“So this whole thing was for nothing?” Walker’s pacing was heavy, loud, as if she could stomp out the truth.
“It looks like it.”
My mouth was dry. I needed water. I needed a hot shower. I needed to wash Salvatore off me. He might be one of ours, but he had still touched me. Used me. In my mind, that made him one of the bad guys.
“What the fuck were they thinking?” Walker exploded, knocking papers off her desk and shattering a pretty glass globe. The tiny colored shards of glass twinkled and winked at me as I sat in a daze.
“Who?” My voice was soft when I asked. Like before, Walker seemed to have forgotten I was there. Now that we knew what had happened, I wondered if her promises were no longer valid. My fists clenched as I considered the possibility that this had truly all been for nothing.
“My superiors, that’s who. They organized this sting. They knew who the mark was. They had to have known he was working for us. So why the money spent? The time and resources? This was a waste and I do not like feeling used.”
My laugh caught in my throat, coming out as a choke. Walker ignored me, still pacing and dragging her fingers through her hair. William at least had the inclination to make sure I was ok.
I nodded, but I wasn’t ok. She felt used? The urge to tell Walker off, to remind her of who had been used in this situation was angrily trying to beat its way out. My breathing grew hard and ragged as I fought the urge to scream. I had been used. I had been forced to surrender my body and mind all week. I was the one sitting with a strange man’s dried semen on my skin.
Sensing my rage, William put a hand on my shoulder.
“I’m sorry, Walk. I don’t know what to say. I imagine Alice here needs a shower, though, so I’m going to escort her to her room. We’ll wait for further orders.”
With that, he helped me up and led me out, his hand never leaving the small of my back.
* * * * *
Outside of my door I turned and put a hand on William’s chest, stopping him.
“Thanks.”
“I got the feeling you were going to rip Walker a new one. Not the best way to speak to your commander at the end of the first mission.”
Shrugging, I let my hand fall to my side and leaned back against the door frame. My legs still felt shaky and my body weary from the shock of the William’s revelation regarding Salvatore. My chin dropped to my chest and I hid behind my hair as I mumbled, “It was just the way she kept acting as if she were the victim here.”
“Hey.” William’s voice grew sterner. He reached up and pushed my hair out of my eyes, forcing me to look at him. “No one was a victim here. We all had a job to do and, despite the outcome, I think we did it well. You should be proud of your work. It took me years to learn how to do what you did this week and today.”
“Oh, and what’s that?”
“Turn off emotions. Become unattached. Just treat it like any other job.”
Hurt washed over me, cold. Tears sprung into my eyes. “You know it wasn’t like that for me. I couldn’t turn anything off. You know because you’ve shared it with me. Been inside of me.”
He shuffled his foot and picked a spot over my shoulder to stare at. “Yeah, but that was, well, just part of the job.”
“No one has ever known me like you and Mark. He’s not even here, and you’re telling me all of that time we shared, all of those experiences, mean nothing to you?”
I bit my lip, not wanting to speak anymore. If I did I wasn’t sure what would come out. How I had come to care for him as more than a crush? Or maybe how he and Mark had made me see things in myself I hadn’t known were there? Or how I needed the two of them to feel whole? No, I didn’t want him to know that, because the way I felt right now, I knew I’d only sound weak. I was already used. Broken. And this, well, this conversation was shattering me.
Before he could reply I ducked into my room and shut the door. His words had hurt me and I had already let him see too much.
This whole week I had worked so hard to tear my walls down. As I peeled my clothes off and stepped into the shower, I remembered my training.
Brick by brick, memory after memory, I began to rebuild my walls thicker than ever before.
Chapter Eleven
My clothing was elegant, grown up. It gave me courage and made me feel empowered. The dress was sleek and a little daring, with a high slit. I didn’t have to slam my walls up before entering the room; after my time with Salvatore I would never let them down again.
Just because my walls were up, though, didn’t stop me from being nervous. I was about to face Mark and William, to tell them my feelings and my plans regarding them. My heart was racing and my palms sweaty. However, I had faced Salvatore and lived through it. I could face two men.
I didn’t knock, I just waltzed in. William and Mark were both there. They were glaring at each other and the tension in the room was palpable.
“Hey guys, thanks for meeting me.” I took in the room, the same practice room we had used. In an instant all of the moments I had shared with these two men flashed in my mind. But they didn’t know because my face revealed nothing.
“I don’t know why I’m even here,” Mark growled. He jerked up out of his chair, his eyes a raging storm.
“You’re here because you wanted to see her, so shut up.” William’s arms folded over his chest and he squared himself to Mark. They were similar in height and build, though Mark seemed a little darker
“Well, I just wanted to talk to both of you about—“
“No, she wanted to see me.” Mark turned to me. The betrayal in his face made my palms sweat. This wasn’t going the way I’d planned.“I don’t know if I can look at you after what you did. After you let Salvatore touch you.”
In my chest my heart twisted and for a moment I felt dizzy. I knew Mark hadn’t wanted me to follow through with the mission. I didn’t expect this level of vehemence from him.
“You don’t know what you’re talking about, Mark. Leave Alice alone. She doesn’t deserve your spite.” William shoved himself into Mark’s face, their noses almost touching. Their fists were tightening and their muscles coiling, both ready to trade blows.
“She does, William. She let that dirty official stick his dick in her, debase her, ruin her, and you… you just stood by and watched. You probably liked it, asshole.”
I laughed. I couldn’t help it. Their machismo and anger made me nervous, but knowing that Mark was upset over something so untrue was just too much. All of my anxiety escaped me in uncontrolled laughter, my head thrown back.
It was enough to diffuse a little of the situation and Mark and William stepped apart. Gliding between them, I reached out to cup Mark’s face. He winced as if my hand burned him. A week before I would have pulled back immediately. This time I just stroked his cheek with my thumb.
“Mark, Salvatore didn’t fuck me.”
His dark eyes grew wide and darted between William and me, searching for truth.
“She’s right, man. He touched her a little, but he didn’t have sex with Alice.”
“No.” I looked at William, smiling. “You did.”
“What?” The incredulity in Mark’s voice was tempered with something that sounded almost like relief, mixed with a hint of jealousy. “William slept with you? I don’t understand.”
“It turns out our Mr. Salvatore is a bit of a voyeur. He requested that William take my virginity instead of him.”
For once Mark was stunned into silence. I took that opportunity to step closer to him. I wanted to talk to him, to William, but things weren’t going as I had planned. I needed to make them understand.
My hand was still cupping his cheek. My fingers traced up into his hair. Getting a good grip, I pulled Mark’s face to mine, kissing him. At first he didn’t kiss me back. I tugged him closer and swept the seam of his mouth with my tongue. It broke him, and Mark collapsed into me, yanking my body hard against him.
As his ravenous kisses made their way do
wn my throat, I felt William shift, moving away to leave Mark and I alone.
“No.” I reached out and grabbed his hand, pulling him to me. Mark’s hold on me loosened and he watched, his eyes lit with confusion, as I kissed William.
William opened to me immediately. He knew he had hurt me and I could feel his apology in the softness of his kiss. Mark’s hands tightened around my waist, possessive. As I reached behind with my free hand, I stroked Mark’s thick erection through his jeans.
Moaning, Mark moved behind me, pressing his erection into my rear. His lips found the nape of my neck while his hands moved up my front, reaching around to cup my breasts. He pinched and rolled my nipples, igniting my body’s reaction to the two men I was sandwiched between.
My kiss deepened with William, our tongues twining with each other. I moaned into him as he reached behind, one hand on my ass and his other hand hooking into the waist of Mark’s jeans.
Wedged between these two men, the two who knew me better and more intimately than anyone, my body became a furnace. We had been with each other before, but never like this. The room felt hot, sweat beginning to drip down between my breasts. When I looked at my two lovers, their hair was plastered to their foreheads.
We began a slow and sensual dance of stripping off clothing and moving toward the bed. Mouths were everywhere, hands roaming, skin hot and sweaty as we drank in each other. The salt and musk of them was an aphrodisiac to me and I needed one of them in my mouth, now.
William was kneeling in front of me and I crawled to him, taking his hard cock between my lips.
As I licked him from base to tip, I felt Mark shoving my knees apart. Then his mouth, hot and hungry, was on my wet pussy. I cried out around William’s cock as Mark’s talented tongue traced its way through my folds.
I grabbed the base of William’s cock in one hand and picked up the pace, sucking and stroking him. Mark began to tongue my hole and then dragged his tongue up to my asshole and began to lick me there. He pushed two fingers into my hot pussy and worked them in and out, stroking the sensitive spot in me while pushing his tongue into my rear. The pressure of my climax began to build quickly.
Mark reached through and thumbed my clit as a third finger pushed into me and I came, shouting and jerking at William. Mark kept working me with his hands and tongue, stretching my orgasm out until I was mewling and keening, so sensitive between my legs it almost hurt.
While the delicious after-rushes of my climax still moved through me, William grabbed my shoulders and pulled me up the length of his body. He positioned me over his cock and I slowly slid down, taking him into me inch by inch. He was so long I felt him deep within my still quivering hole.
As I began to rock on William’s dick, Mark reached around, squeezing my breasts. When he began to pinch my nipples, tugging them into tiny pink peaks, I twisted around and caught him in a kiss. It was intense being filled by William, feeling his hips lift up to meet my rocks, while Mark was kissing me so deep and hot I was panting in need.
Mark broke off the kiss. He kissed the nape of my neck and then trailed his tongue down my spine, his hands pushing me forward. My breasts crushed onto William’s chest and then William was kissing me. I was drunk on them, drunk on their kisses and more hands on my body than I knew what to do with. I looked into William’s eyes, but he was staring at Mark, the two of them connecting in a primal way I didn’t understand. Hell, I didn’t need to understand it. My fingers twined into William’s hair and I ground my pussy against him, his damp lower curls rubbing against my swollen nub.
I felt Mark’s finger at my tight back door. He timed his pushes with Mark’s thrusts, stretching into me, filling me in both holes. Sometimes he would pull out and reach between us, causing William and I to cry out, so that he could get some of my natural wetness and use it to lubricate my ass.
Then I felt the pressure of Mark’s cock at my asshole. William slowed his thrusts, making them short and shallow. He hugged me tightly to him, leaving my ass in the air. Mark pushed in, slowly, and oh god, I had never felt so full in my life. I could feel their cocks rubbing in me through the thin membrane inside. They must have felt it, too, because both moaned so deeply I felt the rumbles in my whole body.
I began to keen and wail when they started moving together. It was tentative at first, as they learned the other’s rhythms. William had watched Mark shag me, though, and was quickly matching him thrust for thrust. I was stretched, fuller and wider, my core a symphony of sensation and pleasure.
The tightness in my pussy started to become more focused, throbbing in tandem with the two men who were fucking me.
“Please, oh please… I want to come!”
William groaned, hissing “Yes!”
Mark, though, reached up and fisted my hair, yanking it tight and forcing my head back. His breath was hot in my ear as he whispered, “Come for me now, Alice. I want to feel you clench around my cock.”
The idea, so filthy and perverse, set me off. Thunderstorms, hurricanes, tsunamis—they had nothing on this orgasm.
Somewhere I heard screaming and it wasn’t until I was able to come down that I realized it had been me.
William jerked under me, pumping up hard and fast, and came with a shout. Mark, realizing William had finished, grabbed my hips and lifted me up off of William, giving him a deeper angle into my bum. He plowed into me then, his thick cock fucking me raw.
William crawled out and sat up. As I dangled, limp and open to Mark’s fierce pounding, I watched William grab Mark’s face tenderly. They kissed, their tongues weaving in and out, a fight for dominance.
Mark slapped my ass once, twice, and climaxed. I felt his cock grow in my as it spurted hot cum into me. When he withdrew he gently lowered me to the bed. My limbs were numb, my pussy and asshole tingling from being used so wholly. I felt the trickle of their warm semen dripping out of me and down my thighs.
I had wanted so badly to talk with them, but now wasn’t the time. This time had been about forgiveness between us, for all of the ways we had hurt each other. It had been cathartic, washing away all of the hurt this mission had caused. As I lay between the two men who had my heart, I realized this had been the lesson I needed. My walls could go up when I needed them. But never as a wall had I felt so whole as when I let my guard down and these two men in.
Walker and I had spoken about my future and because of this experience, I was ready. As cliché as it was, between the heat and sweat of bodies, I felt like a phoenix risen from smoldering ashes.
Epilogue
Dear Mark and William,
I would say I’m sorry I’m writing you a note, but that wouldn’t be true. In my mind, I had pictured us sitting together, talking about what’s happened between us and where we think we’re going. Now I know that isn’t how this story needed to end.
It needed to end with an apology, a declaration, and a goodbye. Here I am, trying my best to give you all three. You know this already, but we walls aren’t always great at expressing ourselves. Like, ever.
Apology first. I’m sorry, William, that you had to move me and be a part of me in a situation like this. I’ve been feeling an awful lot like a victim, but I realized that maybe you might feel that way, too. After all, who wants to force a person into becoming a sex puppet? I want you to know that I never felt that way. Having you inside of my mind, well, it changed me. It made me recognize parts of me I had long buried, and it helped me to connect with you on a level I don’t know I’ll ever experience again. So I am sorry if you felt like the bad guy, and if I made that worse. You were the greatest help. Thank you.
Mark. I don’t know which part to apologize for first. For not listening to you when I should have? For making you feel guilty and like the bad guy, when all you wanted was to be there for me? I’m not sure. I know now that when it seemed like you were trying to hurt me, you were really trying to protect me. I’m sorry I couldn’t let you do that, but it will forever mean something to me that you tried.
&nb
sp; This mission was a mountain from the get-go. We were forced to climb it or lose ourselves along the way. I can’t speak for you, but I know several times I thought I was already a goner, being forced to be so open. I think that you knew me before I knew myself. After this last night with both of you, though, I am stronger than I ever was. We conquered the mountain. I’ve found so many things in myself that I didn’t know were there, and it is thanks to both of you.
Walker and I spoke. I guess when you sacrifice your body and then find out it was for nothing, the government will do a whole lot to make you feel better about it. The funny thing is, I don’t feel shame about it anymore. I did something I felt I needed to be done, and it had been my choice all along. I can live with the consequences, but don’t tell Walk that. She’s agreed to my request: I’m being transferred to a new, foreign position. No more psychic troops for me, guys. This will be good, old fashioned spying. Does it make me sound crazy that I’m excited about the danger and intrigue?
That just about wraps it up. All that is left is goodbye. There are hundreds of more words I wish I could say to each of you, and thousands of kisses I’ll always dream of raining upon your bodies. Instead, all I have are these last few words.
Thank you for everything. Take care of yourselves. I love you…
Goodbye.
-Alice
Author’s Note
Thanks for taking a chance on my novella, Breaking Me In. It was so much fun for me to write, I hope it was pleasurable for you to read.
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Breaking Me In- The Complete Series Page 7