by Skyla Madi
I follow his eyes, and they lock onto the dusky night sky outside.
I know this didn’t fix Jake’s broken heart completely, but I’m open to trying now.
The blue skies are gone.
But the tattered heart remains.
Piece by piece, I’m going to help him mend it as I put the pieces of my life into place, too.
Right now, though, we’re exactly where we should be.
“Jake, tell me about my real mother.” We lie together, naked and both falling fast asleep. “What happened to her?”
He yawns and wraps himself around my body. “She disappeared about ten years ago.”
I wait for him to elaborate, but instead, he stays still and silent. He runs his thumb alongside the outer part of my hand as he holds it. When it gets too much to ignore and he can feel my resistance, he knows he can’t hold me off any longer.
“No one knows what really happened but Michael,” Jake adds, taking in a deep breath.
I purse my lips in the darkness. “She’s in my memories sometimes. Her name is Sabine; do you think we can find her?”
Jake shifts his weight to pull my body into his as much as it can fit. “We can try, baby.” The warmth of his whisper tickles the stray hands around my ear. “I’m sure she’d be proud of the woman you’ve become.”
The woman I’ve become.
Now that’s even more cruel.
Chapter Twenty-Three
Home
“Wake up, baby,” Jake whispers into my ear. “I have some good news, but you have to wake up to hear it.” His singsong voice isn’t something that’s comforting when you’re woken up from a deep sleep after having the best sex of your life. I’m hungover from a second round, and we didn’t bother getting dressed before we passed out from exhaustion.
I’m still naked.
Opening one eye, I see his boyish grin looking down at me; he’s also still naked. His tall body hunches over to look at me and make sure I’m awake before he playfully slaps my bare ass with pleasure. He starts to run his hand over where he spanked me, and I know I have to get out of this position or I’ll never get to hear the good news.
Rolling over isn’t a good idea, either. His hand lands directly in between my legs, and I have to snap them together and sit up before he can slip his fingers inside of me. Pouting, he retracts his hand back to his own space and acts offended.
“What’s the good news?” I smile brightly.
“Noah called me, one of my brothers?” He waits for me to catch up before continuing on. “Sam was arrested. He confessed to staging the entire break-in to scare you because…get this: He recognized you as Lacey Cervase and tried to get revenge for his older brother, who invested money with Michael.”
Without warning, I start to laugh. It grows and grows until it’s filling the entire room, and Jake looks at me like I’ve finally lost more than just memories. He waits for me to tone it down before raising his eyebrows at me. “What the hell was that?”
“People…” A hiccup leaves my throat. “People are so gross, Jake. I mean, seriously. What is wrong with people? Why are they such monsters?”
His jaw clenches. “Some people just can’t help themselves, Olivia.”
“I wasn’t talking about you. I don’t want to even think about that right now. The fact that I know what you did and I still slept with you speaks volumes about the person I’ve become.”
Jake laughs. “That’s my girl, always the first to point out the flaws in herself before anyone else.”
A lightbulb goes on in my head.
“I’m tired of chasing someone I used to be. I’m ready to just be myself, whoever I want that to be.” I wrap my arms around his neck and smile. “I’m ready to give being Olivia White a real chance.”
I jump off the bed and, to Jake’s disapproval, start putting on clothes. Not minding that he’s still stark naked—and it’s making me wet in the mouth to look at his tall, naked body sitting inches from me on the bed—he watches me like he’s seeing a movie for the very first time. I drop my t-shirt on the ground and he’s there within seconds to pick it up and hand it back to me with a sexy grin on his lips.
“Why are you in such a hurry?” he asks. “We have to wait for a flight to Seattle, baby.”
“I’m not in a hurry. I just want to get the day started.”
He laughs loudly. “You do realize it’s nearly noon, right?”
“Shit.” I look at the clock on the wall. “You let me sleep all day?”
“After what we did last night, we needed it.” He snorts and realizes that I’m serious. “Sorry, I didn’t know Noah would call with the good news or I would’ve gotten you up sooner.”
I make a disagreeing noise and leave him alone in the room to get himself dressed. I open the fridge and rummage around for something to drink. When I open the milk carton and tip the cool liquid back into my throat, Jake makes a disgusted face when he rounds the corner to see what I’m doing.
“Do you have to do that?” He smiles and takes the carton from me, putting it back into the fridge. “When we move back home, you have to stop that.”
Home.
There’s that word again.
Jake notices my reservation about the word and takes a step backward to give me some space. Once his body hits the island cabinet, he hops up on it and looks down at me with concern in his brown eyes. I can’t meet his gaze for long or I’m going to fall into his trap of cinnamon and whiskey and whatever else he’s going to use against my already weak defenses.
Jake Redding is a part of me and he knows it.
“Do you want to talk about that?” His head cocks to the side. “Going home and what that means?”
My hair falls around my face, and I don’t bother pushing it away. I want to hide…no. I want to run and hide and be a baby about this. I don’t want to face reality and what that means. I know I’m going to have to choose between Seattle and Silver Lake, and ultimately that means I’m going to have to choose between being with Jake or…not being with him.
I sigh. “I can pretend I don’t know what you’re talking about, but that isn’t fair to you.” He smiles because what I’m saying is true. “I don’t know how to not confuse you when I’m still so confused, you know?”
“Bug,” he breathes out his air so fast it blows my hair back a little. “What you have to understand is that I’ll do whatever you want to do. If you tell me to fuck off, then that’s the way it is. If you want to be with me in Seattle, same thing. I can’t expect you to have the same exact feelings you had before when you don’t even know yourself from before.”
Well, okay.
“And I hope to fucking God you don’t tell me to kick rocks, but if you do, I’ll find a way to deal with it. I’m a grown man and I can take care of myself, but make no mistake…” He slides off of the counter and bends his neck to look into my eyes, careful not to touch me and spark something else between us. “You keep me alive in ways even I don’t understand. I need you and I want you, but I love you enough to see that you need some time and space.”
“Jake…” I instinctively take a step toward him. “It’s just hard to know how I feel when my mind feels like a bumper car arena and no one knows how to drive.”
A smile creeps on his thick lips. “I know, baby.” He kisses my forehead, and I think he’s going to wrap me in his long arms and make everything okay like he does…but instead, he opens the fridge and takes out a carton of orange juice. After eyeballing me and dramatically taking a glass from the cabinet, he pours the orange liquid into the glass and takes a big, comical gulp.
My eyes narrow at him. “Really funny you are.”
His laugh is so innocent that it humbles me back where I should be. I’m getting into my own head again, and that’s going to lead me down a path I don’t want to be on anymore.
I want this.
I remember that I want this.
I really, really want his orange juice lips on mine.
&nbs
p; Now.
“Olivia?” he says my name wrapped up in confusion. I focus on his lips and the sexy, wicked smile that’s painted on them as he realizes what I’m coming after. Jake will never push me away, and that’s something I can count on. His body freezes with the fridge still open, the dark ink of his tattoos reaching out from the skin that I see around his t-shirt. I run my gaze over each of the tattoos that I know are mine—or made because of me—and that excites me more.
Jake’s body is a road map of my life.
He moans as I touch him; I run my fingers up his neck and around the back of his head so I can gently tug him down to kiss me. Our lips meet, and it’s different this time: he’s hungrier than he’s ever been, and this is going to be trouble. As he devours my mouth, he lifts me up onto the counter and parts my legs with his body like he belongs there.
He does belong there.
“You are so fucking intoxicating,” he breathes into my mouth. “Everything about you sets me off.”
I giggle, and it’s not a normal Olivia giggle. This one is more sweet, sultry, and laced with poison that plays to Jake’s emotions. He squeezes my thighs and groans as his phone starts ringing in the next room. Of course he wants to ignore it, but I can’t let that happen. I have to get out of this condo and back to a life I’m at least a little familiar with.
“No, don’t move,” he warns me and points playfully at my nose. “I’ll get that. You. Don’t. Move.”
He runs off to grab his ringing phone. He doesn’t bother coming back as he answers it, but the tone of his voice carries into the kitchen, and it kills my good mood.
“Yeah, we’re coming back as soon as we can. I’ll tell Olivia to get packed up.”
“Yes, her name is Olivia now. That’s what we call her.”
“No.”
“Okay, fine. If we fly, we can be back by morning. We’re in L.A.—can you set up the flight?”
“Thanks. Bye.”
I find him in the bedroom with his head in his hands. It takes a few seconds for me to decide what I’m going to do, but my fingers find the back of his head and I gently play with his curly hair to let him know I’m here for him.
“Hey, we have to leave soon.”
“I heard. Is everything okay?”
When he looks at me, there’s wetness forming in the corners of his eyes. “Michael has been cleared for visitors. He’s asking for you.”
The stress forms lines on Jake’s forehead as he crinkles it and thinks. It’s my job—as whatever I am to Jake—to help take some of the burden from him. I’m not a fragile little bird; I have to think of something I can do to help him without making things worse.
“We should pack up. Take things you need and I’ll send for the rest.” His low voice finds me through our darkness. “It’s time to head home.”
Home.
Where everything is going to change.
Again.
Chapter Twenty-Four
Prison blues
“You okay?” Jake snickers as the small plane lands on an even smaller runway. He sure doesn’t spare any expense when it comes to air travel. One of his brothers—Tyler or Noah or whoever—arranged for a private plane to carry us from L.A. to Seattle. It seemed like days that we were in the air, but when Jake unbuckled my seat belt and pulled me into his lap to sleep, time sped up; before I knew it we were about to land and he’d placed me back in my seat with my buckle returned to its place around my body.
I stretch my body. “I’ve never flown anywhere before.”
He stretches his long legs out in front of him and yawns. “After all this bullshit is over, I’ll take you wherever you want to go. We need a proper vacation.”
I want to be like Jake.
I want to try and wash away all the bad things happening around us to make room for the good things we can dream about. I want to be careless and aloof and see the brighter side to life. I want to be free from the chains that drag me down into a deep abyss of confusion.
But I’m still Olivia White.
I worry.
I try and fix what’s broken.
“I’m ready to visit Michael.”
Jake nods. “I figured as much. Noah’s already called ahead to let them know you’ll be arriving soon. Visiting hours aren’t over for a few more hours.”
My hand fits perfectly in his as he leads me down the staircase and onto the tarmac. A car waits for us several feet from the plane, and a short man with a black suit on smiles and nods toward me as he opens the door for Jake to place me inside.
The drive from Seattle to SeaTac is exciting and new for me. Deep down I know I belong here, but I bask in the sensation of seeing things for the first time. The high-rise buildings and bustling city streets are much different than the suburbs of Silver Lake. I like the busyness of the people walking around with important things to get to and places to go. It makes me feel like I’m not standing still anymore.
“Ready?” Jake pats my leg and sighs. “We’re here.”
“Where?” I crane my neck to see through the window on his side of the car. The gigantic prison looms over us, casting a shadow over the car. “Is that it?”
“That’s it. The Fed-Pen,” the driver of the car says. “You want me to wait, man?”
Jake hands the man two hundred-dollar bills. “Wait for us, yes. I’ll double that when we come out.” The driver looks impressed and clicks his seat back a few notches, ready to settle in. Jake sticks his hands in his pockets and pulls everything out but returns his wallet to his front jeans pocket. “Make sure you don’t have anything but your ID on you when we go through security.”
“Like what?” My voice shakes. “Like weapons?”
“Anything that can be considered a weapon, Bug. All you’ll need is your ID, that’s it.”
I follow his directions and hand over a tube of cherry ChapStick, rolled-up earbuds, several pieces of wrapped hard candy and a folded-up note. “What’s this?” He holds up the paper and shakes it.
Playfully, I shrug. “Open it later and find out.”
He blushes and takes his wallet back out, placing the paper inside before putting it into his jeans again. He takes off his motorcycle jacket—no doubt because of all the zippers and metal detector triggers—leaving it in the backseat.
“Earrings, baby.” He points to my ears. I take them off and hand them over—the same with my necklace and mood ring too. When we’ve got everything packed way in our luggage, Jake reminds the driver of their deal and takes my hand.
The prison haunts me already; the slate gray pavement beneath my feet tricks me into thinking it’s moving so I’m frozen where I stand. Without saying a word, Jake runs back to the luggage and retrieves a headache pill and small bottle of water.
“Thanks.” I take the pill and swallow it down before sipping the water. “This is gonna be stressful enough without having an earth-shattering headache in there.”
“Take a deep breath, baby,” Jake coos. “You can do this. I’m going in with you.”
“I thought he only asked for me?”
He smiles and squeezes my hand. “I’m not letting you do this alone.”
Security isn’t as awful as I pictured in my mind; thankfully Jake knew not to take anything but our IDs in so the process went smoothly. We’re escorted down a few hallways before coming to a stop in an open metal doorway without a door attached.
The deputy escorting us frowns. “You have twenty minutes with inmate #4982-C0541.” He looks at the paper hanging on the wall next to the doorway to make sure he has the right number. “There’s a deputy in the room and the inmate is shackled for your safety. There will be no touching and that includes: no hugging, no holding hands, no kissing, no physical contact of any kind. You will sit across from the inmate and keep your hands folded in front of you. You will not raise your voice; you will not give the inmate anything. You will not agitate the inmate, and you will not sneak anything out of the prison. Do you both understand me?”
&nb
sp; Jake nods. “We get it.”
“Miss?”
“Sounds pretty self-explanatory.”
The deputy’s frown deepens. “You would think so, Miss. You are free to enter; the twenty minutes starts now. I will be back for a three-minute warning.”
I waste two minutes standing in the doorway, deciding if I really want to go in.
Eighteen minutes left.
“Baby, are you going in?” Jake whispers.
My legs start to move, and they carry me through the threshold of the doorway. The room is small and sterile; a metal table sits in the middle with three metal chairs. The man with the gray hair from my dreams sits with sadness in his cold gray eyes as he watches me approach him.
“Sweetheart,” he greets me. “How are you, Lacey?”
This is the first time anyone’s every greeted me by that name directly; I admit, it doesn’t feel good. His accent is soft around his voice when he speaks; his voice is weak and tired.
“Jacob.” He nods at Jake. “I asked to speak to my daughter alone, yet here you are. Why am I not surprised? You don’t know when to leave well enough alone, do you?”
My head hurts; the pill isn’t helping me.
“Don’t.” My throat is dry; it’s hard to swallow and not choke on the dry air. “Don’t speak to him like that. If you want me to stay, you don’t talk to him like that.”
Michael nods. “Have it your way, then. I understand you’ve started gaining memories back?”
“Some of them.”
“That’s fantastic. The doctors said it wasn’t likely you’d recover. What’s changed?”
Finally, I sit down across from him. Jake continues to stand; he places his hand on my shoulder for comfort. “I started having headaches and dreams. Then Jake found me, and I figured out the truth.”
Michael hangs his head. “I’m truthfully sorry about how things have turned out, love. I never meant for anything like this—”
“Is this why you wanted to see me? To plead your case?”