by L. T. Marie
“I’m fine.” Lee held her tight. “Oh, baby, I was so scared. I thought…” Lee’s vision wavered and suddenly she found it hard to breathe.
“You thought…” Jo asked right before Lee slumped into her arms. “Lee? Lee!”
Jo cradled Lee in her arms and suddenly felt a sticky substance coating her chest and stomach. Glancing down, she saw the pool of blood that had soaked the left side of Lee’s body. “Oh, my God, no!”
Jo screamed for someone to help, stroking Lee’s sweat-soaked face. As the dust began to clear, she could make out two large forms coming closer. Thankfully it was Dan Powers and Ted Simons, clearing a path to get to them. “Dan, help me. She’s hurt!”
Dan tossed aside a few pieces of broken ceiling tiles and crouched down next to them. “We need to get you out of here, Ms. West,” he said, coughing into his hand.
“Where’s my sister?”
“Safe. Everyone’s safe. Now, please, let’s go. We’ll come back for her once you’re secure.”
“And leave her here?” Had he lost his mind? “Screw that!”
“Ms. West, look—”
“No, you look. Where she goes, I go. Discussion over.” Throughout Lee’s whole life people had abandoned her. First her parents, then the people she served with, though not by choice. Jo refused to be one of them.
“Okay. Ready, Ted,” Dan said as he hooked his arms through Lee’s and Simons grabbed both her feet. “On three.”
They carried Lee out to the limousine that sat idling in the alley behind the building. Jo slid into the backseat and cradled Lee’s head in her lap. She remained silent as they sped toward the hospital.
“Sweetie, are you all right?” Tory asked, squeezing in on the other side of Jo to hug her.
“Yes, you?”
“Fine. Some bumps and bruises but otherwise I’ll survive. All the girls are safe too. I’m not sure about anyone else.” Tory placed Jo at arm’s length and gave her the once-over. “Jesus, you’re covered in blood. Are you sure you’re all right?”
Jo nodded but couldn’t speak because of the lump in her throat. If Lee wasn’t okay, she’d never be all right again. She motioned at Lee, and Tory gulped at the sight of the blood seeping from her left side.
“Hey, hey, come on,” Tory said. “She’ll be okay. Isn’t that right, Gary?”
“Yep.” He nodded, holding Tory’s hand tight without looking away from Lee’s inert form. “She’s tough.”
Jo stroked Lee’s hair as Dan and Ted kept pressure on her injuries. As soon as they arrived at the hospital, Lee was wheeled into the emergency room and Jo sat helplessly waiting to hear about her condition.
“What am I going to do if something happens to her,” Jo said to nobody in particular.
“Honey,” Tory reached for her hand. “It’s going to be okay. Lee is as tough as they come. She survived the desert, she’ll survive this.”
She slung an arm around Jo’s shoulders but appeared surprised when Jo shrugged it off. Jo wasn’t seeking comfort. She was so angry. She wanted someone to pay for hurting Lee—to suffer as much as she was suffering. Unfortunately, as years of built-up resentment finally bubbled over from a combination of frustration, anger, and fear, Tory was the unlucky one in her path. “We could have avoided this, avoided more injury and destruction. But oh, no. Tory West had to get her way again. Why was this damn book signing so important to you?”
“Because,” Tory said calmly, “hiding from this maniac wasn’t the right course of action.”
“Right course of action?” Jo looked at Tory like she’d grown a second head. “Okay, you need to stop hanging around Gary. He’s got you talking like a shadow now. Who cares whether it was right or wrong? The point is, you shouldn’t have done it. You were warned but still you didn’t listen.”
“The FBI said it was fine. And what else would you have me do, Jo?” Tory said, sounding as defeated as Jo felt.
“Be more serious about protecting yourself. You want me under guard twenty-four seven, but you’re the one this lunatic is really after, and still you do stuff like today to put yourself and others at risk. All I ever wanted was my sister back, Tory. The rest of it can go to hell.”
“I’m here,” Tory said, squeezing her hand. “I’m right here.”
“For now, or at least until the next tour.” Jo sighed. Suddenly she felt as if the life were sucked from her body and she sank into her chair. “I don’t want to talk any more. I need to find out how Lee is.”
“I know, but we can’t leave things like this.”
“Yes, we can and we will…for now. Just this once, you’re not getting your way.”
Tory took the hint that Jo wanted to be left alone and exited through the double doors, followed by her bodyguards and leaving Jo with one guard in the waiting room. Several hours had ticked by when a tall, attractive surgeon with dark hair and even darker eyes awakened her. Jo tried to stand but the doctor placed a comforting hand on her shoulders, stopping her from rising.
“I’m Doctor Ammini, Lee’s surgeon,” she said, extending her hand. “And you are?”
“Jo. How is she? Is she going to be all right? Did you—”
“Whoa, calm down—first things first. Are you Lee’s family?”
“Yes,” Jo lied. “Can I see her?”
“That depends.”
“On?”
“On whether she wants to see you.”
“Why wouldn’t she want to see me?”
The doctor ignored her question. “The surgery went well but she’s still groggy. When she woke a few minutes ago, she said no visitors. But,” Doctor Ammini held up her hand as if warding off the next question, “I can ask if she can make an exception.”
“She’s awake?” Jo said as tears welled in her eyes.
“Yes. But, she’s been through a lot today. Five minutes, okay?”
Dr. Ammini explained that Lee had lost a lot of blood from the injury sustained to her arm and side when a sharp ceiling tile had sliced her open and would be weak for the next few weeks until her blood counts rose. She would make a full recovery, but it would be slow. Somehow she’d also broken her arm, most likely when she’d tackled Jo to the floor. Jo stood in the doorway of Lee’s room, content to watch her sleep peacefully. Sleeping, not dead. Thank God.
“You just going to stand there staring or are you coming in?” Lee asked weakly.
“I’m coming in,” Jo said, her voice hoarse with anxiety. She searched for Lee’s hand under the covers, surprised at the strength that squeezed back.
“I’m okay.”
Jo laughed softly, ignoring the tears coursing down her face. “If you were okay, you wouldn’t be in here.”
“Ow, shit, that hurts!” Lee said as she tried unsuccessfully to move her left arm.
“Stay still.”
“What about my arm?”
Jo ran her fingertips carefully over the injured limb. Thick, dark blotches were seeping through the heavily bandaged arm. “It’s fine. A broken bone and some stitches but the doc says full recovery.”
“So, I get to keep it?”
Jo didn’t understand the question until she realized that Lee might not know where they were or what accident they’d been referring to. Doctor Ammini said they’d given Lee morphine and that she’d be pretty drugged up for the next few days. “Yes,” she said, choked up. “You get to keep it.”
“That’s good. I’m tired—so tired,” Lee said, her eyes closed and the worry lines in her face relaxing.
“Rest. I’ll be here.”
“Yeah?”
Jo placed a kiss on her forehead. “Try to get rid of me.”
Chapter Twenty-three
Lee felt sluggish and out of sorts. She couldn’t raise her left arm. Was she dreaming again? Trying to sit up, she groaned as the pain forced her to fall back into the pillows. I’m in a hospital. Shit, not again! She looked at the needle in her arm and followed the tube to the bag hanging next to the bed. Morphine. She groane
d.
The strong narcotic always caused her to hallucinate, and what infuriated her most was that it rendered her helpless by making her lose touch with her body. She hated being out of control and tried fighting the effects, but the strong hold the drug had on her nervous system left her loose-limbed, like a marionette without a puppeteer.
A headache and nausea always followed the haziness. She had no idea how long she’d been out, but judging from the telltale signs of the sun illuminating the drab hospital room, it had at least been overnight. Frustration rippled through her. The morphine wasn’t allowing her to think clearly. There was someone she needed to find, someone who needed her. She had to get to her. Reaching for the IV, she was about to rip it out of her arm when she noticed a mass of long blond hair sprawled across her covered legs. A snore emanated from under the hair and she was thankful the motion hadn’t woken Jo, who was a sound sleeper.
Sifting the long blond strands through her fingers, she was suddenly content to lie there watching Jo sleep. This was the someone she needed. She would’ve given anything to stay like that forever, but the slow, steady beat behind her eyeballs suddenly increased, making her wince in pain. Her loud groan made Jo stir and wake up.
“Hey.”
“Hey.”
Jo sat up, stretching the kinks out of her back and neck. “What time is it?”
“Time for you to go home and get some rest.”
“Nice try,” Jo said, wiping a sweat soaked strand of hair out of Lee’s eyes. “But I’m not leaving until you do. How do you feel?”
“How do I look?”
“Your eyes are hazy and a little red. Morphine making you a bit loopy?”
“Yeah,” Lee admitted reluctantly. “I hate the stuff.”
“I’ll talk to the nurse about lowering the dosage. How about the rest of you?”
“Confused. Sore. I don’t remember much.”
“We’ll talk later.”
“That’ll work, but I have to go to the bathroom, and that can’t wait until later.”
“Let me help you.”
“No, I got it.” Lee tried to move but a bolt of pain seared down her left side. She grimaced but refused to cry out again in front of Jo.
“You’re unbelievable!” Jo said, reaching for her. “This is no time to be a stubborn, macho soldier. Now stay put and let me or the nurses help you.”
Lee grimaced as nausea threatened with each breath. “You…should…go.”
“I said I’m not going anywhere. Be quiet and hold on, or I’ll make one of these scary-looking nurses come in and give you a sponge bath or something.”
“That’s a threat?”
“If you saw these nurses you’d think so.” Jo grinned. “Come on. Be a good patient and put your arm around my shoulders.”
“And you think I’m stubborn.”
“Looks like we have something in common.”
After returning from the restroom Jo helped Lee get settled back in the bed, and Lee felt like she’d run a hundred miles instead of just shuffling to the bathroom.
“Right. Go to sleep. I’ll still be here when you wake up.”
Lee nodded. “Is everyone okay? Tory and the others?”
Jo winced. “Two FBI agents were killed, the ones standing closest to Tory when the bomb went off. Some of the customers were hurt, but the band is fine. Thanks to you.”
Relieved, Lee closed her eyes and slept well into the afternoon. Jo kept vigil by Lee’s bed, watching over her as she slept.
*
Lee woke to the familiar tangle of hair that covered her thigh just above the covers. She gently ran her hand through it, pushing away the strands that covered Jo’s eyes. Below her hand Jo stirred, a small, incoherent grumble escaping her lips. She hadn’t meant to wake her, but the need to touch her had been too great.
Lee felt defenseless against the pull of emotions that having Jo so close provoked. She’d never felt so helpless, so lost in another human being. Maybe it was the medication. But maybe it was because she simply didn’t want to resist Jo any longer. She would allow herself this moment of comfort—a final minute that would be imprinted in her memory forever. Waking up to find someone there, someone who cared what happened to her, was comforting in a way she’d never experienced.
“Lee?”
“Yeah, wake up, sleepy.” Lee’s hand slipped off Jo’s shoulder as she stirred. Jo’s hair was tousled and her eyes hazy from sleep. God, you’re beautiful. “You need to go home and get some rest.”
“Told you.” Jo yawned and stretched. “Not going anywhere.”
“You have to. It’s late and there’s nothing you can do for me here.”
More alert now, Jo twined her fingers with Lee’s beneath the covers. “Let me be the judge of that. How do you feel?”
“Rough, but I’ll manage.”
“I’m sure you will.” Jo smiled gently. “Actually, I’m glad you’re awake. After what happened, I realize that we should have talked sooner. If something had happened to you…” Jo’s voice broke.
“It didn’t. I’m fine.” It killed her to see Jo in so much pain.
“And I’m so glad. But I want to tell you—”
“No! Don’t say it. Please.” I know what you’re going to say. I can see it in your eyes. Can’t you understand what those words would do to me? I can’t protect you any longer. I love you so much, but I’m saving you from the demons that haunt my life and will eventually destroy you.
“But it’s true. I refuse to deny anymore that I love—”
“No! I said stop!” God, don’t make this harder for me. She couldn’t handle another punch to her heart. Why did Jo have to say that word? Damn it, why? Couldn’t Jo understand this was her ultimate sacrifice, that her love could destroy Jo, destroy them both?
“I don’t understand. Why are you doing this?” Jo stared at her, pain clouding her eyes.
“Because I don’t feel the same way.” Lee looked away, feeling as though her heart were being ripped from her chest. She couldn’t lie to Jo while looking her in the eyes. “I care for you.” She swallowed hard, knowing the next words she spoke would deliver the final blow. “But my feelings stem from my job, a job I no longer can do effectively. I’m sorry if I misled you in any way.”
Jo’s jaw tightened, her blues eyes glacial. “Don’t beat yourself up,” Jo said angrily, and moved to the door. She turned and pinned Lee with a hard stare. “I thought you were a lot of things, but I never took you for a coward.”
The second the door slammed behind Jo, a new ache began in the center of Lee’s chest—a pain no amount of morphine could mask. With every burning inhalation she tried to convince herself that her decision had been for the best. Her tears fell silently as she lay alone in a bed of her own making.
*
Lee checked out of the hospital the following day, not wanting to risk Jo returning while she sat numbly inside her medical prison.
Not an hour, hell, not even a minute, had gone by since she’d sent Jo away that Lee hadn’t thought about her. Jo’s radiant smile and intense blue eyes haunted her. The hours that had passed had been filled with pain—physical and emotional. She deserved to suffer, just like she’d suffered when everyone under her command had lost their life, while she had escaped with just an arm injury. Losing her men had nearly taken her sanity, and now losing Jo cut deeper than any knife and created a void deeper than any bullet. It left splinters imbedded under her skin that no instrument could remove. It hurt to take a breath, to take a step.
She’d called Gary when she was released from the hospital, and when he came to get her he confirmed what Jo had told her: two FBI agents had been killed in the blast, and a number of civilians had been wounded. The suspicious person outside the window hadn’t been identified. The exterior cameras had been destroyed in the blast, and no one except Gary and Lee had seen the man in the hoodie to identify him. It killed her to be away from Jo, but even if she’d wanted to go back, her injuries would make g
uarding Jo nearly impossible. Instead, she’d instructed Gary to double Jo’s security, even though she knew Jo wouldn’t approve. At this point she didn’t care. If she couldn’t be there, she’d have Gary build a wall of protection around Jo, anything to keep her from being harmed.
Gary drove her home and said, “If you want to talk, I’m here.” Except for updates every few hours from him, she wouldn’t say much. For the first time, she found the silence in the shadows deafening.
*
Jo sat curled up inside the library, dabbing at her eyes with a tissue. Over a week had passed since she’d walked out of that hospital, a week since she’d talked to Lee and touched her in any way. She had no idea why Lee was refusing to admit that she had feelings for her. Should she call her and get her to understand that they were both suffering? But what would she say? Even though it killed her not to be able to take care of Lee, she refused to beg. The possibility of being rejected again was the only thing keeping her from picking up the phone instead of staring at it for hours on end.
“Jo?” Tory asked, leaning up against the doorframe. “You can’t keep doing this to yourself.”
“Go away.”
“No. You need to talk to someone and I want to be here for you.” Tory knelt in front of Jo and grasped her hand. “Say something. Anything. It’s killing me to see you this way.”
“I have nothing to say to you.”
“Great, then I’ll talk and you can listen. Let’s start with how you told Lee you loved her and she turned you away.” Tory smiled knowingly when Jo gasped. “And before you ask, I was in love with a soldier, remember? I know what you’re feeling because I’ve been there.”
“Talk about calling the kettle black,” Jo said. “You’re still in love with him.”
“And how do you know that, smarty pants?”
“Because you never stopped. Go ahead, deny it. I dare you.”
“I don’t deny anything, but I was hoping this conversation would be about you. And yes, I do love him. I always have.”
“But you’re not with him?”