by Carter Ashby
God, what if Caroline had hurt her? What if she'd hurt the baby growing inside of her? He'd never forgive himself.
Addy was escorted out by an officer. Her skirt was the only thing in tact. She'd had on stockings, which were torn; a blouse, with several buttons now missing; and a pair of high heels, one of which was broken, so that she walked barefoot carrying the shoes beneath one arm. There was a shallow cut along one of her cheekbones and scratch marks on her neck.
"Christ," he muttered, looking her up and down. Caroline hadn't had a scratch on her. Truth be told, he would have guessed it would have been the other way around.
"Will you take me home, please?" she asked, her voice calm and level.
"Addison, I am so sorry. She showed up by surprise. That kiss…it wasn't…it was just…"
Addy cocked her head to the side, waiting patiently.
"She was just kissing me hello, okay? It wasn't anything. Then we went to eat, and I told her the story you and I agreed on—"
"But you didn't break up with her."
He gulped. "No. You and I didn't talk about that. I thought we were going to keep everything as normal as possible."
"Will you please take me home? I need a shower."
"I should take you to the hospital."
"I'm fine. I just wanna go home."
"Addison, I—"
The slap was so swift he wasn't entirely sure where it had come from. When his vision cleared, she was standing there with wide, horror-filled eyes, gaping at her hand. "God, I'm so sorry. I really need you to take me home," she said.
His cheek stung. He caught the eye of the officer who had escorted her out. The guy was on alert. Grey shook his head, and the guy eased back. "Come on," Grey said, taking Addy by the elbow. He led her down to the parking garage and opened the car door for her. He listened to her soft sniffles as she quietly cried all the way back home. He walked her up to her apartment, into her apartment. She went straight back to her bedroom, only emerging to disappear again into the bathroom.
Grey locked the door behind him and sat on her sofa, waiting. The shower lasted nearly twenty minutes. She came out in pajama bottoms and a tank-top. There was a bandage over the small cut on her cheek. She stopped when she saw him. "Please go," she said.
He patted the couch next to him. She ignored his unspoken invitation and sat in a chair. "Addy, I want you to pack some things and come home with me. We'll go to the appointment together in the morning."
"No."
He waited, thinking there would be more. When there wasn't, he leaned forward. "Addy, get your things, and let me take you back to my place."
Her stare was blank. "Your girlfriend just assaulted me."
He swallowed.
"Go home, Grey."
"Not without you."
Suddenly, she threw back her head and laughed. "My God," she said. "What the fuck are we doing?"
There was no answer that he could think of.
"Do you want me, Grey?" she asked.
Relief. He definitely knew the answer to this. Without hesitation, "Yes. You know I do, Addy."
"Then what's the big complication? Let's do it. We'll go to the dean, apprise her of our relationship, take whatever measures we have to to deal with my thesis, and that'll be that."
"I would, gladly, but it seems foolish to risk so much for something so temporary. I'm bound to disappoint you eventually."
"You wouldn't have to. You could choose not to."
"Choose not to disappoint you? Addison, you want impossible things. There's no path for us but one that leads to disappointment."
She shook her head, looking disgusted with him. "What I want is not impossible! I swear to God, Grey, you are the biggest coward!"
"Coward?" He felt his face flush, and before he knew it, he was on his feet. "I'm the bravest one in this room because I'm not afraid to face facts! Men and women do not stay together forever. Marriages…happy ones…do not exist. Love is a made up word used to manipulate, and I would never do that to you, Addison! I would never lie to you to get something I want."
Her eyes were wide and her hands trembling.
But something had gotten into Grey, and he couldn't seem to stop. "Why can't we have an honest relationship, Addy? Why do you want me to lie to you and make impossible promises?"
Now she was on her feet. "Nobody knows whether they'll be able to keep the promises they make, Grey, but they make them anyway to show that they have every intention of trying! You don't even want to try! I love you so much and it kills me because those words mean nothing to you. But Grey, to me, those words are a promise. If you wanted, I'd promise to be with you always, to never stop trying to build a life with you."
"Yeah? And I'm smart enough to know that those are only words. You don't know who you're going to be a year from now…ten years from now. You're making promises you can't keep."
"I can try to keep them. I can make a commitment and give you everything I've got."
"I'd never ask that of you. Jesus, Addy, look at the pain around you. Ask anyone who's gone through a divorce."
"If I do that, you have to ask everyone who's stayed in a happy marriage."
He barked a laugh. "I find it fascinating that a woman of your intelligence doesn't realize this already: there is no happy marriage, Addison. There are only people clinging to commitments long after they've lost their desire for one another. Marriages eventually either fail, or become business partnerships."
Silence. And more silence. The look on her face was one of despair and…pity? Did she actually feel sorry for him? Well he felt sorry for her. Sorry that she was holding on to such illusions. Sorry that she would someday experience the ultimate disappointment.
Addy sank slowly into her chair. She stared at the space in front of her.
Grey dropped to one knee in front of her. "Come home with me. Let me hold you tonight. Let me find some way to make up to you what you went through today. We'll go to the doctor's tomorrow so we can get this question answered and decide where to go after that."
She was silent for a moment before shaking her head.
"Come on. You don't even have to change. I'll pack a bag for you, just tell me what you want to wear." He went to her bedroom and dug around in her closet until he found an overnight bag. He smiled because he recognized it from their week away. It was perfect.
He tossed it on her bed and thumbed through the clothes in her closet. He found a sundress he'd never seen. It wasn't, in fact, anything like what Addy normally wore. It was pink and flowery, with a scoop neckline and capped sleeves. He held it, touched it, and realized he desperately wanted to see her in it.
"Grey, please go," Addy said softly from the doorway of the bedroom.
He folded the dress and turned to her bed to pack it in her overnight bag.
Her hand on his arm made him freeze. He closed his eyes, the fight suddenly draining out of him. All his talk about honesty, but he was lying to himself. Sure, he wanted to give her comfort. But more than anything, he wanted to have her in his arms. "I couldn't sleep last night," he admitted. "After you left, I couldn't sleep."
Her other hand slid around his waist. "I know," she whispered.
"I don't understand these feelings, Addy, but I know when you're with me, I don't hurt anymore. God, it's so selfish, now that I say it out loud."
"I feel the same way." She kissed his shoulder and laid her cheek against it. "I miss you whenever we're not together. It's like it's not even enough to see you at school, I need to be touching you."
He turned to her and cupped her face. "Exactly. It's crazy, isn't it?"
She was looking at him with pity again, like she knew something he didn't. "Crazy," she repeated softly. "But I'm not going home with you. You can stay if you want, but I'm going to bed. I'm so tired, Grey."
He saw it, then. She was pale, her eyes dark underneath. Poor, beat-up girl. He grabbed the overnight bag, tossed it aside, and pulled the blankets on her bed down. "I'll stay with
you," he said.
She gave a faint shrug and crawled under the covers. It wasn't even eight o'clock yet, but he didn't care. He went around her apartment, locked the door, turned off lights, then took off his clothes and got into bed with her. She was right. Just touching her made everything seem okay. They fell asleep together with him spooning her.
Late in the night he felt her move against him. They reached for each other in the dark, groping and fumbling, making love by instinct, by necessity, no talking or thinking. It was something Grey had never experienced before. After they finished and Addy lay sprawled on top of him, asleep, he tried to understand it…this craving for her. He wondered why he'd never felt it for anyone else. He wondered how long it might last.
CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE
He held her hand in the waiting room. Addy felt like she should be in disguise or something. She kept looking around the room, feeling exposed, hoping no one would see her and Grey together.
But when the nurse called her name, she forgot to care about that. They went back to a room where the nurse took her vitals some of her blood. After she left, Addy sat at the end of the exam table and let her legs swing. She was wearing a dress she hadn't worn in years. She couldn't even remember how she got it or why she'd kept it. But Grey had held it up and smiled so sweetly that she couldn't help putting it on.
Her hair hung down, hiding her view of Grey who sat in a chair to her left.
"You look so beautiful, today, Addy."
She smiled, not bothering to look at him. "Thank you."
"I like your hair down like that."
She giggled. It sounded so strange, him saying these trite little things, like she was any other girl in the world, and he was any other boy. But then, she also knew he wouldn't say these things to any other girl.
He appeared in her field of vision. She'd been slumped over, staring down at the floor. Now she was staring at his feet. "Can you imagine some kid calling me daddy?"
She looked up at him. "Not really. Can you imagine some kid calling me mommy?"
He smiled and shook his head. "I guess you grow into it."
The doctor came in, and Grey returned to his seat. Addy had been going to Dr. Sanders since she was sixteen. The woman was kind, but professional. She shook Addy's hand. "You're not pregnant," Dr. Sanders said.
Addy kept her expression neutral as she nodded, even though, for some reason, she felt disappointed. It wasn't the reaction she'd expected. But then, she hadn't expected to get this particular news. "What about the tests?"
"You said they were faint?" Dr. Sanders asked.
Addy nodded.
"What happens sometimes is what we call a chemical pregnancy. Technically, you were pregnant, but the fertilized egg failed to implant. Most of the time when this happens, you never even know it, unless you happen to be looking for it."
"Or taking a pregnancy test on a dare," Addy said with a tight smile.
"Exactly," Dr. Sanders said. "You'll likely start your period in the next day or two, on schedule, and after that, if you take a pregnancy test, it should come up negative."
Addy blew out a breath.
"You might consider this a close call," Dr. Sanders said. "Do we need to talk about birth control?"
"We used condoms," Addy said, her voice starting to sound far away.
"Every time?"
"Yes. I mean, sometimes we would fool around first, but we always used one." She looked to Grey for confirmation.
He nodded.
"Well no method is fool proof. If you're interested in adding another layer of protection, we can talk about the pill."
Addy sighed. "I'll think about it and make an appointment if I decide to."
Dr. Sanders nodded, said goodbye, and left.
Addy stood letting Grey take her in his arms. He was kind enough to show no reaction. If he'd acted disappointed, she would have felt bad for him. If he'd acted relieved, she would have resented him. This was perfect. Just quiet support.
After a long, quiet moment, Addy stepped back and looked at her watch. "Got time to make it to my ten-thirty class."
When he didn't say anything, she finally looked up at him. His brow was furrowed. She couldn't tell what he was thinking. The kiss took her by surprise, but she sank into it, letting him have whatever he needed. After that, they quietly checked out of the clinic, walked through the waiting room full of people, got into Grey's car, and drove back to school.
She went to her classes. Grey went to his. Instead of getting him to drive her back to her apartment, she walked home. The walk warmed her. When she got home, she changed out of the dress into shorts and a tank top. She sat at her desk in her bedroom behind her laptop and started reading through her thesis one last time. She would be going to the review committee with it next week.
There was a knock on her door. She closed her eyes, praying it wasn't Grey. She couldn't see him right now, it was just too painful. Addy went to her front door, opened it, and started at the sight of Michael and Camille Hart, her parents. Camille's face was tear-streaked. "Oh, my poor baby!"
Addy found herself embraced by her sobbing mother as she looked up into her father's apologetic eyes. Since she'd moved into her own apartment, Michael had found a way to let her go her own way, to let her grow up. In fact, their relationship had improved considerably over the years. "I told her we should get the story from you, first," he said. "But you know how she is." He leaned forward and looked closer. "My God, what happened?" He reached past Camille to tip Addy's face to the side, showing the small cut on her cheekbone.
"It's nothing. A woman attacked me. The situation is resolved."
"A woman attacked you?" Both her parents now stared at her, incredulous in their shock.
With a sigh, Addy invited both her parents to have a seat. "It was the ex-girlfriend of the man I've been seeing. It won't happen again, and I don't want to talk about it anymore."
"I hope you got a restraining order," Michael said.
"I will if I feel I need to."
"Can we get to the point?" Camille interrupted. "Cassidy Pope knows Janelle Page who works as a nurse at the clinic, and she said you were in there with a man getting some kind of a test. Dear God, end the suspense for us. Is it an STD? Pregnancy? What?"
"None of the above, Mother. We had a pregnancy scare is all—"
"Oh my God!" Camille cried. "I knew letting her live alone in the city was a bad idea."
"Calm down, honey," Michael said. "I'm sure it's not as bad as all that."
The sobs merely increased. Addy fell back against her sofa cushions and stared helplessly at the ceiling.
"Addison, is there anything you need?" Michael asked, in his ever patient tone of voice.
"No, I'm fine, thank you, Dad."
"Should we intervene for you with this professor?"
She sat up, then, overcome with the desire to tell somebody the truth. What did it matter, now, anyway? "No, Dad, there's no need to intervene. I've been in love with Grey for a long time, now. We went away together over spring break, and that was our very first time together. Since then, we've been sleeping together and trying not to get caught. Nothing I've done has been coerced, he's been a stand-up guy through the whole affair, even going with me to the clinic to get my pregnancy test. He's a good man, and I'm a good woman, and all we want is to live our lives quietly and unnoticed."
Michael was gaping at her in surprise even as Camille sobbed into his chest. Slowly, his lips turned up in a smile. "I always appreciate that forthright way you have about you, dearest."
"Thank you."
"Will we be fortunate enough to meet this man that you claim to love?"
"It depends on how this all works out."
But a knock at the door took the decision out of her hands.
Dean Richter called Grey into her office after his last class of the day. He went, racking his brain wondering what he might be in trouble for this time.
Erika was behind her desk massaging her t
emples. She gave Grey a tight smile as he took a seat across from her. "Greyson, I cannot get over this mess you've gotten yourself into."
"What? What did I do now?"
She exhaled loudly. "Your ex-girlfriend called me, sobbing hysterically, and started telling me all kinds of things. She says Addison assaulted her, and you broke up with her. Then she says she saw your car parked outside Addison's apartment complex all night and then you going into a women's clinic with Addison this morning. So number one, it sounds like you might have a slight stalker problem you need to get worked out."
"Shit," he murmured. Caroline had been following him? "I'll talk to her. See if I need to get a restraining order, especially for Addison."
"Secondly, is any of this true?"
"No," he said automatically. If Caroline sounded that crazy, then he could easily lie his way out of this. "Of course not. Like I said, we had that one kiss and that's all. Nothing else has happened or will happen."
Erika arched a brow at him. "Now's the time to come clean, Greyson."
He drew himself up, looked Erika in the eye, and said, "I would never endanger that girl's future."
Erika held his gaze for a long moment before leaning back in her chair. "All right. I believe you. Just try to get this Caroline situation under control before she slanders both your names beyond repair."
He thanked her and went back to his office. He'd been lying all along, but for some reason, this one felt worse. He was tempted to march right back to Erika's office to tell her the truth, but then it occurred to him that it wasn't only his truth. Maybe he should talk to Addison.
The computer chimed with an email. Grey's stomach tightened when he saw it was from Gwen Morris. "Dr. McDaniel, I've updated my blog. Thought you might like to see." He clicked on the link. There was no new information. Just Gwen ranting about how the school was trying to shut her up. But apparently, she'd been in contact with Caroline because she'd posted all the gossip about the fight between Caroline and Addison and the possible pregnancy.