by C. A. Harms
“Lexi,” I whispered in the darkness. “I’m getting hard again.”
I could just imagine her rolling her eyes at me.
“Give me the damn rag, you horn-dog.” She tried to sound put off by my need for her but I knew she loved it.
I laughed as I watched her clean herself up and then finish her snack. When she was finished she took a drink of water and curled into my side. We were silent for a few minutes before she threw a curve ball I wasn’t expecting.
“My mom left me a message today. I guess I should’ve changed my number, huh?”
I started to get up, but she gripped my waist holding me tightly. “I didn’t want to get you worked up; I just wanted you to know. We’ll talk about it tomorrow, okay? Right now I just want you to hold me and make me feel safe.”
I held her close and kissed her head, trying not to let the irritation consume me. “You’ll always be safe with me,” I assured her.
She fell asleep quickly and I lay next to her, wondering what her mom could’ve said in the message that made her feel unsafe.
Chapter 9
Lexi
I was sitting at the table in the kitchen when Kole finally got up. I had been staring at the same cup of coffee for over an hour.
When I heard the clink of the coffee cup as Kole poured himself a cup, I turned to look at him. He watched me with an unsettled look on his face.
Slowly he approached the chair across from me, his eyes never leaving mine.
“So can we talk about it now?” I looked down at my fingers laced around my cold coffee. “Lex, what did your mom’s message say? Talk to me.”
I knew he would get angry, not at me, but at the situation. I hated when he got irritated or angry. He closed himself off and became distant. I didn’t like the way that made me feel. When I looked back up at him, he still watched me closely.
I slowly let out the breath I was holding, hoping it would calm my racing heart.
“I was shocked when she called. I let it go to voicemail because, to be honest, I had nothing to say to her.”
I paused to wet my dry throat with cold coffee.
Kole noticed the face I made and took my cup from my hands. He went to the sink to empty it, refilling it with fresh coffee he made his way back to me at the table. Once he was seated across from me I continued.
“She has two letters for me,” I paused for a moment as I looked back up at him. “From Matt.” I watched as Kole’s jaw began to tense and release. His ears were reddened with anger.
“Why the fuck is he writing you?” His nostrils flared.
I shrugged and looked down at my hands once again.
After a few silent minutes I looked up at Kole, and he had his head resting in his hands with his elbows propped up on the table.
I knew he was pissed and I waited for him to calm down before I continued. “She said she would forward them to my address at the dorm. She was real short and didn’t say much more than that.”
He lifted his head and wrinkled his forehead, “You wanna read them?” he asked.
I shook my head. “No, but I thought you might want to. I don’t want to see them.”
I quickly swiped away a tear that escaped down my cheek and Kole stood from the table to kneel next to me. He placed his hand on my thigh, turning my body to face him.
“Lexi, he’s not gonna hurt you ever again. Do you understand that?” he asked me, and I nodded my head. “You’re safe with me.” He kissed me softly and I knew he meant every word.
I never once doubted that Kole would do anything he could to keep me sheltered from all things Matt.
Once he left for the gym, I spent the day unpacking the last of my things. The apartment still felt cold and I couldn’t wait to decorate it and make it our home.
The knock on the door startled me and I peeked through the peephole quietly. Megan was smoking a cigarette and I knew instantly that this wasn’t going to be a good visit. She only smoked when she was pissed or nervous.
I opened the door and she rushed in still holding the cigarette, puffing away. She turned to face me while I stood, still holding the door open, wondering what in the hell she was on.
She shrugged as if to ask “What?” and I pointed to the cigarette she held between her fingers.
Appearing extremely nervous and distant she looked down at her hand. “Oh, shit. Sorry.” She walked back to the door and tossed it out before coming back inside.
I watched as she flopped down on the couch, looking as though she hadn’t slept in days. She looked exhausted. I noticed the bag in her hand and I waited silently for her to explain why she looked so strung out.
“I’m freaking out, Lex. I mean really freaking out here.” She took in a deep breath before opening the bag enough for me to see inside.
“No way, really?” I asked with a shocked expression.
“I don’t know, I’m four days late. You know me: I’m never late. I’m not like you, ‘Miss Irregular.’” I laughed and tried to muffle it. “Why in the hell are you laughing at me?”
I bit my upper lip and did my best to be serious. “Well, let’s go pee on a stick, momma.”
She shook her head and got up from the couch. “Not funny, Lexi,” she said, annoyed.
After about fifteen minutes we were both standing at the sink in the bathroom, staring down at the stick.
“What does that mean?” We looked at the test in confusion, trying to decide if the line was there or not. I looked at the back of the box and then the test once more.
“I think it’s broken. One line means no and two lines mean yes,” I said, before pointing toward the test. “You don’t have either. Maybe you’re having triplets.”
She collapsed on the toilet in frustration. “Damn it, Lexi, shut up. This is serious.”
I reached into the bag because she had three more inside, all the same brand. “Okay, let’s see if these work.” I pushed her off the toilet and sat down holding a stick under me.
Megan scrunched up her eyebrows, “What exactly are you doing?”
I laughed as I peed on the stick. “I’m proving that you bought a generic brand of pregnancy tests and that they suck.” I finished and grabbed a wad of toilet paper, placing the test onto it and we waited.
She only laughed and told me I was nuts.
But it felt good to make her laugh. She was so stressed at the moment.
I shrugged at her while we watched closely in silence. I heard a gasp when two dark lines appeared on the test in front of us. “What the fuck?” I said, instantly grabbing for the box once more.
Megan laughed. “Maybe I’m just having sympathy delays. Ya know, like sympathy labor pains.” I flopped down on the floor holding the test in one hand and the box in the other.
“Shut up, Megan. Seriously—just shut up.” This was supposed to be a joke. I was supposed to see a nonexistent line just like Megan so I could prove the test was shit.
I felt her sit down next to me and she brushed my hair back from my shoulder. “Are you okay?”
I took a deep breath. “I don’t know.” I sat there in shock. Some joke…I was going to pee on the damn stick and show Megan that I also got nothing. Two lines on a stick weren’t in the plans.
“Maybe it’s wrong. We should try another brand.” I nodded my head and we stood from the floor together.
I had class in two hours and I felt like skipping. I needed to figure this out. Megan was the one who thought she was pregnant, not me.
Fifteen minutes later we stood in line at the drug store, holding two separate brands of pregnancy tests. I was nervously biting my nails while Megan tapped her foot impatiently.
The young clerk looked up at me and smiled.
I noticed her protruding stomach beneath her smock and I forced a return smile. Was I ready for this? If I was being honest with myself, I would admit that I was terrified. I lost my baby over three years ago and I was worried it would happen again. This baby was part of Kole, a symbol of our
love. Could my heart withstand another loss? I hadn’t realized I was crying until a tear dripped onto my hand.
“Are you okay, hun?” the cashier asked.
I smiled back at her reassuringly. “I’m fine, thanks.”
After I paid, we drove back to the apartment and I quickly held both sticks under me and waited for the results alongside my best friend.
Chapter 10
Kole
Everything was working out just I’d hoped.
Lexi had no idea what I’d been up to over the last two weeks. She thought we were leaving Saturday morning to go see my parents for a couple days, but she couldn’t have been more wrong.
I’d actually been planning a surprise birthday party for her and it was only one day away. I couldn’t hide my excitement as I watched the chairs and tables being set up.
She really had no clue.
Tomorrow night I would act as if I was taking her out to dinner.
I rented out a place on the beach to have the party and it was the perfect setup for what I had planned. The dance floor and a DJ would be set up inside, food was being catered and a bar for drinks would add the final touch.
I planned a fire on the beach later in the evening to end our night.
Lexi loved sitting by a fire.
I remember the first spring break trip we took together. Radley and Megan went with us and we rented a cabin in Tennessee. It was secluded and she loved it. We sat out by a fire and roasted marshmallows like four young teenagers.
She was so peaceful and relaxed that week.
So I made sure there would be a fire…and marshmallows.
My mom and dad would be here tomorrow night, too. Nothing could screw this up.
“Wow, look at this place.” I turned around and found Miley standing in the entryway. “You’re going all out for some birthday party.”
I crossed my arms over my chest, “It’s worth every bit of time and expense. Lexi deserves it and when you love someone as deeply as I love her, it isn’t enough.” She smiled and walked toward me.
“What are you doing here, Miley?”
She stopped a few feet away from me as her eyes roamed over me slowly. “Checking the setup location for all the flowers you ordered.”
I looked at her puzzled. “So what, you’re a delivery girl now?”
She laughed and adjusted her top which was cut entirely too low in the front. “I bought the floral shop, Kole. I just came along to make sure they got it right for you. I wanted to make sure everything was perfect.”
I chuckled. “Yeah, I’m sure that’s why you showed up.”
I walked away, refusing to play her game and went to my truck.
I grabbed my phone and dialed Megan’s number. It went to her voicemail and I left a quick message. “Hey, it’s Kole. I just wanted to make sure you still had Lexi occupied. Just let me know if something comes up. Thanks, Meg. You’ve been awesome.”
Without that girl keeping Lexi busy I wasn’t sure I could have pulled this off.
I watched the doors ahead of me as Miley came out. When she saw me sitting in my truck she waved and I turned my head.
She was really a piece of work.
I made it home that night a little later than I’d planned. When I walked in I found Lexi in the kitchen making dinner.
Walking up behind her I brushed her hair aside as I placed light kisses on her shoulder and slowly up the side of her neck. I could feel the chills rising on her arms beneath my hands.
She tilted her head back to rest on my chest. She wore snug yoga pants that enhanced every sexy curve of her body and I ran my hands over her trim hips, pulling her back into me tightly. She moaned softly and that’s when I noticed her eyes were reddened.
A rush of anxiety ran through me as I turned her around to face me and looked into her eyes. “Why have you been crying? Did something happen?” She shook her head and I saw her lip tremble.
She attempted to turn away from me but I refused to let her. “Lex, please. Talk to me.”
She shrugged away and I tried not to get angry regarding the way she chose to withdraw.
I let out a deep calming breath as I pulled a beer from the fridge and poured her a glass of wine. She always drank wine with dinner. I knew she would talk when she was ready, so I tried to be patient, even though it was irritating the fuck out of me.
She carried dinner over to the table and I followed behind with our drinks. When I sat the wine in front of her she just stared at the glass.
“Is that not the kind you wanted?” I asked.
She bit her lip and stood from the table.
I watched as she grabbed a bottle of water from the refrigerator.
“I think I’ll just have water tonight.”
I ground my teeth together and slowly counted to ten. I didn’t want to snap at her but I was riding a thin line with patience.
“Since when? You’ve had wine every night with dinner since you moved in here.” She just shrugged as if that was explanation enough.
What in the hell was going on?
“I don’t like the games, Lex. Just tell me what the problem is.” It was the one last grasp for clarity I had left in me and she looked at her plate instead of at me.
“I just don’t feel like drinking,” she whispered.
It happened before I had a chance to breathe through it. I slammed my fist down onto the table and the silverware bounced and rattled. “Bullshit!”
When I looked at her, her eyes were full of tears and I instantly regretted my outburst. I took a few deep breaths. “Just talk to me…please. Stop fucking shutting me out! I’m here with you, damn it.” Another deep breath. “Stop pushing me away.”
The tears ran down her cheeks, and my heart fucking broke. But I chose to wait it out. I wasn’t going to go to her and give her another free pass. I wanted her to talk to me.
“I’m not shutting you out, Kole. I’m scared,” she whispered. “I’m terrified.”
I shook my head because she had just hit my weak spot. “What are you scared of?” It hit me hard to see her shudder as she cried. She looked up at me and blindsided me completely.
“Kole, I’m pregnant.”
What the hell? Wow. I wasn’t expecting that. She stared at me and I stared back, shocked. I wasn’t sure what to say.
“Are you mad?”
I shook my head, still saying nothing.
“You are mad, I can see it.” I still stared at her continuing to shake my head, blown away by the news she just dropped in my lap
After a moment I got up from the table and went to her, pulling her into my arms. “Lex, I’m not mad,” I assured her. “Shocked, but in no way am I mad. When did you find out?”
She laughed. “It was kind of a joke with Megan at first.” She went on to tell me about how Megan showed up and then the entire situation that followed.
I listened and smiled but only one thought kept rushing around throughout my mind.
Lexi was carrying my baby.
When I looked at her I had this overwhelming urge to cry. I was gonna be a dad…someone’s dad.
There was a little person growing inside my future wife and I was gonna be a dad.
Lexi had finished talking and she was just staring at me in confusion. I watched her eyes as they scanned over my face before shifting mine to her lips. I let my gaze continue to fall to her stomach and immediately reached out to touch her there.
When I looked up at her, she smiled softly.
“We’re gonna have a baby, Lex,” I whispered. “A baby,” I said again.
She watched me and I couldn’t hold back the tear that escaped. I pulled her to me and kissed her gently. “I love you so much.” I spoke against her lips just before leaning back to rest my forehead to hers.
She whispered back in a trembling voice, “I love you too.”
Chapter 11
Lexi
“How’d it go? How did he take it?” Megan asked.
I smiled as I t
hought about how Kole was last night. He was so calm and gentle after he found out I was pregnant. It was funny actually how he treated me like I might break.
The remorse he had for his outburst still made me feel so raw.
“Surprisingly well, actually.” Until we found our way to bed and slowly pleased one another over and over. I felt I could keep that part to myself.
“I’m on my way there, are you ready?”
I pulled myself out of the fantasy I was silently having remembering Kole’s hands. “Um, yeah, I’m ready.”
Megan made plans to take me to the day spa for my birthday. It had become a yearly thing and it was always her treat.
I laid back and allowed myself to be pampered.
I got a facial, massage, a pedicure and even had some touchups done to my hair. I felt amazing and completely relaxed.
“Do you know where Kole is taking you to dinner?” I looked over to the chair next to me as Megan got her toenails painted to match mine.
“No, he won’t tell me. He said it’s a surprise.” She smiled and I tried to think of what he could possibly be up to and what my best friend might know.
“Well, you have to call me later and tell me about it,” she said.
I closed my eyes, concentrating on the relaxing foot massage and forgetting my suspicions of some diabolical plan. “Yeah, if it’s not too late I will. We’re leaving early tomorrow for Charlotte, so I’m hoping to go to bed early.”
***
When I arrived at home I was greeted with a large bouquet of red roses. I felt warm and fuzzy as I opened the card.
~To the love of my life, my future…my always and the mother of our unborn child. I love you so much. Happy Birthday, Beautiful.
Love Kole~
I smiled as I leaned forward breathing in the floral scent.
They smelled amazing.