I lifted my eyes from his beer bottle and met his gaze. “It’s fine. I had a late dinner at work anyway. Kathy bought us pizza from Tony’s.” I exhaled a defeated breath. “It’s been a weird day. I don’t feel any older.” I picked at the hem of my sweater and he laughed.
“You’re twenty-six going on eighteen. You haven’t changed since the day I met you.” He cupped my cheek. “Well, maybe a little.” I leaned into his touch. “I fucking love the woman you’ve become.”
I closed my eyes as the familiar pain cracked through my ribcage. He was happy with where we were. He had his tattoo shop, his own place, and I was still stuck at the Handy Mart. I’d been promoted to manager a few years ago, but every breath I took seemed to replicate a life I never wanted. It didn’t help that Kathy was leaving, moving back east next week with her fiancé.
“I love you, too.” I opened my eyes, forced a smile, and he kissed my cheek.
“Happy Birthday, Kelly.” Kieran’s deep boom turned my flat smile up at the corners as his large palm grasped my shoulder, spun me in my stool, and then wrapped me into a giant hug. His clean and crisp smell of cologne and soap blotted out the stench of the bar. “Please tell me this guy didn’t bring you to a bar on your birthday. It was your idea, right?” He chuckled as he released me and Liam scowled. A real laugh erupted from my chest and I felt lighter. “Liam, Mom raised you better.”
Liam shoved Kieran in the shoulder. His baby brother had a few pounds of muscle and inches on him, but the pecking order was ordained the day Liam dropped out of school to help raise his two brothers. “Fuck off.” Liam smirked and took a seat on the stool next to me. “What are you having?” Liam asked and Kieran shook his head.
“Maybe a beer. I’ve got church in the morning. I just came to give your girl a proper birthday hug. Declan closed up the shop and told me to tell you he was calling it a night.” Kieran’s brows dipped into a V and Liam’s smirk died.
“Is he alright?” Liam asked, his tone filled with that ever-present anxiety when it came to Dex.
“He looked really tired, but he’s okay. He mentioned he might check out that new art store tomorrow, The Gallery, I think is what he said the place was called. I guess he heard they let you rent studio space to paint.”
“That’ll be really good for him.” I met Liam’s worried brown eyes and rested my hand on his thigh. “It’s a good outlet.”
Liam nodded and his eyes covered with shadows. He’d been with Declan for the worst of everything. After Declan’s girlfriend left, everything shifted for Liam. It took Declan about a year to fall apart, and a year for me to realize that no matter what Liam had promised me, my dark prince wasn’t ready to scoop me up and take me away to a faraway land. All my childish hopes and dreams had faded over time, and as I fell fully in love with Liam, with his family, I settled into a future I hadn’t expected.
Liam ran his hand through his hair, and my eyes fell to the eagle tattooed on his throat. He’d gotten it after his father died. A symbol of freedom. But, even after his father was dead and buried, any plans we’d made to start a new life in California had evaporated when he bought Avenues Ink. He’d gutted it and the apartment upstairs and made it his home. Declan’s stable safe house.
“Hey.” Liam lifted my chin with his thumb. “You’re not supposed to frown on your birthday.”
“As much as I hate to admit it, he’s right.” Kieran chuckled and waved to the bartender.
I took a deep breath. “I’ve got to use the bathroom.” I hopped down from the stool and plastered a smile on my face.
Liam leaned into me and whispered in my ear, “Stay with me tonight?”
My heart squeezed and my eyes burned with the threat of tears. He’d just asked me the same question I’d asked him on my eighteenth birthday. I hadn’t cared that my parents would come home, or that he would have had to climb out of my window at six in the morning. It was the first night I’d ever felt comfortable in my home. These days, I basically lived at Liam’s apartment, but I liked that he remembered. I loved how my past belonged to him… that I belonged to him and that I always would.
I framed his face and smiled as I repeated the words he’s said so long ago, “I promise.”
The bathroom line was out of control, and by the time I was finished, Liam and Kieran had started to play pool. I smiled as I watched Liam laugh, his head back—his shoulders at ease. I let my disappointment about his drinking and the lack of my “real” birthday burger dissipate. He never drank like this, and I was being selfish. He rarely had a chance to let loose, and he was celebrating me, my day, and I should be happy about it, instead of picking him apart.
I was just about to head to the back of the bar when a tall man in a dark gray suit stepped in front of me.
“Excuse me,” I offered and attempted to move around him. He placed his hand on my shoulder and my eyes darted to Liam. He hadn’t noticed yet. Thank God.
“I know this may seem—”
I cut him off. “My boyfriend is over there.” I pointed to the pool tables. “Yeah, that bad ass over there with the pool stick. I suggest you drop your hand.”
He did immediately and chuckled. “I’m not hitting on you, sweetheart.”
The word sweetheart ruffled my feathers. “I’m not your sweetheart.”
Again I made an attempt to move, but he shifted and blocked my forward motion. “Listen, give me three seconds.” He held up his hands in surrender and his smile was well polished, just as shiny as the rich looking watch he wore on his left wrist. His face was structured and handsome, and as he stared at me, his eyes glimmered with excitement.
“I’ll give you two.” I spoke with little interest as I placed my hand on my hip.
“I work for Red Birch…” My breath caught in my throat as he held out his hand. “It’s a modeling—”
“I know what Red Birch is.” It was one of the top West Coast modeling agencies, right up there with Ford and Wilhelmina. As much as I hated my father for making my beauty feel like a curse, I always hoped to bank on it one day. Los Angeles, cameras, magazines… these were the very dreams I’d shared with Liam after we’d gotten together, and bottled up every year that went by.
He reached into his pocket when I didn’t take his hand. His smile was lopsided as he handed me his business card. “Luca Hargrove.”
I stared at the card.
Luca Hargrove
Agent/Talent Manager
Red Birch Modeling
Los Angeles. New York. Paris.
The hair on the back of my neck stood as I felt the heat of his gaze. I lifted my eyes. “Are you serious?”
He ran his hand through his black hair, and I noticed a little gray in his well-groomed beard. “As a heart attack. I’m in town with a few of the girls shooting the spring spread for Ultra Magazine.” My mouth dropped open, and his smile turned smug as he held out his hand again.
This time I took it, and couldn’t help the smile spreading across my face. “It’s nice to meet you.”
He inclined a few inches, enough that his thick scent of cedar pooled between us. “You’re very beautiful.” His dark eyes scanned my face, lingering on my eyes and mouth, before trailing lazily down my body. “The moment I saw you I wanted to take your picture. In fact, with your unique look, you’ll have photographers eating out of your hand.” His words felt like brandy, and I was sipping them down eagerly.
“What the fuck?” Liam’s low growl ripped the moment to shreds. “Get your goddamn hands off my girlfriend.”
The agent’s smile fell as did his hand. “It’s not—”
Liam shoved him, his usual possessiveness fueled by alcohol.
“Liam.” I tried to grab his hand but he shook off my touch.
“I’m not trying to cause trouble, I was simply—”
“You don’t want my kind of trouble, asshole.” Liam was beyond reason as he spoke in a low, tight whisper.
“Come on, Liam.” Kieran clasped his hand on Liam’s shoul
der, but again he just shrugged it off, closing the space between himself and Luca.
The agent’s card felt wrong in my hand so I slipped it into my pocket and stepped between them. “Stop. Right now!” I raised my voice, and Liam finally met my gaze. “Take me home.”
“You’re fucking lucky.” Liam looked over my shoulder and Kieran exhaled a relieved breath.
I shook my head. “Come, on.” I laced my fingers through his and walked out of the bar, and away from the one shot I’d ever have at my dream.
“What did he ask you? I saw him, Kelly, he was practically inhaling you.” Liam hadn’t calmed down on the ride home. Kieran had offered to drive us, and as the silent tension had built in the truck cab, my resolve to just let it go had begun to chip away. Liam had acted like a fucking caveman.
“Nothing. It was nothing. Just drop it,” I begged as Liam slammed his bedroom door. I was worried Declan was going to get upset. There was no doubt, if he was sleeping, he was awake now.
Liam stalked toward me, his hands balled into fists. A shiver ran down my spine as his lips set into a firm line. My heart started an erratic beat as flashes of my father consumed me. He backed me against the wall, his breath heavy with beer, his face… wasn’t his own. The man I loved contorted into something too raw, too much like the memories and the man I hated. “Why are you hiding it? I watched that fuck give you his number and you smiled. You fucking smiled!”
Tears distorted my vision, and his accusation fractured my sternum.
He leaned his forehead against mine, resting his palms on the wall and sucked in a disjointed breath as he asked, “Is what I give you not good enough anymore?”
“You’re drunk,” I whispered through trembling lips.
He punched the wall just to the right of my head, and I winced as he jerked back leveling his eyes with mine. “I know what I saw, Kelly!”
My body went rigid. Fear… something I never thought I’d feel when I looked into Liam’s eyes brewed deep inside my stomach. Nausea rolled over me as I looked into his blank eyes. How many more promises would he break? How long would it take before I became my mother and he became my father? A vicious cycle we’d been born into and would never escape.
“Get away from me.” Even though my voice shook, he complied. I took the card from my pocket and threw it at him. “He was an agent, and even if he was hitting on me, Liam, I would’ve never…” I couldn’t finish the sentence. My throat closed off as his face paled.
I turned away from him and started rustling through the drawers grabbing my things.
“I’m sorry,” he whispered.
It’s how it started with my dad. It was always I’m sorry, until he wasn’t.
I wasn’t even sure what I was doing, but I grabbed what I could and shoved it into my purse that was sitting on the top of his dresser. I was sucking in gulps of air, trying to control the loss, the pain that was already bearing down on me like bricks. The card fell from his fingers to the ground as he moved toward me. He gripped my arms. “I’m sorry. I didn’t—”
“You’re drunk, Liam. You’re drunk and you assumed the worst. If you loved me, really loved me, how could you even…” I shrugged out of his hold. “No, I’m done.” I bent over and picked up the card.
“Kelly?” My name was desperate on his lips, and when I walked past him to leave, he grabbed my waist. “Kelly, I fucked up, I’m sorry… I’m sorry.” The scent of stale beer soured his breath and when he lowered his forehead, pressing it against my cheek, he whispered, “I love you.”
I couldn’t say it back.
“I’ve been waiting for you forever, and I loved you enough to think the best of every choice you’ve made for us. You love your family, but I can see the bitterness building in your eyes every day…” I flicked my gaze to the eagle on his throat. “I’m not going to sit here and watch you turn into a monster. You’re not free, Liam… you never were. And if I stay here… I never will be either.” I’d lost my anger as the words choked me.
Hot tears spilled down my face as Liam’s stubborn resolve set his shoulders into a fierce line and he let me go. My legs were lead, my limbs and my heart, they fought the choice I was making as I backed toward the door and opened it.
His face morphed into a mask of hard stone as he said, “It was just a matter of fucking time, wasn’t it? I just wish you would have pulled the trigger sooner.”
Once Upon a Present
My hands wouldn’t stop shaking as Liam disappeared around the corner.
“I fucking hate that every time I close my eyes all I see is your face…”
I was his nightmare. My face haunted him.
My lungs fought against the blade in my heart. Every breath strangled by quiet sobs.
“Use your beauty, girl, because it’s all you’ll ever have.”
My face.
“I just wish you would have pulled the trigger sooner.”
All the words, the anger… The night I left I saw my father in Liam’s eyes, and maybe I cut too deep when I walked away, but it had been the only way either of us would’ve survived. I’d let myself become the villain. But I was tired of the role, tired of hating myself, tired of proving my father right. I wanted to be more than the girl who destroyed everything, more than a face that haunted dreams and covered magazines. Exhaustion sank deep into my bones and I sagged against the wall, wishing I could let my legs give out, sink to the floor with the filth where I belonged. But the hallway filled with laughter as the back room erupted into song. They were shouting the words to “Happy Birthday.”
I sucked in a deep breath, ignoring the sharp twinge in my chest. I wiped under my eyes and forced my legs to move, letting my palm graze along the wall to help keep me steady. Even though the front of the bar was empty, the room felt narrow, like a tomb. The weight of the dim light was smothering me. I had to leave before I saw him again. Panic flooded my veins and a spike of adrenaline coursed through me, giving me the push I needed to get the fuck out of there.
“Hey, I thought you got lost, I got you another shot.” Tracey’s laugh died when her eyes met mine. “Are you alright?”
I shook my head as I sifted through my purse with trembling fingers.
“What happened?” she asked and I ignored her.
When I’d moved to Los Angeles, for the first year, I struggled with anxiety. Leaving the dream of moving with Liam behind, I’d been forced to be on my own. I’d severed myself in two. My job required perfection; the business didn’t give a shit if you were rotting away on the inside as long as the outside looked fresh, they were happy. On occasion, it was hard to reconcile who I was supposed to be. Always stuck between being remade or letting myself fade away completely. I kept my anti-anxiety meds in my purse, just in case the choice started to drown me. I rarely used it, but today… I needed something to slow my heart enough so I could breathe. Tracey’s words were a dull buzz in the background as I opened the bottle, popped two pills onto my tongue, and poured them down my throat with the shot of bourbon sitting on the bar. It wasn’t smart, but it was a reprieve from the assault Liam had left on my heart.
Tracey’s eyes narrowed. “What the hell happened back there?”
The tears hadn’t stopped leaking from my eyes as I lowered them to her full shot glass. I licked my lips as a clap of thunder seemed to shake the walls of the pub. Tracey stared at me, awaiting an answer; her girlfriend was just as rapt with curiosity. I grabbed her bourbon and let it slide down my throat. The heat in my belly intensified and Tracey stood from her stool.
“Are you crazy?” Tracey grabbed my wrist as I reached for my purse.
“I’m tired of breathing.” I hadn’t meant to say it out loud.
“What the hell does that mean?”
“It means I’m sick of barely surviving.”
Tracey’s eyes turned glassy and she released my wrist. “I should’ve been there for you, protected you. I should’ve—”
My small gasp interrupted her. Liam and his girlfrie
nd emerged from the back room, his eyes avoiding me, his face stoic. They walked by and instead of closing my eyes I watched them leave. She looked a lot like me, but with curly hair. She was shorter, pretty, and I wondered if she made him happy. Her hand fit in his, their ink blending together as one. My stomach bottomed out and the liquor in my gut spoiled. Liam’s life was full. His girlfriend matched him. She was covered in tattoos, and no matter how hard I tried to deny it, she looked really good at his side. All these years, I’d lied to myself… I was never right for him.
Tracey’s warm grip on my shoulders turned my attention away from the couple.
“Was that Liam?”
My head felt like cotton as the booze and pills kicked in. I needed to leave.
I nodded my head. Tracey had only met him the handful of times she’d come to town over the years.
“You’re entitled to more than a guy who can’t figure out his own life.” Her eyes were hard as they searched mine.
Tracey only ever got bits and pieces of our relationship, but she could never understand why I’d stayed here for a man. Lived under Dad’s tyranny for Liam.
“No one is entitled to love, but his love, it was… he… he was the only safety I’ve ever really known.” I dropped my chin and she let go of my shoulders.
“You’re stronger than that.”
The disappointment in her tone raised my gaze to hers and I whispered, “No, that was you.” I lifted my purse and slid the strap over my shoulder. “I always wanted to be rescued. I just got tired of waiting is all.”
My mouth dried as I reached into my purse and pulled out my keys.
“Let us drive you to your hotel,” Erin offered, her brow creased deeply with worry.
“The weather sounds like it turned to shit, and I don’t think it’s smart for you t—”
“I’m fine.” I gave her a weak smile. “My hotel isn’t too far from here.”
Kingdom (Avenues Ink Series Book 2) Page 11