“I’ve lost Ray, Pete, Ruth Ann, Ernie, Orca,” I said. “None of them were a fraction of the friend you are. I can’t lose you too.”
He didn’t say anything.
“And I don’t just mean as a friend,” I said. “I mean . . . I don’t want to do this work without you. You’re the reason I started doing it again in the first place.”
“Fuckin’ Freddy,” he said.
Freddy Freeman was Clip’s cousin, a boxer we had worked for and Clip had actually fought for.
“We’ve all been through so much,” I said. “Miki more than the rest of us. Been through a war of our own right here at home, but we can figure it all out. I really think we can. We can be more careful and—”
“I’s already plannin’ on being at work in the mornin’,” he said.
“You were?”
He nodded.
“Was.”
“Have I talked you out of it?”
“Almost,” he said. “Best stop now before you do.”
“See you tomorrow?” I said.
And it reminded me of my and Lauren’s pledge of tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow.
He nodded. “See you then,” he said, adding after a beat, “partner.”
It was late when I crawled into bed beside Lauren in our old room at the Cove Hotel.
I was exhausted but not sleepy.
She turned toward me and we held each other in the way only lovers can.
“I’m so glad you’re back,” she said.
“Sorry it wasn’t sooner.”
“Are you okay?”
I thought about it before answering her. “Actually,” I said. “I am. Right now, in this moment, here with you, I am.”
“Good,” she said, gently touching my face. “You can mourn your losses later.”
She was right. I could and I would.
I would mourn my childhood buddies who wouldn’t grow any older than they were on this day. I would mourn the great loss, not just to me, but the world. I would mourn all they didn’t get to do, all we didn’t get to share, but I’d also remember and be grateful for all we did.
And I wouldn’t just mourn the loss of my old friends, but comfort and console and protect my new ones, beginning with Clip and continuing with Miki. And of course Lauren. Always Lauren. We were family and needed to be together.
“Right now,” Lauren said, “there isn’t loss. There is only what has been found, there is only our love.”
What’s been lost is as nothing compared to what’s been found.
And there was. Only our love. Our life. She was right.
As it so often did, the Emerson quote came to mind.
Finish each day and be done with it. You have done what you could. Some blunders and absurdities no doubt crept in; forget them as soon as you can. Tomorrow is—
Suddenly, I was very sleepy.
I didn’t drift off so much as dive into a deep sleep, the kind I can only experience next to Lauren.
Dreams came fast.
Not haunted, but happy.
Childhood. Good friends. Jimmy, Ernie, and Orson. Little knight errants looking for adventure. Not knowing it, but most of all looking for purpose, meaning, and love.
“I love you so much, Jimmy Riley,” Lauren whispered.
And it was a grace that I woke up just enough to hear it.
Praise for the Jimmy “Soldier” Riley Series
“Michael Lister has the world of Florida Panhandle noir all to himself. Tough, violent, and hard-boiled, This novel of obsession and suspense will remind you of Raymond Chandler, Graham Greene, and why you started reading crime novels in the first place.” John Dufresne
“Tight, taut, terrific PI noir with a classic and fully-realized 1940s setting. Michael Lister is one of those rare, gifted writers who can immerse you with his first sentence. The “Soldier” series is a treasure—don’t miss it!” Kelli Stanley
“Lister’s hard-edged prose ranks with the best of contemporary noir fiction.” Publisher’s Weekly Starred Review of The Big Goodbye.
“Michael Lister successfully brings back the hard-boiled 1940′s P.I. with his Jimmy ‘Soldier’ Riley series. Soldier has heart, the dialogue is relentlessly hard-boiled, and the local is steamy and original. Lister knows how to mix it all together with the steady hand of a solid pro.” Robert Randisi
“Michael Lister delivers the goods like Tyson in his prime, hard, fast and beautiful kind of brutal.” Gary Phillips
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Books by Michael Lister
(John Jordan Novels)
Power in the Blood
Blood of the Lamb
Flesh and Blood
(Special Introduction by Margaret Coel)
The Body and the Blood
Blood Sacrifice
Rivers to Blood
Innocent Blood
(Special Introduction by Michael Connelly)
Blood Money
Blood Moon
Blood Cries
(Jimmy “Soldier” Riley Novels)
The Big Goodbye
The Big Beyond
The Big Hello
The Big Bout
The Big Blast
In a Spider’s Web (short story)
The Big Book of Noir
(Merrick McKnight / Reggie Summers Novels)
Thunder Beach
A Certain Retribution
(Remington James Novels)
Double Exposure
(includes intro by Michael Connelly)
Separation Anxiety
(Sam Michaels / Daniel Davis Novels)
Burnt Offerings
Separation Anxiety
(Love Stories)
Carrie’s Gift
(Short Story Collections)
North Florida Noir
Florida Heat Wave
Delta Blues
Another Quiet Night in Desparation
(The Meaning Series)
The Meaning of Jesus
Meaning Every Moment
The Meaning of Life in Movies
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The Big Blast Page 15