by Carter Ashby
Addy had to give her head a shake. Maya's energy was overwhelming at the moment. "Coffee…yes, please." She sat at the kitchen table. The house was a lot different from when Zoey had lived there. Zoey was an obsessively tidy individual, whereas Maya, even if she had been the same way, couldn't have achieved that level of neatness with two small children running around. For the most part, everything was picked up and put away. But Addy still spotted the occasional LEGO or Barbie Doll sticking out from under a couch or wedged into a corner.
Maya sat across from Addy, sliding a cup of coffee across the table. "So should I bring home the hard liquor tonight?"
Addy smiled. She felt her heart finish breaking as she lowered her head and nodded. "Yes, please," she squeaked.
"Oh, honey." Maya was at her side, holding her and rocking back and forth. "I know it's hard. I'm so sorry."
Addy sobbed into Maya's shirt. She wasn't confused about her situation. She didn't have doubts. In her mind, she'd taken the only route she could. Grey was a risk, and Addy wasn't a risk-taker. She didn't want to follow him around hoping he would change.
So now, she had only to survive the feelings. Crying was a part of that. A purge, a release, the flood that God sent to cleanse all sin from the earth.
Once she calmed, she dried her eyes and nose with the tissue Maya handed her. Then she sat back and sipped her coffee, which had cooled, some. "I just wanna die," Addy said. "I assume that's normal."
Maya gave her a sympathetic smile. There was the sound of a loud engine outside, and a moment later Sophie and Mattie came running in. They dropped their backpacks by the front door and ran straight for the kitchen table. Maya went into the kitchen returning with peanut butter and jelly sandwiches.
Addy slapped her hand on the table. "Could I get in on that action? I've been off the peanut butter for almost two weeks, and I'm ready to fall off the wagon."
Maya smiled and quickly smeared some peanut butter and jelly between two slices of bread. Addy bit into it and moaned. "Mmm, so good. Not as good as kissing Grey, but a very close second."
"Plus, no commitment issues," Maya said.
"So true."
Maya went to the pantry and came out with a jar of something dark brown. She sat it on the table in front of Addy. Addy's eyes went wide. "Is that…chocolate peanut butter?"
"Yes. Did you know there was such a thing?"
Addy cradled the jar in one hand as she used the other to take another bite of her sandwich. "How long has this existed? It's the most beautiful thing I've ever seen."
Addy sat her sandwich down, opened the jar, and scooped out a dollop of the chocolatey, creamy, perfection. She sucked it off her finger and nearly cried again. "This whole jar is mine, right?"
"Absolutely."
"I'll reimburse you."
Maya laughed. "If this is all it takes to give you a moment's happiness, I'm more than happy to make a gift of it."
Kellen arrived a few minutes later, his smile brightening the room, as always. He pulled Addy to her feet and into his arms. Then he looked down at the jar of peanut butter. "Hitting the hard stuff pretty early, aren't you?"
Addy half-laughed, half-cried. Kellen pulled back and kissed her on the forehead. "I've got friends," he said. "Whenever you're past this, tell me. Seriously, I just mention your name and they line up."
Addy rolled her eyes and fell back into her chair. "They're after my money."
"Not at all, Addy. Seriously, you're every guy's dream come true. Calm, level-headed, smart, drop-dead beautiful."
She smiled up at him. "You're a doll, Kellen."
After he left with the kids, Maya had to go to work, so Addy went to bed in the master bedroom. She'd turned on the television, thinking she'd just zone out, but before she knew it, she was fast asleep.
It was still daylight when she woke up. There was a warm body next to her. Addy opened her eyes to see Zoey sitting next to her, flipping channels. "When did you get here?" Addy asked in a groggy voice.
"'Bout five minutes ago."
"Mm. Can we order pizza?"
Zoey winked at her. "Already done. I got your back, babe."
Addy sat up and rubbed her eyes. "I feel bad pulling you away from your boyfriend."
"You've stood by my side during times when I didn't deserve it. I love Kellen, but I wouldn't abandon you right now if he called me naked from the hot tub and begged me."
Addy sighed. "Tell me about you and him. Are you still happy together?"
Zoey blushed and smiled. "You don't want to hear about happy couples right now."
"I actually do. I think it'll inspire me."
With a sigh, Zoey leaned back on the pillow. "I wanna marry him. I haven't said anything, and neither has he. I get the feeling he'd like to live together a while longer. But I'm as sure as I'll ever be. I'm such a high-strung wreck, you know? But when I'm with him, he just evens me out. Everything I might be stressing about just fades into the background. More than anything in the world, I just want to build a life with him."
Addy nodded, tears in her eyes. "Yeah," she said softly. "Inspiring."
"So what's his deal?" Zoey asked.
"He doesn't believe in love or marriage or anything. I didn't get it. At first, I honestly thought he was just kind of…shallow. But I met his parents and, well, he's got some deep-rooted shit going on. No way on earth he's overcoming all of that just for me. I ended it yesterday. We did really well seeing each other today. I mean, we're both really sad, but he's so sweet about it. I won't see him at all over the summer and then maybe not ever again." She almost choked on these words. "He says he's not coming back next year. He wants to go back to work overseas."
"Couldn't you go with him?"
Addy smiled. "That's what he invited me to do. I had to decide fast and…honestly, if he were just some hot guy I liked, then yeah. But, he's not just some guy. He's the love of my life. I know we've only been sleeping together for less than a month, but I've loved him for three years. I've waited for him for three fucking years. I need more from him than, 'I'll give you two years, and then we'll reevaluate.'" She shook her head. "He says I'm asking the unreasonable, and maybe he's right, but it's what I want. It's what I need. Not a marriage proposal right now, but some hope for a future. I mean, I need him to believe that a future is possible; that love and forever are possible."
Zoey rested her chin on her knees and stared ahead of her.
"Well," Addy said, "those aren't the kinds of changes you can ask someone to make. It's not like asking him to switch brands of laundry detergent or stop calling me 'kiddo.' Which, actually, I kind of don't mind anymore. But I mean, you don't wait around and hope for someone to just completely alter their worldview for you. That just doesn't happen."
"It sucks, Addy. Really, I'm just so sorry. You're a lot more patient and understanding because I just wanna find the guy, smack him around, and tell him to get his act together. But you're right. Like always, you're right. You've chosen to understand and accept him, and I just really think that's so wise. It just sucks, that's all."
Addy laughed. "Yeah, well," she climbed off the bed and headed to the kitchen. "I get my peanut butter back. Maya had this chocolate stuff in her pantry." She made it into the kitchen, grabbed a spoon and the jar, and started eating.
A few minutes later the pizza guy arrived. Zoey and Addy gorged themselves on pizza and Doris Day movies. Maya showed up around ten with a bottle of wine for each of them. They changed into their jammies, piled into Maya's bed, ate, drank, and watched more movies.
CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX
A week later, Addy sat in a room in front of four professors from the political science department with a dozen or so of her peers seated behind her. She answered questions in defense of her thesis and tried not to overanalyze the expressions of the committee members. When at last they finished, she was dismissed to wait in the hall while they conferred.
Slightly dizzy from the nerves, she stepped into the hall and turned toward the nearest drinkin
g fountain. There was Grey, facing her parents, talking and gesturing with one hand, the other shoved in the pocket of his black slacks. He'd grown a sexy length of stubble over the past week, and his hair was up in that stubby ponytail.
Addy approached, pausing only for a drink of water. When she got nearer, all three heads turned her direction and broke into smiles.
"How did it go?" her father asked.
"I guess we'll find out." She hugged her parents. Grey leaned in, and she gave him a formal kiss on the cheek. His hand lingered on her arm only a moment.
"I'm not even worried," Grey said. "I've no doubt you've exceeded all expectations."
Addy blushed at the praise. "It was the most nervous I've ever been, I think."
"More nervous than your first day teaching?" Grey asked.
"Definitely."
He smiled kindly at her, his eyes roaming her face. Addy had to look away.
"Should we go out to lunch?" Camille asked.
"I think I should wait here," Addy said. "There's no way of knowing how long they'll be."
"Not long," Grey said, nodding toward something behind her. Addy turned to find the door of the room open and a student glancing up and down the hallway. The girl waved at Addy.
With a deep breath, Addy left her parents and professor behind. Dr. Markham stood at the front of the room with her hands folded in front of her. "Addison Hart, congratulations."
Addy didn't hear much else after that. The tide of elation carried her along through the handshakes and the form-signing. At last she was propelled from the room amidst handshakes and congratulations and into the loving arms of Zoey and Maya who had arrived only moments before.
"Come on, we wanna take you to lunch," Zoey said.
"We've already made plans," Camille said.
"Let's all go," Addy replied, hoping to stave off an argument. As they headed toward the exit, Addy found herself looking around for Grey. She found him hovering at the doorway to the conference room talking to Dr. Markham. He didn't look over at her, and she didn't go to him. What was there to say? He'd only congratulate her and share a longing, regretful look.
Better just to keep walking.
They dined at a café near campus. Afterwards, Addy's parents went home while Zoey, Addy, and Maya went shopping. They spent the rest of the day in the city together and went back to Addy's apartment armed with wine and comfort food. They put on old movies and their pajamas and settled in for a long night of celebration.
"So will it be Dr. Hart, next?" Zoey asked as the credits rolled on a Doris Day comedy.
"Someday," Addy said. "But for now, I'm going away for two years."
"What? No!" Zoey shrieked.
"I told you she would," Maya said.
"I'm really excited," Addy said. "I've been living by Grey's rules all this time, and it's really quite liberating to think of going off on my own. Of course, he's going to help me get an interview, but after that, I'll be on my own." Addy cracked open a brand new jar of chocolate peanut butter and dug out a scoop with a spoon. She moaned in pleasure.
"Should we leave you alone with that?" Maya asked.
"Yes! Yes! Yes!" Addy cried, with exaggerated tosses of her hair.
The three of them fell into laughter. "Look at our sexually repressed princess," Zoey said. "Horny as hell nowadays."
"Maybe I'll meet a new and exciting lover while I'm away. Maybe I'll meet lots of new lovers." Addy didn't want any new lovers, but she did want adventure, and she needed to get over Grey.
"Will you at least be able to come home for holidays?" Zoey asked.
"I'm not sure. I should think so."
There was a knock on the door. Addy unfolded herself from the couch, sat her peanut butter on the coffee table, and answered the door.
Grey stood before her, still in his slacks and sport jacket from earlier that day. He held a bottle of wine. "Hey," he said with a smile.
"Hi."
He handed her the wine, and she grinned at the bottle. "The cheap stuff," she said.
"It's your favorite, isn't it?"
"Yes. Thank you for remembering."
"Can I come in, Addy?"
She realized she was staring down at the bottle, trying not to get teary-eyed. "Um…I have company."
"We'll go hang out in your room," Zoey said. She and Maya hurried back to her room and shut the door behind them.
Addy, bemused, stepped aside and gestured for Grey to enter. She sat the wine on her bar counter and folded her arms over her chest to hide the state of her braless chest. "What can I do for you?" she asked.
His jaw muscles flexed. He leaned his shoulder against the wall facing her, his eyes downcast. "I'm not going anywhere without you, Addy. Honestly, I don't know how I thought I could."
Her throat squeezed tight, and she gritted her teeth together.
Grey raised his eyes to hers. "I love you."
Tears blurred her vision. With great effort, she managed to swallow. "I love you, too," she whispered.
His lips quirked up at the corners. "I don't have a ring. I'm not ready to propose. When I propose to you, I don't want it to be some desperate act to win your heart back. I want it to be from solid ground. So I hope you aren't disappointed."
She shook her head frantically. "No. I'm not."
"But I will someday, Addy. I'm finding that I want to make promises to you. With you. I want forever with you. You've made a believer out of me."
A laugh escaped her lips.
"And kids," he continued. "Ever since we found out you weren't pregnant, I can't help imagining it. What you'd be like as a mother. How much I'd love to have a little daughter, a little son. I think you and I will make a great parenting team someday, don't you?"
She nodded.
"But I want us to go away together first. I want to see the world together. Work together. Do you want that with me?"
"Yes," she gasped.
"Oh, Addy." He cupped her jaw and gazed lovingly into her eyes.
Something in the back of her thoughts was vying for her attention, but she didn't want to deal with it in that moment. She only wanted his lips on her lips, his hands on her body. When he leaned in, she parted her lips, and he took them with force and passion. They kissed and touched for several long, beautiful minutes.
When at last their lips parted, Grey seemed short of breath. Addy smiled and caressed his cheek, overwhelmed by his passion. Until he started tugging at his collar. And wheezing.
"Oh, shit," Addy said.
Grey's next breath was a gasp. "Glove compartment." He patted his pockets until he found his car keys. She ran out the door and down the stairs as fast as she could. After retrieving the EpiPen from his glove compartment, she dashed back upstairs. Grey was on the couch sucking in labored breaths while Zoey and Maya hovered at his side.
Addy jammed the pen into his thigh and counted to ten. Gradually, his breathing came back under control. Addy dropped her head to his chest, her body trembling. "You're supposed to keep one of these on you at all times."
He let out a wheezing laugh. "I want it on the record that as much of an asshole as I've been, I've never once almost killed you."
"This isn't funny," she murmured.
He stroked her hair. "Poor girl. Just plan on never tasting peanut butter again for the rest of your life. And know that I appreciate the sacrifice."
She sat up and looked into his eyes. "Thank you," she whispered.
"Ah, Addy. You're my hero, you know that?"
She laughed, hugged him, and took him to the hospital.
CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN
The Saturday following the end of the school year found Addy, Zoey, and Maya suntanning in lounge chairs on Maya's back porch. Maya's kids played in the sprinkler with Jayce, who was looking gorgeous in his board shorts and nothing else. Kellen stood at the grill, flipping burgers and trading occasional banter with Zoey.
Addy smiled as she watched Grey, seated at the foot of her chair with her feet in his
lap, diligently painting her toenails. "You're very good at that," she said.
"Yeah?" He didn't look up, but leaned down and blew gently on her toes before painting the next one.
"You have a very steady hand."
"I'll add it to my resumé. Highly skilled toenail artist."
Grey was also shirtless in board shorts. His hair pulled up, his eyes hidden behind dark glasses, his brows turned down in concentration.
"I've thought about where I want to go for a vacation," Addy said.
"Name it."
"Your bedroom."
His hand remained steady as he swiped color onto the last toenail. He grinned. "Cheap date."
"Seriously, I just want to play house with you this summer. We'll be traveling in August. Let's just live together for the next couple of months."
He blew on her toes again and capped the polish. Then he angled to face her. "I think that sounds like heaven."
Addy dropped her legs to either side of the chair and scooted down to hug him. He held her and kissed her.
The cold water stole her breath and jolted her and Grey apart. Grey was on his feet, a curse on his lips. Addy stood, drenched, at his side and gaped at Jayce who held the water hose now aimed at the ground, a stern expression on his face. "Keep it PG, kids," he said.
"Like we don't have to pry you off Maya with a crowbar, you hypocrite," Addy shrieked, looking down at her toes to see if the water had damaged them. When she looked up, she saw Grey was grinning, his gaze leveled at her bikini-clad chest, which had obviously been affected by the cold water.
"Hit her again, Jayce," Grey said, stepping backward.
Jayce sprayed her again, soaking her and getting Maya in the process. Maya stood and stalked toward her lover. Addy went for Grey, and though she intended to avenge herself, wound up in his arms, kissing him again.
Later, they ate burgers around a picnic table in the yard. The conversation was light. Grey teased Sophie and Matthew, winning their hearts and warming Addy's. Zoey and Maya grilled Addy for details about her Peace Corps plans with Grey.
After the kids finished and ran off to play, Kellen sat a small box in front of Zoey. "What's this?" Zoey asked, staring at the box.