Once I was finished setting up and brought my attention back to the work table, I noticed she’d placed the paper face down and was rolling the pen between her soft lips. Shit. I had to close my eyes and inhale a bit of sanity before I was able to move forward. When I opened my eyes, the pen, thank God, was nowhere near her sinful mouth.
“So, don’t laugh… but…” She lifted the paper with her long, fragile looking fingers and stared at it, her smile fading. “I can’t really remember what it exactly looked like. I drew it the best I could.” Kelly handed me the paper and every muscle in my body called out to hers. My jaw set into a firm line as my eyes lingered over the familiar drawing. “When I was little, when things got… bad… I’d read this stupid fairytale over and over again. And sometimes, the story was the only thing that got me through it.” I raised my eyes to hers, and their spark from earlier had died. Her irises swam behind unshed tears. Kelly looked right through me as she continued, “I wanted to believe that things could get better, like for the girl in the book. That my dad… that things could get better.” She huffed out a watery laugh and finally looked at me. The tears in her eyes were gone, as if I’d only imagined them. “Earlier, when you called me Princess, it made me think of the story.”
I wanted to laugh with her, but her history had glittered in her eyes, and there was something too familiar about the pain she was trying to push away. I knew what her drawing meant. The crown adorned with four stars at each peak and engraved with a picture of the sun and a crescent moon in its center. My mother had read me that story at least a hundred times when I was a boy. It was our thing. When my dad was too drunk to stand or started picking fights, I’d take the brunt of his poison so the others wouldn’t suffer. And at night, my mom would tuck me in and read The Painted Prince. She’d send me into a fantasy world long enough that my dreams would be filled with kingdoms of moons and suns instead of reality, booze, and empty stomachs.
“I know the story.”
“You do?” Kelly’s eyes teemed with questions.
“My mom read it to me, too… I think I might’ve taken the metaphor too far though.” I waved my hand up and down my inked arm.
Kelly laughed, and it was the kind of laugh that stitched in your stomach. The kind of laugh that made you smile no matter what horrible shit was running through your head. I wasn’t a romantic guy, and if I was being real, most of the time, the chicks I dated never really stuck around. The whole high school dropout thing—I wasn’t someone you brought home to Mom. But the sound of her laughter hung in the air and shifted the beat of my heart.
She took a slow breath and said, “I can’t picture you as a little boy, tucked away in bed, reading fairytales.”
I wanted to tell her I was glad for it. Those days were shitty enough as it was—no one needed to relive it with visuals. Instead, I laughed it off, keeping it professional and asked her, “Where do you want the tattoo placed?”
She pursed her lips and her eyes raised to the ceiling. She was quiet for a moment and then tipped her head back down to eye level. If I‘d thought she was sexy before, the grin on her face now was flat out scandalous. It took all of my sane thought to keep my blood pumping through my veins and not to my dick.
She lay back onto the table and popped the button of her jean shorts. My nostrils flared and I clenched my jaw. I swear I was being tortured for being such a prick the majority of my life. The sound of the zipper being tugged down lit my skin with a scorching heat, and I had to ball my hands into fists to stop myself from reaching out to touch her. It wasn’t like I didn’t get laid, and I hated that I was even thinking such over-the-top bullshit, but there was something different about her. She was gorgeous, sure, and the ideas that were flooding my brain right now would land me in prison, but it was more than that. I had no clue why, and it was immature of me to even entertain the thought, but there was something connecting me to her.
“I don’t want my father to see it. If he sees it, I’m as good as dead, so…” I noticed then her fingers were shaking as she pointed to the hollow next to her right hip bone. She shifted her weight so she could pull her shorts down a little more, exposing the top of her pubic bone. My throat contracted painfully as I tried, unsuccessfully, to avert my gaze to the smooth curve of her hip. “Can you place it here?”
Each inhale and exhale came faster than the previous as I stepped closer to the table. The planes of her stomach were touched with summer, as well, and if I’d been a better guy, I would’ve told her there was no way in hell I would ruin such flawless skin. That wasn’t who I was, though, and something small inside of me shouted into the void, you will own this flesh. It’s yours, take it.
So, I did.
“Here?” I ran my thumb slowly over where she indicated, letting it dip farther than necessary. She was like silk, and the ache in my chest nearly crushed me when she shivered. I wondered if she ached for me, too. If we were alone, would she let me do the things I couldn’t stop myself from thinking about as my touch puckered her skin into goose bumps.
I almost missed it when she asked, “Will that spot work?”
I exhaled a ragged breath and nodded my head. She smelled like lemons, mixed with sunlight. I needed air, fresh air. I gulped and turned away from her as I said, “I’m going to freehand it. I know the image well enough, if that’s okay with you?”
“Sounds great.”
I ignored the tinge of reluctance I heard in her voice as I grabbed the black ink.
“Oh, my God, you’re really doing it!” The high pitch of Shortcake’s voice cut through the private moment.
Thank Christ.
I turned around, and even gave the little redhead a real smile. Kelly eyed her friend and, if I wasn’t paying attention, I might’ve missed the nonverbal exchange. Kelly huffed out an irritated puff of air, and when the redhead looked at her again it was apologetic. Was Kelly pissed that her friend showed up, or was she pissed that she was late coming back? Fuck. I hated this. I waved off the girl, pointing to the stool in the corner, taking a seat myself next to the table and the temptation of Kelly’s body. I let my eyes consume Kelly’s curves, her skin, her scent, and when our eyes met, her cheeks filled with blush.
She had no idea, but I was grateful for that damn redhead. If it wasn’t for her showing up when she did, I had a feeling I would’ve given in. I would’ve let myself believe I could’ve had her, a girl like Kelly, something good. I would’ve done the stupidest thing I could’ve done. I would’ve let every last stone I’d built around myself crumble to the ground. But, I was no Painted Prince. I was a thief, coveting things I could never earn.
“Queen of Night,” I whispered as I placed the needle to her flesh.
Once Upon a Present
The intricate lines on her back, the detail, that was all me. The pale light from the window cut across her pale skin revealing every last inch of ink I’d placed there over the past couple years. Tana shifted slightly and I held my breath. My mind wasn’t in this bed with her and it never would be. We’d both hidden behind the pretense of friends with benefits for the past year, but neither of us really wanted the truth. I was the asshole who used her to get my dick wet, and she was the girl who used me to make her ex jealous.
Tana was a good woman, and if I hadn’t already cut myself open, I’d have enough blood in my veins for her. But I’d drained myself dry years ago, and at this point, all I needed was to feel something other than the vacant feeling of loss every now and then. I should’ve kept the lines between Tana and me professional. I was her tattoo guy, and she’d been just a client, but instead, she’d allowed me to use her body to breathe, and I’d allowed her to use mine to remember she was alive. Two fucked-up humans scraping and screaming just to get by. I took a deep breath and inhaled the scent of sex and cigarettes. I hated that she smoked. Normally, I’d make her take that shit outside, but winter was still here, regardless that it was March, and Tana always had to light a stick after we’d fucked. She thought I didn’t rea
lize it, but I was well aware she’d cracked the window in the bathroom tonight and took a few drags. We weren’t the kiss each other goodnight kind of couple either, so I guess she assumed I wouldn’t taste it on her lips.
This was what I’d made for myself though, and no matter how much I hated every second of it, it was who I was. I’d chosen this life and I wouldn’t regret it. It didn’t matter that I was slowly falling apart, stitch by stitch, unravelling every time I looked at myself in the mirror. I had my family. I’d chosen the right path, regardless of the pain it caused me. Pain eventually faded… at least that’s what I was hoping for. My mom, my brothers, they were worth everything to me.
My eyes scanned the length of Tana’s naked form and watched as she breathed easily, comfortable. I never slept well on the nights she stayed, and I wasn’t exclusive with her either. I fucked who I wanted, when I wanted, and she was supposed to do the same, but there was something in the way she looked at me that made me think I was the only guy she’d been with for a while. I should’ve known better than to fuck with Tana. Her ex had really done a number on her. The first time we hooked up, I should’ve just let her cry on my shoulder and then moved the hell on. But she became a regular. Maybe it was because some parts of Tana reminded me of Kelly, or maybe I just liked to fucking torture myself.
My ex-girlfriend, Kelly, left a little over three years ago and left me in a world of shit. She wanted me to go with her, start some new shiny life together somewhere far from here, but I couldn’t leave my family. I’d promised her I’d go with her originally, but every time we thought we had the all-clear, something inevitably got in our way. After everything had gone down, after she ripped apart my life and moved, I refused to let myself wallow. I didn’t have time for what could have been. I had a fucking company to run. I’d started at Avenues Ink at the age of sixteen, cleaning shit for dollar bills and knowledge. My amateur comic book art became something more, and I worked my way up to be the head goddamn artist, pinching every damn penny that didn’t go to my mother and brothers along the way. When the first owner had invested his money too thin, the place went bankrupt. I was only twenty-four, but I bought it and made it the best tattoo shop in the valley. Kelly watched me grow. She loved that I had something of my own, that I’d made something of myself, but like I said before, it was easy to hide the truth. In the end, I’d fucked up, and all I’d ever done for that woman… it hadn’t been enough for her.
The phone on my nightstand started to vibrate, and I sat up a little too quickly. Tana rolled onto her back. Thank Christ, she was still asleep. I grabbed my phone, and the name that flashed across the screen didn’t surprise me. She’d been calling me once a week for a while now. Every time she called, I’d send it to my inbox and delete the message later so I wouldn’t have to hear her voice. I didn’t give two shits why the hell she was calling me. She left. She had a new life, a modeling career in California. It was what she always wanted. I didn’t need to know how great she was doing without me. Eleven years ago, when Kelly walked into Avenues Ink, I was nineteen and stupid. I fell for the parallels that blurred the lines between our lives. I fell for the princess who needed to be saved. I did everything I had to do to get her away from her dime store life and abusive, drunk fuck of a father. I fell for the fairytale she’d offered me. She was supposed to be my queen, and it didn’t matter how many years I was lucky enough to have her, she was never really mine. She belonged to something greater, something more than to a prince of a crumbling kingdom.
I eased the covers back and moved slowly out of bed trying not to wake Tana. I needed some air. I grabbed my sweats from the end of the bed and pulled them on. The blue light on my phone flashed indicating that I had a message. I picked it up and left the room. The apartment was too quiet, too still without my brother Dex and his girl Paige living here. They moved out a few months ago to start their own family. It was hard, watching Dex move out. When I found out they were pregnant I wanted to be pissed. I wanted to hate that he was getting back everything he wanted, and that I was still stuck in the thick as hell mire I’d created when I’d refused to leave with Kelly. But, I couldn’t. I wouldn’t hate his happiness. He’d been through too much. He’d grown up in the shit show that was the O’Connell family, and he suffered from a mental illness, but that kid was a fucking survivor. He deserved the goddamn world.
The air in the kitchen breathed a bit better than my room. At least out here, I had a chance to clear my head of Tana and tobacco. If I was smart, I’d suffer the thin air in my bedroom and delete this fucking message. I placed the phone on my kitchen counter and stared at it. The why of it all started to eat away at my resolve.
What the fuck did she want?
I thought of Declan and everything he and Paige had gone through. He’d given her a chance, he’d let himself have hope. My finger swiped across the screen of the phone and hovered over the delete button. The ache in my jaw spread down my neck as I clenched my jaw, and my heart roared to life at a breathtaking pace.
“Fuck it.”
I pressed play and lifted the phone to my ear. There was silence for one, two, three, four beats of my heart, and then I heard her shaky breath. I wanted to crawl inside my ribcage and break apart the bones to relieve the pressure that was building inside me.
“Just answer,” she said through what sounded like tears and then the message ended.
The lump in my throat choked me and, without a second to think about it, I returned her call. The phone rang once, twice, and I was about to hang up when she answered with a soft and breathless, “Liam.”
I couldn’t fucking speak. There were no words. She’d been so far away for so long, and she was right here, right now, and every right answer sounded wrong in my head.
“Liam… please… just talk… say something,” she whispered, but I could hear the desperate sadness in her voice, and it was the same knife that had cut me open three years ago. I ignored all the pain and shed the pride I’d been armored in all my life. I was about to say hello, maybe even say her name, but then I heard him in the background as he said, “Come back to bed, baby.” Any bit of miserable fucking hope I’d mustered up curdled and branded my throat as I ended the call.
The phone sighed under the force of my fingers and I dropped it to the counter before I broke it. I took deep and steady breaths as I gripped the counter. The granite held me up; it was the support I needed as I sifted through each emotion. I got stuck on anger and rage. I pushed down the fucking hurt, the pain that was about to pull me under, pull me down into a darkness I was afraid I’d never find my way out of. Why the fuck did she call me?
“Liam?” Tana’s voice was raw with sleep. “What are you doing?”
I kept my head down and closed my eyes. I had no right to be angry. Kelly had someone with her and so did I. That kernel of self-revelation didn’t do a damn thing to stop my stomach from twisting, so I did what I knew how to do. I avoided. I hid.
“Couldn’t sleep.” My eyes lifted from the counter and lingered over Tana’s naked body.
She raised her hands and tightened the loose ponytail she’d always pulled her hair back into when she slept. She fixed her dull brown eyes on mine and chewed her bottom lip like she wanted to say something but thought maybe she shouldn’t.
“Come here,” I said with quiet authority and leaned my back against the counter holding my hand out to her.
She didn’t move. She stood on display, and I let myself enjoy it, let the blood feed my arousal—anything to forget the last five minutes or eleven years.
“Are you okay?” she asked a little too perceptive.
“I’m perfect, so get the fuck over here.” I gave her the smile I gave everyone. Fake as hell, but award winning it seemed, because she finally did as I asked and stood right in front of me.
Tana watched me for a second, her eyes appraising my mood, the pulse of my jaw, the set of my shoulders, and she smiled back. She mistook my tension for lust and dropped to her knees taking my
sweats with her. She worked my dick with her hand, and I got as hard as I could in my present state of fury, but once her practiced lips slid over the head, I closed my eyes and grit my teeth suppressing a growl. I should’ve stopped her. I should’ve told her she was better than this. I didn’t deserve to have someone to fall into every time I stumbled. I should’ve stopped her and kissed her goodnight, should’ve made her admit the truth of what we’d both become, but tonight, I chose the low road. My hand fisted in her ponytail, and I grasped the counter with the other as I guided myself farther down her throat with a groan, losing that last piece of hope I’d foolishly clung to.
“You look like shit, little brother,” I said and laughed when Dex flipped me off.
“Good morning to you, too. I think you’re projecting. Have you looked at yourself lately?” Declan smirked and stood from his work stool.
He always came in a little earlier than everyone else these days. He’d book the first appointments of the day, and be gone no later than two. I’d helped him purchase his new place, and I’d gotten it pretty fucking cheap because it’d needed a lot of renovation. Declan and Paige were slowly transforming half of it into a working studio and the other half into a place to call home. All the major construction had been completed, but I think Dex liked to use the excuse of the remodel to head out early and see his girl. Paige worked part-time at this placed called The Gallery, and Dex had started to sell his paintings for a good amount of cash. Paige and Dex, they were making it. Living a life with another person, sharing, all the things a man was supposed to want, things I’d only ever wanted with her, with Kelly.
“I’m fucking beat. I went to the gym before work, couldn’t sleep. I stopped and grabbed these on my way in.” I raised the two coffees I was holding and Dex took one for himself.
Kingdom (Avenues Ink Series Book 2) Page 3