I could take her right here, like this, but I don’t. She deserves something more special for her first time. But I do start pushing at her clit with my tongue, then her up and down until she’s moaning and squirming.
“Oh, my God, Wade,” she says, pushing her hips forward so that I can move my tongue deep inside her pussy.
I suck on her clit while she grinds against my face, grabbing my hair and moving my head back and forth.
“I’m coming, I’m coming,” she says repeatedly, as I lightly gnaw on her clit and then suck on it harder again.
I can taste her sweet juices that I remember so well. She wraps her legs around my head and collapses on the couch.
“I feel so amazing,” she says, in a voice low and weak as if she’s barely able to get the words out.
I smile down at her.
“Good.”
And then there’s a knock at the door.
“I’m busy,” I say, annoyed, as Emily jumps and then hurries to straighten herself up.
But the knocking persists.
I am going to fire whichever one of my subordinates is bothering me right now. They know I’m often busy during the day and don’t like to be disturbed when my door is closed.
She stands up and whispers, “It’s all right.”
She’s returned to her former professional looking state, a major feat considering that I’d just left her wet and whimpering on my couch.
But it’s not all right, and I’m about to let whoever is on the other side of the door know that.
When I open it, however, I look just as shocked as Emily must be.
It’s my daughter, looking up at me in glee.
“Daddy? I came to surprise you at work!”
“Charity. Hi, Darling!”
My happiness at seeing my daughter is mixed with fear at how Emily will react. There are obviously a lot of things I haven’t gotten to tell her yet. Didn’t know how to tell her.
My next thought is to wonder where Rebecca— Charity’s mom— is. I’m sure Emily will misinterpret the situation when she sees her here. And who could blame her?
“Emily, I…” I start to say, but she pushes past me and out the door.
“I won’t hold you up,” she says, as she heads down the hallway.
Charity’s mom is out there. But if Emily notices, she doesn’t let on.
“I can see you have important things to tend to,” Emily says.
And with that, she’s out of my life again, perhaps for good this time.
Chapter 10 – Emily
I’m at home, fuming. I have a couple hours before my class starts but for the first time in my life, I don’t even feel like going. I call my sister Jessica, one of the only people to whom I can admit what a fool I’ve been.
I hadn’t told her any of it, though, because I was embarrassed to have lost my job, embarrassed to be at the mercy of the guy I swore to her I was done with— even though she’d always tried to convince me otherwise— and certainly embarrassed of the fact that I just slutted it up at my new job with my douchebag ex. I wouldn’t be telling her if my heart wasn’t completely broken all over again. At times like this, I really need my sister, and I just hope she doesn’t judge me.
I quickly fill her in on the whole story, ignoring her attempts to butt in with a million questions. She always liked Wade and I’m sure she’s happy to hear that he’s back in my life. But just wait until she hears the part about his kid.
“He has a kid?” she explodes, when I finally get to that part of the story. “Like, the kid id really his?”
Leave it to Jessica to give Wade the benefit of the doubt.
“I mean, I guess,” I tell her. “She called him ‘daddy.’”
“Wow,” Jessica says, speechless for once— which is hard for her to be.
“I know,” I groan. “I can’t believe I trusted Wade all over again, just to find out he’s hiding something. And we had just friggin’ made out in his office.”
I had skipped over the sordid details, because part of me can’t believe I let Wade do all of that in a work environment. Not just a work environment, but my first day on a new job, even if it is Wade’s company. Part of me was completely thrilled though, at the forbidden nature and the fact that we could get caught. Until we almost did. By his daughter of all people.
“I can’t believe he did all the things to me that he used to do, without first telling me that he had a fucking kid,” I say again, to Jessica. “I guess I should have known what kind of a snake in the grass he is. It’s my fault for ever letting him back into my life.”
…And into my panties, I think to myself, without saying it out loud.
“Well, just hold on Emily,” Jessica says. “You’re always so quick to dole out judgment. But there could be circumstances here that you don’t know about.”
“Like what?” I ask her. “Like a random little girl off the street is calling him ‘Daddy’ and he’s not correcting her but somehow he’s not really her father? Like maybe they started up that show ‘Punked’ again and it’s all a big prank he’s playing on me? Or perhaps I’m on one of those radio shows where they test how much you really love someone—”
“Oooooh,” Jessica says. “You said the ‘L’ word. You said love. You love Wade. I knew it. I always knew it. You’re still not over him. That’s why you’ve never even had a serious boyfriend since him. That’s why you’ve never even had sex.”
“Jessica!”
I’m so mad at her. This really isn’t the time or place to remind me that I’m an old, loveless hag because I’m still hung up on this jerk.
“I’m sorry, Em,” she says, but she’s giggling. “I just… this thing about his daughter sucks, but I’m hoping there’s some kind of reasonable explanation. Because I really do think this is what you need. Him back in your life. Because you love him. Quite clearly. Or else this wouldn’t bother you so much.”
“Oh, Jessica,” I sigh, trying not to sound as close to crying as I feel. “I don’t know why you’re so happy about this. This is really, really bad for me.”
“Geez, Em, don’t cry,” she says, softly. “I’m sorry. I know this is a bummer. But maybe somehow it will all work out.”
“How could it work out?” I ask her. “That little girl looked at least four years old. That would mean…”
“Yeah,” she says, finally sounding as glum as I’ve been feeling. “The timing there is pretty close.”
Wade and I had broken up five years ago.
“It would explain a lot, too,” I tell her. “Maybe that’s why he became such an asshole. He had found someone else, but didn’t want to tell me. So he was being a big jerk so that I’d have no choice but to break up with him. And it worked. I broke up with him.”
“Oh, Em.”
She’s silent a moment.
“I mean, they do say to look for signs like this to know if you’re being cheated on. And hindsight is always twenty/ twenty. But I just can’t imagine Wade doing this.”
“You never thought he’d be such a dick, either,” I remind her. “You kept saying there had to be some explanation.”
“Well, maybe there was,” she says, sounding hopeful again.
At least that makes one of us, who is hopeful, I think.
“And that’s another thing,” she says, suddenly. “He was in training. And then he went off to war. Where and how could he have found the time to cheat on you?”
“I don’t know,” I shrug. “Maybe he met someone just before he left, and he was kind of carrying on two long distance relationships at once. Or maybe it was just an emotional thing at first and then as soon as he finally got me to ditch him, he made it physical. The end of his first deployment did happen just a little bit after I broke up with him.”
“Yeah, and I told you to just hold off and talk to him like he wanted,” she reminds me. “Then maybe you would have some of these questions answered.”
“Jessica,” I groan.
“I know.
Now is not the time for I told you so’s.”
“Exactly.”
But she’s right. Wade had been desperate to talk to me when he got home and begged me not to break up with him until we could communicate face to face. He had said there was more to the story that he needed to tell me.
He was so on again, off again though that I couldn’t trust anything he said. I was tired of being hurt by him. And I knew that if I saw him in person again— just like I had in his office today— that I would become weak and melt under his touch. I wouldn’t have the resolve to stand up for myself.
So, I left him, and never looked back. Until now, which was a mistake.
But Jessica does have a point. What would have happened had Wade and I talked, like he had wanted? Why did he want to talk to me so badly if my current theory— that he was trying to break up with me— is the correct one?
Nothing is adding up or making sense. Usually talking to Jessica calms me down, but right now it’s only made me more confused.
“There was a woman in the hallway,” I tell her. “It had to have been the girl’s mom. Was he… cheating on her with me?”
The thought makes me sick.
“I really don’t think Wade would do that,” Jessica says.
“You also didn’t think he’d cheat on me back then, but there’s a little girl whose existence might prove otherwise.”
“Might prove,” Jessica says. “Operative word being might.”
I sigh. I have no idea how to get to the bottom of any of this. The only way would be to give Wade a third chance, and I really don’t think I have that in me. For all I know, he doesn’t even want it. Maybe he was just using me, but as soon as Baby Momma found out, he’s done with me all over again.
Suddenly, my door bell rings.
Looking out the peephole, I see Wade’s face peering back at me.
“Emily,” he’s shouting, while pounding on the door. “Please let me in. Please, let’s talk.”
How does he know where I live? I wonder.
Oh yeah, the paperwork I filled out at work had my home address on it.
Damn Wade. Damn his sexy eyes peering back at me.
I don’t want to let him in. And yet, I do.
“You’ll never guess who’s here,” I nearly whisper into the phone.
“Oh yes I will,” Jessica almost sing-songs back to me. “Wade Covington. Love of your life. Here to save the day and make things right. So that you two can finally have the happily ever after you deserve.”
“Very funny,” I tell her, my heart nearly pounding out of my chest. “I’m going to have to call you back.”
“Of course, I’ll let you go,” she says. “You have important business to attend to. But I’ll be waiting on pins and needles to hear the rest of how this all- American love story turns out.”
“Goodbye, Jessica,” I tell her.
I should thank her for her support. But I can barely breathe. I forget to hang up the phone.
The only thing I seem to be able to do, by some sort of force outside myself, is open the damn door, and let Wade Covington back into my life just when I thought he was really gone for good.
Chapter 11 – Wade
Emily looks as surprised to see me as I am that she opened the door for me.
"Thank you," I tell her, pulling her close before she can even shut the door behind me. "I need to talk to you. I need you to hear me out."
She looks at me skeptically. But she let me in, and she's not immediately kicking me out. All good signs.
I shut the door and take her by the hand. I lead her over to her couch and luckily she follows me.
"I don't know where to start," I admit, smoothing her hair away from her eyes.
She's so fucking beautiful.
"Start at the beginning," she says. "Or, at the end of us, last time. I want to know why you were such a jerk."
"Fair enough," I tell her. "But this is hard to talk about."
She squeezes my hand, giving me the strength to continue. I'm so glad she's giving me the chance to explain myself, finally.
"When I was over there, the rescue helicopter we were in went down," I tell her. "It was so scary. Everyone thought we were going to die. I was injured a bit, but nothing major. Some in our unit died. Others were severely injured. One of my friends, Harlow, was significantly injured."
"When did this happen?" she asks, her eyes wide with shock. "Why didn't you tell me?"
"I… I don't know," I admit. "Even though I've had plenty of time to think about it. I don't have a good answer. I just went into shock. I didn't want to deal with it, process it."
She nods.
"I can understand that," she says.
"I was treated for my physical injuries but I didn't feel like I was getting any better. I had constant fear that I was going to die. I fell into a deep fucking depression. I thought life wasn't worth living. I began to question why you even wanted to be with me."
"Wow."
She strokes my hand, and looks genuinely concerned.
"PTSD?" she asks.
I nod my head.
"It makes perfect sense now, but back then, I didn't even know what it was," I tell her. "I'd heard of it— we'd even had some training on it— but it all seemed very theoretical. I didn't think it could actually happen to me."
"Perfectly understandable," she says.
Her eyes are so full of compassion that I’m wondering why I never told her until now. I suppose it made me feel too weak and vulnerable. But now I see that she could have helped me heal.
“Something in my fucked up mind told me that I wasn’t good enough for you. That I’d only drag you down. That I should be dead and that you should go on without me. I guess I just acted on those thoughts, even though they don’t make logical sense.”
“Nothing about PTSD is logical,” she says, reassuringly. “I’m no expert, but I’ve read about it for some of my classes. It’s an issue in social work. There’s nothing to be ashamed of.”
“I know,” I tell her. “The only thing I’m ashamed of is not telling you sooner. I tried to get you to talk to me when I came back but I understand why you wouldn’t. And I was still in a deep, dark place then, so it was probably for the best that we weren’t together at that time.”
I pause, realizing I just said, “at that time.” Meaning, that it’s for the best we’re together now.
“So how did you get better?” she asks.
“I had a lot of therapy. I can’t say much of it helped much, when I was still in the military. As I’m sure you’ve heard, the VA system is quite a mess. I was honorably discharged and only once I was in the private sector did I find some really good help.”
“I’m so glad you got help.”
“Me too,” I agree. “Some of it was from doctors and therapists while other help came from less traditional sources. Hypnotherapists. Natural healers. I read a lot about cognitive behavioral therapy and taught myself the tricks and tools. I even went to Native American reservation and spent time at sweat lodges and learning ancient healing practices.”
“That’s amazing that you were able to heal yourself,” she says.
Then, she looks up at me quizzically.
“Your company,” she says. “That’s what these apps are about, right? I read some of the emails. A lot of people have been really helped by them.”
“I worked with the nation’s top doctors and alternative healers to make these apps,” I tell her. “I wanted to help others the way I had been helped. I have apps for PTSD, and for all kinds of other things too.”
“I know,” she says, beaming proudly. “I read the emails. And I think it’s amazing. It could even help the foundation I’m starting as part of my social work program. There are a lot of mental health issues that keep people from achieving their full potential.”
“I’d love to help you with that,” I say. “But, you know, I’m a big bad billionaire who is too selfish and greedy with my money…”
; She laughs and swats at my shoulder playfully.
“Oh stop it,” she says. “I know I was being dumb. I get it now. I get what you’re doing.”
“It’s fine,” I tell her, with a wink. Then my tone turns serious. “I know what your family went through, when your dad was defrauded like that. I understand your distrust of rich people. I should have explained earlier, but I haven’t really had a chance.”
“You should have explained a lot of things earlier…”
She trails off, looking at me, waiting for me to continue.
“That’s true.”
I sigh. It all comes down to this. Will she accept me as I am… a flawed man who managed to mostly heal himself? A father who has made bad decisions but is still glad about the outcome?
“When I came back and you didn’t want to talk to me, I did a lot of stupid things,” I admit. “One of them was having random, drunk sex with a girl I had just met.”
She recoils a bit, but doesn’t say anything for a minute.
“So that’s how you lost your virginity?” she asks.
“Yeah. Not my best move.”
She chuckles.
“Well, I figured you would have lost it before I did,” she says. “I just didn’t know it would be…”
“Like that?” I finish for her, as she trails off again.
“Yeah.”
She half chuckles again, half sighs.
“Me neither. It was a foolish decision. I tried to wear a condom but I was so shit faced I’m sure I probably put it on wrong or something. I couldn’t even believe it afterwards, and I certainly couldn’t believe it when she told me she was pregnant. She and I never even tried to have an actual relationship after that; we both knew it was just a one night stand and nothing further. We have a pretty good co-parenting relationship, which is as much as I could ask for out of this situation so I’m grateful. But it was not the most ideal way to have sex for the first time. I certainly wish it had been with you. Except then…”
Now it’s my turn to trail off.
SEAL's Virgin: A Bad Boy Military Romance Page 73