by Anna Martin
Not that being closer would necessarily help. They were all wearing fairly heavy makeup. For men. Not that he was one to talk….
Luc was singing along with the band, punching his hand in the air and bouncing along with the thump of the music. After about forty-five minutes the band departed, and the now familiar resounding beat of the DJ’s music resumed.
“Drink?” Luc asked as they made their way off the dance floor. Caleb nodded, aware that he’d been sweating with all the other people dancing along to the band.
They joined the crowd at the bar, and Luc bought two bottles of water and drained half of his in one go. Caleb sipped at his own bottle, not wanting to make himself sick. It really was very hot.
“Outside?” he asked Luc, hoping to get some fresh air.
Luc nodded.
This time, when they walked back through the club to a small smoking area, Caleb didn’t take hold of Luc’s hand.
There were a few people smoking in the courtyard area, and Luc reached for his own small pouch of tobacco and rolled a cigarette with deft fingers. When someone left a bench free Luc dived onto it, making Caleb laugh, then rearranged himself so he was sitting on Caleb’s lap.
It was colder now, a crisp breeze running through the city making the hairs on the back of Caleb’s arm stand up. It was warmer with Luc’s weight over his thighs, though, and he wrapped an arm around Luc’s waist to anchor the other boy against his chest.
“Did you have fun?” Luc asked, and Caleb nodded.
“Yes,” he signed. “I could feel it.”
“The music?”
“Yes.”
Luc laughed, delighted. “That’s awesome.”
The adrenaline was still pumping through Caleb’s veins, making him dizzy, and he leaned in to steal a kiss from smoky lips. Luc hesitated, their mouths just barely touching, before he pulled away.
“Why is it okay to kiss here?” Caleb asked. In other parts of the city Luc was wary of even walking too close to him.
“People here are very accepting,” Luc said with a shrug. “No one cares.”
He tossed his half smoked cigarette into the metal disposal box and jumped to his feet, holding out a hand to pull Caleb up too. They went back up to the top balcony of the club. There were fewer people here now, and another band seemed to be setting up.
On their first tour around the club, Caleb hadn’t noticed that there were a few different hallways that led off the balcony. One had a sign for the bathrooms; another said “Private.” A third led to yet another bar, this one painted blood red.
It was here that Luc backed Caleb up against a wall, pinning him easily with knees and hips and wrists pressed against the flaky red paint. With heavy lidded eyes, Luc rose up on to his toes to press their lips together, gentle for only a moment before Caleb groaned and opened his mouth to slide his tongue against Luc’s.
He knew this wasn’t a gay bar, and a sensible corner of his mind asked if this was such a great idea. Luc had a way of chasing those thoughts away, though. It was something about his sweetness and the edgy side that was undoubtedly appealing. The thought that people were passing them in the hallway too, only a few feet away, while Luc was thoroughly attacking his mouth… well, that wasn’t as terrifying a thought as it once might have been.
After a few minutes, Luc pulled away again with one of his signature cheeky grins, biting his lower lip enticingly.
They headed back to the balcony by silent agreement to watch the end of the next band’s set. Then Luc threaded their fingers together and led them back to collect their jackets. It had been a couple of hours in the club, a lot longer than he thought he would be comfortable in a room with so many people he didn’t know.
11. Love
According to Luc the subway was still running at this time of night, but it wasn’t always a good idea to try and take it. Instead they flagged down a ubiquitous New York yellow cab and split the fare. It was less than Caleb had expected.
Back at the house, Luc unlocked the door, holding a finger to his lips to let Caleb know he needed to be quiet. Caleb took one last look out at the night. The moon was huge in the sky, making the streetlights pointless and the stars invisible. An unusual sky for an unexpected night.
Then Luc locked the door, bolted it in two different places, and put a security chain across, locking the world out.
Not wanting to disturb the household, Caleb made sure to tread lightly on the stairs and carefully shut Luc’s bedroom door behind them. His backpack was still on Luc’s bed, his pajamas half falling out of the open zipper.
Luc gently touched his arm to get his attention and handed him a packet of baby wipes.
“For your face,” he said with a smile.
Caleb glanced in the mirror and winced. The black eyeliner had smudged a little around his eyes, making him look dark and different. Not sure how much he liked it, he used the wipe to scrub away the makeup and the dirt, then washed his face with cold water and brushed his teeth.
When Luc took over the space in the bathroom, Caleb quickly changed into his pajama bottoms, deciding, tonight, to leave his T-shirt off. Even when he told himself it had nothing to do with the fact that Luc had admired his chest earlier… he didn’t believe it.
In this room Caleb felt comfortable enough to just be, and slipped into Luc’s bed without hesitation. Although his body was tired, his mind was still riding the high that had been the evening so far.
The light went off in the bathroom. Then Luc walked out wearing Captain America pajama pants that made Caleb giggle. Luc never wore sensible underwear or nightclothes and probably never would—it was all part of his charm.
He too was scrubbed clean of makeup, and his hair was slightly damp where he’d pushed it back from his face. Caleb lifted up the corner of the duvet, making room for Luc to slip in next to him. It took a few moments, but they eventually found a position that was comfortable, sharing a pillow with hands tucked under their cheeks so they could lie almost nose to nose.
This close, Caleb could marvel at all the different colors in Luc’s eyes. What looked blue from a distance was actually shades of green and gold and gray, mixed in with that intense, deep sunny-day blue.
“Thank you,” Luc signed.
Caleb frowned and made a “What for?” expression.
“Everything.”
With his chest suddenly feeling so full of an emotion he wasn’t ready to name just yet, Caleb just nodded. He was half afraid of the first kiss, not sure what it might ignite. Back in the club, he had been sure he could feel Luc’s cock when they were kissing in the red hallway, and even though part of him was desperate to explore, another part wanted to wait.
Something told him they had plenty of time. And there was something to be said for taking things slow. This alone—lying in bed, barely touching—was enough for now.
Caleb reached out and brushed Luc’s hair back from his forehead, then pressed a kiss there.
“Good night,” he signed. “Sweet dreams.”
For a few hours, they slept in each other’s arms. Caleb had often wondered how couples found a way to really let go and sleep together—not in a sexual way, more in a logistical way. In sleep, he stayed pressed close to Luc’s body, as if it held a comfort that might once have been provided by a favorite blanket or stuffed animal. These days it was Luc’s warm, smooth skin that was a soothing comforter, giving Caleb the sweetest dreams.
When Luc started to tremble, it woke Caleb first. He wasn’t sure exactly what was happening. Then Luc thrashed in his sleep, and Caleb acted instinctively, gathering him close and rocking their bodies together until Luc woke with a start.
Luc was still shaking as he curled into himself, making his small body even smaller, and now Caleb held him as he cried. Caleb didn’t know, he didn’t know he could feel his own heart breaking for someone else.
After a while Luc quieted and tried to pull away, but Caleb wouldn’t let him. Being the source of this kind of comfort was entirely
new, and his instinct took over, telling him to stroke Luc’s hair, to rub his back gently through his shirt, then under his shirt.
The kiss tasted like salty tears this time, and Caleb learned that there was another reason why people could make out like this. Caleb brushed his fingers back and forth over Luc’s back, under his shirt, somehow unaware of how this touching was stoking their shared arousal.
Luc leaned over and touched the base of his lamp, casting the room in a soft glow. His eyes were still red, and Caleb hated that. He reached for Luc again and drew him down into another kiss. Their tongues slowly started to rub together, and Luc rolled on top of Caleb, giving Caleb full access to his small, perfect body.
The move also lined up their groins perfectly. When their erections grew, straining at their pajama pants, Caleb didn’t feel ashamed of what they were doing. It wasn’t something he feared. This felt right.
Luc sat up, looking down at Caleb, stretched out looking beautiful and aroused and like nothing Luc had ever seen before. Even though his fingers trembled slightly, he gripped the hem of his T-shirt, crossing his arms over his chest, and pulled it off.
Caleb didn’t blink or gasp or show any sign of discomfort. Luc wasn’t convinced, though, and chewed at his lip ring, knocking it back and forth between his teeth and his tongue.
“It’s been there since I was born,” he said, not looking down at the birthmark.
Caleb reached out, then retracted his hand and silently asked for permission with raised eyebrows. When Luc nodded, he gently ran his fingers over the angry-looking dark red skin. The birthmark covered part of his shoulder, down his chest, and over the top of his arm. Compared to his pale skin, the color looked even more vibrant, and Caleb traced the edges of the mark, where white met red.
“Does it hurt?” Caleb signed.
“No,” Luc said, shaking his head. “I’m lucky, in a way. Some people get it on their faces or hands. This is relatively easy to cover up.”
“Bullied?”
“Some. Not really. It’s fine, honestly.” He caught Caleb’s hand and moved it back to his waist.
The truth was more than he was prepared to let Caleb know just yet. For years, especially when he was younger, the other kids used to tease him because of the ugly mark. He used to scrub the area extra hard when he was in the shower, hoping to remove it, before Ilse told him he could make it worse.
When he was younger, he’d researched it to the point of obsession, checking the results of surgical removal and whether he was eligible. The techniques existed, but the success rate wasn’t fantastic. Eventually he’d made peace with it, accepted the patch of skin on his right shoulder as just another part of himself.
Getting to that point had been a long process.
Caleb didn’t seem bothered at all. He was interested, and he’d asked the right questions, if there were right questions to be asked in that situation. His hands tightened around Luc’s waist, and Luc lowered himself back down so they could resume their kissing.
In truth, they were both ready for this. Luc was a bit more ready, but Caleb seemed to be okay with that. Their hands roamed all over backs and sides and chests, and Caleb’s deft fingers found the hoop through Luc’s nipple and tugged on it.
Luc sat up with another start. Caleb’s lips were pink and shiny now, and Luc was desperate to kiss him again. He was ready for more, though.
“I want to have sex,” he blurted. Caleb’s eyes widened. “Shit. I didn’t mean to say it like that. I want….” He took a deep breath. “I want for us to make love. Together.”
Caleb still looked a little shocked, but his expression softened. Luc wasn’t ready to tell Caleb everything yet. He wasn’t sure he would ever tell anyone absolutely everything, but Caleb was different from pretty much everyone he’d met in his life. When it came to this, Luc had faith.
Caleb nodded.
“Are you sure?” Luc asked, not really believing this could be real.
“Yes, if you are. What do you want?”
Luc took another deep breath. “I want you inside me,” he said. He reached down and gently squeezed Caleb’s erection. “I want you to be a part of me.”
In his hand, Caleb’s cock throbbed, and Caleb nodded. “Okay,” he signed.
Luc leaned in, and they started to kiss again, slow and sure, and Luc carefully shimmied out of his pajama pants and pulled Caleb’s down too. One layer left. They kissed for a few more moments, and then Luc reached for the waistband of Caleb’s underpants and tugged.
Laying his head down on Caleb’s chest, Luc twisted the fabric in one hand until Caleb lifted his hips and helped Luc get the briefs off the rest of the way. Luc didn’t wear briefs under his pajamas, so they were both naked now. For the first time.
When he was sure he could control his trembling fingers, Luc reached down and ran his fingertips over Caleb’s cock. It was fully hard, thick against Caleb’s belly, rising up out of a thatch of sandy blond pubic hair.
Caleb’s heartbeat was a steady thump-thump under Luc’s ear as he explored farther down, cupping Caleb’s testicles and testing their weight, then stroking down just behind them. Luc wanted more. He wanted to take the heavy cock in his mouth, to test its weight on his tongue and find out how the soft, smooth skin tasted. He wanted to look up into Caleb’s eyes and watch as his own actions affected another person. He wanted to give someone pleasure, not because he was hoping it would be returned but because he was in love.
With that realization, Luc ducked his head and gently sucked the head of Caleb’s cock into his mouth. Caleb bucked his hips, whether in shock or pleasure, Luc wasn’t sure. It was strange at first, tasting the salty arousal, working out how to use his lips and tongue and avoid anything to do with teeth. That much he knew. Luc had seen this done before in porn movies, with varying degrees of pleasure on the part of the giver. It felt good to him. It felt… right.
After a few moments Caleb tugged furiously on Luc’s arm, and Luc reluctantly pulled away from his prize. His eyes skimmed over the warm blush that was spreading across Caleb’s chest, up to slightly panicked eyes.
Caleb brought his hands up as if he were about to say something, then stopped. Luc laughed when he understood this must be the sign language version of stuttering. It was adorable. He leaned up and pressed his lips firmly to Caleb’s.
When they pulled away, Luc signed, “I have… things,” realizing too late that he didn’t know the signs for “condom” or “lubricant.” Caleb nodded.
Feeling stupid for reasons he couldn’t name, Luc reached over into the bottom drawer of his nightstand, pushed several things out of the way, and retrieved the two small boxes he’d bought in a neighborhood far from where his mother or sister were ever likely to shop. The plastic wrap had already been removed from the box of condoms. Luc had opened them up to read the folded paper where instructions were printed so he’d know how to put one on when the time finally came. He’d been tempted to open one of the little packets, to try putting a condom on himself, but he didn’t want to waste them.
The lube was open too. Just reading the instructions on how to correctly apply a condom to an erect penis had turned him on, his mind going to all the things that would happen after the condom was on the penis. He’d used some of the lube in the palm of his hand when he’d jerked off, deciding that the slick slide was better than doing it dry or with a handful of spit.
Luc left the instructions in the box and pulled out one of the condoms, then straddled Caleb’s thighs as he split the packet open. Caleb balled his hands into fists on the bed, and his jaw tensed as Luc figured out which way round the latex needed to go, then pressed it over the head of Caleb’s cock and rolled it down all the way to the root. He twisted the cap off the lube and rubbed some on top of the condom, then rolled over onto his back next to Caleb. There was still some lube on his fingers, so he reached down between his legs and rubbed it over his hole.
For a moment he was worried they were going too quickly, or that mayb
e Caleb wasn’t ready for this yet. Then his boyfriend reached over and, with his hand cupping Luc’s cheek, kissed him with such tender passion that his fears were swept away.
For a few moments, Luc let his whole world be this bed and the way Caleb kissed him. Then Caleb took the lube from the nightstand and squeezed some onto his fingertips. He nudged Luc back and reached down to where Luc had swiped the small amount over his own hole.
It was intense, feeling another person’s fingers inside himself, even though Caleb was achingly tender as he pushed and twisted and curled his fingers, and all Luc could do was grip Caleb’s arm tight and screw his eyes shut and ride it out. Because he knew what was coming next.
He expected it to hurt, and it did.
Caleb was so gentle, so careful with Luc’s body as he positioned himself between Luc’s thighs and eased inside, but it was a new experience for him too, and he couldn’t know what sort of reaction his actions would cause. Luc arched his back away from the bed, gasping for air, then forcing himself to breathe deeply, to relax and trust that it would feel good soon.
When Caleb was most of the way there, he paused and leaned in to share more kisses. Luc needed that, just as much as whatever else their bodies were doing. Kisses were something they knew, something they were actually good at. Kissing made sense, it connected them, and it let him fly free.
Luc reached up to cradle Caleb’s neck in his palm, silently asking Caleb to look at him. When he cracked his eyes open, Caleb thought this was possibly the most beautiful, incredible thing he had ever seen.
“I’m okay,” Luc whispered, leaning up to press their foreheads together and rubbing his nose against Caleb’s. “Please.”
He relaxed against the pillows again and rocked his hips, experimentally this time. “Please,” he said again.
Caleb started to move, pulling his cock out of the incredible tight heat, then sinking back inside, a little deeper than before. With only visual or physical cues to guide him, Caleb tried to keep his eyes open in the dim light to watch his partner moving in a sensual, undulating rhythm.