by Skyla Madi
Kissing her, though, that’s something I’ve been aching for since the day I saw her on that lawn…for the first time in over a year. She was taken from me once, whisked off into the dark night without a single goodbye. They wouldn’t let me see her in the hospital, and when I arrived home to an empty house, there was a note from Caitlyn, apologizing for deceiving me but saying it was for the best that they take the love of my life where she could live a better life…with people she didn’t even know.
Even though I expected that Olivia wouldn’t remember me, it still hurts to know she has no memories of me or the time we’ve shared. I don’t know what else to do but make her fall in love with me all over again.
I wonder what she’ll think of me when her memories do come back and she knows all the stupid shit I’ve done. It’ll devastate her if she finds out the truth of how shit really happened.
I can’t even be there for her like I need to be.
Like I want to be.
There used to be a time when she dreamed about vacations and college…getting the perfect gifts at Christmas for the people she loved. She loved herself, too. Now she’s a shell of that person, and I don’t know how to help her.
But I know that I want her back so badly that it’s getting too hard to keep the secret I have been sworn to keep. I think about Sam and how much pain he’ll be in once I call one of my brothers to take care of him. She doesn’t need to know about that. I think about Tyler, Noah, and Michael, my brothers who all love Olivia too. Once they knew they had to keep this secret, the three of them couldn’t handle it and scattered around the country like cockroaches and hid from her.
But I stayed.
I stayed because I love her.
Because I’m in love with her.
I’ve always belonged to her.
My phone lights up on the table beside me, and I manage to stretch my body to reach it, unplugging it from the charger and seeing Noah’s name flash across the screen. All three of my brothers have been trying to reach me since I told my mother she couldn’t have my money, no doubt in hopes that they can change my mind and talk me into it. I hesitate to even answer it, afraid of waking her, but as she opens her mouth and snores softly, I smile and hit the button to greet him.
“Noah.” I hear his loud sigh. “If you’re calling me to talk about money, save your breath.”
“Hello to you, too,” he says, out of breath. “I’m not calling about money, brother.”
“That’s good to hear.” Olivia shifts her weight next to me; her eyelashes touch her cheek as she drifts back into her dream. She’s always been amazingly beautiful. “Then why are you calling?”
For a few moments—a short few moments—I ease my mind into thinking that my brothers aren’t on my mother’s side and it isn’t four against one. “I just wanted to check on you. I heard a rumor that you’ve found Lacey.”
I look down at her and smile. “It’s not a rumor if it’s true. Her name is Olivia now.”
“Jake, you know that’s dangerous, right?” he warns me. “How many times do I have to tell you it’s a lost cause with her?”
“As many times as it takes.” I tighten my grip around her body. “I’m not going to give up on her, Noah. Don’t act like you want me to fucking leave her behind.”
I hear him suck in air through his teeth. “You’re not giving up on her if you move on, Jake. She doesn’t remember you.”
“Her memories are starting to come back, Noah.”
“How?”
I hesitate; I don’t like telling anyone more information than they need to know. “They come back to her as dreams. She knows something isn’t right. She’s not stupid.”
Noah sighs. “You can’t hold onto her forever—” I only listen to the beginning of his warning before I hang up on him.
He’s wrong.
I can hold onto her forever.
And I will hold onto her forever.
Chapter Sixteen
Burning daylight
Olivia
Jake snoozes next to me, unaware that I’ve woken up in a panic.
He’s the boy across the street.
Why hasn’t Jake told me any of this?
It’s not a coincidence that Jake found me…
He’s been looking for me all this time.
I do my best not to wake him as my body eases out from his grip. I catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror before I leave the room. I’ve always felt like a stranger in my own body, and now that I’ve had that dream—amongst all the other crazy things that have happened lately—I know I am a stranger in my own body.
Lacey Bug.
My brain whirls as I take each step downstairs one by one, hoping that maybe they’ll melt away and underneath it all will be my true life without any doubts. The crazy part is…I look like my family. I look like my mother; Caitlyn and I have the same bone structure and body type, but my dad…I don’t look like him at all.
“Hey, Livvie,” Mom greets me as I enter the living room. She’s sitting on the sofa reading a magazine, so I sit across from her and stare. She notices the ghoulish look on my face and frowns. “Are you okay? What did Jake do?”
My frown deepens. “Why does everyone automatically blame Jake?”
“For reasons you don’t understand.” She matches my annoyance. “You don’t know him—”
I stand up and ball my fists at my sides. “That’s what people keep telling me, but guess what? I do know him. I know that everything he says about loving me is true.”
“Oh, Olivia, you’re being swayed by puppy love—”
“Stop it! I know Jake and I were together before the accident! I know he lived across the street from me and my real family!”
She puts the magazine down on the table in front of her; as she sips her coffee, her eyes darken when they meet mine. “Just because you dreamed something doesn’t mean that’s how it really was. I’d appreciate it if you’d stop accusing all of us for holding you hostage in a life you don’t want.”
“I just want the lies to stop. I want to know who I am.”
“You’re Olivia White!” Her voice rises. “Anyone else is dead and gone.”
“So you admit it? You admit to lying to me all this time? Who the fuck am I? Who are you people? Jake knows you, so you must be someone he trusts, so why don’t you trust him?”
“Excuse me.” A tear falls down her cheek, and she gracefully leaves the room. I wait for someone to run in and scold me, but the only person that comes to find me is Jake.
He looks sleepy, his eyelids still drooping from lack of sound sleep, but he smiles at me anyway. “I felt you leave the bed…you okay?” He sits next to me and relaxes into my space. His long, heavy arm slides across my shoulder blades, and he pulls me into his chest. I wasn’t lying to Mom; Jake’s love for me is real. I feel it wrap around me like feathers every second of every day. I’ve never felt a love like this before, and it’s annoying that my family is trying to take it away again.
“I remember you, Jake.” His eyes widen. “I know who you are to me. You were in my dreams last night, and I remember.”
“You remember what, exactly?”
My lips find his, and he welcomes me by squeezing my body against him. His arms wrap around my waist, and even if I wanted to, there’s no escaping the long-awaited release Jake needs from me right now. His nose nuzzles in my mess of hair; I feel him smile against my ear. “This is fucking amazing. Are you sure you remember?”
Our eyes lock together. “Not everything, but enough. Jake…” My thumb caresses his jawline. “I know I’m not Olivia White. I want to know everything…and I want to know it now.”
He wastes no time. “I’ll tell you everything, baby. Everything. I can’t fucking believe this is happening right now.” Tears roll down his cheeks, and he pulls me into him again. “Come with me; come home with me to Seattle.”
“For how long?”
“Just a few days. When do you work again?”
�
�Saturday.”
Jake sniffles and wipes the tears off his cheeks. “That’s three days. We’ll have plenty of alone time for me to explain everything. I have pictures, videos, and letters at my house in Seattle. Please come with me, Olivia.”
“Isn’t it an eight-hour drive from here? What about your hotel room?”
He lifts my body with ease and tugs me up with him. “If we leave now, we’ll make it there by nightfall. I’ve already checked out of the hotel, and my things are in the car.”
Jake leads me back upstairs so we can dress and get warm clothes on to venture out in the chill of the early October air. I dress myself, but I feel like an emotionless robot—there’s nothing in this entire house that is familiar to me right now. So many questions are swirling around my mind; it’s hard to catch one and keep it long enough to remember what I want to know.
The smile on his face says it all: Jake is happy.
No one comes into the room to stop us, but Caitlyn does meet us at the bottom of the stairs once we’re dressed and ready to leave.
“Don’t go.” Her big olive-green eyes burn into mine. “Liv, don’t go.”
I snap my arm back from her grasp. “I told you I’d find out the truth.”
“I’ll tell you everything. Just don’t go with Jake.”
“I’m going, Caitlyn.” I shake my head, disappointment dripping from my skin. “Of all people, I expected at least you to tell me the truth.”
“I told you what I was allowed to tell you!” Her small hand wraps around my wrist. “Jake surely isn’t telling you everything. Please, can you just stay and let me explain the real story?”
Jake slides into our space, his eyes dark and scary. “Ready?” He looks at Caitlyn and frowns. “Do you have something to say to me?” She backs off a little and hangs her head. The bleached strands of her hair pale her nearly translucent skin even more. I’ve never seen her like this; she’s not normally one to back down from an argument…especially if she feels that she’s right.
“Don’t run away with her.” Caitlyn’s voice is flat and strained. “Don’t take her where we can’t find her.”
“We’re just going to my place for some peace and quiet.” His assurance blankets me now, too. “I promise I won’t take her from you.”
They’re talking about me like I’m not even here.
“Jake—” She starts to lift her gaze to meet his, but again she backs down.
He tugs on my arm, and I go with him, briefly looking back at her longing gaze where I stood seconds before. I always thought I annoyed her, but she actually cares about me. It takes a while to process this new feeling.
Even though we drive straight through to Seattle, I drift off halfway into our trip and have the worst dream I’ve had yet thanks to the impending headache starting to rattle my brain.
***
“I’m not going with you.” Dad’s face reddens as I stand my ground. “I don’t care what you’ve done or what you’ve pulled Jake into. I’m not going. I shouldn’t have to pay for your mistakes.”
Dad’s eyes are sad and dull. “You’re right, you shouldn’t have to pay for my mistakes. Unfortunately, you do, Lacey. You’re not safe here—not with me in prison.”
“I’ll empty my trust fund and pay them off to leave me alone.”
The woman trying to take me with Dad clears her throat. She looks like me and Dad; she shares the same gray eyes we both have. “Who the fuck are you?” I snap at her.
“My name is Carrie Stevenson. I’m your sister.”
“I don’t have a sister.” I look at Dad, shaking my head. “This is what you’ve come up with to get me to leave with you? Paying someone to be my fake sister?”
“She’s my daughter, just the same as you.”
Jake struggles in the corner; he’s being held back by two large men who look like professional bodyguards. “Don’t fucking listen to them, Lacey! Don’t let them take you!”
Dad sighs and pats my shoulder. “Honey, you’re not safe here, not anymore. I promise that when you are safe, you can come straight back here…straight back to Jake.”
I know he’s lying.
“I’m not stupid!” Spit flies from my lips. “I know you better than that. You want to control me. You want me to do what you want for your benefit. I’m not doing that anymore, Dad! I’m not a pawn in your little game…I’m not Mom!”
Dad shakes his head. “Lacey, don’t make me force you. The more time you spend here with Jake, the more danger he’s in.”
He’s not playing fair.
My chest heaves up and down. “What do you mean?”
Jake grunts and struggles more in the men’s arms. “Lacey, baby…please, don’t listen to them.”
“The people that are after me, they could be after Jake. The longer you stay here with him, the quicker they’ll be able to find him.”
“Jake wasn’t part of this!”
Carrie crosses her arms over her chest. “It doesn’t matter. He still worked for Michael. Lacey, please, we’re trying to keep you safe. We’re trying to keep everyone safe.”
My eyes meet Jake’s, and I know what he wants me to do.
He wants me to run.
“I want a minute alone with Jake, then I’ll leave with you.”
Dad, Carrie, and the two bodyguards look at each other, and Dad nods to each of them. “Three minutes. Say your goodbye and meet us outside.”
Jake gravitates to me once everyone leaves the house. He frantically pushes my hair back from my face and kisses my cheeks where the tears have stained them.
“Don’t fucking do this, Lacey. Don’t get yourself into this. You run, okay? Run your fucking heart out. Call Noah. He’ll find you.”
I sob into his chest. “I can’t leave you…I’m not leaving you. I’m going to stick to our escape plan.”
He shushes me and strokes my head. “That plan is ages old. It won’t work.”
“I have to try.” I press my lips against his like it’s the last time I’ll ever touch him again. “Meet me here in an hour; I’ll be back for you. Then…we’ll both run. Together.”
***
When Jake wakes me, I see the sign for Seattle before the dizziness subsides and I’m able to force words from my mouth.
“Why would Caitlyn think you’d take me where no one could find me?”
His body tenses. “I don’t know. She’s crazy.”
“Don’t stop being the only person I trust.”
A lightbulb ignites in his head. “I ran away with you once, a few years ago.”
“What do you mean?”
He rubs the bridge of his nose; he’s frustrated that I’m so persistent for information. “Your dad never wanted us to be together. So we ran away together and made it as far as Salem, and they found us.”
“How could they have any say?” I bite the inside of my cheek.
He looks embarrassed. “You were only fifteen, and I was seventeen. They tried to charge me with some pretty fucked-up shit.”
We pull into a long circle drive at the last house of the street we’re on, and time stops.
I know this house.
It doesn’t look cold and overbearing like the rest of the houses in the neighborhood; the three-story, red-brick structure invites me inside. My eyes scan each floor as if I can see into the windows, imagining what each room feels like to be in.
“Do you remember this place?” His voice is almost a whisper as he parks the car only a few feet from the red front door. I keep scanning the property; my head spins from how much I think I remember. “Come on.” He sighs and unbuckles his seat belt. “We’re burning daylight. I want to get the house warm enough to stay the night…I haven’t slept here in months, so everything’s turned off.”
I let him untuck me from my seat once he walks around to my side and opens the door. It’s crazy how much I know about everything and nothing at the same time. I smell cinnamon as he unlocks the front door, and I step into the huge foyer right behind
him. His large hand finds mine and tugs me inside fully so he can close the door behind us.
To the left of the foyer is a large sitting room with white couches and a red-bricked fireplace; a golden-colored cage sits around the opening so the embers don’t trail out when it’s used. A fluffy white rug is spread out in front of it, and I imagine Jake and me lying in front of a roaring fire underneath several blankets. It makes me smile.
Through the sitting room, an archway takes you into the biggest kitchen I’ve ever seen. Dark oak cabinets line the wall behind the shiny, metallic stove, and the island in front of it matches the marble countertop perfectly. Everything looks so clean and untouched, like no one’s lived here for a long time. Jake said he hasn’t slept here in months…but it looks more like the house is brand new and was never touched at all.
My heart skips a few beats.
“Jake…”
He shakes his head. “Don’t worry about it. I know you don’t remember.”
My eyes lower to the ground. “I want to remember.” My gaze fixes on the window behind him. It leads to a lush, green backyard with a garden near the patio. I can’t see the end of the property from inside the kitchen, but I can see the daylight fading fast along the tree line.
Jake’s right. We’re burning daylight.
“I just want answers. I want to feel free.”
He takes my hand from behind. “You’re free here.”
“Every memory I have with you in it, you’re the one person that always finds me in the darkness.”
Jake smiles. “I’ve loved you from the moment I met you.” He pinches my chin with his thumb and index finger. “There’s nothing I won’t do for you. Even bringing you back here so you can finally know the truth. I’m sorry I lied to you about who I was…I just didn’t know how to help you.”
Jake’s right. He did lie to me, just like everyone else.
“I think it’s a little different, maybe.” My own voice surprises me. “Even though you had the same reason for lying—protecting me—you never acted like the dreams I had were crazy. You believed me and let me find my way.”