by Ray Gordon
There was a lot to do, he knew as tried the light switch. At least the electricity was still on. One of the first things he decided to do was Christen the church by taking a naked girl over the altar. Bound with ropes, her naked body laid open, he'd lick her clitoris to orgasm, push his fist into her pussy, his bulbous knob deep into her tight anal canal. Recalling one girl who'd taken a church candle up her bum, Will adjusted his stiffening cock through his cassock. Deciding to bring Lana to the church for a double fisting over the altar, he made his plans.
Posters had to be printed announcing the opening of Cumsdale Church, then there was the Sunday sermon to write. A small fridge in the office well-stocked with lager, a girl to deal with flower arranging, bible stacking, knob sucking and the like... But there was no rush, he mused, wondering what had happened to the basement bar. Ripped out by the hypocritical hierarchy more than likely, he thought sadly. Lifting the telephone, he was pleased to find it still connected. About to ring home and order Lana to bring her little pink pussy over to the church, he thought he heard movement outside the office.
"And what do you think you're doing?" the Bishop asked as he appeared in the office doorway.
"Jesus, you made me jump," Will gasped, dropping the phone and holding his hand to his heart.
"I thought it was you slipping into the church. Right, you've broken into the church, you're trespassing, you're..."
"Trespassing?" Will frowned. "Since when has a priest been guilty of trespassing in his own church?"
"His own church?" the pimple-nosed man chuckled. "You're insane. Have you forgotten that not only are you no longer a priest, but you don't have a church? What are you trying to do, claim squatters' rights?"
"Cardinal Browngrass paid me a visit earlier," Will returned smugly.
"Browngrass? The new..."
"The very same. We had quite a chat."
"I have never known anyone to tell so many lies as you, Entercock. As if Cardinal Browngrass would bother visiting the likes of you, let alone have a chat."
"For your information, he's reinstated me as Priest of Cumsdale Village Church. Now, if you don't mind, I have things to do."
"That's a good one. So Cardinal Browngrass has reinstated a drunken, lecherous..."
"I'm talking about me, Bishop, not you."
"You're a fool, Entercock. You're a waste of time, a waste of space, and I shall use my authority to remove you and have you..."
"You have the uncanny knack of talking fucking bollocks, Bishop."
"How dare you speak to me like that!"
"Oh, I was forgetting. You're my boss now, aren't you? Still, I suppose there's a downside to everything."
"If this is true, and you are Priest of Cumsdale, then yes, I am your boss. And I intend to make life hell for you until you're thrown out. I'll ensure that every day you spend in this church is a bloody nightmare."
"You really are a wonderful person, Bishop. Your mother must be very proud of you. By the way, I have in my possession several photographs of Marianne. She's kneeling down completely naked."
"I'm not interested in your pornography."
"She's kneeling before a naked man."
"I said I'm not..."
"The naked man is you, Bishop."
"Me? Don't be ridiculous."
"It's a lovely photograph of your cock in Marianne's mouth," Will chuckled. "Close the doors on your way out."
"Er... You seem to have forgotten that I handed you the deeds to the presbytery in exchange for your leaving the priesthood and getting out of my life."
"Which I did, Bishop - which I did. There was nothing said about my not returning."
"This is madness. There's no way Cardinal Browngrass would..."
"I might have to show him the photographs," Will murmured. "You know, if I have any trouble from certain people. There's you, for starters, and that fat slag the Mother Inferior..."
"This reminds me of the good old days," the Bishop laughed, obviously trying a different tack. "Remember the good old days? You and me fighting, always arguing. Ah, those were the days, Entercock."
"Yes, I remember them only too well. You used to go to the pub and buy that blonde tart alcohol. You used to fuck her rotten in the woods."
"Yes, well... Now, these photographs. There must be some mistake, surely? Me in the woods with Marianne sucking..."
"I didn't mention the woods, Bishop."
"Oh, I thought you said..."
"I said photographs of Marianne kneeling down sucking spunk out of your knob. As I said, close the doors on your way out."
As the man made a hasty exit, no doubt running straight to the Mother Inferior, Will burst out laughing. But he was well aware that the Bishop could easily cause him trouble. There again, Will had the incriminating photographs and doubted very much that he'd have too many problems with the man. Moving the office furniture about, the chair and desk, Will walked into the church and stood by the altar. The voice he'd heard must have been kids messing around, he was sure as he rubbed his hands together gleefully. He felt at home in the church, at ease with himself, as he looked at the pews. Come Sunday, the place would be packed, he mused as the doors swung open. The sun streaming into the church behind a silhouetted figure standing in the doorway, Will frowned.
"So," a female voice called, the figure walking slowly towards the altar. "You're back?"
"Yes, yes I am," Will replied, trying to make out who it was.
"And I suppose you're going to carry on with your old ways?"
"Er... Old ways?" Will echoed as the figure stopped half way down the aisle. "If you mean preaching the word of the Lord, then yes, I..."
"I mean sticking your cock up every teenage cunt you can get your hands on."
"I have no idea what you mean."
"You know exactly what I mean. Fucking, shagging, sperming, sucking, licking, fingering, anal intercourse, oral sex, bondage, whipping, caning... Do I need to go on?"
"Who are you?"
"Wanking, frigging, screwing, rogering, thrashing..."
"Who the hell are you?"
"I am the Angel of the Lord."
"Fuck off... I mean..."
"Swearing, cavorting, gallivanting, drinking, smoking, masturbating, selling stolen goods, duty-free alcohol and cigarettes..."
"Now, you listen to me."
"Selling soiled panties, making dirty videos, taking lewd photographs, corrupting innocent girls..."
"You just wait a minute. You come here accusing me of..."
"Growing and selling cannabis, lying, cheating, fornicating..."
"I don't have to stand here and listen to this rubbish."
"Blackmailing, pimping..."
"Who the hell are you?"
"I am the Angel of the Lord. Debauching, deflowering, blaspheming..."
"Right, that's it," Will stormed, walking towards the figure.
"Are you going to carry on with your old ways?"
"You can get the hell out of..."
"Hi, Will," a young nun grinned. "I hope you're not going to change your ways."
"Sister Teresa," he beamed. "You fucking little bitch."
"That sounds like the Will Entercock I knew. How are you?"
"Angel of the Lord, my foot. You put the fear of God up my arse."
"I'll put my tongue up your arse in a minute."
"Promises, promises. Come into the office."
Eyeing the nun's pretty face framed by her wimple as she sat on the desk, Will recalled the time when he'd been sitting at his desk taking a right slagging off from the Mother Superior. Teresa had been beneath the desk sucking spunk out of his cock while the hag-bag had ranted and raved about Will's heavy drinking. They were good times, he reflected as Teresa chatted about her time in the London strip clubs.
"Why are you wearing a habit?" Will asked. "I remember you saying that this nun lark wasn't for you."
"It was a laugh in the strip clubs, but it became boring," she sighed. "I'm not a city girl."
>
"You're the outdoor type, from what I remember."
"Damned right, I am. I missed Cumsdale Village. The fun we used to have was amazing, not to mention the sex."
"But, why the habit? Surely you're not..."
"As from today, I'm back at the convent."
"What?"
"The thing is, I didn't realize that the Mother slag-bag had also come back. Still, life will never be dull with her around. Anyway, what are you doing here in your cassock? I thought you'd..."
"I've just been reinstated as Priest of Cumsdale Church," Will announced proudly. "And, before you arrived, I was thinking that the church should be Christened."
"Christened? Ah, I'm with you."
"Do you remember when the Reverend Slagger was here and you were beneath the desk..."
"Sucking you off. How could I ever forget? God, I thought she'd discover me and..."
"Entercock!" a woman screamed from the church. "Entercock, you horrible, evil little man! Where the hell are you?"
"Shit, talk of the Devil's daughter," Will sighed.
"Fancy a little déjà vu?" Teresa grinned, diving beneath the desk.
Taking his seat, Will rested his elbows on the desk as the young nun lifted his cassock and fondled his stiffening penis. This really did take him back to the good old days. Gasping as the girl rolled his foreskin back and sucked his swelling knob into her hot mouth, Will listened to the Reverend Mother's footsteps as she neared the office. Word travelled fast, he mused as the woman appeared in the doorway and placed her clenched fists on her ample hips. Grinning, Will waited for the inevitable explosion. Not only the explosion of the woman's threats, but his spunk as Teresa gobbled and sucked his bulbous knob.
"Get out of this church," the woman hissed. "How dare you break in here and...?"
"This is my church," Will breathed shakily as Teresa moved her head back and forth, repeatedly taking his purple glans to the back of her throat. "Mine, all mine."
"Get out this instant."
"Just a couple of questions before you go completely insane," he grinned as Teresa's tongue snaked over his purple knob, her slender fingers kneading his heavy balls. "One, what has this church got to do with you? Ah, that feels good."
"This church... You shouldn't be here..."
"Two, what have I got to do with you? You are the Mother Superior up at the convent. I really don't see... Ah, God!"
"Blasphemer."
"As I was saying... Ah, oh, that's nice. I don't interfere with the running of... Oh, yes. The convent."
"What's the matter with you? Are you ill?"
"God, yes. I mean, no of course not. Why do you persist in interfering with my life? You do nothing other than chase around after me, spy on me... God, I'm coming."
"Coming?" she frowned.
"Coming... coming to the point. God, I'm there."
"Where are you? Are you mad?"
"Ah, oh, ah... Don't stop."
"I have no intention of stopping."
"Ah."
"There'll be a new priest here before long."
"Ah, yes."
"A decent man of morals."
"God, yes."
"An upright man. Honest, reliable, dependable..."
"Jesus, that's good."
"I can see that there's no point in continuing this one-sided conversation. You're obviously drunk, as usual. You'll be hearing from the Bishop."
"I've already heard from him. God, I needed that. Ah, that's better. Now where were you?"
"I shall return with a police officer."
"You're like a bad smell, you just won't go away. You haven't crapped your knickers, have you?"
"My God... You evil, despicable, vulgar..."
"Bastard?"
"Perhaps your sanitary towel needs changing. God, I wish I hadn't said that. I feel sick."
Laughing as the woman stormed out of the office, Will shuddered in the aftermath of his massive orgasm. Licking her lips, Teresa clambered out from beneath the desk as Will walked to the door to make sure that the slagger had left the building. There was something wrong with the Mother Inferior, he mused as Teresa slipped her hand up her habit and massaged her erect clitoris. Why she'd embarked on some insane quest to destroy him, he didn't know. Jealousy, more than likely, he reflected. She'd have been better off getting a life of her own rather than waste time trying to destroy his life. It was sad, really. Feeling a little sorry for her, he realized that her madness wasn't her fault. She'd not chosen insanity as a way of life. Had she?
"I'd better be going," Teresa smiled, licking her cunny-wet fingers and kissing Will's cheek. "Judging by the mood she's in, I think it would be best if I was at the convent."
"OK. Perhaps we could get together this evening?" Will said, taking her hand and sucking her fingers. "Mmm, that takes me back. God, how we used to fuck."
"I need you now," she breathed huskily. "I need your huge cock fucking my little cunny, sperming up me and... But I really must bet back to the convent."
"I have a bar in the house now. Come over this evening for a few drinks."
"Right, I'll do that. And I'll come over your face. I'll see you later."
"You bet."
Things really were turning out well, he thought as the sexpot left the church. "Angel of the Lord," he chuckled. "Daughter of the Devil, more like." Deciding to nip home and see how Lana was getting on, he closed the office door and left the church. One urgent job was to have a new lock fitted to the main doors, he decided. The last thing he wanted was people nicking his booze once the office was well-stocked. Closing the doors and walking down the path, he stopped and frowned at the church noticeboard.
"This church will remain closed," he breathed, reading the scrawled notice. "Parishioners will attend services at given by Father Kosher at Hallworth Church." Old man Kosher was a snide git, Will thought, ripping the notice down and making his way home. Bob used to be vicar of Hallworth C of E church. And now that arsehole with his fucking scull cap and weird ideas had turned it into some sort of... knocking shop? He couldn't blame him for that. But Kosher wouldn't present a problem. People weren't going to traipse a mile down the lane to go to church. Not when there was one on their doorstep run by the infamous Will Entercock.
"Ah, Father," Mrs Baxter called, running towards him. "Oh, sorry. I keep forgetting you're not a priest."
"I am now," Will beamed. "I, Sir William Entercock, am Priest of Cumsdale Village Church."
"Oh, yes. I was forgetting. I'm always forgetting what it was that I'd forgotten. Ah, that was it. I wanted to ask you about Marianne."
"Oh?"
"She's having problems with her face."
"With her face? What do you mean?"
"Whenever she's been playing with the boys in the woods, she comes home with... It's like starch. It's all over her cheeks, her chin, her lips... It looks like she's foaming at the mouth."
"I'm not surprised. What I meant... What a surprise. It's probably the hot weather we've been having, Mrs Baxter. I would worry too much."
"But, very often, it's all down the front of her dress. I've asked her about it but she goes into a sulk and then refuses to have her nappy changed."
"I see." Where was the nearest lunatic asylum? "I don't know what to suggest, really."
"Will you change her nappy, Father?"
"If you think it'll help."
"I know it will help. Please, go to the cottage now and change her nappy. She's sulking in the lounge. I have some shopping to do so..."
"You're not coming with me?"
"No, no. She's not speaking to me so there's no point."
Crossing the lane as the woman walked away, Will made his way to the cottage. This was going to be interesting, he thought, wondering what to say to Marianne about changing her nappy. Finding the front door on the latch, he knocked and walked into the hall. All seemed quiet, and he wondered whether the girl had gone to the woods for sex or to old man Kosher's church to earn herself some money by su
cking the spunk out of his cock. Peering into the lounge, his eyes widened. Lying on her back on the floor, the girl was naked apart from a nappy. This was incredible, he thought, wondering whether Mrs Baxter was the head case or Marianne.
"Are you all tight?" he asked, walking into the room.
"She won't change my nappy," Marianne sighed, sucking on a dummy.
"Oh, right," Will smiled, wondering what to do as he gazed longingly at the firm teenage breasts, her suckable nipples.
"I've wet myself and I need changing."
"OK," he said, eyeing a clean nappy beside the girl along with a jar of Vaseline and some baby wipes. "Um... I've never done this before but I'm sure I'll manage."
Ripping the tabs off the disposable nappy, Will pulled it back and gazed longingly at the girl's pussy. It was all in a day's work for a priest, he mused, pulling the nappy out from beneath her buttocks. Cumsdale was no ordinary English village, he reflected as he took a baby wipe and cleansed the girl's vagina. Most villages consisted of retired folk who enjoyed gardening and entering the biggest pumpkin competition. A couple of local shops, a friendly village postman, maybe a small school.
Most country villages were tranquil with birds singing and the sound of a tractor rumbling in the distance. Cumsdale was rife with horny teenage birds who wanted nothing other than sex with anyone and everyone, including each other. The only distant sounds were the cries of female orgasm emanating from the woods. But Will wasn't complaining.
Peeling Marianne's pussy lips apart and wiping the pink flesh surrounding her erect clitoris with the cooling cloth, Will reckoned that Cumsdale was the best village in the land. Fuck pumpkin competitions and pleasant little English shops and tractors rumbling, he thought, stuffing the baby wipe up Marianne's vagina. The only pumpkins he was interested in were those protruding from girls' chests. Cucumbers often came in handy, as well as carrots and parsnips and bananas and hemp...
"What about my bottom?" Marianne asked, slurping on her dummy.
"I'm just coming to that," Will chuckled. "Or I should say, I'll be coming up that in a minute."