by Sara Mack
I glance up at him; afraid to admit what I know is true. My chest tightens further and my lungs feel like they might burst. “I think they blame me for your accident just like I blame myself,” I whisper. The tears I was able to hold back earlier start to roll down my face.
“What? Emma that’s insane!” James sputters.
I close my eyes to avoid his twisted expression. I hastily wipe away the tears in case someone else passes us on the trail. “Well it’s true.”
“It is not! How could you even think that?” His voice sounds panicked and I feel him grab my arms. “Emma! Look at me!”
I make myself look up. Pain is written across his face, and he tries to wipe away my tears but can’t. He groans in frustration. “The accident was my fault and my fault alone.”
“You wouldn’t have fallen asleep if I’d gone with you.” My voice breaks. “You asked me to go with you.”
He wraps his arms around me. “You can’t think that. I won’t let you.”
I don’t know how long we stand together, his arms wrapped around me while tears pour down my face. Jake wraps his leash around my feet while I imitate stone. Everything I’ve felt over the last month overwhelms me. The sadness of losing James, the immense blame I’ve placed on myself, dealing with Shel and work, the joy of his return. Figuring out where we go from here. It’s a long list of conflicting emotions. “I’m sorry,” I apologize through my tears.
“Do not be sorry,” James demands. “I won’t allow it. If anyone is sorry it’s me,” he releases my body to look into my eyes. “It’s me.”
I wipe my face and try to compose myself. I take a shaky breath and untangle my feet from Jake’s leash. “We should keep going. Mike and Kate are going to think I abducted Jake.”
James gives me a heartbreaking look. “Please don’t blame yourself anymore,” he pleads.
I inhale another shaky breath and nod. I’m not making any promises.
James grasps my hand as we walk along the trail in silence. We circle the park and finish the trail, ending where I began. I feel the coolness around my hand intensify; he’s squeezing my hand. I look up at him, and he gives me a small smile. “Do you want me to stay?”
I try to squeeze his hand back and end up digging my nails into my palm. “Without question.”
Jake trots happily ahead of us as we cross the street and head up my driveway. I catch a glimpse of Shel’s car, and see her talking with my family. As we get closer, I notice she has something in her hands and the trunk is open. I catch their attention and Shel turns toward me. She’s holding her suitcase and she looks upset.
She’s leaving.
Chapter 17
I pick up the pace. “What’s going on?” I call out to her.
Shel sets her suitcase down and bends over to pet Jake, who makes it to her before I do. “Hi Jakey,” she says as she gives him a good scratch behind his ears. She looks up at me and sighs. “It’s my uncle.”
“Your uncle?”
“My mom’s oldest brother,” she says as she stands up. “He lives in Arizona; we got the call at the picnic. He’s sick and not doing well at all.”
“Oh no.”
“Yeah, like they are calling in Hospice not-doing-well,” she says with a frown. “My mom needs to head to Scottsdale to take care of some things, and she doesn’t want to go alone. Guess who was nominated to go with her?”
“Shel to the rescue again, huh?”
“Bingo.”
“Aw, I’m so sorry,” I tell her.
“I’m sorry I have to leave. Trust me, I’d much rather stay here.”
“Your mom needs you,” my mother says, concerned. She takes Jake’s leash from me and then turns to give Shel a hug. “Thank you for staying with us,” she says sincerely. “You let your mother know if she needs anything to give us a call.”
“I will,” Shel smiles at my mom.
“Take care Shel,” my dad says warmly and pats her shoulder. “Safe travels.” He walks with my mom over to Mike and Kate with Jake. Jake’s excited to see his parents.
I steal a glance at James, who is still standing by my side. He gives me a small encouraging smile as Shel picks up her suitcase and tosses it in the trunk.
“When are you leaving?” I ask her.
“Tomorrow. My mom is looking at flights now,” she sighs. “I mean it, Em, I hate leaving you like this. I’ve only been here two weeks.”
“It’s okay,” I reassure her. “I’ll be fine.” Because James is here, my mind says. “You worked your ‘whip-Em-back-into-shape’ magic pretty quickly,” I tease. “How long do you think you’ll be gone?”
“Hard to say,” she shrugs and closes the trunk. “I guess you never know with these things. I’ll keep in touch though, keep you updated.”
“Sounds good. Are you sure you got everything?”
“Pretty sure,” she gives me a weak smile. “I left a message for Kris at the course. When you see her will you tell her I’m sorry for quitting?”
“No problem. It’s not going to be the same without you.” I give her a hug, and she hugs me back tightly.
When we part she holds me at arm’s length and looks me in the eye. “Are you sure you’re going to be okay?”
“I’m positive. You can call me every day if you want to.”
“Don’t put it past me,” she threatens.
I follow her as she walks to the car door and opens it. “Have a safe trip. Call me when you get there.”
Shel climbs into the car. “Will do,” she smiles up at me.
As I close her door, she waves. I take a step back as she starts the engine and wave slowly in return as I watch her head down the driveway, turn left, and then disappear.
Shel arrived safely in Arizona the following evening. She immediately called to let me know how hot it was, how awkward it was, and how bored she would be. I reassured her that she could call me at any time to relieve her boredom or to vent her frustration. Shel and her mother have never been what you would call close, and she was never particularly close to her ailing uncle either. That she was put in this situation at all was odd at best.
“Hang in there. This is your go-to-Heaven deed,” I encouraged her, smiling as James ran his cool fingers up and down my arm as I spoke into the phone. I wish I could tell her that Heaven was indeed real – and my piece of it was sitting right here next to me.
I filled my days with work and James. Kris wasn’t too impressed about Shel’s abrupt departure from Bay Woods, especially since business was picking up with the string of nice weather we were having. Katie and I started to pick up some additional hours, which meant overtime for me, until Kris could hire someone new. I didn’t mind; the time passed quickly and busy days meant I would see James that much sooner each night.
It was easier for James to visit me at night, easier for me to be able to talk with him without my parents hearing and becoming suspicious. We developed a routine. I’d race home from work, James would appear in my room, and I’d instantly fold myself into him. We’d spend the night talking for hours. Before I knew it, a week had passed since Shel left. I’d only spoken to her once, apart from the short text here and there; I was so wrapped up in James and in work.
Shel’s irritation with me was apparent when I checked my voice mail this afternoon.
“Hey Emma, it’s me. I’m at the hospital waiting for mom to finish up with Uncle Tom’s appointment. Call me.”
“Me again. I’m still waiting; it’s been a half hour. Call me; I’m bored.”
“ Ooookay, we’re back at the house now. Call me. Bye.”
“Emma? Where are you? You could have at least texted me by now. Is something wrong? Call me as soon as you get this. I mean it!”
“Seriously?!”
“EMMA LYNN DONOHUE. Don’t make me call your mother!”
That last message was left around 3:30. It’s after 5. I quickly dial Shel. Pick up, pick up, pick up, I silently chant. Unfortunately, I get her voice mail.
/> “Hi Shel, it’s me! I’m sorry, I didn’t hear my phone. I’ve been at work, really busy. Call me when you can! I’ll have my phone glued to my hip, I promise! Hope the hospital wasn’t too bad. How’s your uncle doing? Call me soon. ‘Kay, ‘Bye!”
My message comes out in a rush and I hang up. I pray she didn’t call my house, although I know my mother should have nothing negative to say. My parents appear happy that I’m happy. They haven’t questioned my erratic schedule or evenings in seclusion…yet.
I sigh and switch my phone to vibrate, shoving my phone into my pants pocket. There’s no way I’m missing her return call.
I look up to see Kris and, to my surprise, Dane standing in front of me at the concession counter. I haven’t run into him in over a week, since the pond incident. I smile at them. “Hey, guys.”
“We have a temporary solution to our staffing problem,” Kris says, obviously relieved. She places her hand on Dane’s shoulder. “Dane here has agreed to fill in until I can find a suitable applicant.”
Dane grins at me as he leans casually against the counter. I force my smile to remain in place. Dane working here? James is going to freak!
“That’s great,” I say slowly through my forced expression. I glance at Dane and he looks amused by my hesitation.
“Good. I’m going to have you start training him tomorrow morning,” Kris says, producing a clipboard and jotting some notes.
Me? “Oh, ah, he needs training?”
Kris nods. “I figure you two already know each other and you’ve been here the longest of my new hires,” she explains. She finishes writing, looks up, and smiles. “See you two tomorrow morning around nine,” she says and walks away.
I stare after her stupidly. How can I get out of this? Excuse me, Kris? This isn’t going to work. Not that I have a problem with Dane per se, but, um, my dead boyfriend does.
“So,” Dane smiles from across the counter. “Tomorrow at nine then?”
I rearrange my face to look less apprehensive. “I guess so. If you don’t mind my asking, why would you need training? Your dad owns the course, right?”
He shrugs. “I’ve never worked here though.”
“Why not?”
“It never interested me before.”
Dane flashes his cocky grin, and I try to keep the shocked expression off my face. There’s no doubt in my mind that he uses that perfect smile as a weapon and I refuse to be flustered. “Oh, well, that explains it.” I start to busy myself by needlessly checking the condiments. I know they’re full; I just filled them less than ten minutes ago.
Dane glances at the time. “Gotta go,” he says, backing away. “See you in the morning,” he waves good-naturedly as he leaves.
I give him a small nod. When he’s gone I let out a sigh of defeat. “I’m sorry,” I whisper to the air, to James, in case he’s listening.
“It’s not your fault,” I hear him in my ear.
I smile in relief.
“But that doesn’t mean I’m happy about it.”
I shoot an irritated look to no one.
At the end of my shift, I make quick work of my close-out, happy to be on my way home to James. When I get to my car, I notice something is off, but can’t place it right away. Confused, I walk around the vehicle. My mood instantly bottoms out when I realize I have a flat tire.
“That’s just great!” I exclaim and kick the rubber. I reach into my pocket to call home to ask if my dad can come help me. I have no idea how to change a tire.
“Something the matter?”
I look up to see Matt walking from the direction of the club house. What is this? Reunion day?
“My tire is flat,” I complain. “I’m calling home to see if my dad can come help.”
“No worries,” Matt says, approaching me. “I can change it for you.”
“Really?”
Matt nods and smiles. “Really. It’s one of those things they teach you in Man School.”
I laugh and raise my eyebrows. “Man School?”
“Open the trunk,” he instructs me.
Matt makes quick work of finding and releasing my spare. He locates the lug wrench and jack, and goes to work on removing my flat.
“Wow,” I watch him, impressed. “Even if I did know how to do this, I don’t think I could. I don’t have the strength.”
He remains fixated on his task. “Oh, I don’t know,” he places the spare tire on the car and starts to tighten the first lug nut. “You seem pretty strong to me.”
Huh?
He tightens up the three remaining nuts and wipes his forehead with his arm. “That should hold you until you get home,” he says as he turns to stand. “You should probably take it slow though. Nothing over 30,” he advises.
“Got it.”
Matt bends down, grabs my flat tire, and steps around the bumper to lift it into the trunk. “Oh, here’s your problem,” he says.
I peer around him. “What?”
“Your tire is split here.” He points to a horizontal slice in the wall of the tire about an inch and a half long. “That’s weird. I wonder how that happened. Brush up against any curbs or anything?”
“No, not that I’m aware of. Why?”
Matt shrugs. “It’s just an odd place for a leak. Usually it’s a leaky valve or a nail in the tread.”
I can’t help but tease him. “Listen to you, Mechanic Matt. And I thought you just filled in at the veterinary clinic.”
He gives me a sarcastic look. “You know, I can put the flat tire back on the car too.”
“No, no,” I protest. “I like the spare.”
“That’s what I thought,” he smirks and places the tire in my trunk. “At the risk of sounding too mechanic-y,” he turns to me, “your leak can’t be patched. You’ll have to buy a new tire.” He slams the trunk closed.
“Figures,” I frown. “Oh well, I’m working for a reason, right?”
“Guess so,” he smiles as he wipes his hands on his khakis. His hand leaves a big grease smear by the pocket.
“Awww!”
“What?”
“Now you’ve ruined your pants because of me,” I step forward to point out the stain.
Matt looks down at the grease, then back at me. “That does it. Now you owe me pants,” he says with mock disdain.
“I’m really sorry.”
“Here,” he undoes the button on his shorts and then goes for the zipper. “The least you can do is wash them for me.”
“Oh good God, what are you doing?” I blurt out and cover my face, dropping my car keys in the process.
Matt bursts out laughing. After a moment I hear the clink of metal as he picks up my keys. “You can uncover your face now,” he chuckles.
I peer between my fingers. He’s standing in front of me, holding out my keys. I drop my hands and grab them quickly. “That wasn’t funny,” I tell him. I try not to smile, but I fail. It was funny. It reminds me of something James would do.
“Well, now that I’ve thoroughly embarrassed you,” Matt smiles, “I guess I’ll see you around.”
“’Bye,” I say and head to my car door. I stop, realizing something, and turn back around. “Matt?”
“Yeah?” He’s about ten steps away from me.
“Seriously, thank you. This is the second time you’ve saved me.”
He looks down for a moment and puts his hands on his hips, then raises his head. “Anything for James’ girl.”
My heart melts at his response, and tears immediately jump behind my eyes. He gives me a small smile and turns to head back where he came from.
Chapter 18
“I had to take crap from Shel and now you’re on my case too?”
James is lying on my bed following my every move as I walk around my room collecting my dirty clothes into a pile.
“I’m just saying. Listen, why do you think Matt magically showed up in the parking lot at work tonight? Did you even think to ask him what he was doing there?”
&nbs
p; I roll my eyes. “No. I didn’t subject him to Twenty Questions. He volunteered to help me and I accepted.” I pause. “I’m sorry,” I say dramatically.
“Well,” James flops on to his back, “I would bet money that he was looking for you.”
“Why would he be looking for me?” I throw my clothes into the basket by the door. “That makes no sense. He was probably there with Dane and stumbled upon me.”
“Oh yeah, your other boyfriend,” he grumbles.
“All right! That’s enough!” I walk over to stand in front of him and throw my hands up in the air. “What do you want me to do? Quit?”
James looks at me. “Would you?”
I sigh loudly and flop down on the bed beside him. “Yeah, that would be perfect. What would my parents think? Without Shel here they would think I’m falling back into a depression.” I turn my head to look at him. “Out of the question.”
He props himself up on his elbow, so he’s looking down at me. “I thought you’d say something like that.”
“Why can’t you see that they’re not interested in me?” I ask, frustrated. James frowns and leans over so his face hovers above mine. I lift my head to kiss him softly. “Why can’t you trust me?”
“I do trust you,” he sighs.
“Well then, why don’t you spy on Matt and Dane to see what’s up? Put your mind at ease.”
James smirks. “I wish I could; however, I do have other things to do with my time.”
“You know,” I say gently, “I am going to have people who come in and out of my life, people who are friends. When did you get so hot headed? I don’t remember you ever being so jealous.”
James’ face twists in pain, and I immediately regret what I’ve said. “I have no control now,” he says quietly. “Before I could just step in, like I did with Patrick.”
I shudder at the memory of my psycho lab partner.
“It’s like I’m out of the picture and all these men descend.”
I snort. “’All these men descend?’” I quote him. “Please!” I take his face in my hands and stare into his eyes. “I love only you. For now, for forever.”
He leans in to kiss me, but I stop him by pointing a finger. “Promise me we won’t have this conversation again.”