I think about Erin’s legs spread open for me, her curvy body on display for me. Why the fuck can’t I get her out of my mind? She seems to be messing with my head more than the other girls I’ve been with.
“You know what we can do. Present ourselves, the heads of the company, as wholesome people. If we look good, the company looks good.”
Of course, Garrett champions wholesomeness. Even though he is likely the least wholesome of any of us, with the exception of me, of course—but no one here even knows that. Unlike a lot of guys, I don’t run around bragging about my conquests. It’s another rule I’m sure to abide by, to keep things on the downlow.
The other three members are all settled down, but Garrett is particularly proud of his bachelorhood. He constantly likes comparing it to my own, joking that he’ll be the last one standing because I seem like the type to not want to be with a girl until I find “the One.” It’s hilarious, but I say nothing, because it fits my agenda just fine, and Garrett’s naivety never fails to amuse me.
“What would you have us do, Garrett?” I finally ask him, just so he can get that smug grin off of his face.
I know his comments are pointed at me. He sees me as his biggest competition for women, since I’m the only other single partner. But since I have a lot of pull in this firm I helped to start, there isn’t much he can do about it. Just make his passive aggressive comments.
Asher is more or less oblivious about what goes on around here because he’s still caught up in being a new husband and father. Ron manages to delegate duties to others while also being enamored with his new wife as well. We have all seemed to strike a good balance, despite our own individual strengths and weaknesses. Probably because we’re actually friends. Garrett has thrown a monkey wrench into the equation, but, although he can annoy me, I think he’s got guts and knows how to bring in and keep clients that pay us a lot of money, so, for the most part, he’s all right in my book.
“Just be good people and the rest, will hopefully fall in place.”
I know Garrett wants to say more, but he holds his tongue. That’s rich, because I’ve heard all about his exploits with his secretaries. After we gave him a lecture about not doing that here, he’s trying to act all high and mighty and turn it around back on me.
Whatever. I just want to get back to work as normal. We end the meeting. Garrett and Asher leave, heading for their offices. I stay behind because I can tell Ron wants to say something to me.
“I saw you leave the party last night with the new girl.”
He’s always been observant, the son of a bitch.
“I was giving her a tour of the floor. She seemed intimidated by it all and I wanted to give her some calm.”
“You’re a dirty liar and you know it.”
Obviously, I’m lying. What I said wasn’t even convincing. But Ron seems to be the only one who ever half catches on to any of my shit. He never cares, though, as long as it doesn’t hurt the firm— which, of course I make sure it doesn’t. And he knows he wouldn’t be one to talk, seeing as how Ruby was his secretary before she was his lover, and then his wife.
“Just be careful, okay. Don’t pull your usual shit. I know you like to ‘initiate’ new hires or whatever you call it, but right now the company’s in danger of being in peril and you need to be on your best behavior.”
“You’re beginning to sound like my father, Cameron.”
And he really is. My dad would give me speeches about responsibility and duty and how I’m wasting my potential.
“I’m being serious. You’ve been lucky so far. It’s bound to run out. Take it from someone who knows— this is only really worth it if it’s meant to be.”
He pats my shoulder and then leaves me alone in the meeting room. I know he’s right, but I’ve never been the best at listening. Plus, it’s easy for him to say it’s not worth it unless it’s “meant to be,” after he married his secretary. I’m not about to do that. That would just complicate my life beyond the pale.
Chapter 9
Jameson
I walk to my office and plop down at my desk. I start half pretending to work, by going through emails, but soon I become bored. I pick up the phone and make a call down to Monique.
“Could you send up Erin Richardson?”
Monique agrees without asking any questions. There are perks to being the boss. But I’m mad at myself for not being able to get Erin out of my head. For caving to my need and my desire to see her again— to admire her curves and her full lips.
She makes me wait longer than I expected. I hear a knock at the door. “Come in.”
The door opens and Erin tentatively steps in. She takes a cursory look around my office before her eyes fall on me.
“You wanted to talk to me?”
I can tell she’s a little nervous. Her eyes are searching my face, trying to get an idea of my mood. I keep a neutral expression. I don’t want her to know what I’m thinking. The idea of surprising her and watching her eyes go wide excites me. I love getting any kind of reaction out of her, even though that fact makes me feel pathetic.
I remind myself to stay in control, stay in charge. I can’t believe how much this woman has the power to make me feel weak in my knees. I motion for her to sit down and she does.
“I did. How are you liking working here?”
I can tell that’s not what she was expecting because surprise flashes behind her eyes, but the rest of her face manages to stay composed. She’s a lot better at hiding her emotions than I initially gave her credit for.
“Things are going well. It’s only my second day, but I think it’s a fine place to work.”
Her demeanor has changed greatly from last night. She’s much more restrained. But that’s not what I want. I want the woman I made orgasm on the conference table last evening. The one who was strong enough to fight me off until I turned her into a quivering mess.
“Is there anything else you like about working here?”
She looks at me and I can tell I’m making her nervous. She starts to fidget with her hands. I hear her let out a shaky breath.
“Mr. Reed—”
“Jim is fine.”
“Mr. Reed,” she says, this time said more forcefully, “I wanted to let you know, last night- I’m sorry I got carried away. I shouldn’t have- I should’ve left before things got out of hand.”
I stand up and go to her side of the desk. My movement startles her and she gets out of the chair and moves to the wall.
“Erin, it’s fine. We did nothing wrong.”
She shakes her head forcefully.
“You don’t understand. It shouldn’t have happened and no matter how much I liked it-”
“So, you enjoyed it too?”
She gives me a hesitant nod. I move closer to her and this time she doesn’t run away. I reach her and put my hand on her shoulder. I run it down her body and just as I reach the top of her skirt, she stops me.
“I can’t. I’m sorry.”
She moves around me and goes to the door. As she leaves she turns towards me and appears as if she wants to say more, but rushes out instead. Leaving me alone.
Her rejection shouldn’t mean much to me, but whenever I’m near her, I can feel desire emanating from both of us. I need her to give in. It would be so much easier than continuously denying the attraction, which I know we’ll be doing from now on unless she changes her mind.
And so then, I make it my pursuit to change her mind. And when I set myself to something, I always accomplish my goal.
Chapter 10
Erin
As I run away from my boss, I wonder what I’ve gotten myself into. I know what we did was wrong, and that I barely know Mr. Reed, but I also know I want to do it again. The way he touched me, my skin was on fire. Not only that, but I want to feel him inside me.
I want to watch him as he fucks me. I don’t even feel too big now. Since he likes my body, I was silly to have any issues with it. I want to watch his big cock
go in and out of me.
No! Bad thoughts lead to questionable actions...
I reach the elevator and do my best to shake these feelings. There’s just so much wrong with wanting to sleep with him. For starters, I don’t even know the guy and he’s at least twice my age. Also, sex should be the last thing on my mind. I need to focus on less… improper thoughts. I get to my desk and make a mental note to see my pastor after work. He’ll know what I need to do.
The day finally comes to an end and I’m out the door. On my way to the church, I try and organize my thoughts.
What am I going to tell Pastor Nichols? I can’t tell him everything, it’s too scandalous. And what if he tells my parents?
I know confession is supposed to be private, but my parents and the pastor are very close. If he felt my immortal soul was in danger, without a doubt he would tell them everything. But I still need to talk about it. Figure out a way to deal with all these… feelings.
I arrive, head straight for his office, and knock on the door.
“You may enter.” I open the door and the pastor looks happy to see me. “Erin! What an unexpected pleasure. Please sit.”
I close the door behind me and sit across from Pastor Nichols. He’s been our family’s pastor ever since I was a baby. He’s been my parent’s pastor even longer that that. I trust his judgement and know he will give me the advice I need.
“What may I do for you?”
I twist my hands in my lap. I've been so nervous thinking about how to say this and I still don't have the slightest clue.
“I'm here because I’ve been having some… impure thoughts lately.”
I’m so ashamed, I can’t even look him in the eye. He leans back in his chair and maintains a contemplative look.
“What kind of thoughts?”
“I started a new job—”
“Yes, your parents told me,” he cuts in. “At a law firm?”
I nod.
“I wasn’t sure that was the wisest choice,” he says. “Those places can be dens of sin. You are still quite an innocent young lady and I don’t see why you couldn’t have come to work for me, doing administrative work here at the church.”
I blink, wanting him to stay on topic. Folding bulletins and writing to missionaries is stuff that I did when I was in middle and high school. It’s part of my past experience that I used to get this job. It’s not what I wanted to keep doing forever.
I don’t even know what I want to do forever, although that certainly isn’t it, and working at a law firm isn’t either. It’s just a stepping stone, so that I can move out of my parents’ house and figure out what’s next. But I’m not about to tell Pastor Nichols that, since he doesn’t even like I’m working as a receptionist. I clear my throat, and start over.
“So, I started a new job and on the first day we had this thing where we met the various bosses. I met one of the owners and he took me upstairs…” I trail off, unsure of myself.
“Continue.” I can’t tell what Pastor Nichols is thinking. His face is a wall of neutrality.
“He took me upstairs and he hit on me and I kind of liked it,” I smile, remembering our meeting. I decide that’s the best way to say it for now— it gives Pastor Nichols a hint about what’s going on, without having to tell the whole story, for which I could end up ostracized.
I can’t help but think back to my rendezvous with Jameson Reed. It wasn’t just sexual desire, at least on my end. I also liked his personality. Plus, I felt comfortable around him. I wouldn’t have let him do all those things to me if I didn’t. It has to mean something.
Stop thinking that, I will myself. He does it with lots of girls. He’s a pro. It means nothing.
“What exactly do you mean?” Pastor Nichols asks.
Darn. Guess I won’t be let off the hook that easily.
“He started touching my arm and my neck and I let him kiss me. I started to think about letting him do other things, but I know it’s wrong and I—”
“Did you let him do anything else to you?” Pastor Nichols is almost shouting at me; he looks furious.
I knew it. I’m depraved. I’m a whore. Lord have mercy, I’m going to burn in hell for eternity. And he doesn’t even know how far I let Mr. Reed go.
I shake my head furiously, lying to save my ass.
“No. He only kissed me,” I whisper.
The pastor nods and some of his anger dissipates.
“That’s good, that’s good. What you did is still very sinful, Erin, but it’s good you didn’t let it go any further. I’m not surprised this ‘man’— and I say that with sarcasm— hit on you like this. It’s exactly what I was afraid of and why I wasn’t happy to hear you had started working for a law firm. You can’t let this man take advantage of you, even if he is your boss. You need to avoid temptation and to do that you must avoid him. You need to hold onto your purity. Do not let him take it. You can never sleep with him, no exceptions.”
I nod. I’m a little confused because he’s making it sound as if I had no mind of my own— just like my parents always do— and that Jameson drugged me or something. Clearly, I was quite into it. But, that’s besides the point and I can’t exactly tell him that.
Pastor Nichols is right. No matter how much my body wants it, I cannot have sex with Mr. Reed. I can’t do anything of a sexual nature with him.
I thank the pastor and leave, mulling over his words as I drive home. From now on, I decide, I’ll avoid Mr. Reed, just like I told him I needed to do. It’s for the best.
Chapter 11
Erin
I get home and my parents already know I was with the pastor. He must’ve called, letting them know I visited. But due to their lack of anger, I can tell he didn’t tell them about the content of our visit.
I’m thankful for that, but it still feels like my movements are under scrutiny. It’s like there is no trust. I’ve never done anything, until now, to warrant such surveillance.
They always say, “It’s not that we don’t trust you, we don’t trust the world.”
That doesn’t make my life feel as if it’s any less under lockdown. But maybe I need to be reined in. At the first chance, I made a mistake and let my boss touch me. Not just touch me, but spread my legs and lick me all over.
That's not the best way to inspire my parents’ confidence in my goodness. And it's also not the best way for me to accomplish my own goal of not thinking about Jameson, and all the delicious things he did to me.
The next day, I manage to avoid Jameson for the first half of the day, but after lunch I have to deliver some files to all four partners. I save him for last, starting with Mr. Mack. When I get to his office, he’s on the phone, so I silently place the envelope on his desk.
I hear him talking to someone on the phone. “I would love it if you could start right away,” he’s saying.
I try to hurry out so he doesn’t think I’m eavesdropping. But before I leave, he puts his hand over the receiver and motions for me to wait a second.
“You’re Erin, right?” I’m surprised he even knows my name. I nod. “I’d suggest treading carefully around here. There are some real vipers.”
He goes back to his call, effectively dismissing me and I’m left to wonder what his enigmatic warning means. I head to Mr. Marks’ office next, but he’s not in, so I just slide the file under his door. The next stop is Mr. Sanchez and before I even knock on the door he opens it and invites me to take a seat.
“Hello, Erin. I was hoping to have a little chat with you.”
Wow. Two partners in one day. I wonder if I should be worried. We both sit down.
“Yes, Mr. Sanchez.”
He leans back in his chair and gives me a smile. There’s something off about it though. He looks as if he’s about to give me a lecture.
Oh, great.
Maybe he’s heard about Jameson and me after all. Doesn’t he know I just purged myself of the sin by confessing to my pastor? Then I remind myself that there’s no way he
could know that, and that hopefully he doesn’t know much else, either. I tap my foot impatiently, willing myself to hear him out.
“I noticed at the party the other night, you left with Jim. Mr. Reed, that is.”
Oh no. He does know what happened. I am about to be fired for being a slut.
“I also saw you were in his office yesterday," he continues. "Would you mind telling me what you two did?”
Maybe he doesn’t know. Another lie can’t hurt, right?
“Mr. Reed was showing me around the office. I was like a deer in headlights at the party and he picked up on it. He thought if I got a look around, it would all seem less intimidating. And I had to go to his office the next day because I’d left my notepad behind. He was nice enough to personally return it to me.”
I look at Mr. Sanchez, praying he buys my excuse. I have gotten very good at lying over these past few days. I don’t even want to know what this indicates. Mr. Sanchez doesn’t say anything for a minute, but then he leans forward, extending his hand.
“I want to thank you for letting me know.” I accept his hand and shake it. “Sorry, if I seem nosy, but I just want to make sure you feel safe here.”
Safe? I highly doubt it.
But for some reason, safe isn’t what I wanted to feel with Jameson. I wanted to feel dangerous, daring, sexy.
Mr. Sanchez drops my hand and stands. I follow suit. He comes around his desk and leads me to the door.
“If anything untoward happens between you and Mr. Reed or anyone who works here, I want you to feel comfortable enough to tell me.”
Untoward? Like I’d tell him. Something untoward definitely happened, and seems to be continuing to happen, in my head at least. But that is nothing I will mention to Mr. Sanchez or anyone here. The last thing I need is to get fired so soon after starting to work here, or for Jameson to get into trouble.
I mumble a thank you and leave. I make a mental note to try not to go into Cameron Sanchez’s office when he’s there. His stern admonishments are the last thing I need in the middle of whatever it is that is going on— or not going on, I tell myself— with Jameson Reed and me.
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