by Anna Martin
“Uh… yeah.”
“If it helps, I really want this. I’ve spent far too long thinking about it. It’s about time we figured it out.”
Evan felt himself smile and stepped in close, wrapping his arms around Scott’s neck to bring them together for another slow kiss. Scott took Evan’s hips in his hands, gripping tight enough that Evan felt so very secure, and brought their bodies even closer together.
Scott broke away and started pressing little kisses to Evan’s jaw. The move was enough to make Evan shudder, and he reached down, took Scott’s hand, and linked their fingers together. It only took a little tug to get Scott following him to the bedroom.
“It’s not much,” Evan said, feeling embarrassed as Scott shut the door behind them.
“What are you talking about?”
Evan shrugged, feeling his face heat. “This place.”
“It’s you, Evan,” Scott said. “And you don’t need to impress me. Fuck what I think.”
The bedroom was small. So small, in fact, that all he could fit in the room was his bed and a chest of drawers. He used the hallway closet as hanging space. His bed was tucked under the window and looked out over the back of the property, to where his backyard melted into woodland. At night it was so quiet he could hear for miles.
“Come here,” Scott said softly, and Evan fell into his arms.
They knew something about kissing each other now. It wasn’t natural yet, and they were still figuring things out, but this environment seemed to encourage a different kind of touching. Evan pushed his palms over Scott’s chest, feeling the firm muscles beneath his hands and how they twitched when Evan touched.
For the next hour or so, they made out like the horny teenagers they’d never gotten to be together. No clothes came off, hands stayed above the waist, and Evan regretted so hard and so deep he thought he might be bleeding from it. Scott’s lips were perfect, a painful reminder of everything he’d ever wanted and not dared to reach for.
“I haven’t been with a guy before,” Scott said, slightly breathless as he rubbed his cheek against the stubble on Evan’s jaw.
“You’re with one now,” Evan said lightly. His heart was hammering in his chest.
“I know. I want this so fucking bad. I might need you to help me. Y’know. Make it feel good for you.”
“Just do what feels good.”
Scott reached down between them and pressed his hand over Evan’s erection. Evan groaned, the reflex noise breaking into a laugh.
“Just for the record, that feels good,” Evan murmured.
“Good.”
When Scott leaned back to unbutton his shirt and shrug it off his shoulders, Evan wanted to whimper at both the sight and the sudden loss of contact. Scott was different now. He had hairs on his chest, dark ones that Evan wanted to run his fingers through. Scott’s body was broad and strong, though he had a little chub around his middle. His arms and shoulders were tight and toned, suggesting he lifted weights. Evan wanted to touch everything.
Instead he started to strip out of his own clothes, fumbling as he went, since he didn’t want to take his eyes off Scott and his slow striptease.
“Fucking hell, Evan.”
“What?”
Scott shook his head. “You look incredible. How did that weedy kid I knew grow up into….”
“Finish that sentence,” Evan teased.
“You’re hot,” Scott said, a blush crawling over his cheeks.
“Thanks. You’re not bad yourself, Captain.”
Scott laughed, a low, throaty chuckle, and reached for Evan again. Evan let himself be drawn into another deep kiss, his tongue licking into Scott’s mouth, fucking him softly.
“Can I… can I suck you?” Scott gasped as he pulled away.
“Yeah. Did I say that too quickly? Fuck it. Yeah.”
“You’re so funny,” Scott said and lowered his mouth to Evan’s chest, kissing down it slowly. Together they fumbled with Evan’s belt and jeans, pushing them down his thighs and laughing as Evan kicked them away.
Evan was expecting sex with Scott to be sloppy and inexpert. After all, Scott had admitted to having not been with a guy before. Maybe he’d watched a lot of porn, though, because the way his mouth felt on Evan’s dick was insane.
If anything, Scott was too gentle, letting his mouth quietly explore. He licked up and down Evan’s shaft a few times, then took it into his mouth and sucked, seemingly pleased when Evan’s hips bucked up off the bed.
Evan curled his fists into the sheets, trying not to demand more of Scott than what he could give.
“Can I fuck you?” Scott asked, his breath hot and wet against Evan’s neck.
“Fuck. Yeah.”
“Sure?”
“Very.”
“You need lube, right?” Scott said.
It had grown dark now, and his handsome face was almost hidden in shadow. Evan wanted to turn on a light to be able to see him again.
“You watch porn?”
“Sometimes,” Scott admitted. He grinned and leaned down, took one of Evan’s nipples between his teeth, and tugged lightly.
“Fuck,” Evan gasped, his back arching off the bed.
“Learned that one from porn,” Scott laughed. “Gimme the damn lube.”
Evan wasn’t sure what to expect. His fingers twitched against the sheets as Scott poured lube onto his fingers, then rubbed it around, testing the feel of it. Evan spread his legs, feeling slutty and loving it. If he couldn’t be wild and sexual now, he never would be. He wanted to feel like this for Scott.
Scott reached down between Evan’s legs and groped around, testing Evan’s responses as he prodded and petted and finally, finally tickled his index finger over Evan’s hole.
“Fucking hell,” Evan gasped, his back arching off the bed and hand going to his own cock, squeezing it at the base instinctively.
“You like that, hmm?” Scott said softly. He kissed Evan’s hip bone, then his belly, then licked at the head of his cock. “You want my fingers?”
“Fuck. Yeah.”
“Good,” Scott growled and pushed the tip of his index finger against Evan’s hole until it relented and pulled him inside.
There was more lube, and more fingers, and Evan let himself go and feel and not think at all. When he dared to open his eyes, Scott was right there, looking back at him, or maybe watching his own fingers as they moved smoothly in and out of Evan’s body.
“Tell me what to do, Evan,” Scott begged.
“Just this. More of this is good.”
“Evan.”
Evan took a deep breath and summoned his self-control. “Here,” he said, passing Scott a condom.
“Sure?”
“Oh, Lord. Very.”
Scott wiped his fingers on the top of his thigh and carefully rolled the condom on. Evan had watched him, entranced at the sight of Scott’s gorgeous, thick dick being covered by the clear latex, and then Evan pulled himself together and poured lube on his fingers.
“This okay?” Evan asked as he slicked up Scott’s cock.
“Jesus.”
Evan chuckled, loving the rush of affection, and placed his spare hand on Scott’s side. His hand on Scott’s dick was good leverage; Evan lifted his hips and drew Scott forward.
“Go slow,” Evan said, rubbing the blunt head of Scott’s cock over his hole. “But I won’t break.”
“Okay.”
“Now.”
Scott gave a tiny thrust forward, and the head of his cock easily slid inside. Evan arched his back, his body zinging with the sudden intrusion, and placed his now slick hand on Scott’s hip.
“Fuck. More, Scott. Don’t stop.”
It took a few moments to figure out each other, to understand angles and where Scott’s hands needed to go and for Evan to draw his legs up to give Scott more space. Then Scott thrust again and bottomed out at Evan’s deepest point.
“I can’t believe I’m inside you,” Scott murmured, his lips pressed so t
ightly to the skin under Evan’s ear it was hard for Evan to understand the words.
“You feel so good.”
“Show me how to find your sweet spot.”
Evan smiled to himself and arched his back, turning his face away so Scott wouldn’t see the grin and misunderstand. Scott kept rocking back and forth, a coaxing rhythm that made Evan want to scream Fuck me already.
“Next time you push in, lift your hips,” Evan said. He lifted one of his legs, curling the ankle just under one of Scott’s delicious asscheeks.
Scott hummed and drew back, his cock sliding easily out, then thrust in again, equally slow.
“Again,” Evan said.
This time Scott found the right angle, and the head of his cock rubbed against Evan’s prostate. Evan curled both hands around Scott’s strong back and held on tight, unable to find the words to say “Yes” or “There” or “Please” or “More.”
Maybe because they’d known each other nearly their whole lives, or because Evan had loved Scott almost as long, it felt right in a way sex had never felt before. He kept his eyes closed, content, knowing exactly who he was making love with and not needing anything else beyond this dark room and Scott’s sure touch.
“Still okay?” Scott asked, his voice a breathless whisper.
“Yeah,” Evan gasped. “Incredible.”
Scott kissed over Evan’s jaw until their lips met again, and when Scott flicked his tongue into Evan’s mouth, he thought it might be the end.
“Hard,” Evan managed to say. “Fuck me hard and fast.”
“Yeah?”
“I’m gonna come. Wanna scream for you.”
“Oh Jesus,” Scott muttered, dropping his head back to the curve of Evan’s neck as his hips started a snapping, bruising rhythm.
Evan didn’t quite manage a scream. His orgasm was more a punch to the gut, the pleasure radiating outward as his body coiled and released with the power of it.
Scott watched Evan as he trembled through it, then dropped his head to Evan’s shoulder and groaned, low and deep from his chest. He dropped to his elbows, breathing hard as his dick twitched with the remains of his orgasm, still buried deep in Evan’s body. Evan skimmed his fingers back and forth over Scott’s back, appreciating the sheen of sweat that glided his path.
With a soft kiss to Evan’s jaw, Scott pulled out and hobbled off to the bathroom to clean up and get rid of the condom.
“Holy shit,” Evan breathed to the dark room.
It took a few more minutes for his body to start responding to his brain’s commands. Scott was still in the bathroom, and Evan really, really couldn’t be bothered to move. He grabbed his discarded boxers, used them to wipe the mess off his belly and ass and thighs, then threw them in the direction of the laundry basket.
When Scott got back, Evan was jelly-limbed and almost asleep.
“You want me to leave?”
“No.”
He felt rather than saw Scott’s smile.
“Got a spare pair of boxers?”
“Top drawer,” Evan said around a huge yawn, gesturing absently in the direction of his dresser. A moment later, Scott crawled back between the sheets.
There was still so much left to say, to figure out between them. But this wasn’t the time. Evan rolled onto his side and tucked his head under Scott’s chin, his arm curled protectively over Scott’s side. Anchoring them together.
Scott pressed a kiss to the top of Evan’s head, wrapped his arms tightly around Evan’s shoulder, and like this, they fell asleep.
Evan woke earlier than he usually did, which was saying something. There was a warm, comfortable weight at his back, and Scott was snoring softly. He stretched, testing the soreness in his body. Not that he’d admit it to Scott, but this was the first time Evan had been fucked in a while. The right person just hadn’t come along, and he was twenty-eight now. It felt like he was done with random hookups. He was too old for that shit.
Being with Scott wasn’t at all like he’d imagined. Evan shifted minutely, finding Scott’s thigh with his ass and pressing their naked skin together. When they’d actually gotten around to fucking, Scott had been better and worse than Evan had imagined. Real-life Scott laughed. He teased and explored, his fingers unsure but curious. This Scott, the one asleep next to him, still snoring, wanted to make Evan feel good and learned how incredibly quickly.
Evan shifted again, and it seemed to be this that finally nudged Scott awake.
Shit.
Scott grunted and groaned, rolling onto his side and throwing an arm around Evan’s waist. For a second, Evan considered pretending to still be asleep, but he couldn’t think of any good reason to do so. Instead he grabbed Scott’s hand and brought it to his chest.
Saying nothing, Scott kissed his shoulder and apparently drifted back to sleep again. Evan couldn’t blame him. It really was early.
Closing his eyes, Evan let himself daydream.
It wasn’t the first time they’d woken up together. It was the thirtieth. Or maybe more. Now Evan knew those little snuffly grunts and would wait for them, the evidence of Scott’s waking, then let himself be pulled into those strong arms. Maybe they didn’t make love last night, so they would this morning, slow and easy as the sun rose, not kissing because morning breath was gross. Scott would kiss Evan’s shoulder instead, his neck and his ear as he moved in Evan slowly from behind.
After, they’d share a shower, get up and go for a diner breakfast, because they’d earned it, waking up with so much activity. Scott would hold Evan’s hand across the table and order his coffee black and extra hot, and Evan would look into his eyes and realize he was so, so in love.
In his bed, in the real world, Scott shuffled closer, pressing his chest to Evan’s back, and Evan wanted to cry.
“Morning,” Scott croaked.
“Morning.”
Evan skimmed his fingers up Scott’s arm, displacing the hairs there, then smoothed them back down again. In response, maybe a thank-you, Scott kissed the bony curve of Evan’s shoulder.
“Are you okay?” Scott asked. “About last night. And everything.”
“Yeah. It was good.”
Scott huffed a silent laugh against the back of Evan’s neck, sending a tiny shiver down Evan’s spine.
“For me too.”
Evan knew where this could go, if he let it…. To vague promises to try to make this work—it wasn’t such a long distance, really; they could give it a go, if they both wanted it.
They did both want it, but there was more than miles between Evan’s life and Scott’s.
Evan could tell Scott everything he’d been daydreaming of—the two of them together, out and proud and belonging to each other.
Instead he shuffled to the edge of the bed and shot a cheeky grin over his shoulder, even as his heart was sinking.
“Breakfast?”
“Sure.”
This was easier. Evan pulled on boxers and padded through to the kitchen barefoot, pleased that he’d at least put the dirty dishes in the dishwasher the night before. It meant the kitchen was relatively clean for making breakfast.
“Hey, you mind if I take a shower?” Scott asked, sticking his head around the kitchen door.
“Yeah, of course. There’s clean towels in the cupboard outside the bathroom door.”
“Got it.”
When he heard the bathroom door close and the familiar noise of the hot water tank rumbling to life, Evan put his head down on the cool kitchen counter, gripping the edge until his fingers hurt.
“I fucked Scott Sparrow last night,” he murmured to himself, wondering if this, at last, would make it real. “Scott Sparrow fucked me.”
It had been too long, too fucking long since they had last seen each other, been friends, knew the things that made them important to each other. The pain of losing Scott as his best friend had never gone away. He’d never gotten over the very real pain and grief of realizing his best friend since childhood had become another person
in college, one who wasn’t compatible with the person Evan had grown into.
Going back and finishing his degree without the security blanket of being Scott’s best friend had been more difficult than Evan had anticipated, even considering how much they’d grown apart in their freshman year. All of Evan’s little successes and failures were things he’d wanted to share with the person who knew him best. More than once he’d reached for his phone, thinking he’d call Scott and clear the air. Then he remembered those biting words and gave up on the idea as childish. Evan could handle a lot of things. Internalized toxic homophobia wasn’t one of them.
He pulled a box of pancake mix from the cupboard and started the familiar, methodical task of making the batter.
Apparently Scott didn’t take long in the shower. That, or he hadn’t figured how to get the hot water to work and had given up after scrubbing himself down with cold water. Evan had done the same thing many times before he finally got the hang of the shower dials.
By the time Scott appeared back in the kitchen, dressed in his jeans and nothing else, if how low-slung they were on his hips was anything to go by, Evan had a stack of pancakes almost ready and was working on preparing fruit.
“Amazing,” Scott said. “Can I help with anything?”
“Can you pour some juice? There’s fresh stuff in the fridge.”
“No problem.”
Evan fixed their plates and took them over to the bar, then sat in the same seat from their meal the previous night. Scott slid a glass of juice over and grinned at the size of his pancakes.
“Hungry?” he asked, laughing as Evan shoveled a huge bite of pancake and strawberry into his mouth.
“Starving.”
“This looks great. Thanks.”
Evan swallowed and took a sip of his juice. “You’re welcome.”
“Do you always make breakfast for your one-night stands?” Scott joked, wincing when it fell flat.
“No. I usually kick them out after they’ve showered, or don’t let them stay in the first place, or go to the diner across town.”
“Sorry, that was a shitty thing to say.”
“Is that what this is?” Evan asked lightly. “A one-night stand?”
“No,” Scott said. He speared a blueberry on his fork and ate it contemplatively. “Not for me, anyway.”