by R. R. Banks
He, of course, didn't know it, but I had watched the entire battle between the Klimnu and the Denynso. I had followed him carefully in each of his movements, making sure that he stayed safe as he fought. I didn't even know his name then, but I could feel the intensity of his presence and the energy emanating off of him in a way that I had never experienced. In the final moments of the battle, I had saved him. He stumbled while trying to approach Jem, the incredibly courageous warrior who had given his life to ensure the future of his people, and a moment later caught himself. He thought that he had simply managed to find his footing and regain his hold on the vine that was coming from the tree where he stood. In reality, I had reflected the surface of the tree so that he could step steadily onto it before finding his way back to his original stance.
The action had been risky. I nearly betrayed my existence in that single moment, but I was willing to do anything in order to ensure that he got through the battle safely. It was a decision that I had made impulsively, without really thinking, and it hadn't struck me until I saw him again the next day and had the compulsion to again save him from tumbling into the reflection of the sky by creating a floor of the image of the stone wall that it was him that I had saved. It was as if I was reacting to a memory that I hadn't made yet, a thought or a feeling that I had deep within me that wasn't really there but was waiting to be there. It was difficult even for me to explain, but something that I wanted to feel more of.
The glow of my skin was even more evident in the room now that I was cloaked in complete darkness and I thought about the first time that Bannack saw me. He had felt something when he got down into the mirrored realm. Something within him had told him that things were changing and that he was about to experience something that would forever change him, but no matter how hard I tried to look into him, I couldn't figure out exactly what that was. When he noticed my glow across the sky, however, that feeling had intensified and I knew that he felt the same draw and need about me that I was feeling about him.
He had trusted me then. He had given himself over to me and to the unknown that waited when he took a completely unafraid step away from the branches that crossed the reflected sky and created the only source of stability that they knew down in my world, and onto the stone floor that I had made for him. There had been no sense of fear in him, or even unsureness. It was as though he knew, even if he had no concept of what or who I was, that he was safe as long as I was there.
What had happened between that moment and the moment when he ran out of the house and into the darkness of the night without a single word of explanation? He had taken my hand in my world beneath the compound, led me out of the ground and literally into a world that I had never once seen or experienced. I had offered myself to him in the way that he had offered himself to me, stepping into something that I had only heard about and never once witnessed myself, for the first time in my solitary existence truly wanting to go above ground, and for the first time in the years since I had become accustomed to being alone that I had wanted to put that life behind me and share life with someone else.
In those moments I felt a connection between us that was only growing with each second. Resistance had begun to build inside him, though, and he had started to fight the feelings that I knew he had when he looked at me. He didn't need to say them. I could feel them when he touched me, when he rested his mouth to mine, and when he tucked his hand between my thighs to create unimaginable sensations and emotions within me. Just before I welcomed his body into mine, however, he moved me off of him and started to dress. I had dropped my dress over my head and tied the laces as quickly as I could, but it wasn't fast enough to stop him from crossing to the door, his shirt clutched in his hand, and running out into the darkness of the compound.
My own voice screaming after him was reverberating in my mind and tears like I hadn't cried since I was a small child pooled beneath my eyes and poured down the skin of my arms where my head rested. He had given me no explanation, offered no reason for suddenly leaving me in the silence aching for him, but in that moment I felt more alone than I ever had.
Chapter Two
Bannack paced outside of the bakery for a few minutes, not really knowing what he was supposed to do with himself, and trying to convince himself that the decision he had made was the right one. After all, he had been the one to bring up the fact that the Denynso, including Creia, the king who they all looked up to and thought of as being the most powerful and knowledgeable of them all, didn't really know anything about the rest of the planet of Uoria or what types of species inhabited their planet. It had been this assertion and his insistence that they find out what was going on that brought them back down into the mirrored realm that they had discovered during the final battle with the Klimnu. If that hadn't happened, they never would have found Loralia at all, and the rest of the warriors, particularly Pyra, wouldn't have agreed with him about how important it was to go out and find out more about the planet.
The fact that the warriors were now planning on leaving the compound for the first time and going on an exploration of the rest of the planet so that they could see what they might discover and potentially identify future threats to them was based entirely on his determination and his recommendations. It was only logical and fair that he be permitted to go along with them. He had not asked Loralia to request him as her guard and protector while she was in the compound. While he had been the one who had asked her to come up above ground in the compound with them, it had not been his idea for the king and queen to invite her to stay with them once they found out that she was the only one left of her kind. He should not be held responsible for the wellbeing of a creature who he didn't know and who he had not pledged his loyalty to until forced.
The more he paced and the harder he thought, the closer Bannack was to convincing himself that asking the human women to take on the responsibilities of taking care of Loralia and making sure that she got assimilated to her new surroundings so that he could join the other warriors in the quest outside the compound was not only fair, but truly his only choice. If he had agreed to stay behind with Loralia rather than going with Pyra, Gyyx, Ero, and the others, he would have compromised his position as a warrior and presented himself as being a coward. He also would have shorted himself an opportunity to learn things that no other Denynso had ever known, possibly putting himself and the rest of the compound at risk should he ever come into contact with one of the species that the warriors found during their explorations.
Even though he had made himself believe he was fully justified in walking away from his responsibilities with Loralia, he still couldn't entirely convince himself that walking away from her, or more precisely running away from her, after he brought her home was the right thing to do. He was incredibly torn, more conflicted than he had ever been in his entire life. Loralia was the single most beautiful thing that he had ever seen, and even before he had laid eyes on her, his mind and body had started responding to her presence. Just being near her made his defensive, aggressive instincts kick in stronger than they ever had even in the many battles he had faced. As soon as he saw her, he was instantly entranced by her. She was ethereal and gorgeous in a way that was truly indescribable. The gentle glow of her skin, incomparable lavender color of her eyes, and flowing silver hair made her look as though she were not quite real, as if she were a delightful figment of his imagination conjured in a moment of near-death to soothe and comfort him.
The touch of her hand and the smell of her skin, though, told him that she was absolutely not a figment of his imagination or some wonderfully lucid dream. She was incredibly real, real in a way that he could not quite fathom and was not ready to believe. Loralia created in Bannack feelings that he didn't want to admit to himself much less anyone else, and the more he felt them, the more he wanted to force them down into himself so that they couldn't be felt, seen, or experienced. This was not the way it was supposed to be. He had not waited his entire life to find his mate onl
y to find himself falling for a creature that belonged to a species he hadn't even known existed until that day.
He hated himself for the betrayal of his mind and body, and for not being able to control himself. He hated himself even more than that lack of control had led him to nearly mating with her. If he had waited just seconds longer he would have felt her body envelope him, and he would have known for sure if she was what he feared his mind was trying to tell him that she was. Bannack had not been ready for that moment of clarity. He didn’t know which answer he dreaded more, or how he would have responded to either one. In that moment all he knew was that he needed to get away from her, and that he didn't want to be in the same room with her again for a very long time.
Even as he thought that, though, he knew that he was lying to himself. No matter how hard the two sides of him struggled and fought, he couldn't deny that he still felt incredibly drawn to Loralia, and that more than anything he wanted to be near her.
"Bannack."
He heard Eden's voice from behind him and he turned to look at her. She had her hand rested protectively over her swollen belly like she usually did and the little bit of weight that she had gained in her face during her pregnancy made her look softer and gentler than she had when she first arrived on the planet.
"What's going on with you?" Eden asked, lowering her voice as though she wanted to keep the conversation private.
"What do you mean?" Bannack asked, trying to force his voice to sound casual.
"I know you, Bannack. I know when you aren't telling the whole truth, and right now a big part of you is lying. Asking me and the other girls to take care of Loralia isn't just about wanting to go wander around the planet with the other warriors. What is it actually about?"
Sometimes Bannack really hated how in tune to emotions that the human women seemed to be. The Denynso women weren't like that. They were gentler and more feeling than the men tended to be, but they were still aggressive and gruff compared to the humans. He could only imagine how much more difficult it was for their Denynso mates. Part of the mating process for their kind was creating an unbreakable link during the actual bonding. This link made it possible for the mates to communicate with one another without having to speak, which meant that not only were the human women able to tell when their mates were dealing with an emotional situation, they could actually read their thoughts and find out exactly what was going on if the Denynso men weren't careful to control what was going through their minds. It seemed overwhelming to be that close to someone else.
"I just want to go with the other warriors," he said, "It was my idea to find out more about the other species anyway."
He realized that he sounded like he was whining, but he didn't really care. He was dealing with enough of his own confused thoughts and feelings to think about trying to seem tough and put together.
"Alright. Don't tell me if you don't want to. Just know that I know that there is something else going on, and eventually we are going to all figure it out."
She turned and headed back into the bakery. Bannack had absolutely no doubt that what the little red-haired human woman had said was the truth. They were smart, crafty, and extremely capable. Not only could they find out what he was going through if they wanted to, they would, and they would do their best to interfere until they helped him find a solution. That just meant he needed to get out of the compound and away from Loralia as quickly as possible.
Chapter Three
I don't know how long I sat on the floor, my back against the door to the house that was meant to be my home but was feeling more and more like a strange and unwelcoming prison with every second. Part of me wanted so much to go out into the compound and look for Bannack so that I could ask him what happened and hope that he could give me some explanation for running away from me like that. Maybe there was an element of his species that I didn't know about that had made him leave. He had asked me if I had read his mind, and he seemed frustrated and almost angry when he asked me. Perhaps there was something more to that question than I had originally thought. If the people of this species could easily communicate with each other through their minds, it was possible that one of them had reached out to Bannack and told him that he was needed somewhere else. The loyalty and sense of duty that came with being a warrior would mean that he felt compelled and inarguably obligated to go where he was needed.
Though it didn't fully explain why Bannack hadn't responded to me when I called for him after he left, or why he didn't simply tell me why he was leaving, telling myself that there could be an explanation behind his sudden departure did soothe me in a way. I still felt hurt and upset, not so much angry as I was simply brokenhearted. I knew that the feelings that had built inside me so intensely happened very quickly, but I had never once felt like they were forced or that I was moving beyond what he was feeling as well. In that moment it struck me that even though I hadn't thought that I was moving too quickly, my understanding of the love and relationship rituals of my own kind was minimal, and I knew absolutely nothing about the relationships of the Denynso. I realized that it was possible that I had offended him in some way, and that thought made me feel sick to my stomach. The idea that in my haste to explore what I was feeling toward him I had pushed my warrior away and ended the possibility that we would ever be together made me wish that I had never come above ground.
I was just beginning to stand up, planning to go to sleep and see how I felt about everything in the light of the morning, when I heard a knock on the door behind me. My heart jumped in my chest. I hoped that it was Bannack, come back to explain what happened and perhaps resume where we had left off. I straightened my dress, smoothed away the last of the tears that were still lingering on my cheeks, and opened the door. As soon as I did, the smile faded from my face. Instead of Bannack standing outside, it was two of the human women that I had met when they came underground with the warriors along with one who had been in the meeting hall when Bannack brought me to meet the king and queen of their people.
The expression on my face must have given away my disappointment at seeing them rather than Bannack because they all narrowed their eyes slightly and looked concerned.
"Is everything alright?" the one I remembered as Zuri asked.
I nodded, trying to muster a smile that would assure them that I was fine.
"Are you sure?" the lovely, rather heavily pregnant one asked.
If it was possible, her belly looked slightly more swollen than when I had first seen her and I could feel that she was tired and somewhat anxious. I could only imagine that carrying a child at all would be stressful, but I had also noticed that there didn’t seem to be any other pregnant women, babies, or children at all throughout the compound. The youngest people I had seen were some of the warriors who looked only a few years younger than me.
"Is there something wrong with the house? Are the lights not turning on?" Zuri asked.
All of the attention coming from them was becoming overwhelming and I felt bombarded even though I knew that they had come to me out of concern and genuine desire to welcome me to the compound. I stepped back and held out a hand to invite them to come inside.
"Everything is fine," I told them, "I haven't turned on any of the lights yet."
The faint light emanating from my skin and the blue glow coming from a luminescent plant across the room filled the space with just enough illumination that I was able to see the women clearly as they came into the room. I crossed to one of the lamps sitting on a low table that was similar to the types of lights that I had down in the mirrored realm and touched its base, hoping that it would turn on, which it did. The new light in the room seemed to put the women slightly more at ease and they all came further into the room.
They didn't want to say it, and they tried very much to be as subtle as they could, but they were all scrutinizing me closely as they approached. Though they were happy to welcome me into the compound and do whatever they could to help me assimilate, they wer
e also somewhat wary of me, an emotion that each carried in a slightly different way.
I could feel that Zuri focused heavily on the way that I looked, identifying the differences between us and feeling at once uncomfortable and guilty about that feeling. The image of Ero, a man I assumed to be her mate, flickered through her mind and the discomfort eased. Leia, the smallest of the women, was fascinated by my differences, but also carried a sense of defensiveness and distance that came from dark memories of the first time she encountered a species that was not her own, dark memories that she shielded closely within her.
The pregnant woman was the most difficult. She was at the same moment the one who seemed most willing to welcome me and the most nurturing, but also the most hesitant. Carrying the child within her had heightened both her natural sense of curiosity and desire to learn about the world around her, but also of fear and suspicion. I could sense that as much as she wanted to think of me as just another woman who had found her way into the Denynso compound, she was also nervous about encountering another species that she didn't understand and that she had had no time to learn to trust.