by Skyla Madi
“You sure you’re okay, Liv?” my dad asks when I take in another deep breath to replace what I just lost. “What was all that about? Did he say something to you? What did he tell you? Where’ve you been all night?”
I wave him off, but I make sure he’s aware that I’m annoyed with his obvious dislike for Jake Redding. “Nothing, just drama. You know I don’t do drama.” He chuckles, and his gaze returns to the television show he’s watching. He pretends horribly that he’s even still interested in it as I walk upstairs to my bedroom. I collapse onto my bed, still in my work clothes, and I swear I still smell Jake’s spicy cinnamon breath.
I really want him.
I really, really want him.
And that’s really, really not okay.
Something feels unlocked inside of me when I’m near him—like I’m level on the ground, both feet planted, and I’m literally not afraid of anything getting in my way.
I don’t have to work again until tomorrow morning, so I feel safe enough to curl into the blankets and try to sleep away what just happened.
The tree. The ceiling is the only thing I can stare at in the darkness above me, but all I see is that tree, illuminated in my mind like a glowing rope of turquoise glitter.
Jake. I manage to surprise him in ways that I didn’t even know I could, and he’s just so…relentless.
I have to close my eyes and sleep Jake away.
It’s going to take more than one night to forget about Jake Redding.
Chapter Eight
Mother
Jake
I need to punch something.
No, I need to kill something.
It tears up my insides to know how badly she’s hurting. I want to murder the next hard surface my fist can slam into.
The Mercedes screeches to a stop in my hotel’s circle drive. I let out the air I’ve been holding in since I walked away from her. She still frustrates me more than anyone. Still, she’s twenty-three and figuring herself out, and here I am, twenty-five and chasing someone who doesn’t even fucking remember me.
Oh, but I have my mother.
“Nice of you to finally join us, Jacob,” my mother scolds me as I enter my hotel suite. My name rolls from her tongue like a snake’s hiss, and I have to loosen the collar of my wrinkled shirt.
“It’s a half-hour drive from Silver Lake.”
“Yes, I’m aware. We were already near here on business, so you’re lucky we could meet you here instead of Seattle.”
She nods toward Neal Franklin, our family attorney, so he can start his boring presentation. He’s been trying to solve my mother’s money issues for three months. I notice her glance over at my choice of clothing and shake her head in disapproval quietly. The sooner Neal starts, the sooner I can bail and go back to Olivia. It’s still so fucking weird to call her that. My heart is tugging me away from reality; it’s crazy how much a person can make you fall in love with them—twice. I can’t stop thinking about her and the way she blushes when I touch her or the goosebumps it gives her when my breath tickles her skin.
Her smooth, pale skin.
Her long, silky milk chocolate hair.
Her round, wide brown eyes.
The attitude she gives me still turns me on.
Olivia. Olivia. Olivia. Olivia.
I want her so bad it’s killing me inside.
She has to remember something.
I’ve looked for her for over a year; she was being kept hidden from me so close but so far away.
Why are they letting me see her now?
Why are they lying to her?
She knows she’s not who they say she is.
I don’t care. She belongs with me…I have to make her see that somehow.
“Jacob? Are you listening?” My mother glares at me. “It’s not an appealing trait to gaze off in space chasing dreams that aren’t real anymore.”
I’m cursing her in my mind for speaking about Olivia like that. “I’m here. Go ahead, Neal.”
Neal looks at me wearily but continues, despite the dryness of his voice. “So basically, you’re the only one with a trust fund left, Jake. You’ve hardly touched it since you turned twenty-one.” His cough is dry and gross as I picture clouds of germs filling the air around me. “If we were to liquidate that, your mother won’t be totally out of debt, but she’ll be close enough not to lose the house.”
“So sell the house.” I snort. “Sell the cars. Sell the vacation houses.” I wave my arms around in the air.
She nervously laughs. “I thought you were okay with this. Need I remind you of how I got into this mess in the first place?”
“I’m fine, Mother. Go on.”
Neal blabs more about interest rates and loan repayments; when he stands up to shake my mother’s hand, I know it’s finally over. It’ll only be a few minutes before I can race to the car and drive back into Silver Lake, hoping she’ll want to see me even after she made it clear that she needs space.
You’re gonna fucking run her off if you don’t back the fuck off.
“Okay, so I’ll run some numbers and get back with you, Mary-Anne. Jacob, it’s always a pleasure to see you, son.”
My mother goes into the kitchenette to take our cups and saucers to the sink while I show Neal to the door. I hope to put myself on the same side of it as he is when he leaves.
“How much will I have left?” I ask in a low voice; Neal knows I wasn’t listening in the meeting. “Out of my trust fund, how much?”
Neal looks sick. “Nothing, Jacob, you will have virtually nothing. All you’ll have is the revenue from your businesses. Even though that’s substantial, it’s nothing compared to what you have access to now.”
I want to grab Olivia so badly right now and hold her tight to make my pain go away. “So between you and me, what do you think is in my best interest?”
My mother clinks dishes around in the kitchen, so Neal knows that we’re safe to speak freely. “As your family lawyer, I say do it so your mother doesn’t have to sell everything and be the laughingstock of Seattle.” His eyeglasses fall down a little on his nose. “But as your friend, I say don’t. This isn’t your problem, Jake. You should sever your ties now and just live your own life free from this.”
“You know I can’t leave her behind. I spent an entire year searching for her. She was in fucking California this whole time.” My lips stick together like glue at the thought of leaving Olivia behind.
“I don’t know, but do you want your mother to drag you down with her? She had millions of dollars at her disposal and chose to invest in some crazy places. No matter who convinced them or who coerced them into signing, your mother knew what she was getting into.” His eyes lock with mine; he’s scared for me. “I think you should walk away. That’s what I would do if I were you.”
“Walk away?” I look around for anyone lurking. “I love her. I can’t leave her behind.”
Neal sighs and pats me on the shoulder. “Then take her with you, kid. I’m sorry to say, though, you don’t belong in Seattle anymore.” He’s right; I can’t give my mother everything I have to get her out of debt. I need that money to start a new life in a new place.
With Olivia.
I’m still not used to calling her that.
“What did Neal say?” my mother says behind me, and I turn to face her. I know she can see it in my eyes that I’m having second thoughts.
“I’m not going to do it, Mother. I can’t give you everything I own to help you with your mistakes. You’re going to have to crawl out of this one on your own.”
She isn’t surprised. “Jacob, you have forgotten that it was your advice that led me to investing so much money with Michael Cervase. Now you are telling me you won’t help clean up the mess you created? I’m leaving—we are done here. If you won’t help your family, we don’t require anything else from you, like always.”
I think about Olivia.
I need to see her.
She fixes me every single time thi
s happens.
She knows what to do; she knows how to love me.
At least…she used to.
“We are done now, Jacob. Don’t come back to Seattle.”
“Goodbye, Mother.”
The air is getting colder each day September grows older, but I don’t mind; I like the nip of cold air against my skin. It helps me remember that I’m alive as my feet pound on the pavement of the parking lot and I throw myself back into the driver’s seat of the car.
Olivia.
Answer the phone, Olivia.
“Jake.” Her voice is sleepy. “I thought I told you I would call you?”
“I need to see you.” I clench my jaw. “Now.”
Olivia yawns into the phone, and I smile, thinking about her hair falling around her pink, blushing cheeks. “Demanding as always.”
“Please, Olivia.”
“You just left a few hours ago. I need room to breathe.”
“I know I’m smothering you.” Desperation drips from my tongue and falls in my lap; I’m a few short words away from crying.
“Oh, Jake—”
I cut her short; I feel like I’m losing her again. “I need you, Olivia.” I know she can feel the darkness in my voice, because it’s suffocating me just by opening my mouth. She’s always been that person for me, the one that always steers me in the right direction. I’ve been so lost without her that I can’t tell which way is up anymore. The anger inside of me rises, and I’m about to lose control. I’ve been trying my best to manage my rage, and when I saw Olivia for the very first time, I felt like my chains had broken free and I could finally just…be.
Be free.
Be careless.
Be myself.
“Are you okay?” I hear her shuffle around in bed. I imagine her tangled up in the sheets; I never thought I could be jealous of a bed before. “Did something happen?”
I want to tell her anything she wants to know.
But I don’t want her to run again.
I need her to trust me first.
“I just…I need you.”
A few long seconds pass, but I won’t give up. She’s never going to see me as anything but what she wants to see: a guy that’s going to break her heart with his demands and his bad boy ways…and sad tattoos and memories that I can’t share with her until I talk to the people lying to her alone.
“Come over.”
That’s all it takes for me to hang up the phone and hit the gas pedal.
All I can think about is grabbing her and never letting her go.
She isn’t going to be apart from me again.
Chapter Nine
Addicted
Olivia
“I just really needed to see you—don’t start yelling at me,” Jake growls as soon as I open the door and let him inside the house after he called. His frustration pins me against the wall and holds me there; the two of us have some unspoken, terribly wonderful moment between us. “I wasn’t imagining things at the beach last night. You were mine, and it felt real.”
Well, come on in and make yourself at home in my heart, then.
I swallow without making a weird noise as he stares me down. His eyes are bright, and it’s hard to keep his gaze without blinding myself. But I do it anyway—I keep my brows furrowed the same as his so he can see that I won’t be giving into whatever he’s trying to sell me: whatever words he’s going to try and sneak in to put me under his spell.
“We met two days ago—”
“Please don’t act like there wasn’t something there last night. Don’t do that to me,” he pleads and raises his right arm onto the wall, resting it near my head. He never breaks eye contact with me as his shadow towers over my body. “Please, Olivia.”
“You're scary.” I nod toward the living room where my dad is still watching television and no doubt eavesdropping in on our heated conversation. “Let’s go upstairs, okay?” I run my finger along the stubble on his jawline before I even realize what I’m doing. I instantly know I shouldn’t have touched him like that. He’s just so overbearing that touching him sometimes dominates the corners of my mind.
You don’t even know him! You met him two days ago! You don't have time for this! Don't you want to find your memories?
I swat my thoughts away and push him into my bedroom, shutting the door behind us. I feel his warm hands on my shoulders, twirling my body around to face him before the door even clicks all the way closed.
“I can’t let you say no to me. There are reasons I can’t let you go. You just have to trust me.” He lowers his gaze to my hands, picking them up and pulling me closer.
“I don’t know anything about you!” I whisper angrily.
He takes my face into his hands, kissing the tip of my nose. “You want to know something about me? I am so completely fucking addicted to you and everything about you.” He laughs at my hands, now swatting him away from me. “I can’t think of anyplace I would rather be than right here, watching you get so irritated over nothing.”
“And you. Don’t forget my irritation toward you.”
“Insult me all you want, Olivia. I know the truth.”
I finally pull a pair of clean jeans from the basket and wonder if I should just go ahead and pull off my sweats to change or wait until he leaves. “And what is the truth, Jake?”
What does he seem to know about me?
Jake scoffs and leans back onto the bed; he has no intention of moving or elaborating on any irritatingly addicting roped piece of information he’s sprinkled on the ground like bread crumbs for me. “I just mean I can see through your tough exterior.”
I see the exhaustion in his eyes; he did sleep on a beach overnight, after all. I do things silently around the room, and each time I sneak a glance over at him, his eyes are drooping lower and lower. Finally, I hear his light snore from across the room. I’m able to pull a blanket over his large body enough to keep him warm. When he slowly breathes out, the light blonde curls float in the wind on top of his head. Suddenly my bedroom door flings open, Caitlyn chatting loudly on her phone as she enters.
I shush her and wave my hands in the air. When she sees Jake sleeping on the bed, her eyes widen, and she hangs up on whoever she’s talking to. “Is that…?”
“Yes.” I glare at her. “Leave him be. He’s tired.”
“From what?” her voice squeaks, and she looks sick. “Did you two…?”
“No, of course not. What do you want?”
“I can’t believe he’s sleeping in your bed.” She frowns and lets out a small snort. “What did you do to him?”
“I didn’t do anything to him. Get out.” I wave her off. “You’re going to wake him.”
She snickers and says, “Yeah, wake the beast.”
I stop in my tracks and look at her, wondering why she would say something like that. “What is your problem with him? Did he break up with you or something? I never did ask the details of your relationship.” My teeth grind together, and her body squirms a little in her stance. “I want to know what you know, Caitlyn.”
“Jake and I never dated.” Her small voice wafts toward me as she sits in the armchair across from the bed. “We just don’t really see eye to eye on a lot of things, that’s all.”
I’ve had enough of the elusive comments from both of them. “Are you talking about a woman? He mentioned something about being in love with someone before. He talked about her when I asked about his tree tattoo.”
This time, she doesn’t try and hide her cringing at the information I’m giving her. I don’t say anything as her eyes dart toward Jake’s still body and narrow angrily at him. “I dated his brother, Noah. That’s how Jake and I know each other, okay? Olivia, really, let’s just leave the Reddings out of any conversation we have from now on.”
“Fine, then let’s talk about me.”
“What about you?”
“I want to know what you’re hiding from me.”
Caitlyn sighs. “Livvie, we’ve all told you ove
r and over: we’re not hiding anything from you. It’s getting really old having someone call you a liar every day.” Her voice is matter-of-fact. “What makes you so sure the dreams you have are real, anyway?”
“I just know, Caitlyn.”
“Stop trying to fill a void with anything you can hold onto.”
I don’t stop her as she stands up and leaves the room, leaving a hollow, deafening sound where she shoved another subliminal message into my brain.
“What was that about?” Jake asks, but his eyes are still closed when I turn to face him.
Now is the time to come clean with him about exactly what’s so different about me. “She thinks what everyone thinks, that’s all.”
“What does everyone think?” He sits up and pats the bed next to me.
I sit down. “That I’m crazy.”
“Why do they think that?”
“If I tell you, you’ll think I’m crazy too.”
Jake laughs loudly. “Olivia, trust me…I won’t think you’re crazy.”
Maybe it’s the light in his eyes or the fact I can’t trust anyone else, but I collect my thoughts and sort them out.
I'm ready to tell him everything.
“I told you about my accident.” He nods, and I continue, “but I didn't tell you everything else. At first, after the accident, I was having blinding headaches and couldn't even get out of bed. Then the dreams started. They were patchy, and not a lot made sense. Actually, still nothing makes sense…”
Jake’s hand finds mine, interlinking our fingers. “Take your time.”
“The dreams I have, they feel real…I don’t know how to explain it. They’re mine from a different lifetime.”
“Like a past life?”
“No, like from before my accident. They're the memories I'm missing.”
Jake tries to process the information without looking at me with pity—the look everyone else gives me. “You think your missing memories are coming back to you in dreams?”
My body tenses when I notice the tone of his voice. “I told you that you’d think I’m crazy.”
“I don’t think you’re crazy.” He moves closer to me and rests his forehead on mine. “Have you talked to your parents about it?”