by Ivy Sinclair
But this wasn’t just any guy. This was Ben. She thought that he might kick her out of his bed. She wouldn’t blame him. He had a concussion, and there she was trying to figure out a way to seduce him. Or convince him that he should try to seduce her. She was the worst friend ever. If nothing else, she did want to be friends. She hoped that maybe there was a chance they could be more than just friends, which meant she had to figure out a way to convey that message to him.
“Are we going to sleep with the light on?” he asked. “I don’t think I can sleep the way it is.”
Julia thought about it. The idea of being with Ben in the dark was alluring, but she had to back off. He didn’t need her attacking him in the darkness. “I can’t watch you if I can’t see you.”
“Turn on the lamp on the nightstand instead,” he suggested.
Julia rolled off the bed and turned on the lamp. Then she flipped the light switch on the wall. The lamp gave off a soft, dim glow that if anything, made the room feel cozier. As she crawled back onto the bed, her movements tugged on the sheets and pulled them down from Ben’s naked torso. She tried not to stare, but it was damn hard when she saw his washboard abs. Ben noticed where her eyes were focused and grinned.
“Enjoying the show?”
She shuffled around to cover up the fact that she had been caught staring. “I can appreciate the male form. I’m not blind.”
“Neither am I,” he said quietly. His eyes raked over her, and Julia thought she caught a look of desire. Her pulse quickened.
“You need to rest,” she said, quelling those thoughts. “Close your eyes.”
Ben dutifully obeyed, and Julia wasn’t sure if she was relieved or annoyed. Then she reminded herself that she was there to make sure that Ben woke up in the morning. There wasn’t supposed to be any ulterior motive on her part, but that didn’t stop the fantasies that occupied her thoughts for the next few minutes.
Although Ben had argued that he didn’t think rest would come quickly, she noticed the change in his breathing as he slipped into a deep slumber. His long lashes fanned out across the top of his tan cheekbones, and she found that she had to resist the urge to reach up and twirl a lock of hair that fell over his eye. She stared at him for a long time letting her mind note every plane of his face, shoulders and arms. The same strong arms that held her tightly just a few hours before.
It had embarrassed her to think too long about what happened that night at the lake. It was a memory she locked away deep in her mind. Now, the time had come for her to unlock the door to those memories and let them roam free. She felt safe and for the first time in a long time, happy. She knew it was because of Ben. It was crazy how being with him such a short amount of time turned her world upside down.
That night they stared at the stars for a long time in silence. Julia appreciated that Ben didn’t persist in his arguments from earlier in the car. She felt like she was at a crossroads in her life. Any sudden movement could prove to be disastrous. She didn’t want to do the wrong thing, but the right answer eluded her.
No sooner had that thought crossed her mind when she felt Ben place his hand on top of hers. They held hands regularly when they were little, but that fell off around the time that they become aware that gesture meant more than simple friendship. Her thoughts still tumbled over each other about what she was about to do with her life, and somehow having Ben hold her hand made the tailspin of images slow to crawl and then stop. The only thing she was aware of was him.
His fingers interlaced with hers and her breath caught in her throat. He sat up using their interlocking hands to pull her up to face him. His eyes were fastened on their hands, and he seemed deep in thought. There was a sort of seriousness about the moment and Julia wasn’t sure what to think.
His breath came out jagged and harsh as if he had been holding it inside for a long time. “Jules, I need to tell you something. Something I’m not sure that I should tell you, but I have to because if I don’t, I’ll regret it forever.”
Julia’s heart started to beat harder in her chest. “No, Ben.”
His other hand came up and his finger settled on her lips silencing her halfhearted plea. Things were changing too fast. The tip of his finger lingered on her upper lip, and Julia was shocked to find an urge to kiss it bloom inside of her. When Ben’s eyes finally met hers, she saw a blaze of emotion there. He was in pain.
“I love you, Jules. I always have. I know you don’t love me, at least not like that, but maybe if you knew how I felt, it would spark something. Change something. Maybe, you’d find out that you wanted to be with me and not with Mike. You are the only girl I’ve ever felt this way about and I’ve known that you were the one for me since the first time you handed me your apple slices that first day of kindergarten. You are sweet, generous, and beautiful, and I am so glad that you are part of my life.”
In that moment, Julia saw herself through Ben’s eyes, and when his speech cut off, and he slid closer to her, she didn’t move away from him. She was too caught up in the wonderment of his pure adoration. She let it envelope her as his arms moved around her, and his lips sought hers.
Julia touched her lips at the memory. Lying there next to Ben, it was like the last five years hadn’t happened. The tendrils of uncertainty that filled her now didn’t scare her the way that they had when Ben dropped her off at her house after that night. She didn’t know then how to cope with the idea of those two men, the two men who had been constant presences in her life for as long as she could remember, and possibly losing them both.
Running away was easier then but Julia didn’t want to run anymore. She looked at her watch. Hours had passed since she crawled into bed with Ben. His breathing was regular and in his sleep with the lines of his face relaxed and the stress of his daily life put aside, he looked more like the boy that she remembered. He wasn’t a boy anymore.
Julia wanted to know more about who Ben was today. She wondered why he would be interested in a woman like Sarah West. Did he regret not going to college like he planned? Was he content with his life? Did he miss her?
That’s when Julia’s eyes wandered to the wall opposite the bed. There was a collage of pictures hanging there. Many were of Ben with his parents or Maggie and two munchkins that could only be Maggie’s children. There were several of Ben with Mike. That was one constant that had never changed, and Julia began to see that Mike’s protectiveness of Ben went deeper than she imagined. Her departure seemed to have solidified the bond between them.
In the middle of all of the pictures though there was one medium sized picture. A lump formed in her throat. It was Julia, Mike, and Ben on graduation day. The camera didn’t capture the swirl of emotions that stormed through her that day because it appeared for those few seconds as if she let them go. Her fingers were splayed up in a saucy “I’ve got this” symbol, and Ben looked down at her with a massive grin on his face.
He still kept her there, wrapped up with all the other images that made him happy. Ben would forgive her. She was sure of it. She had already made the first strides on that by telling him how she felt about what happened between them. If she took all the rest of the situation away, it was one of the best experiences of her life. She had been with someone who completely understood her and didn’t judge or try to change her. He loved her for who she was, not who he thought she should be.
It should have been liberating. She cursed that instead she acted like a fool and threw everything away. When Ben’s body shuffled slightly, her eyes turned back to him and she found him staring at her.
“Hey, you’re supposed to be sleeping,” she said softly.
“I feel like I’ve been sleeping for too long,” he said.
It was a sentiment that she shared. Julia didn’t know what to say though. How could she make up for what she had done to him?
“I might regret this later, but what the hell,” Ben muttered. Then he moved across the bed and his arm wrapped around Julia’s waist pulling her tightly to him.
>
It was as if the fantasy in her head were coming true. Julia’s hand came up and rested on his shoulder. She wasn’t going to push him away. She just wanted to feel that hard muscle that she had been admiring for hours from her side of the bed.
Ben seemed to be gauging her reaction. Words seemed weak and inadequate for the storm of feelings that coursed through her. So instead she hitched her leg up and brought it up over his hip to wrap herself even closer to him. Even though her clothes and the thin sheet separated them, she immediately felt his body’s reaction, and it thrilled her. Ben’s hand softly glided down the side of her body and came to rest on her hip. His fingers tightened there, and she felt the way that his breathing quickened as he touched her.
His face examined hers looking for an answer to an unspoken question. She shifted slightly so that her mouth grazed the bottom of his chin. She felt the stubble of his day old beard and it tickled the sensitive ridges of her lips. That appeared to be the answer that he was waiting for because then his mouth covered hers in a mindblowingly urgent kiss filled with longing and need.
Julia’s hand moved up to the back of Ben’s neck, and she clutched a fistful of his hair urging him closer. Her need matched his, and as his tongue traced the outline of her mouth she opened them willing. Her tongue met his playfully, and she melted against him delighting in the feel of his hand drifting lower to cup her bottom.
When he pushed her over onto her back, she slid her other arm around him and grasped his triceps. His mouth pulled way from her then, and as her eyes opened she saw that he was staring down at her intently. She knew what he was thinking. That night at the lake she stopped him from doing what they both wanted to do because as much as she wanted him, she couldn’t do that to Mike. Even though her feelings for Mike had changed, she couldn’t let things go that far even if her body wanted it badly.
There was no Mike between them now, and she needed to make sure that he understood that. Now, there was only Ben, and she wasn’t going to stop what she wanted to happen. Not taking her eyes away from him, she started to unbutton her shirt. His eyes watched her fingers hungrily. By the time she reached the third button, Ben pushed her fingers away, and he took over.
Each time his skin grazed hers, she felt a burst of heat explode inside of her. He reached the last one, and she shrugged the shirt off. Ben slid his fingers up her side and then they came up to cup her face.
“You are exquisite,” he whispered. She pushed herself up to meet his lips but then he dropped back down on top of her so that she fell back onto the bed. She welcomed the feel of his weight pressing against her and she trailed her fingers up and down his back tracing each rock hard muscle.
She dragged her mouth away from his and moved next to his ear.
“Please,” she breathed into his ear. “Haven’t we waited long enough?”
He shuddered against her and then his mouth returned to hers.
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
Ben thought for sure that he was dreaming, but if he was, it was a dream that he wanted to stay in forever. It seemed like his every touch brought new shivers to Julia’s body, and he delighted in the way that she was responding to him. When he woke up and saw her still there beside him, something inside of him refused to be ignored any longer. All the barriers that once existed between them were gone. For the first time, she could be his without the guilt and shame that stopped her from letting their passions flare that night by the lake.
He would respect her wishes, but when he heard her whispered words against his ear, he lost all sense of self-control. She was right. He was tired of fighting his feelings and attraction to this woman. She might destroy him later, but he would have her in this moment, and her only thoughts would be of him. He would make sure of it.
He rocked his body on top of hers and felt her fingertips tighten on his back. Her hips followed his rhythm and almost made him lose his mind. He wanted to take his time, but this was Julia. This was the girl who played the starring role in every teenage fantasy he had in his younger years. She was the girl next door and the woman of his dreams. He wanted to slow down and savor every minute in the event this was a moment of temporary insanity on Julia’s part.
Ben couldn’t help but stare at her fair skin and note the freckles across her chest that disappeared under the lace overlay of her bra. He intended to count every one with his mouth. As he moved down her body, Julia’s hands moved up, and her fingernails dug into his shoulders. He glanced up at her and saw her eyes were closed and her mouth open as her back arched up against him. He wasn’t the only one who appeared to be keeping a tenuous grip on self-control.
As his mouth and tongue nipped and caressed her skin, Ben slid down the straps of Julia’s bra. There was a small voice inside his head that still expected her to scream “STOP” at any moment, but the only thing he heard was her soft moans of pleasure. He didn’t ask any further permission, so he undid the clasp that nestled between her breasts and moved the fabric out of the way of his roving mouth.
Julia squirmed beneath him, and the way she gripped his shoulders he thought she might leave some marks, but it was an exciting kind of pain that propelled him further. As he teased her perk nubs with his teeth, he let one of his hands drift down and caress her stomach and then down to her upper thighs. Her legs parted as his hand made its way between them and he brushed that sensitive area that made her cry out.
His self-control almost gone, Ben found the clasp of her jeans and Julia slithered out of them in seconds. He loved that she was as eager as he was for the promised release that awaited them. Ben stopped to take a moment to revel in the beauty of the woman beneath him. Julia sensed his pause and her eyes opened.
Then she opened her arms to him, and Ben knew that the moment he had been waiting for was finally happening. He never expected it, and he wasn’t taking it for granted. Pushing the sheet away so that they were fully skin on skin, he moved between her legs.
Her eyes held his as he entered her and then closed again as he started to pulse against her quivering warmth. She felt exactly like he had always imagined and his rhythm quickened. Her hips rose and met him every step of the way. His arms slipped underneath her, and he brought her body up against him. She held onto him and then her head fell back as he felt her muscles tighten around him. When that happened he lost all remaining control. His hips bucked against hers and Julia cried out.
As he felt his own climax approaching, Ben buried his head in her neck. He nipped at her soft skin there and was rewarded with another round of quivers as he felt goosebumps run down Julia’s back. Her skin muffled his gasp of release.
That was when his thoughts stilled, and he realized what they had done, without any regard for the consequences. It wasn’t like him to disregard something as important as protection, but being with Julia caused him to lose his head.
“Shit, Jules. I forgot. I’m sorry,” he groaned against her neck.
Her hands grasped the sides of his face, and she pulled his eyes up to hers. “I’ve got us covered. And don’t ever apologize for doing something like that.” He saw there were small tendrils of sweat on her forehead. “In fact, I’m going to give you about ten minutes and then I want you to do it again.”
A small thrill shot through Ben’s chest. “I won’t need ten minutes.”
Julia’s throaty chuckle filled the room. “I was kinda hoping you’d say that.”
The next few hours were nothing but skin, sweat, and ecstasy. They fell asleep at some point, and it was only the insistent ringing of the doorbell that roused Ben out of his exhausted slumber. His arms were wrapped tightly around Julia’s naked body as if even in sleep he had no intention of letting her escape him again.
He felt her shift against him as the noise interrupted her sleep as well. He wanted nothing more than to ignore the door and let his body’s desires take over once again, but whoever it was at the door didn’t seem to be going away.
Julia’s eyes finally opened, and she yawned. “Wha
t time is it?”
Ben looked across the room at the clock. “Eight a.m.”
“Who is the nag at eight a.m.?” Julia asked. Then her eyes widened as she heard a voice now accompanying the doorbell.
“I know you guys are in there! Time to rise and shine.”
Ben sat up at the same time as Julia. She clutched the sheet to her chest. “Crap. I forgot that Clary said something about a dress fitting at nine. I bet that’s why she’s here, to make sure I didn’t forget.”
Regretfully rolling out of bed, Ben pulled a pair of pajama pants from a drawer in the nightstand and yanked them on. “I’ll be able to stall her for a few minutes.”
Julia grabbed his hand as he started to pass her side of the bed. “Don’t say anything about this yet, okay?”
“Why?” Ben wondered if this was the part where she retreated from him again. He steeled himself for her response.
“I was thinking that you and I should probably talk about what this means before anybody else knows about it, don’t you think?” Julia moved so that her cheek caressed his palm. “It’s our little secret. Just for a day or two. I don’t want anything to take the attention off of Clary and her big day. Please?”
He sighed. She knew that he couldn’t resist her. She was playing out of the same playbook she used on him for years, only now there was a whole new level to the bribes that she could leverage. He didn’t stand a chance.
“Okay. You win. I won’t say anything,” Ben said.
Julia let the sheet fall, and she climbed out bed. Ben felt himself drooling. “I’ll make it up to you,” she promised as she watched his roving eyes. “Go on. Geez, she’s never going to let up.”
Watching Julia’s naked body completely distracted him from what he was going to do, and Ben took his time easing out of the room. He was already thinking of several ways that she could repay him.
“Ben! I can hear you in there,” Clary’s voice was louder in the hallway.
Ben sighed and made his way to the front door. He unlocked the door and Clary almost fell inside when he opened it. She looked around suspiciously. “Where’s Julia?”