In a second, her facade deflated like a balloon. Her shoulders sank and her face paled. “What if I can’t?” she whispered, looking up at me through wide eyes.
I lifted her chin with my index finger. “You can. I’ll be there with you if you need me to be. Or I’ll wait in the woods if that’s what you want. Every day of your life, Ember, I’ll be there when you need me. And, when you think you don’t, I’ll still be there. Just in case.”
She shifted her lips, kissing my finger. “I need you every day.”
“Let’s go, then.” I nodded to the trailhead, where I knew the group was likely returning to the campsite.
As we reached the edge of the trail, a shrill sound that could only be described as girl pierced my ears.
“Ember!” As Ember and I made our way to the clearing, Monica sped at lightning speed toward us, nearly tackling Ember to the ground with her hug.
“Monca?! You’re not supposed to be here for another week!” Ember shrieked and the friends jumped up and down.
“Just a hi will do.” Walking toward us, next to Regan, Georgia spoke dryly, with a smirk.
“Georgia? What the hell?” Ember ignored Georgia’s request, and gave her a hug as well. One that Georgia graciously returned.
“Well, I hired someone to help my mom with the bakery because I was tired of missing all the fun. Monica called me and told me about her travel plans, so I jumped on board.”
Ember looked between Monica and Georgia. “You guys haven’t met before.”
Monica rolled her eyes. “Jesus, Ember, do you think I’d trust my best friend around any old female? Hell no. I got to the bottom of that shit, and quick. Georgia and I have been chatting for a while …”
As the girls walked toward the lake in a cackle of giggles and erratic hand motions, Monica looked over her shoulder and gave me a wink. When they disappeared out of sight, I turned to Regan, who looked as shellshocked as I felt.
“What was that?” I asked.
“This is what I gathered when I picked them up from the airport.” He took a comically deep breath while he looked to the sky. “Apparently, once you talked to Monica about discussing the engagement with Georgia, Monica looked up the bakery phone number and gave Georgia a thorough interrogation regarding her friendship credentials.”
I scrunched my nose. “How’d Georgia handle that one?”
“Well, apparently she told Monica to back the fuck off, and Monica told her that she passed the test. They both laughed, and that was that.”
“Okay,” I sat down at the nearest picnic table, “that doesn’t explain how they both ended up here at the same time.”
Regan sat next to me. “Oh, right. Well, once I got the story on everything the other day with Ember, I called Georgia. She’s my girlfriend, I get to tell her stuff.”
“Of course.”
“Apparently, then, Georgia called Monica to make sure she knew what was going on, because they both know that Ember can be oddly reserved. Even with people she loves.”
I nodded in approval. “Score one for Georgia.”
“Right? Anyway, I guess since Monica had already talked to you and Ember, they knew what was going on …” Regan looked up reluctantly.
“What …”
“See … Monica told Georgia that she thinks you’re going to marry Ember like asap. Maybe even before Napa. And I couldn’t deny it, even though I don’t know what the hell is going on ever, so Georgia told me she wasn’t missing any of this for the world, the girls arranged their flights and … well … here we are.” He gave an overstated, toothy smile at the end of his sentence.
I leaned forward and put my head in my hands. “Can Georgia keep a secret?” I realized how ridiculous the question was right when it came out of my mouth.
“Dude …”
“Dumb question, I know … None of this is going to happen until I can: A. Get Ember on speaking terms with her dad again, B. I ask him for permission to marry her. According to Monica I can’t do till right before because he can’t keep a secret. Which, by the way is the most ironic statement of the year, and C. Ember has to say yes and go through with it.” I wiped my hands over my shorts a million times, but couldn’t dry them as panic rose.
“Let’s, uh, slow it down … shall we?” Regan left the table and ran into one of the RVs, returning with two miraculously chilled bottles of beer.
I took a few large gulps and sighed my relief. “Thanks, man. Sorry.”
“We know she’s going to say yes. We know her dad is going to say yes. One of them is ordained, right?”
“One of who?”
“The Six. Isn’t Journey ordained?”
I pulled my eyebrows in. “How the hell do you know that?”
“I was trapped in an RV with them the other day, remember? I know more than I’ll ever repeat, dude.” He lifted his eyes to the sky and shook his head with a comical grin on his face.
“The only problem with involving her is it’s one more person who needs to keep it a secret—” I cut myself off and stood, slapping Regan upside his head.
Regan ducked back and put his hand to his head. “What the hell, bro?”
“I’ve got it!” My heart raced as I formed the plan in my head. “Tonight. It’s happening tonight. Text Georgia, tell her to keep them all away until its dark. Like … stars out, dark.”
Regan pulled his cell from his pocket and typed out a quick text. “Done.”
As if I needed more proof that what I was doing was right in the perfect time, Journey, and the rest of The Six returned from their hike.
“Bo? What’s up? You look … hyper.” Raven studied me curiously.
I took a deep breath, looked to Regan who gave me a thumbs up, then I addressed the group.
“Journey, we need to talk. Walk with me?”
Ember
“Guys, come on, we’ve been out all day. Can we please go back now.” After a full afternoon in the sun with Georgia and Monica, including drinks on the pier, I was exhausted.
“I guess, but I’ve never been here before. Cut me some slack.” Monica looped her arm through mine as we made our way through the streets heading back to the campground.
Georgia was on my other side, and I linked arms with her, too. She shot me a surprised look, then took a step closer to me as we continued our walk.
When Georgia spoke, her voice was softer around the edges than I was used to. “Thanks for including me.”
I nudged her with my shoulder. “Of course. You’ve been a huge part of my life for the last several months, and you make one my best friends wicked happy—“
“I know,” she smiled, “but I’ve also never had close girlfriends before. And we didn’t really get off to the best start.”
“The good news is, it doesn’t end where you start, unless you quit. We didn’t quit each other.”
Monica stopped in her tracks and tugged my wrist.
“What?” I asked, studying her serious expression.
“Unless you quit …”
“Yeah?” I drew out, looking around.
Monica shot a look to Georgia before addressing me. “Look, Em … I wasn’t going to bring this up right now, but …” She looked down, biting her lip in an uncharacteristic show of restraint.
“Spit it out, Monica.”
“Don’t quit your dad.” She finally looked up and I immediately wished she’d look away, but she wouldn’t.
My cheeks heated and I felt dizzy. I leaned against a nearby stone wall.
“So you have a sister …” Monica shrugged and sat next to me.
“Half sister,” I corrected.
Georgia rolled her eyes and sat on the other side of me. “Fine. Half sister. There are worse things in life than having extra family.” Her eyes fell along with her shoulders.
“Yeah,” Monica continued, “Willow was the only person from your childhood I ever heard you mention with any frequency while we were in college. You said it was like you were sisters. Turns out
you actually are.”
I stood, facing my girlfriends. “I can’t believe you two. My dad lied to me. And not about Santa Clause or the Tooth Fairy. Not only did he lie, but so did my mom and Willow’s par—whatever.”
Georgia stood, not looking one ounce sympathetic. “Right. And you still got to grow up with two loving parents who taught you it was okay, and, in fact, necessary to love hard and all the way to your core or whatever the fuck terminology your mom uses. You’re allowed to feel railroaded, and to ask questions, and feel everything, but, please, don’t you think given how you feel, your dad probably feels it more?”
I threw my head back in defiance. “How could he possibly?”
“Because he’s been living with it for almost thirty years. Every single day. Letting Michael and Solstice raise Willow as their own. Jesus, I’ve only known your dad for like a minute compared to everyone else here, but that man is the most emotional brand of Y-chromosome I’ve come across. How many times do you think he wanted to pick up Willow and swing her around the way he did you? How many times do you think he watched Michael hold her while she cried and a piece of him didn’t fall off of him and shrivel up in the dirt?” Georgia’s chin quivered as she spewed her emotional assessment of my father.
One that was so accurate I had to sit again. I looked to Monica, who’d once again gone quiet, and I found tears in her eyes.
Her voice was soft. Cautious. “She’s … she’s right, Ember.”
Her confirmation pulled me under. Succumbing to the heavy honesty, I let the tears fall. “But they taught me about love … everything I know.”
Monica wrapped her arm around my shoulder. “And now they’ve taught you more. They loved you and Willow enough to give you each your own, unique, awesome families. Your mom loved your dad enough to stand by him when it would have been socially acceptable—if not expected—to leave. Your dad loved Michael enough to give him a daughter, and loved Willow enough as the years went on to leave her with the right family. Her family. And, he gave you yours.”
Georgia shifted to my side. “You know … my dad and I didn’t have nearly the kind of relationship you and your dad do. Still, when he died, I felt like a lost toddler in the middle of a crowded beach. The ocean threatened to swallow me, people were pushing passed me, and even though I had my mom, I’d never felt so alone in my entire life.”
“God,” I put my head in my hands, “I’ve been so awful to him this week.”
Monica kissed the top of my head. “And you know, because he loves you, that it doesn’t matter to him. All that matters is you come home. To his heart. Wanna go do that?” She lifted my chin and gave me a hopeful smile.
A sob-soaked laugh crept from my throat as I stood and wiped under my eyes. My parents had raised me with nothing but love. That they’d engaged in a free-love lifestyle in their past was not a surprise to me. It was part of what led me to forge out a life of certainty for myself. Their choices—the ones I’d agreed and disagreed with—helped make me into the person I am.
My friends were right, though. The messy details and emotions could be sorted out later. The fact was, I was never—and would never—be in their shoes. Who was I to judge the decisions they made? Neither Willow nor I were ever lacking in attention or affection while growing up.
I wiped my tears once more. “Promise to hold my hand on the walk back?”
“Promise.” Monica squeezed my hand.
I swear they sighed in unison. Georgia stood and spoke first, “Yes. Let’s get you freshened up, though. You’re all red and streaky from crying.”
Monica held out her hand, and Georgia handed her a bag from a boutique we’d been in earlier.
“What’s that?” I asked.
“I bought some make-up. You’re going to use it.” She winked at Georgia and started fussing with my face right there on the street.
“Guys,” I laughed, “it’s just my dad.”
They stilled for a moment. Everything stilled.
“We know,” Georgia said. “Just … we know.”
***
Twenty-five strange minutes later, Monica, Georgia, and I had finally returned to the campground. It was well past sunset, but the moon was bright enough to light our path back to the campsite.
“So, Mon, are you still going to stay for the Napa show?” I asked as we carefully navigated the root-covered ground.
“Yeah. Josh is coming out, too. He couldn’t get a full two weeks off, so he’ll join us … now?” Monica’s voice trailed off as Josh appeared in our path. “Josh?”
“Josh?” I echoed, my smile brightening.
Monica sped up and jumped when she reached him, and he squeezed her against his body. “You weren’t supposed to be here yet!”
I couldn’t hear him clearly through his whisper, but it sounded like he said, “Yes I was.”
He set Monica down and walked to me. “Finnegan’s misses you, Em.” His boyish smile filled the space between us.
“Aw, I miss you, too. Josh.” I gave him a tight hug, and turned to introduce him to Georgia.
“Josh, is it?” Georgia deadpanned as she stuck out her hand.
After all the reunions and introductions were out of the way, we finally made our way to the clearing of our campsite.
Where my dad was standing nervously, and alone, by a picnic table in the center of the site.
“Dad?” I looked behind me, only to find my friends silently retreating into the nearest RV.
Someone had taken electrical tape and spelled The Mediator on the side of the RV. I had no idea what that was about, but Monica and Regan seemed to be getting a laugh out of it.
Still confused, and feeling more nervous than I had in my whole life, I turned back to my dad, who was walking toward me, holding out his hand.
“Baby Blue,” he whispered as our hands touched. He wasn’t tentative in his embrace.
All anger and apprehension shot through the soles of my feet and spread across the earth around us as I cried heavy tears into his shoulder. Tears he, of course, returned onto mine.
It felt like every hug we’d ever shared, only this time there was something more.
“Dad,” I sniffed as I pulled away, wiping my nose and under my eyes, “I’m sorry for being such a bitch … I just …”
He put up his hand, ignoring the desperate need to wipe his saturated cheeks. “I know. I know. I expected you to be angry, angel, I did. I expected a fight. But, when you just, shut down, I … I thought I’d lost you.” He grabbed my hand again and led me to the picnic table, sitting next to me on the long, cool rectangular bench.
“Well,” I sighed, “as you know, it’s not like this came totally out of the … blue.” I rolled my eyes and grinned to let the irony of the statement pass. He laughed softly. “Willow’s been on my case about it for months.”
My dad squeezed my hand, his clover-colored eyes drowning in uncertainty. “Why didn’t you come to us right away?”
Why.
If there was ever any time to be honest, I’d learned over the last year, it was when you were surrounded with half-truths and lies. It was my chance to stand on my own two feet and own my feelings. Own my thoughts. Just. Own it.
“Because,” I sighed as I rested my head on his shoulder, “I knew it was true. The second she said it, it was like my ears were flooded with the sound of a million things clicking into place …” I trailed off as my tears dried.
My dad kissed the top of my head as he wrapped his arm around my back. “How’d you know?”
I shrugged. “I mean, the eyes, I guess, but that wasn’t as solid for me as the other things. I always felt this strong connection with Willow. I knew how lucky I was to grow up with my best friend, and I often referred to her as “like a sister”, but she always just felt like a sister. There was something … just … more there.”
“What are you feeling now?”
“Well … there were half a dozen times before we moved to Connecticut that Willow and I always
said we wished we were real sisters so we could move together, and never have to live apart.”
My dad cleared his throat. “Do you regret making that wish?”
With a deep sigh, I gave another honest answer. “No. It was confusing as hell, and still is a little bit. My knee jerk reaction was to conveniently toss everything you ever taught me about love out the window.”
“Why didn’t you?”
“Because if I hadn’t learned from you, I wouldn’t have Bo. I wouldn’t have had the strength to let him go when he needed me to, or the strength to get back together when we were both ready. If it hadn’t been for the kind of deep love you have, that all of you have, Willow and I wouldn’t have had the lives we did.” I sat up, looking him straight in the eyes. “I still have a lot of questions but … you know what? I think our love is stronger than all of those questions and answers combined. Don’t you?”
With a muffled cry, my dad pulled me back into a tear-filled hug. “It is, November. It absolutely is. And, when you’re ready to ask, don’t hesitate on a single one. I’ll give you every answer I have.”
It seemed like the more time I was spending with my family, the more solid ground I was given. Like going on this tour with them wasn’t just an exercise in going back to my roots, but a process by which I was given a sturdy pair of wings.
And, at that exact moment, every single one of my dreams came true.
Bo
As I watched Ember and her dad embrace on the picnic bench, Josh softly elbowed my side.
“Ready man?” he whispered.
I smiled, never moving my eyes from my future wife as she sat, unknowingly, only ten feet away. “I always have been.”
The whole crew had sought refuge in the RV I’d been waiting in when Ember and her dad started talking. During the whole emotional ordeal my friends were more than quiet. Maybe watching me for signs of cold feet, all of them knowing what was going to happen next.
I turned to Georgia, who was nearest the power source. “Hit the lights, G.”
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