SITTING ON MY SHOULDERS…
Once the sentence leaves my mouth, every inch of his body goes tight, his eyes widen, and his face goes pale. He opens his mouth, then closes it. He opens his mouth, then closes it…again. Finally, he croaks, “You’re pregnant?”
Relief, terrified, happy, and sad. These are all the emotions swimming through me right now. I’m relieved he knows. I’m terrified he’ll reject our baby. Through all of this pain I’m feeling, through all the heartbreak, I’m truly happy to be carrying our baby. Because even if he does reject us, even if we never work out, it won’t change the fact that Brantley Smith is the love of my life and this miracle is proof of that.
I expect Brantley to ask the usual questions: Are you sure? How far along? When did you find out? What I don’t expect him to do is drop to his knees in Char’s dirt yard and place his hands on my stomach, hands so big that they almost completely cover my flat stomach.
He’s quiet for so long. He just stares at my belly in the dark. The only light is coming from a lamp hanging on the trailer by the front door, and the only sound is Brantley’s heavy breathing.
My heart is in my throat, waiting for him to say something…anything. I don’t wait long. Brantley slowly lifts his head, and I suck in a breath when I see his eyes clouded with tears. “You’re carrying my baby…our baby?” he whispers. I can only nod, my own eyes now swimming with tears. He doesn’t hate me.
When he looks back at my stomach again, he once again goes silent before whispering, “Fuck, baby. Fuck! My baby is in there.” His voice is so full of awe, my heart wants to burst with happiness. I hadn’t realized I’d closed my eyes until I hear Brantley call my name. My pulse spikes when I see the piercing look he’s giving me.
“I love you, Eva,” he says softly.
It’s the words I’ve been craving to hear from this man for so long, probably since the moment I met him. I should be happy, ecstatic even. I should be telling him how much I love him, how much I’ve missed him, right? Wrong. I don’t do any of that. Instead, I throw my head back and let out big, ugly, fat tears, sobbing so loudly I’m sure I’m waking the whole trailer park.
I keep my eyes closed, but I feel Brantley stand up before grabbing me in a tight embrace. “Why are you crying, sweetheart?” he whispers in my ear while rubbing soothing circles on my back.
I cry harder. I’m sure I look a hot mess with my mascara running down my face, but I could care less. “This is all wrong.” I sob dramatically.
Brantley pulls back and gives me a wounded look. “Having my baby is wrong?” he asks slowly, not because he’s angry, but almost to make sure he’s understanding me correctly.
He’s not. He has it all wrong. “No, I want my baby!” I see relief flash in his face, but I don’t stop talking. “You loving me because I’m having your baby is wrong. You don’t love someone because they’re pregnant. You love them first, then knock them up.” I wail. “You’re only saying this now because you feel like you have to.”
My sobbing stops immediately when Brantley starts laughing.
“What’s so damn funny?” I growl. I mean, really? I don’t find one fucking thing amusing about this whole situation right now.
“The fact that you fucking think I only told you that I love you because you’re having my baby.” I blink. I kinda don’t really know how to respond here. Brantley runs the backs of his knuckles down my cheek lovingly before continuing. “Sweetheart, I have loved you from the moment you fell out of my tree stand and flashed me your sweet ass. Maybe even longer.”
Now the waterworks are back. “Really?” I whisper thickly.
“Really, baby.” He chuckles. “I’m happy as hell you’re carrying my child, Eva. I can’t wait to be a fucking father. I mean, how cool is that? I’m gonna be a dad!” He whispers the last sentence in admiration through the brightest smile I’ve ever seen.
My spirits that were once lifted plummet again when his grin turns into a frown. “It would almost be perfect.”
He doesn’t elaborate. “But?” I ask.
“But you’re not mine,” he says sadly. “But you’re not mine, Eva. I can’t stand it. Please, baby, say you forgive me, and give me a chance to prove to you that I love you. I don’t want to go another day without being able to say you’re mine. Be my baby again.”
Our foreheads are touching by the time he stops talking, and I see his eyes close while he awaits my answer.
My head is telling me to think about this. It’s asking me to be sure that taking another chance with Brantley is the right thing to do. It’s examining every word he’s spoken tonight and every other night since the moment I met him, searching for any little sign that once again giving my heart to Brantley is the wrong thing to do.
My heart? It’s screaming at me to jump in with both feet and never look back. It’s reminding of how much it hurts to be without him every day…of how much I missed him. It reminds me of how lonely I was. It’s flooding my mind with memories of our nights together and the laughs we shared.
My head and my heart are like the little devil and angel sitting on my shoulders prompting me to do the opposite thing, but there’s one fact that remains true. It’s stronger than any other feeling. I love Brantley Smith, and I would rather take a chance on him, take a chance on us, and live happily ever after in Alaska with as many kids as possible then let my scars scare me from the only good thing in my life.
That leaves only one question to ask. “How many kids do you want?”
He quickly opens his eyes and he pulls back to study my face. When it dawns on him what my question really means, he beams. “You’re my baby again?” he asks. I nod. Finally, he dips his head and kisses me.
It’s soft and gentle, but so full of passion. When his tongue plunges into my mouth and our tastes mingle, I want to moan out in pleasure. I’ve missed this…the taste of him. I’ve missed everything about him. “Do you love me, Eva?” he pants with his lips still on mine.
“Yeah. Yeah, Brantley, I do. I love you so much.” The last word is barely out of my mouth before Brantley captures my lips in a much more powerful kiss. Without ever taking his mouth from mine, he wraps my arms around his neck until they interlock, and then wraps his arms around my back. He lifts me up until my feet are off the ground and spins me around in circles.
I take my lips from his to smile at his beaming face. “I’m going to be a motherfucking dad!” he shouts. My smile, however, is gone because spinning a pregnant woman around really fast in circles makes her want to vomit.
“I’m gonna be sick,” I mumble hoarsely. Horror. That’s what Brantley’s face is covered in now. I would laugh if the trailer park wasn’t spinning.
“Shit, baby. Sorry.” He sets me down immediately. It takes a second for the whirling to stop, but when it does I give Brantley a thumbs up.
He chuckles and gives me a peck on the top of my head while hugging me to him. For a while, neither one of us says anything. We just stand there and hold each other. “Love you, baby,” he finally says.
“I love you too,” I say back, then laugh when Brantley swoops down and picks me up in the bridal pose. He sits me in the front seat of a rented truck and buckles me up. “Where are we going?” I ask.
He leans in to give me a kiss. “My hotel room,” he answers, his eyes full of lust. I shiver in anticipation. My clit pulses and my panties get wet just at the thought of having Brantley back inside of me.
Brantley’s eyes darken with heat before he leans in and sucks on my neck. He softly bites me before his mouth goes to my ear. “I can smell you, Sweet Eva,” he growls, then nibbles on my earlobe. “I bet you’re fucking soaked.”
He jumps down and closes my door, leaving me sitting there, panting like a dog in heat. Oy.
***
As soon as we enter his hotel room, Brantley is on me, peppering kiss on my bare shoulders. His hands go to the zipper in the back of my dress and he slowly pulls it down. My dress falls and pools at the bottom of my
feet.
He releases a low growl when he sees that my breasts are naked, but doesn’t say anything and doesn’t move from behind me. Next, his hands go to my silk panties and he slowly drags them down my legs until they’re lying in the pile with my dress.
Brantley stands at my side, then offers me his hand. I’m completely naked, bare to him, while he’s still completely clothed. I push aside the insecurities I feel and place my hand in his.
After helping me step over my dress, he turns me until I’m facing the full length mirror in front of us. He stands behind me before wrapping his arms around me from behind and placing his hands on my tummy.
“Look in the mirror, Sweet Eva,” he commands softly. I do. “Do you see how beautiful you are? How fucking sexy you are? I can’t wait to see you swollen with my child.” I quiver when his hand snakes down my body until he cups my pussy. “Fucking. Soaked,” he moans.
He takes one of his fingers and slides them through my wet folds before rubbing slow circles on my bud. I close my eyes in pleasure, lost in the excitement of feeling something after being numb for so long.
“Open your eyes, Eva,” Brantley says. When I obey, he rewards me with a wet kiss to my neck. “I want you to watch yourself come. I want you to see the way I see you. I want you to see how fucking stunning you are when you let go.”
As he’s talking, he speeds up the circles on my bud. It’s not long before my body is buzzing and a warm flush blankets me. Intense pleasure zings through me and I moan out Brantley’s name.
“Yeah, baby, that’s it. Come all over my fingers. Good girl,” he says while I orgasm. I watch in the mirror as he takes his hand from my pussy and brings it to his mouth. While keeping our eyes locked using the mirror, he slowly licks each of his fingers clean.
He turns me around when he’s done and grabs me on the backs of my thighs, lifting me up until my legs lock around his waist. Our lips meet for a kiss. I can taste myself on his tongue and I find it so erotic.
When we reach the end of the queen sized bed, Brantley leans over and slowly, carefully lays me down on my back. When he stands back to his full height, I watch him strip until his naked and erect cock is jutting out at me.
He picks up my left ankle and starts placing wet kisses up my body until he reaches my knee, then switches to my other leg and restarts, kissing his way up the rest of my body until he reaches my stomach.
He softly kisses my stomach three times, then stops. “Brant?” I breathe.
“Shh, babe. I can’t believe how much I already love you,” he whispers to my belly. The pure affection on his face has me fighting back tears.
When he looks up at me, he gives me a soft smile. “I knew the minute I saw you that you would be the end of me. I only see you. You’re all I think about, all I dream about. I love you.”
“I love you too, Brant,” I choke out. He crawls up my body until we’re face to face.
“I know you do, baby. Now, let me make love to you,” he says as he slides into me. Home. “Ah hell, baby. You feel so good. I’ve missed my home.”
He quickens his thrusts. I gasp when my climax starts to build.
“So wet. So fucking tight. Never, Eva. We are never putting anything between us again. I’m keeping you fucking knocked up. Magnificent,” he growls.
“Brantley,” I pant. “I’m close.”
“I know you are. I can fucking feel it. Your pussy walls are squeezing my dick so tight, baby. Let go. I’m right behind you.”
I scream out his name as my juices flood his dick. “That’s it, baby. Fuck, I’m coming.”
When the last of him is emptied inside me, Brantley rolls to his side and pulls me to him so we’re spooning. “Love you, baby,” he pants.
“I love you too,” I say sleepily.
“I’m gonna be a dad.” I can hear the smile in his voice and it makes me smile.
“I’m gonna be a mom.”
“We are going to be fucking awesome,” he says, and I giggle.
“We are.”
“I’m gonna pay you back for The Tavern,” he says. I want to tell him that he doesn’t have to, that it was a gift, but I know him and I understand why he has to. So I hum an “Okay.”
Brantley holds me tighter and I snuggle in deeper to him. I missed being in his arms. Right before sleep claims me, I hear him call my name.
“Hmm?” I mumble.
“I’m going to marry you soon, baby,” he says softly. If I wasn’t so tired, I would have had a better reaction, but, with all the stress I’ve been under and the fact that I haven’t slept through a night since the last time I was in Brantley’s arms, I’m incoherent.
“Hmm. That sounds good, honey.”
“Night, Sweet Eva.’
“Night, Brantley.”
Chapter
Twenty-Three
ARE YOU HAPPY?
“I don’t think I can do this,” I whisper.
“Yes, you can.”
“She’s going to be so pissed,” I whisper again. Brantley sighs and turns to me.
He cradles my face in his hands and gives me a kiss before saying, “We talked about this, Eva. I’m right here with you, and she would have to go through my dead body before I let that bitch hit you again. This has to be done. She doesn’t get to hurt you anymore. You’re strong, babe. You got this.”
He’s right. So I say, “You’re right.”
“I know I am.” He smirks. I roll my eyes and take a deep breath, trying in vain to calm my nerves. Doesn’t work. Oh well, might as well get this over with. I ring my mother’s doorbell.
Three days. That’s how long it’s been since Brantley and I got back together. Three blissful days where we stayed in his hotel room and talked about our futures and what we wanted. Three blissful days of making love all day and all night. We only left that room long enough to tell James about the baby, and to tell both of them we were back together and I was moving back to Alaska.
James’s face was priceless. He was frozen in shock over the fact that I was pregnant, but when he unfroze he was ecstatic and wishing for a boy. Turns out Charlotte and James both had decided that moving back to Alaska was what they wanted too, so we all decided to pack what we wanted and leave two days later. That left me one day to tell Pearl she is out of my life for good.
I’m considering running again when a scowling Pearl Jones opens the front door. “Eva,” she says in a snippy voice. Apparently she’s still fuming over what happened at the charity event.
“Pearl,” I respond in the same tone. She glances at Brantley and scrunches her nose like she smelled something sour, but doesn’t greet him. She just turns and walks away. I’m taking the fact that she didn’t slam the door in our faces as a ‘come on in.’
Before taking a step in, I give Brantley a sympathetic look because every time Pearl and he are in the same room together, she’s rude to him. He doesn’t look offended at all. In fact, he’s chuckling, completely at ease.
“Well, don’t just stand out there all day. You’re letting all the hot air in,” Pearl screeches from inside the house. I cringe. This is going to be every bit as awful as I think it’s going to be. Brantley grabs my hand. I look at him and he winks. Might as well get this over with.
I lead Brantley into the living room and take a seat on the couch. Pearl takes a seat across from us. “What brings you by? I have to say it’s rude not to call ahead of time. I raised you better than that,” she says while drinking her tea. I let her words roll off my back and look at the woman who abused me my entire life. I remember everything, every awful little thing she did to me.
“I came to say bye, Pearl,” I say as calm as can be while on the inside I’m freaking out. Pearl snaps her eyes to me.
“Goodbye?”
“Yeah. I’m moving to Alaska. I leave tomorrow, and I’m not coming back,” I say with determination lacing my voice. I await the screaming and hurtful words Pearl will throw at me, but it doesn’t come. Instead, she throws back her head an
d cackles. Yes, cackles, like a flippin’ witch.
I feel Brantley tense up when Pearl fastens her eyes on me, eyes so full of hate, the same hate she looked at me with her entire life, the same hate I convinced myself she didn’t feel. I was a fool. “You’re not going anywhere,” she says simply, and then goes back to sipping her tea.
“Yes, I am.” Now my patience has run out. “This time, do not call me. Do not contact me in any way. Your days of using and abusing me are over. You aren’t my mother. You never were. You treated me like shit from the earliest time I can remember and it stops now. Have a good life, or don’t. I really don’t care anymore.” My eyes leave Pearl’s stunned face. I turn my attention to Brantley. “You ready?” He gives me a megawatt smile and nods before standing up and grabbing my hand.
We don’t even get three steps before Pearl grabs my arm and whips me around. I close my eyes and brace myself for the hit, but it doesn’t come. When I pop my eyelids back open, I see Brantley has a hold of Pearl’s forearm and is in her face with a menacing look.
“Lady, I’ve never hit a woman before in my life, but if you ever lay another fucking hand on Eva again, that will change. Now, you’re going to shut your fucking trap and let us walk the fuck out of this place without another word. And Pearl, swear to Christ, you better listen to what my Eva says because if you don’t, you will regret it. I will rain hell on you, bitch.”
Without another look, he grabs my hand and once again leads us toward the front door. Unlike at the charity event, Pearl does not listen. She’s yelling at me with each step I take. Brantley never falters in his steps, just holds my hand tighter and keeps walking.
Right before we make our exit, Pearl says something that makes me freeze in my steps. “You’re going to end up dead, just like your worthless mother.”
I whip around to face her so fast that the room spins temporarily. “You knew?” I croak. She doesn’t answer me, but she doesn’t have to. The smirk on her face is answer enough. “You knew, and you still hid my grandpa from me.”
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