agatha in a home where she will be comfortable.”
Fury blinded him and wiped away every iota of duty he’d ever felt toward his mother. It took every ounce of self-control he had to keep his hands clenched at his side. “You’ve gone too far, Mother. Even for you. Agatha is not crazy, and I’ll not let Messing lay one finger on her.”
“Oh, Zacharias, please.” His mother’s face hardened. “You’re destroying your life. You cannot expect me to stand by and watch.”
“You only believe I’m destroying my life because I’ve stopped letting you control it. I warn you, if you try to harm Agatha—”
“I’m not trying to hurt her,” his mother snapped. “I’m trying to protect her from herself.”
“Don’t!” He held up both hands to ward off her excuses. “Don’t try to justify your bitterness and hatred as caring. You don’t care for anyone but yourself.”
“How can you say that?” She put one hand to her breast as if he’d wounded her. “You know how much I love you.”
“No, Mother, I do not. You manipulate. You control. You dominate. But you do not love.”
She blinked rapidly and a finger of guilt tickled him. “I do love you, Zacharias. I only want the best for you.” A tear spilled onto her cheek and she drew a ragged breath.
But Zacharias wouldn’t let himself fall for her tricks again. “You’ve done everything you could to break up my marriage to Agatha, but I won’t tolerate it any longer. If you care anything at all for me, you’ll leave Agatha alone. You’ll accept my decision to put my marriage back together and bite your tongue in the future. Because if you force me to choose between you and the woman I love, I warn you the contest will be short. My future is with Agatha. My happiness is in her hands.”
“You weren’t happy with her before. You weren’t happy when she locked her bedroom door on you, or when she turned your children away.”
“No,” he admitted reluctantly, “but Agatha has changed.”
“Changed? She’s worse than ever. She’s crazy, Zacharias.”
“I love her.”
“Love.” Victoria laughed bitterly. “You place too much value on such a fleeting commodity.”
“It doesn’t have to be fleeting,” Zacharias said, his shoulders sagging with the weight of her resentment on them. “Haven’t you ever loved anyone?”
“Of course I have. I love you. I love the twins. That’s why I want to be sure you make the right choices. Why I try to help you make intelligent decisions. You’ll do the same thing for your children. Every parent does. What kind of mother would I be if I let you rush into a situation that I knew would hurt you?”
He wanted to argue that he wouldn’t get hurt again, but he couldn’t. He knew nothing about what brought Shelby here, nothing about what might whisk her away again. “Perhaps,” he said, the anger suddenly gone from his voice, “there are times when all you can do is stand back and watch. I don’t want to life my life making decisions based only on intellect. Once in a while, there are choices that require nothing but heart.”
“And this is one of them, I suppose.”
“Yes, it is.”
“She’s not the right sort of woman for you,” she warned, but her anger had evaporated as well.
“She is exactly right for me,” he assured her. “Whether love proves to be fleeting or not, at least I’ll have this moment. Don’t try to take it from me. Agatha isn’t a vicious woman, Mother. She never was.” He paced a few steps away and rubbed the back of his neck. “Whatever pain we’ve suffered, I’m the one to blame. Not Agatha.”
His mother stood there, stiff as a board for a moment or two. “You can’t truly love her,” she said, but it was less a command than a question.
“I do.”
“And you believe you can be happy with her in spite of everything?”
“I do,” he said again. He would be happy as long as Shelby stayed.
His mother studied him for a long time. He could see the different emotions crossing her face, he could see her arguing with herself, torn between wanting him to be happy and her desperate need to cling to her own vision for him.
Finally, after what felt like forever, her shoulders sagged slightly and an almost imperceptible softening crossed her face. “If she makes you unhappy again, I’ll never forgiv
e her.”
Zacharias could live with that. He grinned suddenly and put his arms around his mother in a gesture so spontaneous, he knew it caught her off guard. But it had been too long since they’d shared anything but anger. She tolerated his embrace for a heartbeat, then pushed him away.
“Release me, Zacharias. You’re mussing my gown.”
He stepped away and grinned at her. “Of course, Mother. But I feel it only fair to warn you, I’m not the man I used to be. You may have to suffer an occasional embrace from me.”
She tried desperately to maintain her scowl, but a corner of her mouth twitched and he could have sworn he saw a faint sparkle in her eye. She straightened her bodice, gave her skirts and twitch and turned back toward the door. But there she stopped and glanced over her shoulder at him.
“I dare say I could get used to it—occasionally.”
Shelby clung to every moment she had with Agatha’s family. The calendar had finally reached the day she’d been dreading. By midnight, she’d either be dead or back in the future. She tried not to show her dismay. She didn’t want to upset Zacharias or the twins. But every smile tore another piece from her heart, every laugh made her eyes sting with unshed tears, every touch made her ache for tomorrow.
As if he could sense her mood, Mordechai climbed onto her lap and wrapped his arms around her neck. “Don’t be sad, Mama.”
“I’m not sad,” she assured him quickly and forced a smile to prove it. “I’m just amazed at how big and strong both my boys are.”
She could feel Zacharias watching her, so she turned a teasing smile on him, as well.
He leaned back on the grass and surveyed them all as if he were king of the castle. “I received an invitation to a barbecue at the Keller place next week. Will you come with me?”
Shelby nodded. “Of course. If I can.”
“Of course, you can.”
“I mean. . . ” She scooted Mordechai away gently. “If I’m still here, I’d love to.”
“You’ll be here,” Zacharias said firmly. “I won’t allow you to leave.”
“Unfortunately, even you may not be able to control that.”
He scowled as if she’d insulted him deeply. “I won’t allow it, my love. Whatever it takes to keep you here, exactly as you are, I’ll do it.”
“Zacharias—”
“You think I’m foolish, don’t you?”
“Foolish?” She smiled gently. “Never that. But maybe just a little too confident about something we know nothing about.”
“Then I’ll learn. I’ve made up my mind to keep you here, and I shall.”
She put a hand on his shoulder and brushed her lips to the top of his head. “Let’s not spoil the day with talk about the future. Let’s just enjoy this moment while we have it.”
His eyes sparkled and she knew exactly where his thoughts had gone. “I’d love to discuss the future, Mrs. Logan. Just how long are you going to make me wait to seal this union of ours?”
“Soon,” she promised, and she hoped with all her heart she’d still be here tomorrow so she could keep it. “In the meantime, let’s make sure we each have some beautiful memories to carry with us—just in case simply being stubborn doesn’t work.”
“Stubborn?” Zacharias’s eyes twinkled. “You’re calling me stubborn?”
“Actually . . . yes.”
“Look, Mama.” Andrew bounded between them clutching a bouquet of flowers in his tiny fist. “These are for you.”
In spite of all her efforts, Shelby’s eyes filled with tears. She ducked her head to keep Zacharias from noticing, and pressed a kiss to the top of Andrew’s golden head.
Andrew scowled up at her. “Why are you crying? Don’t you like them?”
“Oh, Andrew, of course I love them.” She inhaled greedily, wondering how many of these memories she could take with her. “They’re the most beautiful flowers I’ve ever seen.”
Mordechai scowled. “Not as beautiful as mine.”
“Did you pick me some flowers, too?”
His tiny scowl deepened. “Not yet. But I’m gonna.” Wheeling around so quickly he nearly fell over, he raced toward the gardens. Andrew, outraged, tore off after him.
Zacharias chuckled softly, moved onto the bench beside her and wrapped an arm around her shoulders. “They love you, you know.”
“And I love them.” Shelby forced away the tears and smiled up at him. “And you.”
He kissed her then, and his tenderness nearly tore her heart in two. When he lifted his head again, he held her gaze. “It’s going to be all right, Shelby. We belong together. Believe me. I won’t let you go.”
She would have given almost anything to believe him. But she knew this would be their last kiss, the last time she’d look into his eyes, the last time she’d feel his arms around her. By tomorrow morning, it would all be over. She just hoped God would give her the strength to hold on until then.
Meg followed Agatha—she couldn’t think of her by any other name—up the stairs, worried about the mood she seemed to be in. She tried to lighten the moment with chatter, but Agatha seemed distracted. Distant. Almost as if she wasn’t here any longer.
“Colin tells me the rose garden is nearly finished,” she said, hoping that would spark some interest.
Agatha smiled, but there was no joy in it as there had been yesterday. “That’s nice. I’m glad. The gardens will help make these houses a showplace.”
“He wondered if you want to give him some ideas about the azaleas.”
“I’m sure he knows what to do. He’s wonderful in the gardens, Meg. Please make sure he knows I thought so.”
“For heaven’s sake,” Meg protested. “What’s gotten into you? You sound so gloomy.” She bobbed her head firmly. “You’ll tell him yourself in the morning.”
Agatha looked away as if she was trying to hide something. “Of course. But if I don’t, you’ll tell him, won’t you?”
Meg’s spine tingled. She didn’t like this mood, not one bit. “Now, why would you not tell him? Your ideas for the gardens have made them so lovely, he’s strutting around like a rooster most of the time.”
She expected Agatha to laugh. Instead, she smiled sadly.
Another tingle raced up Meg’s spine to the back of her neck. “You can tell him yourself, as I said.” She waited while Agatha opened her bedroom door, then made to follow her inside.
But the missus blocked her way. “I think I’d like some time alone, if you don’t mind, Meg.”
Meg didn’t like the sound of that at all. It wasn’t like the missus as she’d been lately. Before, yes. But not this past month. She tried to think of a clever way to refuse, but she couldn’t think of anything that wouldn’t sound cheeky. “Of course. You’ll ring if you need me later?”
“Yes.” Agatha started to turn away, then stopped herself. “Thank you, Meg. I want you to know how much I appreciate everything you’ve done for me in the past month.”
“La,” Meg said, trying to sound cheerful. “It’s been a pleasure, Madame. I can say that without hesitation.”
“And Colin, too. He’s a very fine man.”
“He’s a stubborn old mule,” Meg said, “but I’m glad to have him.”
Agatha’s slight smile disappeared completely. “You should be. Love isn’t easy to find.”
“No, it isn’t. But you’ve found it for yourself.”
“Yes.” Agatha’s lip trembled. She pulled it between her teeth, took a deep breath, and released it again. “But it’s not mine to keep, Meg.”
“Sure it is.” The chills racing up Meg’s spine grew stronger. “All it takes is a bit of work and some patience. But Zacharias loves you and he’s proved that he’s willing to compromise. And you can’t ask for a better quality in a man.”
“I’m lucky, aren’t I?” Agatha said, turning a glance toward Winterhill though she couldn’t see it from here at her door. “To know real love, even for a little while, is a priceless gift.”
M
eg’s nerves twitched. She had second thoughts about leaving Agatha alone. “Let me at least turn down your bed—”
“No.” The word dropped between them quickly, forcefully, and send a shard of foreboding through Meg. Agatha managed another smile, but it didn’t fool Meg. “You’ve done enough. You’re tired. I’ll be fine.”
The door closed between them, leaving Meg cold all through. It was almost as if Shelby had been saying good-bye. But Meg didn’t want her to leave.
Though it was disloyal to think so, Meg liked having Shelby here in Agatha’s place. Summervale had come alive since she arrived. So had Zacharias. And those tiny boys—those tiny, innocent, boys—finally knew the love of a mother.
Not that she didn’t care for Agatha, Meg assured herself as she hurried down the corridor. She did. She always had. But Agatha had her problems, no doubt about that. And she wasn’t good for those babies or for Zacharias.
She rushed down the stairs, and into the kitchen, thinking again about the look on Agatha’s face, the sadness in her eyes and the finality of her tone. She didn’t know quite what to do, but she had to do something.
If Shelby was planning to leave, Meg had to stop her. But her arguments wouldn’t be persuasive enough. She couldn’t offer the missus any compelling reason to stay. The only one who could do that was Zacharias.
Grabbing her shawl as she pushed out into the night, she began shouting for Colin before her foot even hit the dirt.
He came out of the stables slowly, as if his feet were stuck in cold molasses. “What is it, woman? You’re shouting loud enough to wake the dead.”
“Take the horse,” she managed as she gasped to catch her breath. “Hurry to Winterhill and fetch back Zacharias.”
“At this time of night?” Colin reared back and stared at her. “Ye’ve gone daft, woman.”
“The missus is in trouble,” she shouted, shoving him toward the stables again. “I don’t care what time of night it is, Zacharias must come. He’s the only one who can stop her.”
“Stop her?” Colin glanced at the house. “Stop her from what?”