by Rita Hestand
"From the first moment I saw you…" he whispered.
"I can't resist that Texas drawl…" she sighed happily.
"You somehow give me the strength to keep going. I have no heart for this war between the states. I hate that it is happening. I wish I could turn back the clock, and yet I don't. For you wouldn't be here." He smiled. "In our hearts, we are one, Jenny." He said huskily, his eyes glazing with desire. "You know that, don't you?"
"Yes," her voice was barely above a whisper, his intense gaze sending a message to her heart. "and always will be… " she quickly agreed.
He stared into her sparkling eyes for a long time, "There's so many things I want to say to you."
"I know…you've already said them." She smiled.
"God, you are so beautiful…." He cried.
She smiled, "So are you."
He almost laughed. He took her arm and walked her back. As he told her goodnight, he kissed her once more, lightly, his eyes speaking for him. "I love you," he whispered, and then he was gone.
Had he said it, or had she only imagined it?
Jennifer found it hard to go to sleep. The deep feelings that were growing so quickly between her and Quirt were so real, so full of passions. But there was a war going on, and she knew how pulled Quirt was. He had to focus on what was going on here. He had to keep her and the rest of the ladies safe, it wasn't an easy job. He balanced the Indians, the Confederates and the women so delicately, she feared for his safety.
Words weren't needed between them as the love was there, visible only to them. Not saying them made their kisses more passionate, their hearts beat faster.
Her fantasies were all her own now. She longed to hold him tight, to kiss him, to make love with him, and to have his children. All in that order.
But she was realistic enough to know that they couldn't have that relationship yet. She sighed happily to herself.
The next day she saw Victoria and Hans together, hugging and she knew that she too had found a love again. Jennifer smiled. Perhaps coming here was the best thing to happen to all of them.
Later that day she saw Katherine talking to the blacksmith. It made Jennifer happy to know that the women she came with, the women who came to collect their dead had found something living to go on with. One by one, each woman seemed to find someone here to care for.
Second chances, she smiled to herself.
Everything wasn't gloomy and dull. Life was going on, she reflected, happily.
So many of the women had found good friends here and some had found love.
She knew she loved Quirt with all her heart, and she was sure he loved her too. She saw it in his eyes, felt it in his kiss, remembered it in her heart.
Sylvia saw she wasn't sleeping and smiled. "I saw you walking off with Quirt, this evening."
"Yeah," she sighed.
"You're in love with him, aren't you?"
"Yes," she replied, happy to admit it for once. "I guess I can't hide something that intense."
"I don't have to ask if he loves you, even I can see he does." Sylvia smiled. "I feel the same about Jimmy."
"I don't want to go home, anymore." Jennifer sighed.
"Me either."
"Did you see Victoria and Hans?" Jennifer smiled.
"I sure did. I couldn't believe it. You know half the women have fallen in love, I don't think when the time comes, we'll want to go home."
Jennifer laughed softly.
"My father will be so angry." Jennifer admitted.
"You are a grown woman."
"I know."
"Everyone has to leave the nest sometime. It's the only real way we can grow up." Sylvia explained.
"I only hope that we come out of this alive."
Sylvia nodded, "Yeah, I guess you are right about that too."
"If he asks you to marry, would you?"
Jennifer felt a thrill run through her. "Yes, without a doubt. But I know him Sylvia, he won't until this war is over."
"Maybe that will depend on how long it lasts." Sylvia insisted.
"What about Jimmy?"
"If he asked, it would depend on how long I know him and yes, I'd say yes." She giggled. "I think we've proven we can handle ourselves well here in the west."
"You're right, we have." Jennifer agreed, propping her head on her elbow to look at her.
"Do you think we'll ever go home?"
"You and me, no, some of the others yes."
"I worry for Essie. She's afraid to let herself feel again." Jennifer said in a whisper.
"We'll have to keep encouraging her," Sylvia laughed, "We don't want her to end up alone now do we."
"No, we don't." Jennifer laughed, through a pillow at her and turned over to go to sleep.
Chapter Nineteen
But an unexpected accident happened a week later, Sylvia and Jennifer were working in the garden, Quirt and several other men went fishing up in the hills about thirty miles. It was a nice day, the sun was shining, everyone was enjoying being outdoors when a scream so loud it shrilled the air alerted everyone at the fort to something going on at the stables.
It was one of the women, she had tried to take a horse out, and it kicked her in the head.
Everyone rushed to see what was going on and found Olivia, a young girl of nineteen dead in the stables.
The blacksmith, Leroy Evans, had been the closest one and ran in to find her laying close to the stall, the horse had run off and she was bleeding profusely from the head.
He carried her to the makeshift hospital, but the doctor pronounced her dead, immediately.
All the women crowded around to see her, tears were flowing, men were silent.
"How could this happen?" Katherine cried out.
"She went to take a horse, without asking and probably ended up being caught in the stall, the gate to the stall was broken, so, the horse kicked her in the head as he was trying to escape." One of the Privates was saying.
But later that day the doctor went to the commander.
"Yes, what is it?" The Captain was busy going through his collection of Shakespeare plays in his library behind his desk.
"I must speak to you."
"Alright, excuse us gentlemen." The Captain told the men in his office.
When they left, the doctor blurted, "The woman was pregnant."
"What?" The Captain looked strangely at the doctor, "What woman?"
"The woman that was kicked in the head by the horse. She was pregnant."
"Impossible!"
"I think I know when a woman is pregnant. She was about five months pregnant, maybe even more. She was undernourished."
"Good Lord. By whom? Why didn't we see that?"
"I don't know. Whoever it was, might have come from her hometown. Do you know where she was from?" The doctor hung his head.
"But she was here to retrieve her dead husband, am I correct?"
"Yes, that's correct, but we don't have any paperwork on her, to contact her kin. Unless Quirt has some information on it, we might never know where she came from."
"I just wanted you to know. Perhaps it's best left this way."
"Thank you, doctor. Let's keep this under our hat, shall we? I mean the girl is dead, the baby I assume is dead. No use stirring up trouble, do you think?"
"I suppose not,' the doctor looked agitated. "Only it could be why she went to get a horse, to get out of here. That would explain why she didn’t ask permission first. She could have been desperate. The women were not supposed to stay here long. Maybe she thought she could get his body and go home before anyone else knew."
"Yes, I suppose you are right. Will you take care of her body?"
"Yes, I have a fella that makes caskets when I need them. Want to have a funeral for her, sir?"
"Of course, yes. But as I said, let's keep the details quiet."
"And the baby?"
"Oh God, can you bury them together, without anyone knowing?"
"Yes, it's standard procedure to bury
her with the baby still inside, unless the father is present to object to it."
"Then do it. No use making a scandal for her now. We will be doing her a favor by not mentioning it to anyone. She was quite young, wasn't she?"
The doctor nodded and left.
All the women gathered at the hospital to be with Olivia.
The doctor looked at them, "Did anyone know her very well?"
Katherine spoke up, "She kept to herself a lot."
"How about boyfriends?" He asked.
"As far as we know she didn't have any. Why would you ask such a thing?"
The doctor turned red in the face, "Well, she's been here a while, I thought I'd ask so we could tell him what happened to her, if she did have one."
"She had none."
He nodded, "Alright, my helper, Christopher will prep her for the funeral, we will have tomorrow."
They all nodded.
When Quirt returned with a rung of fish for the cooks, Jennifer caught his attention and pulled him aside.
She told him about Olivia, and he looked stunned. "My God, I guess I should speak to the Captain about this. Notify her next of kin."
"Do you know her next of kin?"
"I have a list of names and addresses of all of the ladies, just in case something like this happened." Quirt told her.
"The doctor asked a strange question," she told him.
"Oh, what?"
"If she had a fiancé or male friend."
"That's odd, I guess, but then maybe he just wanted to make sure there was no one here that would be concerned or something." Quirt looked a bit perplexed. "I better go talk to the Captain."
She nodded.
When Quirt went into the office he sat down in front of the Captain. "I heard about Olivia."
"Yes, I need to ask if you have any information on her family or where she came from?" The Captain looked a bit preoccupied as though what he was talking about didn't concern him much.
"I have a list of names and address from which they all came, so if something like this came up, we could contact their kin, yes. I brought it, as soon as I heard."
The Captain nodded, "Fine, since you are in charge of the ladies, you can write a letter to her kin and inform them what has happened. We'll have the funeral tomorrow."
Quirt nodded, "Alright, I'll take care of it. What happened exactly?"
"All we know is she got into the stables without asking and was taking a horse out, and it kicked her in the head, killing her instantly." He told him.
"Why would she do such a thing?"
"I don't know. I thought maybe you could tell us." The Captain looked up at him now.
"I have no idea. I wasn't here, I went fishing with some of the boys. We brought back enough for a big fish fry. I didn't even know her by name."
"It appears not many did know her."
"The women are pretty torn up about it. She was obviously quiet and shy."
"Yes, it is unfortunate."
"Alright sir, I'll get on this immediately."
"Good day sir." The Captain told him and went back to scanning his library of books behind his desk.
Quirt went to his quarters and wrote a letter to her family informing them of her death and the circumstances. He put it in an envelope, and he started to address it, but he couldn’t find her name on the list. She wasn't on there. My God, who was she? Why wasn't she on his list?
He looked at the letter and leaned back in the chair in front of the desk they all used. She wasn't on the list. That made no sense. He should have gotten to know them all. But this one lady must have shied away from the crowd or something. He couldn't even recall her face. That bothered him. Had he neglected her?
He went to see Jennifer.
"Walk with me," he asked.
"Of course." She knew instinctively he was upset.
"Something wrong?"
"I can't remember her face. I have no idea who she was. All this time. I can't place her."
She squeezed his hand, "None of us knew her well. Katherine had talked to her more than anyone."
"Katherine?" He asked.
"Yes, she spoke with her a few times."
"Let's go talk to her." Quirt insisted.
"Now?"
"Yes, I need to talk to her."
Jennifer nodded.
They found Katherine preparing some of the fish. "Could we talk to you?" Quirt asked her.
"Now?"
"Please, it's important."
"Alright, ladies, I'll be back." She informed the other women. They nodded.
They walked outside again the three of them. "Katherine what can you tell me about Olivia?"
Katherine eyed him closely, she seemed to study on her words before she spoke. She folded her lips and sighed. "She was a quiet one, sort of private. Why?"
Quirt nodded, "I can believe that, but…. well, I can't remember her face. I thought I knew most of you by your faces, but I can't place her." Quirt looked aggravated. "And what is worse, I can't find her name on the list."
"Is it that important to you to remember her face?" Katherine's face screwed up in a frown as she saw how disturbed he was about it.
"Yes, she was a person, a human being. She was part of your group. I was responsible for all of you, and I can't even remember who she was. I've got to get to the bottom of this. I can't just lose someone."
Katherine nodded, her understanding dawning. "Not many knew her. In fact, I'd say not over two or three of us. She didn't want to stand out of the crowd."
"Why? There's got to be a reason."
"Do you really want to know?" Katherine's brows drew together as she asked the question.
"Yes, it's important to me." He turned away and put his hand on his forehead trying to think. "For the life of me, I can't remember what she even looks like. I pride myself in knowing all of you by face at least."
"There's an explanation," Katherine finally admitted, her sigh saying more than anything. "She was pregnant."
"What?" Quirt twirled around to stare into Katherine's face. "How do you know this?"
"What do you mean. she was pregnant. How could that be?" Jennifer came closer now.
"She wasn't on the list, Quirt. Never was. One of the other girls smuggled her in with us."
"Is this some kind of joke?" Quirt nearly shouted.
"Nope! April Mooney is her best friend. You know April, kind of young and flighty."
"Yes, I remember her."
"When Olivia found out April was coming west, she asked to come in her place. April said no but told her she would sneak her in with her, because she knew her story." Katherine's frown was full of sadness now.
'It's a sad story and when I tell you, you'll understand. You see, Olivia's stepfather raped her. It was right after her mother died, and April was sure he was still in depression from her mother dying. Two weeks before April came on the train, Olivia told her the story. April got her on that train, but she didn't sit with the rest of us. No one knew she was even here until we got on the wagons, and she sat beside April. No one said a word. She didn't look pregnant then, no one knew. She had to get away. She was so afraid of her stepfather since her mother died. She was so afraid of the scandal back home. She knew she might be pregnant, and it scared her to death. When I realized she wasn't one of us, I ask April and she told me all about her and swore me to secrecy. Then I saw that she was pregnant when she climbed into a gown one night. April felt sorry for her and wanted to help her. But that night, it was dark, and one lamp lit her shadow, it was unmistakable. And that's the story. So, that's why you didn't recognize her. She was never on the list."
Jennifer suddenly gasped. "Then what happened to the baby?"
"I don't know. In my day, if a woman died while pregnant, the baby stayed inside her and is buried with her like that. Because the baby can only live so long after the mother dies. And I wouldn't ask. Olivia didn't want anyone to know, she wanted to get out of here before anyone found out she was pregnant. I
think we should let sleeping dogs lie, so to speak. Whatever happened the doctor must have taken care of it."
"You don't think I should inquire?"
"No, don't stir the bee's nest. She died, and the baby more than likely died with her. She suffered enough Quirt, let it be." Katherine smiled sadly at him as she put her hand on top his. "No one will know this way and if there are any other kin, they won't know either."
"My God, the poor girl!" Jennifer felt tears roll down her cheeks.
"Let it be Quirt, it's over, and she's not disgraced." Katherine's eyes filled with tears.
He nodded slowly. "You're right. Thanks for telling me, Katherine. I'm sorry I asked in a way, but I'm glad to know about her. A person shouldn't die, without some knowledge of who she was."
"Thanks for keeping her secret." Katherine smiled again sadly.
"I wrote her parents a letter, then I couldn't find her name on the list. That's why I had to know what had happened. Even if her name was on the list, after that story, I wouldn't be letting him know she was dead."
Jenifer spoke up this time, "I'm glad her address wasn't on the list. Now her stepfather will never know and that will be his punishment for what he did to that poor little girl."
"How old was the girl?"
"Fifteen." Katherine's voice gave out now, and her head fell on Quirt's chest.
Quirt held her for a long while. "Thanks for telling me all this, Katherine. I understand, and her secret will be buried with her."
He stared at both women and his own eyes clouded with tears. He nodded, and he took out the letter and destroyed it by tearing it into little pieces.
He walked them both back and they didn't say another word.
The funeral was held the next day, and Jennifer and Katherine took it hard. So, did someone else, April. Quirt felt so bad for the little lady he hadn't remembered. But it was one secret that would never be told again. No matter what, Olivia was a lady just like the others, bound for Ft. Davis.
Chapter Twenty
The garden began producing a lot of fresh vegetables and the women got busy canning them for the winter. All during the summer everyone at the fort ate well. There was cabbage, carrots, celery, bell peppers, onions, many fresh and wonderful vegetables and the soldiers took turns helping the women till the soil and keep the gardens free of bugs and animals. One of them built a scarecrow. It dawned on a couple of the women to start a small orchard of apples and pears. This turned out well, and everyone helped pick them for pies.