“Listen, don’t worry. I don’t even think I can get pregnant. My doctor said women with endometriosis have a very hard time, almost always needing IVF. My ex husband and I have been through all of the fertility specialists and still nothing worked. That’s why he’s my ex husband. Well, one of the reasons anyway. But seriously, don’t worry.”
“Are you on the Pill?”
“No, but honestly, I can’t get pregnant. Really. The chances are pretty low.”
“STDs? Should I be concerned?”
“Of course not. Clean as a whistle. Uh, you are too, I hope.”
“Yeah. Although this is a conversation we probably should have had pre-sex.”
“But no, no of course,” I tell him, scrambling to reassure him, even though it’s not my fault the condom broke, either. “No STDs. Look, if you are really worried, you should know that my ex husband, whom I loved very much, left me because we tried and tried to get pregnant and couldn’t. We even tried IVF, and it never worked. The doctors said the chances of success were less than ten percent given we had exhausted all avenues… Ugh, TMI. Sorry.”
I cross my arms across my bare breasts, suddenly feeling very exposed and self-conscious.
“No, no it’s okay,” he says, sounding truly apologetic. “I’m sorry that happened to you.”
“I’m just telling you so you don’t worry for the next month. I promise, it’s fine.”
But leaning against his chest, I feel like crying. To my horror, a large tear drips out of my eye. And it isn’t like last time when it’s from being completely satisfied. Instead, I feel the sorrow of the last six months of my life overflowing, in a way that I just can’t stop.
Holy crap, I’m so embarrassed, is all I can manage to think, but he takes me in his arms and holds me, and says, “It’s okay, go ahead and cry. You’re safe with me. I’ve got you.”
Those are the most reassuring words I’ve ever heard. I lean into him and let myself cry, completely giving into all the feelings of fear, loneliness and sorrow that have been welled up within me for so long. And it feels so completely right.
Chapter 21 – Garrett
My poor, distraught Carolina. I hold her in my arms and let her cry on me, wishing I could do more to help. I wish I could kill the bastard who left her just because they couldn’t get pregnant. What a complete asshole.
I look down at her pretty face and smooth the hair out of her tear-filled eyes. She grasps onto me in a way that’s primal, sexual. Despite my best intentions, I feel ready to go again. My cock rises up, hard and at attention.
“Oh, my God,” she says, reaching down to grab a hold of it. “You are definitely hard again.”
“I’ve wanted you for so long,” I admit, leaning down to kiss her head. “And you didn’t even get to finish coming. Let me back in you. Please.”
She looks up at me, a bit hesitant, and it makes me want her all the more.
I take off my tie and bind her wrists to my chair. She’s laying ass up on my desk, and she isn’t protesting.
“The damage has already been done,” I tell her, meaning the broken condom. “But just in case it hasn’t, there are other ways we could…”
“Really?” she asks, craning her neck to look back at me. “I’ve never…”
“You’ve never had anal sex before?” I ask her.
She shakes her head.
I suppose she wouldn’t have had a need to, since she was trying to procreate. And now, the opposite plan is our goal.
“Let me take your asshole for your very first time,” I tell her.
Now it’s my turn to beg.
I place my hands on her ass checks and stretch them out so that I can see her pulsating asshole. She doesn’t say yes or no, but she’s not really in a position to say anything, tied up on my desk, at my mercy, like she is.
I put a finger into her ass hole and she jumps a bit, but I grab a hold of her ass cheek once again.
“Spread your legs further,” I command her, and she does, my compliant assistant. I love seeing her entire naked body, pussy and ass, spread out before me. I smack her pussy with one hand while fingering her asshole with the other.
When she tries to jerk away, I smack one of her ass checks, and then another, until she’s moaning underneath my touch.
“Are you trying to disobey your boss?” I ask her.
“No, I’m not,” she says, as I bring my cock close to her perfect ass hole.
I spit on it for lubrication and I rub her clit while the head of my cock is up against her ass hole. She’s dripping wet for me, so I take some of her juices and rub them all over my cock.
Then I push my cock into her ass hole, and both of us moan together.
“That feels so good,” I tell her, as I slide it into her ass. “I’m taking your anal virginity.”
“Take it, Boss,” she says, rubbing up against me, giving into me now and letting me do what I want with her.
I push in and out of her asshole as I rub her clit. She puts her head down on the desk, in the throes of ecstasy. I’m glad she’s able to come now, fully.
“I’m coming. Garrett, I’m coming,” she calls out, as I thrust in and out of her ass hole while plunging my fingers deep into her pussy.
And suddenly I’m coming too, filling up her ass hole with my load. When both of us are finished, I pull my cock out of her and watch the pocket of cum I left there drip out of her. It’s a perfect creampie, and I put it in her.
Both of us are sweaty and messy, breathing heavy now. I take a deep breath, realizing what I’ve just done, and she appears to be realizing the same thing.
I’ve fucked my secretary. In her pussy and in her ass. With a broken condom, and then no condom at all.
Holy fuck.
I pick up her clothes from the floor and hand them to her, and we both get dressed.
I can’t stop thinking about the risk of her getting pregnant. I know she meant every word she said, but that doesn’t change the fact that she could get pregnant. She isn’t necessarily infertile. I try not to let my concern show, but I have a feeling that I fail. And I also have a feeling that she’s having the very same concerns.
I decide the best policy is openness. As she’s getting dressed, I lean into her.
“You know, Carolina, I am in hot water with the partners already. Truly, I can’t afford to get into any more trouble. We just… I just took such a giant risk. But there is something about you. I don’t know. You make me feel like I would take that kind of risk. I would leap first. For you, it was worth it. I shouldn’t have done it and put you at risk too, but it’s going to be okay.”
“Are you he saying this is it?” she asks.
“God, no. Whatever gave you that idea?”
We are clearly on two different pages, as that wasn’t at all what I had mean.
“I don’t know, that’s just the impression I got from what you just said,” she replies.
She’s fully dressed now. She smiles and hugs me and goes to walk out of my office.
I feel like she might be walking out of my life for good. I clearly said something wrong. I’m not used to feeling so powerless. I don’t know what to say.
As the door swings shut, I sit alone in my office. I’m thrilled to have found someone like Carolina, and I don’t know why I didn’t just tell her that. The words caught in my throat. I was afraid to be too vulnerable, and now it’s too late. I have a bad feeling she thinks that we had made a mistake, or at least she thinks I think that, when in fact I’m thinking quite the opposite.
Chapter 22 – Carolina
1 Week Later
Once we’d had sex, Garrett’s whole demeanor changed. He seemed to avoid me at all costs. Sure, I still work for him, but he keeps everything strictly professional now.
I suppose it was for the best. I’m not looking for anything serious. Still, all those texts. It seemed as if he could have fallen for me, but it must not be the case.
In a way, it’s a relief, but I walk around the office eac
h day feeling like I have a huge secret, and it’s weighing on me. I finally confide in Erin.
“Please, be sworn to secrecy,” I tell her.
“Of course,” she promises. “I won’t tell a soul.”
“Not even Claude,” I whisper, although he’s not at his desk; he’s on a lunch break.
“That’ll be difficult and I feel bad leaving out the third member of our secret society,” Erin says. “But I promise not to tell.”
“You know that Garrett will be in big trouble with the partners and I could likely lose my job,” I tell her.
“Yeah, and he would be back to being grumpy all the time about his incompetent male assistants,” she replies. “So, we wouldn’t want that.”
I laugh, glad for the comic relief. I’m so glad to have made a good friend here.
She seems to think he wanted to be with me but that I didn’t want it, yet every time I press, asking if she knows anything, she says no, of course not. Part of me hopes he has confided in her, but apparently, he has not.
And why would he? It would be very unprofessional for him to divulge his private life to the firm receptionist, especially when that private life involves his having had sex with a female employee. I guess I still had hoped he might have, because he didn’t seem to make the best professional decisions.
I convince myself that it’s not to be, but I can’t believe how easily he seems to have gotten over me. It’s like in high school when you finally sleep with the jerk and he never calls, but this wasn’t high school. We are both adults. Still, I assure myself it’s for the best.
I wish I could talk to one of my other new friends about the situation, but I’m afraid of their reactions. I don’t want to get Garrett in trouble, even accidentally. Plus, they have bigger news to pay attention to. Ruby has had her baby.
I call and congratulate her, and she sounds tired, like all new mothers probably do.
“Thanks, Carolina,” she mumbles, sleepily. “We’ll have to catch up soon.”
“Of course,” I tell her, knowing that my issue with Garrett takes a seat on the far back burner compared to her new arrival.
Every time I see Madilyn and Katie, they’re talking about Ruby’s and Cameron’s baby: telling me what the little one is up to and how long labor took and a bunch of other facts that scare me. Sure, I’m happy for Ruby, but I’ll be even happier once my period comes, as I can’t even imagine going through all of that.
***
As another week passes following our encounter, I try to immerse myself into my work and I refuse to think about Garrett in any way but professionally.
He doesn’t make that an easy goal. I sometimes find him sitting at his desk with his office door open, gazing at me as I sit at my desk with my office door open— which is the way I usually have it unless I’m on the phone or in a meeting, in case he needs anything— typing briefs or making phone calls.
If I meet his gaze, he turns away as though he hasn’t just been staring at me. Yet, when I’m near him, whereas in the past he had joked around with me and been friendly, he is now professional to the point that it’s painful.
Finally, after another week of trying to decipher his odd behavior, I can’t shake the feeling of humiliation. I’m so embarrassed that I’d had sex with my boss and now he’s ignoring me. I forward my resignation to Katie, since she’s in charge of all the staff, and I BCC Erin, whom I’ve been discussing this decision.
She says not to do that— that he’s in love with me but doesn’t know how to show it. But I’ve had enough of playing the in between game. I quit, not even able to face Garrett to say goodbye.
Chapter 23 – Carolina
The day after I quit, Erin calls me at home.
“Girl, you have got to be kidding me. I can’t believe you really went through with quitting. You were so wrong about him. He can’t concentrate on business or anything. I overheard him talking to his brother Bob— actually, don’t tell him, but I patched in to listen.”
I can’t help but laugh. Typical Erin.
“Bob, his brother, stopped by, and I listened in like in a conference. Bob told him he needs to get over you. He said that he should be happy you left and to let it go, that it could be a case for sexual harassment, blah, blah, blah.”
I can imagine Erin tapping her long red fingernails on the reception desk as she says this. By now, Claude is on the secret—we can never keep anything from him for long—and I’m sure he’s in the background shaking his head, saying, “You straight people. Just talk to each other already.”
I can’t believe how much I already miss working at the firm. But I had to do what I did; it was for the best.
“Bob kept saying, ‘Let it go. Thank your guardian angel that she left with peace and on good terms. And you are a handsome dude. You never have a problem with women.’ Or something to that effect,” Erin continues. “‘There are other fish in the sea,’ blah, blah, blah… And that he never had any problems, Garrett didn’t, catching any before you.”
My eyes squint in anger, wishing I could tell off this brother of Garrett’s. How dare he not recognize how important and unique I am?
But Erin goes on, and I let her because I don’t want to sound pathetic. Plus, I want to hear what else had happened.
“Bob then gave Garrett a bit of a lesson,” Erin says. “He was all, ‘Look at the bright side bro, you will have learned your lesson not to mix work with pleasure the next time.’”
Now, Erin’s full on talking like Bob and Garrett, using different tones of voice to express how each one talks, and I’m having trouble hearing her over my own laughter.
“Finally, Bob insisted to a silent Garrett, ‘Look, I’m warning you. Don’t chase after her or you will be in even more trouble with the partners. You’re smarter than this, man,’” Erin continues. “All I could hear from Garrett was a lot of groaning, like he didn’t want to hear what Bob was saying. Honestly, I know I’m not an expert on men, since I can’t even find any worth my time to date, but I think he might be in love with you, Carolina.”
I sigh, but I’m not sure I believe her.
Still, over the next several days, despite how much effort as I put into it, I could not forget Garrett. My focus is in the right place. I’m consumed with finding a new position.
Thankfully, the partners and Katie said a reference would be assured. They didn’t ask why I had left, and I didn’t offer a reason. They might have correctly assumed the situation, and if so, they’re probably glad I left without drama. Garrett might not care about me, but I care enough about him to not endanger his job.
Dread is beginning to set in, as well as feelings of stupidity that I had once again left a job without any other income. How foolish could I be, quitting without having something else lined up after working so hard to start my new life?
Then, just as I’m losing all hope, Garrett calls. As if reading my mind, he tells me to come in because he has a friend who would like to hire me. He says he would be willing to introduce me.
I’m in no position to turn him down. Even as I weakly resist the offer, he says he had decided to help me get a new job because it was the least he could do. I mean, truly, how can I argue with that?
Then, he says, “I wish we could be together. I miss you so much, Carolina. I wish it was meant to be. But I know it’s impossible. Still…”
I cry silently, just like I did on his chest in his office, but this time I don’t let on.
He’s right. We just aren’t meant to be. It’s time to move on with my life.
Chapter 24 – Garrett
It’s been agonizing, not having Carolina around. I miss her scent, the sound of her voice, her laughter. I honestly miss her help. A floater has been filling in for me, but it’s not the same.
One by one the partners come to my office— except for Cameron, who is out on paternity leave. Ruby just had a baby and he’s at home taking care of both of them.
I can’t help but wonder what that would be li
ke. I came so close to accidentally getting Carolina pregnant. In hindsight, it was such a stupid thing to have happened. I know to keep a condom on me at all times. Even though I hadn’t been playing the field since I met her, it hadn’t been that long that I’d been out of the game.
Perhaps, I wonder, the way that all happened was my way to try to keep her forever, as mine. It makes no sense, but a baby ties two people together for all eternity. I’ve never been much for words, but maybe the universe was trying to put into motion that which I wasn’t strong enough to fucking do on my own.
“It’s good that Carolina left without making a fuss,” says Asher, as he comes to my office. “It would have been a lot for the firm to deal with.”
I feel defiant, obstinate— even more so than usual.
“You said in your text that you knew Madilyn was the one,” I tell him. “And she was your subordinate. Why couldn’t Carolina have been the one for me?”
“Oh Garrett, don’t talk like that,” he says, rolling his eyes and insulting me even more. “It was different for Madilyn and me.”
“How so?” I demand.
“Well, Madilyn and I are still together, for one thing,” he shoots back at me, and he does have a point. “If you and Carolina were meant to be, wouldn’t she still be here?”
I shrug, and I don’t think of the perfect comeback until Ron is on the phone.
“Hey, I just wanted to let you know I feel you on what you’re going through with Carolina,” he says, a baby wailing in the background. “Even if I can’t be there to support you, I’m thinking of you from home.”
“No sweat,” I tell him, and then I realize that what Asher says doesn’t always apply. “But Ruby left when you two were dating, right?”
“Sure,” Cameron sighs, and I know he’s going to tell me the same thing that Asher had just told me. It’s different for them. It’s always different for everyone else.
“How did you know to go after her?” I ask him. “How did you know she was the one?”
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