Amanda shook her head, “No, I didn't speak to him that night. I ran straight to my room. I didn't tell him anything about it until the next day, and by then you were gone.”
Suddenly, Amanda saw exactly how it must have transpired. The entire scenario played out in her mind, as if she were seeing it on a screen in CinemaScope.
“Oh, God, Justin. I know what happened,” she breathed, “I ran out of the bunkhouse in my bra, holding my shirt, and crying. He must have seen me...”
“Oh, no,” Justin continued, picking up the thread, his face losing color. “He must have thought I tried to force myself on you. Oh my God. He really thought that of me. I think I'm gonna throw up.”
“Justin, no! No, even if he thought that, it was only until the next morning. I spilled the entire story. You know I could never keep anything from Dad. He knew that it was all on me, that you did nothing – that even the feelings were all on my part.”
A further realization occurred to her, “That must have been his reasoning behind changing his will as a way to bring us back together. When he found out the true story, found out how wrong he'd been...this was his way to make it right.”
Justin's brow furrowed, “Do you think so?”
She laughed bitterly, “Yes. I loved him, but he was stubborn, and he was prideful. He never would have been able to admit to you how wrong he was, or apologize. This whole scenario – bringing you back here, leaving the resort to us both – this was his mea culpa.”
Justin looked at her, his eyes boring into her soul. She felt the tension between them grow, and knew that the next words out of his mouth were going to be of great import, possibly even of the life-changing variety. “You know, Manda,” he said softly, taking a step forward and gazing at her intensely, “the feelings weren't all on your side. Not by a longshot.”
Suddenly, every cell in Amanda's body was tingling in anticipation, her breathing was shallow, her cheeks were flushed, her thoughts were muddled. No one but Justin had ever been able to put her in this state at all, let alone the way Justin could – immediately, and with only a word or a glance.
Then his lips were on hers, urgent, desperate. His arms were around her, and she felt her own arms snake around his neck as her mouth met his need with her own equally desperate desire. She felt his tongue enter her mouth with an electricity that jolted her very core.
Justin moaned her name, and she threw her head back in abandon. As Justin began to kiss his way down her neck, his tongue trailing small circles over her collarbone, she felt the heat of arousal in a way that she had never experienced. Justin's fingers slipped under her blouse, caressing her waist and trailing their tantalizing way up her back, leaving scorched paths of heat in their wake. God, she thought to herself, I've gotten more sheer carnal pleasure out of just this kiss with Justin than I've ever gotten from sex with Geoffrey!
The thought of Geoffrey's name brought her back to reality, and her head snapped up. What was it about the topic, or the presence, of Justin that made her completely forget Geoffrey's entire existence?
She jumped back, pushing Justin away. “I can't do this!” she cried.
Justin looked supremely confused, “What? What are you talking about?”
“I have a boyfriend,” she protested weakly, “this isn't right.”
Then, because she knew it was the only thing she could do which would keep her from continuing down the road that the kiss had started her on, she turned around and fled down the path. It was a weak attempt to escape, she knew, as escape attempts went. After all, Justin was taller than she by a full foot, and his legs were just that much longer. If he chose to go after her, he would catch up to her in half a dozen strides.
However, it was what she could do, in terms of taking a stand. And besides, she realized with chagrin and more than a little regret and she made her way as quickly as she could down the path, he doesn't seem to be coming after me anyway.
Chapter 19
“I hereby call to order the very first meeting of the Fabulous Four Book Club, of which each of the individuals currently present is a charter member,” Karina intoned solemnly.
The four girls were sitting around that evening in Amanda's living room, drinking wine and laughing, and Karina had come up with the idea of starting a book club, as a way to keep them all in touch. Even from different cities, they could use video chat technology to see each other and chat in real time, and it was a way to know that the four of them would hang out together, at least virtually, once every month.
“Since the idea of this book club was only proposed about 15 minutes ago, we can forgo having a book to discuss this one time,” Lauren said, a touch severely, “but in the future, we really need to have a book. We don't want this to turn into one of those 'wine and complain' parties that other women have, under only the thinnest guise of calling it a book club. We're better than that.”
“Oh, yeah,” Karina said somewhat incredulously, taking a large swig of wine from her glass, “We're wwaaayyy better than that.”
“Well, we are,” Lauren went on, undeterred, “and we are going to prove it, every single month, when we exercise our intellect by actually reading a book, and then discussing it, like civilized adults,” she paused, then, grinning wickedly, “after which, of course, we will drink and gossip until we pass out. But not before we talk about the book, dammit!”
“Because we're better than that,” Karina intoned in a mock serious voice.
“Damn straight we are,” Lauren said with a victorious smile.
“Well, this month we don't have a book,” Sam said with delicious anticipation, taking the merest sip of her wine. “And I'm in training, so I can't even knock back the wine at the same rate as you ladies. So that means I have to get drunk on gossip.” She rubbed her hands together in glee, “Who's first? Who's got some juicy dirt?”
“I have a better idea,” said Amanda mischievously, “How about a good old-fashioned game of truth or dare?”
“Oh, I'm game!” Karina exclaimed immediately.
“What a shock!” came Lauren and Sam's voices together.
“Oh, you two think you're real funny,” Karina grinned”, “You're gonna find yourself on the receiving end of one of those couch pillows you always think it's so cute to bop me in the head with.”
“Well, to avoid that terrifying prospect, why don't we start the game,” Sam suggested.
“OK,” Amanda began, “I have one for Karina. But first, some ground rules. Nothing that's said here leaves the room.”
“What happens in Amanda's living room stays in Amanda's living room,” Sam agreed.
“Yes, absolutely,” Lauren chimed in.
“You know I agree, I don't want my business in the tabloids,” Karina finished.
“All right then, Miss Karina, here's my question for you. Who's the most famous person you've ever had a fling with?”
Karina grimaced, “Ew, you guys, famous guys are gross. I like to be the most vain one in my relationships, thankyouverymuch.”
Sam's jaw dropped, “So you mean you've literally been famous all this time, and you've never taken advantage of that fact to have a tryst with some hot A -lister?”
Karina shook her head, “Nah. Not interested. How about you, Sam? You're famous, too.”
Sam snorted, “Oh please! I'm well-known in my field. That's not the same thing as you – you're constantly on magazine covers, getting your pictures taken by tabloids...”
Karina groaned, “What part of that sounds appealing?”
“Well, you're rich. That's something a lot of people would love to be.”
“There are a lot of ways to make money. Fame ain't all it's cracked up to be.”
“Well, then,” Amanda said reasonably, “Who would you say was the love of your life? Famous or not?”
Karina shrugged, “God, you guys, I don't even know – isn't that sad? I mean, I've dated guys. I've even loved some of them. I dated my first manager for two years, I definitely loved him
, while we were involved. But the love of my life? That phrase seems epic. None of my relationships have had that epic 'I can't live without you' feel to them.”
“Yet,” Amanda appended.
Karina laughed, “Oh yes, my dear little optimist. I forgot to add 'yet' to the end of that sentence.”
Amanda continued, “There's still time! You're young!”
Karina shrugged, “I don't know. I think maybe I'm not wired that way. I've never loved a guy as much as I love music. I think maybe that's my destiny. Maybe music is meant to be my great love.”
“Well, then, I have a follow-up,” Lauren said, with a wicked grin, “If you haven't had a great love – at least one who can give you an orgasm not just an eargasm – who had at least been your greatest sex?”
“Wooo!” Amanda whooped, “Look at Lauren, bringing out her naughty side!”
Karina laughed, “Are you kidding guys? It was my first manager! Why else do you think he lasted two years? Although, I guess that proves my point, because when I had the chance to leave him for a better manager, I did it in a hot second. Music first!”
Amanda said, “Well, I pose that question back to you, Lauren. Best sex. Ever.”
Lauren looked at the ceiling, searching her memory. She laughed wryly, “Wow, I guess it couldn't have been that impressive if I had to think this hard about it. But, I have to say, if you're going to nail me down – pun intended – to just one person, then I think it would have to be my college boyfriend, Tad.”
“Tad? Seriously?” Karina inquired.
“Yes, and he was exactly what you might expect someone named Tad to be like. Old money family, huge Manhattan apartment, house in the Hamptons...when I was with him, I felt like I was part of that world, I felt like I belonged. I felt powerful, beautiful, rich.”
Lauren smiled slyly, “Let's just say that it translated to the bedroom.”
Karina chuckled, “Why, Lauren, little material girl you!”
Lauren threw her head back and laughed, “I know it! I won't even deny it. I like the finer things. I've always known that about myself. It just wasn't until college that I found out that they were actually an aphrodisiac.”
“Sam, it's your turn,” Amanda said, “Who was your best? The most unbelievable sex ever?”
“Well...” Sam started slowly and then trailed off, “that's kind of hard to say.”
“Hmmm...” Karina said, tilting her head to one side like a curious puppy, “Is that because all of your sex has been equally mediocre, or because all of your sex has been equally mind blowing?”
“Well,” Sam said, burying her face in the pillow she held in her lap, “That would be because all of my sex has been equally nonexistent, actually.”
The other three looked puzzled.
“What do you mean, Sam?” asked Lauren, always the one out of the four of them to strive to quantify things, to make them exact.
Sam sighed, “Well, I guess it was bound to come out sooner or later. Yes, it's a little embarrassing at my age. But it's just, with my training and everything – and seriously, you guys, my coach is so strict and exacting – I've just never had the chance to develop a relationship.”
“So...you've never had a boyfriend?” Karina said, in an attempt to clarify.
“Nope,” Sam affirmed, “Never had the time, never had the freedom.”
“Sooo....” Karina asked, drawing out the syllable and leaving Sam plenty of room to jump in. When she didn't, Karina finished, “...you've never done the dirty?”
Sam shook her head ruefully.
“Whoa!” Karina exclaimed, “That's some serious dedication to your sport, right there, folks!”
Sam laughed. “Believe me, it's not that. Or, I mean, I guess that's at the root of it. But it's not like I ever intentionally decided to make the trade. It's not like sports is the priesthood or something, you don't have to take a vow of chastity. In fact, you should see Olympic village. Hook up central!”
“Well, OK, then!” Karina interjected, “It's not like you haven't had the opportunity!”
“Gross!” Sam exclaimed, “I'm not looking to lose my virginity in some drunken one night stand! I want to fall in love. Shouldn't that be the minimum requirement?”
Lauren and Karina both laughed skeptically, but Amanda jumped to Sam's defense. “Of course it should be! Ignore these two!”
Lauren shrugged, “It's not that I don't understand what you're saying Sam, I'm just worried that at this point, you may be putting a lot of pressure and expectations on the experience that it most likely won't live up to.”
Sam shrugged right back at her, “Agreed. I'm well aware. But trust me, my expectations aren't even that high. I'd just like it to be with someone I care about is all, and who cares about me.”
“As you should!” Amanda chimed in supportively.
“Agreed,” Karina said, “If I could, I'd probably take back some of the sex I've had with people I didn't really care about,” she grinned wickedly, “but only some of it.”
“OK, Amanda, now you,” Lauren broke in, “Who has been the greatest, most mind-blowing sex of your entire life?”
Amanda got a mischievous, conspiratorial look on her face, and leaned in closer, causing the other girls to lean in as well. “I can tell you who it almost was. Justin. This afternoon.”
All three of their jaws dropped, and Karina reached behind her and grabbed the pillow she was leaning against, hitting Amanda over the head with it.
“Hey, what was that for?” Amanda laughed.
Karina shrugged, “I don't know, I feel like I get hit with it every time I say something shocking, and that definitely qualified. So what happened? Spill!”
Amanda shook her head, but not to say that she wasn't going to tell, but rather to clear the fogginess and bring herself back to earth. “I'm still in a state of shock, honestly. Justin and I hiked up to Hope Falls this afternoon...”
“Oooh La La!” Karina interjected.
“...to scatter my father's ashes.” Amanda finished her sentence.
“OK, maybe I was premature with the sound effects,” Karina said sheepishly.
“Anyway, things just got very heated and emotional. We both ended up admitting that we had feelings for one another, and then all of a sudden he was kissing me.”
“Yes!” Karina said, making a fist and pulling her elbow in toward her waist in a gesture of victory, “What kind of kiss? Was there tongue?”
Karina hit herself in the head with a pillow and said, “There. Timesaving measure.”
Amanda nodded emphatically, “Oh, heck, yeah, there was tongue! And traveling hands, and migration down the neck, and all the things that the best kisses have.”
“So what stopped you?”
“What do you mean?”
Karina snorted, “Well, that's not the kind of kiss that just ends when both people sort of pull away and step apart, shake hands, and say, 'oh, yes, thank you for that perfectly serviceable kiss.' That's the kind of kiss that's leading somewhere, unless something stops it. So what stopped it?”
Amanda looked wistful. “I did,” she admitted, “because of Geoffrey.”
Karina made a show of gagging, “Seriously? Because of him? Why couldn't you have just told me it was because you both suddenly vomited into each other's mouths so you could have grossed me out less.”
Amanda looked at Karina and laughed incredulously, “OK, first of all, disgusting. Second of all, he is my boyfriend. I seem to keep forgetting that fact, but it is, in fact, you know...a...fact,” she finished lamely, trailing off.
Karina rolled her eyes, “Circular grammar aside, maybe you need to consider the advisability of him continuing in that role if, as you yourself freely admit, you keep forgetting about him. I mean, think about that for a moment. You actually go for long stretches where the very fact of his existence is completely lost on you. That's not normal girlfriend behavior, particularly a girlfriend who is super into the relationship.”
Amanda
sighed, “I know. But, I never thought of myself as the kind of person who leaves their significant other for someone else, and particularly not when I know that Justin is not 100% reliable!”
Lauren replied reasonably, “Look, take it beyond the realm of either or. Stop thinking of it as leaving Geoffrey for Justin. Take Justin out of the picture entirely. If this is how ambivalent you are about Geoffrey under any circumstances, you need to think about leaving him.”
“Well,” Amanda said a mock petulant voice, “That's a very decent point, damn you!”
“I do tend to make them at times,” Lauren teased back.
“Did you know that I kept the note?” Amanda asked.
“What note? The note he left on his bunk?” Sam exclaimed incredulously, “Why would you torture yourself like that?”
Amanda shrugged, “It was the last thing he ever gave me.”
Karina and Sam, in unison, chorused, “Awww....”
“Oh, no!” Lauren cut them off curtly, “We are not going to be encouraging this unhealthy behavior with 'aaawww...' Amanda, go upstairs and get the note. Tonight is the night you set yourself free. You're gonna burn that sucker.”
Amanda's eyes widened, “I don't think I can!”
“Sure you can,” Lauren said confidently, “It's simple. You just go one step at a time. The first step is – go and get the note. Later, we'll take the next step. Right now all you have to do is get it. You can do that right?”
Amanda shook her head uncertainly.
Karina took this opportunity to say, “This is getting heavy. Obviously, what we need is more liquor!”
As she filled each of their glasses anew, she remarked, “I'd say this round of wine-fueled truth or dare is off to a fine start. Here's the thing, though, girls – as many times as we've played this when we were teenagers, have you never noticed that we never quite get around to the 'dare' part? I think that's the answer to Amanda's problem.”
Amanda wrinkled her forehead, puzzled, but Lauren picked up on Karina's idea immediately.
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