by Lena Skye
This is what you get for not being careful enough. He warned you again and again, and you still wanted to get his attention, you still wanted him to at least like you. You are such an idiot, Mikaela Johnson!
She had already resigned from work, and planned her move to Santa Monica. She’d thought he would be there, be by her side to support her all the way. She should have listened to that voice in her head that said this was all a bad idea. A bad idea? Falling in love? How could that be a bad idea? Because she wanted him to love her back?
No one falls in love after the first date, she told herself. She certainly didn’t. But their first real dinner date sealed the deal. She had fallen for his wiles, she had fallen for his charm, and his psychopathic tendencies had worked on her even if she had battled herself on this. She had allowed herself to be manipulated because she was blinded by him, by his looks, by his dashing character, by the material things he showered her with, and no matter how unkind he was to her, she found herself wanting him to like her even more.
Plus, he had kissed her! He had kissed her while he thought she was asleep. Didn’t that speak in volumes? Didn’t that mean something? She felt something there, some shred of affection, some expression of warmth. It must have meant nothing to him. Or maybe it was a goodbye, the kindest farewell he could muster.
Whatever his reasons were, it left Mikaela wretched. It left her bruised all over, it left her fatigued. She had let the contract get to her.
Full discretion must be maintained, the contract said.
He didn’t really want her seen anywhere. She was just kidding herself, she was stupid, so very stupid to even think he would look at her twice. Now look where it landed her, some guy made an idiot out of her, and the worst thing was she allowed it to happen.
“All my relationships lasted more than six months. So that’s where the tabloids get it wrong. I’m only a playboy when I’m single,” he told her.
“You’re single now,” she said.
“Does it bother you?”
She was quiet for a while. “I’m confused about it.”
He shook his head. “Careful now.”
He had warned her over and over again. The contract was made so that she could distinguish from emotions and plain labor. Was good sex considered labor? He did want an exclusive contract with her because he couldn’t get enough of her in bed? She suddenly felt like a whore again. Whores were easily replaced. She hated the feeling, and for once, she was glad her parents weren’t around to see her spiral into something as sad as this.
She had kidded herself about the friends with benefits plan. That could never happen. She was at a losing end. Just when she thought she had thawed his cold heart…
***
It had been two days since the tabloids released those photos and it had been two days since he had been feeling utterly miserable. He had meant for it to happen. He had meant for the media to see that. He couldn’t bear to be in love with someone, the thought of actually loving Mikaela threatened his stability. He had spent an agonizing week, debating if he should end it to save his wits. In the end, his practicality won over and he sent her $20,000, hoping she would give up on him completely.
Justin had met Vida Karlovac a mere two days before he invited her to his home, something he had never done, all in an effort to forget about Mikaela. Vida was the poster girl for every other woman he had dated -- some degree of popularity, long legs, and an attractive face. But she was no Mikaela. The moment the photos exploded on media, his mother called him, asking him what happened between him and Mikaela.
He had insisted they weren’t dating, but deep inside he wished he was. Like a normal couple would. He had gotten to know her better in London and it was something he had regretted. He wanted it to be a contract, plain and simple. All he had wanted was sex. The sex was mind-blowing, but her personality was out of this world.
He had never met anyone like her. It all started with that smile. Her smile brought his defenses down, something he hated to admit. It was why he tried to act as coldly around her as possible. He remembered seeing her for the first time across that room, and he told himself he had to get to know her. Her smile was radiant, just like her personality.
At first he thought it was only for the sex, and his reasons were selfish. He wanted her to himself entirely. No one was to have her. He didn’t even want other men ogling at her or flirting. That was proven at the hotel. It was cute that she tried to make him like her, her efforts were messy and childish, but her intentions were clear. How can you fall in love in less than three months? He had made that contract so that he would know where his boundaries were, it wasn’t just for her. Three months was pretty long, and he told himself he would tire of her in less than that time. He had wanted to use her body first; it was a physical attraction that led into something else.
He had become irrational over her. That contract was a first of many. He had told himself that friends with benefits wasn’t in the books, and after sleeping with her three times, he knew he wanted her in a way he didn’t want any other woman. She was the most beautiful person he had ever met, and he had met a lot of beautiful people. The only person on his mind was her. It took a while to acknowledge his feelings. It took a while to convince himself that he wasn’t being silly. This was legitimate. He had fallen for her and he had ruined his chance to be with her, just to save his pride.
Time and time again, he told himself that he had to have someone perfect, if not perfect, someone close to his ideals. She didn’t fit in any of those ideals, except that she was physically appealing and she had a sweet nature he also found in his family. That was it, right? There was nothing extraordinary about her. He told this to himself, there was nothing too unique about her that others didn’t have… but he couldn’t stop thinking about her.
He had debated that he was probably starved of affection and Mikaela was the closest thing to it. He had never been starved of affection before. He didn’t like the feeling. It was as terrible as missing his father. He couldn’t lack for love, he had all of that and more with his sisters and mother.
Since the day he had done the unthinkable, the harshest thing he could ever do to her, he couldn’t sleep properly. Vida was game for everything, even readily stripping naked in the privacy of his pool, an open invitation to steamy sex. He declined, saying he had only wanted to get to know her better, and he thought they wouldn’t make a good match for each other.
Luckily, Vida didn’t throw a hissy fit.
“Your thoughts are with someone else,” she said in a sexy Eastern European accent.
He could only nod. It was true. Only Mikaela filled his thoughts, night and day. Work was no escape. He couldn’t stop thinking about her. He reasoned to himself he had acted on impulse, afraid of the growing emotions he wasn’t used to. How could he deal with this? How could he kill of this emotion? Was he that afraid of commitment? He had made that contract so that she could stay committed to him, yet he couldn’t do the same.
I didn’t cheat on her, he told himself, and I’m only breaking her heart.
Only breaking her heart. His heart had never been broken. He was used to breaking hearts, but breaking Mikaela’s heart made him feel remorse, something that had never happened before, too. Was it right to stick by his pride? It was what drove him to survive, it was what drove him to be successful.
Yet, here he was, feeling like a fool. A blundering idiot, feeling like he had made the worst mistake in the world. No matter how much he tried to rationalize, it still left him feeling jumbled up. There was only one way to appease his thoughts.
Moments later, he drove out, set on seeing her.
***
He walked into the coffee shop, telling himself everything was going to be all right, that she was going to see him, in fact he had prepared a spiel in his head. He walked with his head held high, with purpose in his stride.
“Is Mikaela here?”
“Mikaela? Who is that?” the barista began, looking blan
k.
Someone overheard him. Mary Ann came rushing to the counter. “You’re looking for Mikaela?” she began. She had to get a good look at this man whom Mikaela was so giddy about. He was very handsome.
‘Yes, Mikaela Johnson.”
“She already left.”
“You mean her shift ended?”
“No, she resigned. It was abrupt. A few days ago.”
“Where is she?”
Mary Ann shrugged. “She didn’t say much. But it looked like she had personal problems.”
He should have called first. How stupid was he? He didn’t even bother to ask if she was at the café. Such wasted time! He nodded and said his thanks, quickly dialing her number as soon as he got out of the coffee shop.
It rang and his heart pounded, wanting to hear her voice. It just kept ringing and ringing. Answer. Answer. Come on. Please. He dialed fifteen times, until an automated voice told him the line was out of coverage area. She could still be at the apartment. He raced to the apartment, glad he had the spare key with him.
He knocked first, breathless. There was no answer. He flung the door open and saw the apartment still intact with his furniture, all except hers. He ran to the bedroom, wishing against hope that she would be there. He had imagined this wrongly earlier. He had imagined she would go hysterical upon seeing him, and she would cry and ask why they couldn’t be together, and he would forgive her for acting like every other woman he dated…
Her clothes were gone, there was no sign of her. The apartment had been stripped clean of her memory. He looked around wildly, wondering where she went. She couldn’t have gone back to her old apartment, right? He was ready to reach for his phone, call the private investigator, when he heard a noise.
There was a small gasp and he spun around, seeing the one person that made his heart skip a beat. She was wearing a plain white shirt and jeans and sandals. The very look he used to dislike. Used to.
“What are you doing here?” Mikaela stammered, her eyes wide open, surprised he was here. Never had she thought she would see him again, that the last time she’d see him would be on a tabloid newspaper.
“I own this apartment,” he stammered back. “I thought you left.” Damn, that was a stupid thing to say.
“I forgot something,” she replied, regaining her composure and walking past him without as much as a glance.
Justin saw her walk into the bedroom, rummaging for something in a cabinet. Moments later she walked out, and he was still rooted in the same spot. What was she looking for? He couldn’t see it in her hands.
“I didn’t tell you to leave the apartment yet,” he uttered, not wanting her to leave his sight.
She spun around, moments before she could hold the door handle. There was a fire in her eyes he had never seen before. She was livid, and yet what made him uneasy was that she was quiet. She turned around again, determined to leave him.
“Did you hear what I said?” he said in a louder tone.
She faced him, walking up to him in slow, calculated steps. “I’m not part of your contract anymore. So you can foam at the mouth and command and demand all you want, but I’m not bound by you anymore. I’m glad you cheated on me. It showed me how much I was going to lose in the first place.”
He looked confused. “What?”
“You heard me right. I’m not your plaything anymore.”
“You were never my plaything,” he replied. “I never thought of you as a toy.”
“Then why did you do that to me?” she asked without flinching. Yes, why would you? Why would you break my heart into a thousand pieces?
Justin flinched when she asked that. Why did he? He had rehearsed this in his head. The reasons were ready to be spilled out. What were those again? He closed his eyes, trying to find the right words to say.
“I didn’t mean to hurt you. I meant it, but I didn’t mean it.”
“Make up your mind,” she snapped at him. “You’re at it again, see? You make people feel like crap because you want to feel high and mighty. “
“It’s true, my ego—”
“Is a hot air balloon,” she finished for him. “You’re the most selfish person I’ve ever met, I’m saying this again in case you forgot. You’re egotistical, you’re an asshole, and you don’t deserve the love and respect that you think you deserve.”
That actually hurt, he thought. Women had said that to him before, but hearing Mikaela say that stung. He wasn’t prepared for that.
“I know I don’t deserve to be heard anymore, but please, just give me a chance.”
“If you begged for this a few days ago, I would have.”
“I had to think!”
“And you think I didn’t have to think? I had to think for myself, I had to think about my survival. I had to think about my future after you cut the contract short, all for another woman.”
“I thought about your future too. You couldn’t have resigned without thinking it over--”— “
“Why? You think I can’t get a job somewhere else? You think I’m dead without your money? I survived long enough without you and I can survive again without you.”
“Where were you supposed to go?”
“Santa Monica, it’s not far enough away from you, but I got the scholarship.”
He was quiet for a moment. He knew she would get that scholarship.
“Take back your money. I don’t want to be a part of it. I may need money, but I won’t get it from you.”
“No, I want you to keep it. I violated the contract, whether it was implied or not.”
“Oh, implied? It was hell of implied, with your hand on her ass!”
“I didn’t mean for it to end that way, but I was afraid—”
“Afraid of what, Justin? Afraid of losing your hard-earned money to someone like me? Afraid of losing your credible reputation as a playboy?”
“Afraid of falling in too deep with you,” he interrupted her. “That was what I was afraid of. I didn’t think this would happen. That contract was made to protect us both.”
“It hasn’t protected me,” she cried out. “All it did was make me feel so bad, even if I deserved a shot at happiness. And I can’t believe I imagined that with you.” Her face reddened and that was when Justin knew it was the truth.
“For the record, it hasn’t been easy, adjusting to your every whim. You think I was as crazy for the sex as you were? I did it for my future. And you know what makes me feel so bad? I felt like a whore, desperate to make ends meet—”
“I wanted to help you,” he exploded. “I wanted you to finish college, I wanted to see you achieve your dreams. The moment we talked at the party, I knew there was something different about you.”
“Why? ‘Cause I was the most gullible person in the room?”
“I thought I saw the most beautiful person I had ever seen,” he said. “I saw you, standing there alone, pretending you were waiting for someone. I suppose you were waiting for me and you didn’t know it yet. I didn’t either.”
“Don’t turn this into something romantic,” she said bitterly. “I know where this is going. You think you’re so frickin’ charming—”
“Listen to me first.”
“You never listen to me,” Mikaela told him. “And frankly, I’ve had enough of this, I’ve had enough of all of this. You’ve trampled on me enough. I don’t want to be a part of your mind games, I don’t want my self-esteem affected, and I don’t want to think twice before I talk because you might think less of me.”
“I don’t think less of you. I think the world of you. You’re the most amazing person—”
“Stop it! Stop it!” she cried. “You’re doing this on purpose. You think you can reel me back in, don’t you? All those times I’ve tried to be nice to you, they fell on deaf ears, they fell on nothing. You looked at me like I was the lowest of the low, well-- guess what buddy, what you did was the lowest of the low.”
“I only did that because I was afraid I couldn’t control what wa
s happening,” he began. “I realized things when you were in London. I saw that look of happiness in your eyes and I wanted to keep it that way, but I didn’t want to be obvious. And you’re right, I have a huge ego. I wanted to come out as the winner of the contract, even if this was no contest, even if I told you this was a win-win situation.
“I wanted you, Mikaela, and I’m not afraid to say it. I wanted you from the moment I saw you. It started out with me just wanting to sleep with you. I’d lie to myself if I thought you weren’t desirable, you were and I told myself if I didn’t introduce myself to you, I’d regret it. I didn’t want to get to know you at first, but I wanted you. It was selfish and I saw no other way to keep you close. I didn’t think I’d end up liking you too soon. There was a reason that contract was only supposed to last three months, to avoid strong emotions.
“I’m not used to stuff like that. I’m not used to being nagged about, I’m not used to attention that borders on controlling. I dated long term, but I never fell in love. Maybe I felt some sentiment, some getting used to it, but that was it. Even a year isn’t enough to make me love someone.”
“It’s not about the time! Time doesn’t matter when you find yourself liking someone. Don’t you want to spend every waking moment with someone you like at least?”
He nodded. “I realized that too late. I realized that this morning.”
“So you came up with that plan? You did that on purpose, to make me feel bad. Do you have any idea how you made me feel? You did that for the whole world to see, when you knew you were only targeting me. Your hand on her butt, you were smiling on that photo—”
“Because I planned for it to be the like that. I gave you the money not because I cheated, but because I didn’t want to see you again, knowing I’d have hurt you too much already—”
“Yet here you are.”
“Yes, here I am,” Justin told her, his eyes solely concentrated on her. “Here I am, asking for a chance to be with you, here I am bending down to pride. Here I am doing something I’d never done before. I was desperate to see you. I couldn’t sleep.