by N. Kognytao
“Then why is this so hard for you?”
“It’s not,” she snapped. “Well, okay, it is. But it’s not like I can’t handle it.”
“Then stop whining.”
Her eyebrows went high and she let out a laugh of disbelief.
“Wow, okay, I’m telling you about my work, telling you why I’m so tired, and you tell me to shut up because you think it’s whining. There is a difference between letting off a little steam and whining.” She leaned back, shaking her head. “Besides, I figured I better talk since you refuse to tell me what you do all day.”
“I sit and hallucinate wildly while typing out words on the computer,” he said sharply. “I’ve been awake for over fifty hours trying to finish all these edits because I still have to establish myself as a writer. I get what a harrowing task it is, but that also means I don’t really sympathize with your complaining. If you want to be a singer, this is what it takes.”
“Well, if you don’t want to listen to my day, what do you want to talk about?”
“Honestly, nothing. I would rather be sleeping. But as it is, I have to have these edits completed in ten hours,” he smacked his hand on the large stack of manuscript paper next to his computer.
“Then I’m sorry for intruding on you, again,” she snarled, standing. “Perhaps you don’t actually want to try a relationship. You would rather we have a friends-with-benefits arrangement on your schedule. Only, since I can’t come and just talk to you about my life, we can’t even really be friends with benefits, can we? Fuck buddies? Is that what you would prefer?”
“Leah, for God’s sake, stop being so dramatic about getting to know me. Believe me, I’m doing you a favor.”
He started to turn in his chair back to his computer, but she took a step forward stopping him from turning away.
“Do you want me around, or not?” she demanded.
“Not with this shitty attitude.”
“And your attitude is so much better?” She barked a laugh. “I think I’ve been pretty damn understanding about your weird moods, but that does not give you the right to shoot down when I’m also having a bad day.”
She stood straight.
“Screw this, I’m going back to the dorm. Call me when you actually want to see me again, if you even do.”
She walked out the door as Braydon leaned his head back in his chair, rubbing his face with both hands, hating how the argument had actually upset him. Those sorts of fights had never bothered him with anyone else.
For the first time, he felt guilty for his cold and harsh behavior.
Chapter Thirteen
Everyone else seemed rested the following day. Leah, however, appeared just as exhausted.
She had been tired enough that, when she got back to her dorm, she had fallen asleep immediately. However, it had been an uneasy sleep due to her fight with Braydon.
Which meant it was an unfortunate day for the entire group to be called to the art department to discuss the cover art for promotional materials for their single Overdrive.
Leah was far too tired and distracted to get her mind together enough to make the decision, so she defaulted to what Alex and the other musicians liked. It was very simple, with the title of the song surrounded by vines and the date of the digital release at the bottom with the RM Entertainment logo hiding in the bottom corner.
It took the singer far too long to realize that the song was going to be released in a week.
“Wait, just a week?” she asked, startled.
“Yeah, I heard we were running promotions starting on Monday,” the art director said, surprised at Leah’s confusion.
“Oh, that soon?”
“We talked about that three days ago, Leah,” Alex said behind her. “Remember?”
The singer’s answer was a blank stare.
“Then, this is the one you want to go with?” the art director said, pointing to the screen.
“Yeah,” Leah said, nodding. “I just…time flies, right?” she tried to laugh.
As they left the art department, Jasmine nudged her.
“Hey, you alright?”
“Fine, just…” She shook her head and heaved a deep breath, forcing a smile to her face once more. “I think I passed the point of exhaustion where you can’t sleep, because I could not fall asleep last night.”
While everyone else nodded and agreed that they were all still exhausted, Alex studied the singer carefully.
Rather than an interview that day, the stylists were working over Leah and the other musicians for a photoshoot the following day, talking about the different looks they wanted and the locations they would be using. Leah listened, interested, but her mind continuously wandered whenever there was silence.
When the stylist team had figured out what they were doing with Leah and moved their attentions to Aaron and Jasmine specifically, Leah sat on one of the small couches and scribbled ideas for lyrics in a notebook. She was unaware of Alex’s vigilant eyes on her, reading her mood silently.
She was unsure if it was the exhaustion or the churning of emotions inside her at mulling over her fight with Braydon, but Leah was able to completely focus on the notebook in her hands, tapping out the rhythm of the lines, trying to hear a melody that would match the feeling of the song. She was able to block out everything going on around her and write.
Therefore, when she did look up and see that Aaron and Jasmine were finished with the stylist team and sitting across from her on their phones while Keith and Carson were carted through the racks of clothes in the wardrobe room, she was surprised at how much time had passed.
She ripped the page out of the notebook and walked up to Alex.
“Hey, I want to drop this off with Jay. I’ll be right back.”
“Okay, hurry back. We need to talk about tomorrow.”
Leah hurried to the elevator, glancing over the lyrics as she ascended to the recording studios. She walked almost by instinct to Studio Two and knocked lightly on the door before opening it. As she poked her head in, she saw Jay and a technician at the mixing board, though Jay was turned to face Nadia, an older singer with RM Entertainment. She was standing, her blonde hair pulled back into a tight ponytail as she stretched her arms above her head.
“Leah,” Jay greeted, motioning him in. “Leah, Nadia. Nadia, Leah.”
She nodded to the younger woman silently as she waved shyly.
“I just wanted to drop this off,” she said, stepping forward and extending the piece of paper. “Didn’t mean to interrupt.”
“Wait a minute,” Jay called, motioning the singer back as Leah tried to leave. “Nadia, go ahead and run through the chorus a few times to warm up.” He nodded back into the recording room. She obeyed as Leah stood nervously to the side, worried about interrupting the recording session.
“I really should go,” Leah said as Jay’s eyes scanned the scribbled lyrics.
“No, it’s fine, it’s just for the live version,” Jay assured. He read over the lyrics, nodding his head as he tried to match a melody to the words. He looked up at Leah and studied her for a moment before taking a deep breath. “You have a photoshoot tomorrow, but the day after that I’ll have a rough-out for this and we can practice it.”
“Thanks Jay,” Leah said with a smile. “I better get back.”
“Hey, Leah,” Jay called. “I have a secret to tell you.”
The singer stared at her producer, confused.
“Those who do not create any form of art can’t really understand how it works, so they tell you not to be distracted, to focus on just producing your art, and sometimes that can be more limiting because it takes the emotion out of it,” Jay explained. “I can’t tell you the number of times everyone got on 4U’s case because he said he needed to feel the song. I did it all the time, too. But whenever he could really feel the emotions, when he could correctly translate what he was feeling, the song was phenomenal.” Jay lifted the piece of paper in his hand. “So, no matter what any of us say,
you do what you need to do to be the artist you want to be. We’re only meant to guide and help you, not change you.”
Leah smiled.
“Thank you,” she said sincerely.
“Also, just so you know, I, too, am in a drama-filled relationship,” Jay said. “You’ll work it out.”
Leah laughed and rolled her eyes.
“Thank you, Jay!” she said, leaving the studio.
“See you on Friday!” the producer called. He turned back to the mixing board, hearing Nadia sing into the microphone for her warm up. As he sighed heavily, looking over Leah’s lyrics once more, he felt eyes on him. He turned to the technician, David.
“What?” he demanded.
“You can be a nice guy when you want to be,” David teased.
“Shut up…”
* * *
Leah was able to sleep deeply that night, so when they were called for the photoshoot early in the morning her mind felt clearer and her energy had returned.
The others of the band were not as enthusiastic about the early morning.
Leah jumped cheerfully into the van with her cup of coffee and smiled at the others.
“Good morning!” she called.
“Ugh,” Jasmine groaned, pulling her hood over her eyes and leaning her head against the side of the vehicle. Carson’s brow furrowed.
“You’re in a good mood compared to yesterday.”
“Finally got some sleep.”
The car ride was quiet to their photoshoot location, the passengers staring out different windows, nursing coffee or sleeping as the van rumbled along the highway. Leah stared at the passing city, remembering her other early mornings where she went to work at grocery stores in an attempt to bring in as much money as she possibly could with her GED to ease the financial burden on her family. At that time, the thought of being in a van on the way to a professional photoshoot was just a distant dream—one that she was sure she would never be able to obtain.
Looking back, she still could not believe how quickly her life had changed.
With a happy nostalgia in her heart, she decided to focus on how far she had come already and enjoy the day of her first photoshoot. She would devote more thought to her quarrel with Braydon another day.
She only checked her phone once before they sat down with the stylists to see if there were any messages, but there were none.
The experience was strange and wonderful. In a tent outside an old, abandoned factory Leah sat in a chair and let the stylists cover her face in makeup and style her hair as they had agreed the previous day. She changed behind an unstable curtain while the others, now more awake, discussed what kind of image they wanted to portray as a band.
Somehow, their conversation seemed easy and natural, as though they had been working together for years and knew what they wanted for their music and felt comfortable voicing their opinions with the others.
It was a professional, yet fun, environment.
The photoshoot took four hours and was filled with laughter. Leah and the others would do serious poses all over the location, both with the instruments and without, but when Leah felt that she was getting bored and tired with the direction of the photoshoot, she would strike a silly pose, getting everyone to laugh and relax before continuing.
The hours flew by.
As they had been instructed, the members of the group also took pictures with their personal phones to post on their new social media profiles, which they were expected to update constantly with what was going on in their lives to connect with a growing fan base.
Then, the group was carted to a news station where they did a pre-recorded interview that would be released as the promotional material circulated through the RM Entertainment circles.
That Friday, they were back in the studio, knowing that they would have a rehearsal the following night with their first club performance the following Tuesday.
Most of the morning was spent discussing the new song. It was slower than the previous ones and everyone really enjoyed the slow, yet powerful beat Jay had put together for it. There was some adjustments, some re-recordings, and then several practices before they began official recording for the track.
Leah continued to mess with her phone as the song was put together, wondering if she should text Braydon.
She decided against it, cringing whenever she recalled what she had said to him and what he had said to her. She did not feel that she had been too whiny about her new break-neck-paced schedule, but she had no right to snap at him the way she had as she had stormed out.
Of course, she was still a little upset about the way he had chided her as though she was an ungrateful child.
She sat in those thoughts until it was her turn to record. Then, she put those emotions into her voice, singing the lyrics and feeling them down in her bones.
As the group departed, Leah tried to say goodbye to the other musicians at the front of the RM building, but they lingered, refusing to wish her goodnight.
“What?” she finally asked.
“Why don’t we all get dinner together?” Keith suggested. “There’s a little Italian restaurant around the corner.”
“Are they still open?” Leah asked, glancing at her phone to see that it was nearing ten at night.
“They stay open until midnight,” Carson answered. “A lot of the trainees go there, so they stay open late.”
“Oh, sure, that sounds good.”
The five went to Little Roma, the small restaurant was mostly quiet and was overly-decorated with Italian-themed pictures, but it was nice to be at a restaurant that was not the RM cafeteria.
“We’ve never really had dinner out as a group have we?” Leah said.
“Nope,” Carson said as the waiter walked away. “Just a lot of cafeteria meals and meals in the van.”
They all laughed, but there was a strange sense of happiness hidden in the realization. They were happy for the struggle to keep up with their schedule, even though it was exhausting. It was, in some way, very rewarding.
“I really like the new song, Leah,” Aaron complimented.
“Oh, thanks,” Leah beamed. “We need to have a good variety in the album, I think. I mean, assuming we get to the album.”
“We will,” Jasmine said strongly. “We’ve got an amazing manager and producer and even Mr. Gracie seems to think that we’ll make it. Otherwise, he would have never been convinced to let us perform in the Outdoor Show.”
“Still feels a bit surreal,” the singer murmured. “But I don’t want to be shoved into a certain type of music, you know? I want to do all kinds of music. I want to try and challenge myself with each song.”
“Slow down,” Carson laughed. “We have a great variety of music ready. Don’t get too experimental too fast.”
“Just try to stop me,” Leah challenged playfully.
“So, then, what happened with your boyfriend?” Yasmine asked, looking at Leah expectantly.
The three boys around her groaned.
“Yasmine…” Carson said dejectedly.
“What?” she asked. “I’m a get-right-to-the-point kind of person.”
“Wait, is that why you all wanted to go to dinner?” Leah asked, surprised. “Just to ask me what was going on in my relationship?”
“Hard not to notice something happened with the way you were acting a few days ago and then the new song,” Keith murmured. “I mean, if you don’t want to talk about it, that’s fine. The point of this dinner,” he said, glaring at the bassist, “was to get you out a little and just talk and have some fun away from work, just in case you were feeling down.”
Leah smiled, feeling happiness bloom in her chest. “Wow, thank you…” she said sincerely. She played it up, pretending to wipe a tear from her eye and pursing her lips. “No really, I’m really touched.”
“I mean, we are going to have to get to know each other pretty well,” Carson agreed. “You two already know a lot about each other,” he motioned between Leah
and Aaron. “Actually, I think Aaron knows everyone pretty well.”
“I’ve noticed that,” Leah said, turning to her old friend. “You really get around.”
“Hey, now,” Aaron laughed. “I just say hi to people I see. Somehow, I make a lot of friends that way.”
“How long have you guys all been at RM?” Leah asked around the table.
“Seven years for me,” Keith answered. “Started in middle school when I first started learning drums. Been loving it ever since and found a spot in the label as a trainee.”
“My mother is part of the training program as a dance choreographer,” Carson said when Leah’s attention turned on him. “I’ve been going into the RM building for as long as I can remember. Just kinda found a place for myself.”
“Only three years for me,” Yasmine said. “My teacher urged me to try out for RM so here I am.”
“Wow, I really am late to this game,” Leah laughed.
“Doesn’t matter. You’ve got natural talent,” Carson assured.
When the food came out, Aaron brought up Braydon once more.
“Alright, I know we said that you don’t have to tell us about whatever fight you got into with Braydon, but I just have to ask,” he said, fixing Leah with a serious stare, “are you alright?”
“Yeah,” Leah assured. “I’m fine. We had a fight, but…”
“But?” Yasmine pressed.
“We were both exhausted and I think tensions were too high.”
“Well, it’s been a few days, why haven’t you called him? Or gone to see him?”
“He’s a little complicated,” Leah answered hesitantly.
The conversation ended after that, turning to the current relationships of everyone in the group. Everyone but Leah was single, so the conversation ended quite quickly and turned to what they hoped for in the upcoming weeks and how amazing the Outdoor Show was going to be.
Leah returned to her dorm room with a smile, ready to get some sleep.
However, as she turned off her lights and began to climb into bed, her phone lit up with a text message.