Secrets and Shadows
Page 21
“I’m sorry,” Lee said, wiping at her tear-stained cheeks. “That’s never happened before.”
“You mean to tell me you’ve never cried?”
“No. Never,” Lee said, more controlled, almost angry. “I’m a soldier. We don’t cry.” Christ, could the situation get any more embarrassing? Shaking. Crying. Talk about a goddamned disgrace.
“Jesus, Lee. I don’t know what kind of crap they feed you in the military, but damn it, you’re human. Flesh and blood. You’re the woman I love.” Jo knelt on the bed and pulled Lee close. “Let me in, baby. Don’t hide from me. I saw firsthand what the war did to Gary and Tory’s relationship. I promise it won’t come between us, no matter what the price.”
“Jo,” Lee said in a pained whisper. “You don’t know what you’re asking.”
“Then tell me, darling. Explain to me what hurts you. I want to help. I do. But you have to give me that chance.”
“Don’t you think I want to? Can’t you see there are things about me that you’re not aware of yet? Things I’m not particularly proud of. You may want to leave as soon as you find out, and I wouldn’t blame you.”
Jo pushed Lee back onto the bed and straddled her hips. She grabbed Lee’s hands and pinned them above her head. “Damn it, Lee. Look at me. What do you see in my eyes?”
Lee inhaled deeply, staring into the sea of blue. “My whole world.”
Tears rolled down Jo’s cheeks unchecked and she smiled. “I love you so much. Please, Lee. Tell me.”
“I’m going to tell you a story,” she said struggling with her own emotions. “There’d been a time when hopelessness consumed my life. I had nearly lost my arm, my troops, and my command. I was thrust into a swirling void of despair. I’d felt useless, out of control. Encouraging words from other soldiers and therapists were futile, and I sank into a deep depression. Some, like Gary, even thought I’d snap from the pressure. The day my discharge papers arrived, I’d never felt so inadequate or lost. They told me I’d never be fit for duty, wouldn’t be able to support a rifle, couldn’t lift a man on my shoulders or carry out the numerous duties I’d performed a hundred times. Without my command and my troops, I had nothing left. What you don’t know is that I suffered more than just a physical injury during the war.”
“PTSD.” It wasn’t a question.
“Yeah. I can’t control it and my symptoms are getting worse.”
“I wrote a paper on PTSD in my college psych class. I recall my teacher telling me that the symptoms were as serious and debilitating as any physical injury. Will you tell me your symptoms?”
Lee focused on some irrelevant spot on the wall. “They weren’t too bad at first. My hands shake. Then there’s the sweating, the racing heart, and sometimes I forget what I’m going to say. I forget details, and in my current line of work that could be dangerous for the person I’m trying to protect.”
Lee expected a lot of reactions from Jo, but outright laughter wasn’t one of them. What the hell could she possibly find so amusing?
“And you say it’s been getting worse?” Jo asked, a little more serious now.
“Yes.”
“Since when?”
“Since we met.”
Jo let go of Lee’s hands and stretched her body out on top of Lee’s. She threw her arms around Lee’s neck and kissed her soundly. “Do you want to hear something funny?”
“Not particularly,” Lee said, still trying to figure out Jo’s strange reaction to her life-altering declaration.
“I suffer those same symptoms too.”
“Jo,” Lee growled. “This isn’t a game. I could hurt you…in my sleep. I do things sometimes when I’m not aware. You may not be safe with me, love. There are nightmares. Sometimes it’s like I’m back in that God-forsaken desert and I panic. I couldn’t live with myself if I hurt you.”
“You listen to me, Lee Winters.” Jo slid her body up and down, rubbing her wet center against Lee’s soft skin. “I am safer with you than with anyone else in my life. You’ve never hurt me…not once, do you hear?” Jo said softly but fiercely. “I understand that PTSD is serious and I swear I’ll help you get through whatever we need to do to help you get better. But you see, since we met, I’ve been experiencing those symptoms too. I can’t sleep. I have trouble eating sometimes. My hands sweat when you’re near. My heart races when you touch me, and I can’t think when you say my name the way only you can. Do you know why?”
Lee couldn’t speak, too wrapped up in the way Jo’s lips moved to think.
“It’s because I’m in love with you.”
The dam inside Lee’s heart burst and all her emotions rushed out at once. Jo had set her free, and there was nothing she wanted more in her life than to prove to Jo just how much that meant. “I love you. I do. With everything in me,” Lee said, rolling Jo over to cover Jo’s body with her own.
“’Bout damn time, soldier. Now, I command you to kiss me.”
“Yes, ma’am.”
About the Author
L.T. Marie spends most of her time working out and writes during her free time. Her hobbies are reading every lesbian romance she can get her hands on and watching Giants baseball. She is the author of Three Days and One Touch.
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Table of Contents
Synopsis
By the Author
Acknowledgments
Dedication
Chapter One
Chapter Two
Chapter Three
Chapter Four
Chapter Five
Chapter Six
Chapter Seven
Chapter Eight
Chapter Nine
Chapter Ten
Chapter Eleven
Chapter Twelve
Chapter Thirteen
Chapter Fourteen
Chapter Fifteen
Chapter Sixteen
Chapter Seventeen
Chapter Eighteen
Chapter Nineteen
Chapter Twenty
Chapter Twenty-one
Chapter Twenty-two
Chapter Twenty-three
Chapter Twenty-four
Chapter Twenty-five
Chapter Twenty-six
About the Author
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