by Sara Mack
I squeeze him tighter.
When we pull apart he looks tired. “Breaking up with you wasn’t what I expected to do today.”
I smile and shove his shoulder. “We’re not broken up. We’re a team, dumbass.”
He shoots me a sardonic look. “Dumbass?” He springs forward and pins me on my back against the mat. “Who’s the ass now?”
“You,” I laugh and he smirks.
“Why are you still here?” I chastise him. “You’re a free man and there’s a beautiful girl out there who adores you. I suggest you go find her before she realizes what she’s getting herself into.”
He smiles. “What about you? Why aren’t you running off to Dane?”
“It’s complicated.”
His eyes grow dark. “What happened?”
“Nothing,” I protest. “He’s just been busy with work and I haven’t seen him in awhile. Days, actually. He usually calls, but he didn’t last night.”
“Did you call him?”
“Well, no. I was a little preoccupied with spying and then thinking about everything and…”
He pushes himself off me. “Go call him. Now.”
“Wow. That’s quite the attitude change.”
His expression turns serious. “So help me Emma if he ever hurts you I will hurt him. Got it? Go find out why he’s ignoring you and then just say the word.”
“Okay.” I stand. “Calm down Hulk.”
“Just because we’re not sleeping together doesn’t mean I don’t love you,” he says. “Always remember that.”
By the time I reach my room, I’m anxious to talk to Dane. Why didn’t he call? It couldn’t be Allegiant related; if anything had happened in the Intermediate our Guardian friends would have let me know. That leaves a few options: work, Teagan, or he’s hurt. My stomach clenches. Would the universe be that cruel?
When I find my phone, I’m relieved to see I have a missed call, although it’s from a strange number. I dial my voice mail and hear Dane.
“Grace? It’s me. I’m so sorry I didn’t call last night. I crashed on the couch with a beer in my hand, and I woke up this morning with the damn thing spilled all over. My phone is fried. The company is express shipping me a new one today. If you need to get a hold of me call the office at this number. Actually, call me anyway. I miss you. And I have news. Okay. I’ll talk to you later. Bye.”
Relieved, I immediately hang up and return his call.
“Grace?”
“The one and only.”
“Hey.” I can sense his smile through the phone. “I was starting to think you weren’t speaking to me.”
“I could say the same about you. You ruined your cell with a beer?”
“Along with the couch and the floor.”
“Geez,” I laugh. “The audit is that bad? Were you drinking a Forty?”
He chuckles. “I haven’t hit the brown bag yet, but it’s getting close.”
I take a seat on the bed. “So, what’s your news?”
His voice lightens. “I put my foot down. No more overtime. Tonight’s my last night; it’s back to my regular job and normal hours in the morning.”
Could my smile get any bigger? I let out a quiet “yay.”
“That’s it? That’s all you’ve got for me?”
I reassure him. “You should see the size of my smile right now. It’s hard to speak.”
“Excellent,” he says and I imagine him grinning. “You can plan on seeing me tomorrow.”
“I can’t wait.” Butterflies instantly appear in my stomach. I have news for him, too. Tomorrow is going to be huge. I’m quiet while I think about it. Should I try to make things special?
“Em?” he asks. “Are you still there?”
“Yep, I’m here.”
“What are you doing?”
“Thinking.”
He lets out an overly exaggerated sigh. “That’s never good.”
“Hey! Be nice! It just so happens I have something important to tell you, too. I’m trying to think of the right way to do it.”
“Really?” he voice rises. “Are you headed back to the Intermediate? Tell me.”
He has no idea this is about James. The thought of surprising him almost makes me giggle. “No; don’t worry. This is something good.” At least I’m pretty positive he’ll think it’s good.
“So tell me.”
“Not over the phone. This has to be done in person.”
He’s silent for a second and then I hear his breath hitch. “I’m coming over tonight.”
“No!” I blurt out. I need time to plan something other than just telling him face to face. “I need…I want…just trust me,” I sigh when I can’t think of anything to say. “It’ll be worth the wait.” Now I really have to come up with something good! Damn it.
I can almost hear him smirk. “I know what it is.”
“You can’t possibly.”
“Wanna make a bet?”
Here we go. He knows I can’t resist competing with him. “What are the terms?”
“When I show up tomorrow and I’m right,” he emphasizes, “you have to do something for me. Anything I ask.”
I let out a sarcastic laugh. “What? I’m not agreeing to that! There are a million inappropriate things you could ask for! No dice.”
“The rules are still in place are they not?” he questions me. “I wouldn’t ask you to do anything that violates our terms.”
Hmmm. Now I’m intrigued. “Anything you ask, huh? And what do I get if you’re wrong?”
“Simple. Whatever you want.”
It sounds too easy. Thoughts of making him my man slave and watching him paint my toenails nearly makes me choke with laughter. “I’m in.”
“I knew you’d cave.”
“That’s because I’m going to win,” I say arrogantly. “What time is this little bet happening?”
“How’s seven-ish sound?”
“Perfect.”
“Emma?” Madeline interrupts from behind and I turn to face her.
“Yeah?”
“Garrett’s asking for you. He says it’s important.”
“Oh, okay.” I smile. “I’ll be right down.”
“Who was that?” Dane asks.
“Mad. She says Garrett needs me.”
I hear papers shuffling. “How’s he doing? I got your text.”
“Great,” I tell him. “Well, at least better than he was. He’s still sleeping a lot and he’s not eating solid food yet, but he’ll get there.”
“Good. Go check on him,” Dane says. “I need to get lost in these payroll reports to keep my mind off tomorrow.”
“Prepare to lose,” I taunt him.
“Never.”
We say our goodbyes and I head downstairs. No, I skip downstairs. I feel giddy. Elated. Super fantastic. Okay, that’s enough. Even I’m annoying myself.
“Hi.” I peek around Garrett’s door. “You wanted to see me?”
He smiles. “Yeah. Can I talk to you for a minute?”
“Sure.” I round his bed and pull the armchair close to the side. It’s then that I notice his overall complexion appears better, like his skin has seen the sun. “It looks like you’ve regained some color.”
He examines his hands. “It does, doesn’t it?”
I smile. “So, what’s up? Hungry for more Pangalax?”
He shakes his head. “Hungry, yes. But not for the story.”
“Hungry for real?” My eyebrows shoot up. “That’s great!” My expression turns sheepish. “I miss your cooking. When do you think you’ll be back in the kitchen?”
He gives me a weary smile. “I don’t think I’ll be back in the kitchen.”
My face falls and I pout. “Why?”
He eyes the open door. “Do you mind closing that?”
I shoot him a puzzled look, but comply with his request. When I sit back down, he takes one of my hands. “What I’m about to tell you I don’t want anyone else to know. Okay?”
&nbs
p; My heart begins to pound. “What’s wrong?”
“I’ve been having dreams,” he says. “Actually, I’ve been having the same dream. Over and over since yesterday.”
“Is it bad?”
“It’s Amelia,” he says and a wistful expression clouds his features. “She’s beautiful. Gorgeous. She’s an angel.”
I’m confused. “Amelia is?”
“My first love. The reason I chose to be a Guardian.”
My expression melts. “That’s a lovely dream. Does she say anything?”
“The same thing each time. She tells me everything’s going to be all right. She says she’s waiting for me.”
“That’s sweet.” I squeeze his hand. “Have you ever dreamed of her before?”
“Never until now. That’s how I know she’s real, and I’m not pulling her from a memory. She’s really there.”
My face twists. “You mean she’s actually visiting you in your dreams? Are you sure?”
“I’m positive.”
He can tell I’m having a hard time believing this, and he meets my eyes. “Emma.” He pauses. “I’m going to die.”
I feel like I’ve been slapped in the face. “You are not going to die! Why in the world would you say that?”
“Because she told me.”
“That’s not possible,” I reason with him. “Your mind is playing tricks on you; you’ve been through a traumatic experience.”
He places his other hand on top of our already joined fingers. “No.”
The intensity of that one word and his stare convinces me he wholeheartedly believes Amelia. “Then let’s stop it,” I say, adamant. “Let’s get you out of here and to a hospital where we can find out what’s really wrong with you.” I stand and start to pull back his bed sheets.
“Don’t,” he says and tries to pull the blankets from my hand. “A doctor won’t find anything wrong. It’s turning human that’s killing me.”
I freeze. “What?”
“Trust me. I asked the same thing,” he says. “I asked her how and why and to explain. She said what happened in the Intermediate weakened my humanity, essentially killed the human inside me. When all of my Guardian traits leave my body – when I’m completely Reborn – I will die.”
I feel like I’ve been punched in the stomach and I can’t find air. My eyes frantically comb over him. I notice how healthy he looks, how he no longer needs the IV. I recall how much he’s sleeping and how he said he was hungry. My eyes land on his and a hard lump forms in my throat. His eyes are completely brown. Not a shade of turquoise remains.
“When?” I whisper as my body sinks to the chair.
He doesn’t answer. He looks down and clears his throat. He adjusts the sheets and when he looks at me his eyes glisten. “Soon.”
“I’m going to get Ash,” I decide and stand again. “You can be Reborn Larvatus.”
Garrett lets out an exasperated sigh. “Has anyone ever told you you’re stubborn?”
“All the time.” I cross my arms. “I’m not going to stand here and do nothing while you fade in front of me! I’m getting Ash.”
“I can’t be Larvatus,” he says. “I need to be a Guardian to be Reborn or I need to be human to be Gifted. Right now I’m neither. I’ll never be a Guardian again; I’m Lost like you. And when I finally do turn human…” he drifts off and swallows. “I’ll be gone.”
This is not happening. Tears sting my eyes, and I try to blink them away so I can see. It’s hard to talk around the lump in my throat. “Why are you telling me this?”
“Because you are the one person I cherish in this life.”
I close my eyes and it forces a few tears to fall. They wind their way to my chin before I look at him again. An inexplicable laugh escapes as I see Garrett holding out a tissue for me. “I’m supposed to be comforting you.”
He gives me a tiny smile. “I was hoping you would feel that way.”
I take the tissue from him and wipe my face.
“Do you think you could do something for me?” he asks.
“Anything.”
Sadness creeps into his eyes, and I’ve never seen anyone so vulnerable. It’s easy to imagine him as the little boy he once was and my heart begins to ache.
“Will you stay?” he asks nervously. “My first death was so sudden; I wasn’t expecting it. But this…the waiting…” He looks down and then at me again. “I’m scared.”
It’s as if my heart is in a vise; it strains to beat. I’m not sure I can breathe. There’s no stopping the tears now and I manage to nod. I’ll do whatever he wants.
He reaches for me and I take his hand. Absentmindedly, I rub the back of it as I sit next to his bed. I find myself looking everywhere but at his face so I can try to keep some semblance of composure. My breaking down and wailing will be the opposite of helpful, but it’s exactly what I want to do.
“You look terrible,” he says.
“Well,” I run my fingers over my cheek, “what did you expect? Tap dancing and rainbows?”
He chuckles. “Not the rainbows.”
I roll my eyes at him and sniff. “I’m falling apart.”
“Me, too.”
Silence reigns and after a moment he tugs on my hand, pulling my arm. He moves to the side of the bed to make room for me, and I read his mind.
“I’ll hold you together if you hold me.”
I crawl beside him to lie down, tucking my body along his, and laying my head against his shoulder. Our arms wind around each other and he rests his cheek against the top of my head.
“I’m going to cry all over you,” I warn him.
“That’s all right. At least I won’t have to watch you do it.”
I snort. “This is messed up.”
“All the best things are.”
I bury myself against him. “Why won’t you tell anyone else? They’re your friends; they deserve a chance to say goodbye.”
“Losing my second life is hard enough without a pity party.” He adjusts his arms. “Besides,” he adds softly, “you’re the only one I care about.”
His words give me pause and I’m afraid to ask what he means. Instead, I lift my head and give him a questioning look. His quiet answer confirms my suspicions.
“Maybe in another life?”
My throat feels thick. How long has he felt this way? “Maybe,” I whisper.
Time passes and evening fades into night. Exhausted from the day’s emotions, I find myself nodding off. Each time I do I catch myself and jerk awake, my body tensing and startling Garrett. I lose track of how many times I do this before he tells me to relax and go to sleep.
“I’m tired, too,” he says.
I adjust my hold around him. “But if you sleep you might not wake up.”
His voice cracks. “I know.”
I cling to him, as if I can will his heart to keep beating, as if I can give him some of my strength.
“Promise me you will live a full life,” he whispers.
It’s all I can do to nod through my tears.
In the early gray of morning my muscles scream. I’ve been locked in the same position for hours; my entire body aches. I stretch my legs to release some tension and freeze.
I can feel the difference under my arms, and I start to panic. Garrett feels cold; it’s as if I’m wrapped around a piece of granite. I can’t bear to look at his face, so I raise a shaky hand and press it to his chest, over his heart.
There is no beat.
My entire body shakes. Loud, ugly sobs build inside me until I can no longer contain them and they rip through my throat. Tears pour from my eyes and soak Garrett’s clothes as I bury my face in his shoulder and twist his shirt in my fist. It won’t take long for everyone in the house to come running.
Minutes later, I hear a gasp and force myself to lift my head. The eyes that meet mine burn with such intense hatred that I cower against Garrett’s body. I search for my voice and will it to speak, to try and explain. All I can rasp is his name.
“Jack.”
He doesn’t stay. He vanishes from the foot of the bed and fear seizes my heart.
Chapter 20
Steam rises from the mug Madeline offers and I shake my head to refuse it. She kneels, lowering her pleading eyes to my level.
“Please drink something.”
Reluctantly, I take her offering. The heat from the tea warms my hands and I know it will warm my body. I wish it would warm my mind too, and unlock its frozen state.
For hours I’ve done nothing but sit on the couch with my knees pulled to my chest, replaying every Garrett memory I have. The current image behind my eyes is of him curled around LB as they slept at my place. I remember how he would let her get away with anything, even lying across his neck. Unfortunately, the memory doesn’t stay; it’s replaced with one of me wrapped around his lifeless body. I search for something happier and find the sound of his laugh when we discovered I could bench 300 pounds. I close my eyes and concentrate. I want to pull that sound out of the other noises around me.
“We should call Shel,” I hear Madeline say.
“And Dane,” I hear Ash add.
The Larvatus were the first to find me. I was such a wreck; I couldn’t explain what happened. Between Madeline and Ash deciphering my thoughts they put the pieces together. I’m not sure when James appeared, but he was the one to lift me from the bed. He carried me out of the room, so Ash could tend to the body. Garrett’s body. I have no idea what he and the other Guardians did with it. Is there a morgue on the property I don’t know about?
A few moments of silence pass until I hear Ash ask “Have you been able to locate Jack?” My eyes fly open and I see James and Meg have entered the room.
“The Intermediate is a big place,” James says. “The others are still looking; we came to check in. How’s she doing?”
By she he means me.
Ash frowns. “We got her to hold some hot tea, but I’ve yet to see her drink it.”
Meg sends me a sympathetic expression. “Poor thing.”
For some reason her words stick. I don’t want to be considered a “poor thing.” I’m not the one something tragic happened to – Garrett is. It’s then that I decide to sit up and cooperate.