We land on the thick rug in his living room, but I don’t stop to take pleasure in the oomph that rushes past his lips. When I crawl over him to hammer his chest with my fist, Calder grabs my arm and quickly flips me onto my back.
Before I can recover, he straddles my hips and grabs my arms, slamming them down to the thick pile of rug underneath me. “Look at me,” he growls.
I squeeze my eyes shut and shake my head, my chest heaving.
Pulling my arms together, Calder grips both wrists with one hand, then clasps my jaw and forces my face forward, commanding, “Fucking look at me, Cass!”
When I drill my furious gaze into his intense green one, his anger evaporates. “What do you see, Raven mine?”
His dog tags sway slowly back and forth between us, reminding me of our most intimate times together. It hurts too much to be this close, to inhale his arousing scent, and yet feel so very far apart. I whimper and close my eyes.
The necklace chinks as he drops it on the carpet next to me, then slides his thumb down my chin, his fingers feathering along the front of my throat. “I will hold you like this all night if I have to.” The arousing promise in his voice is like heavy silk sliding along my skin.
When his hand moves to my shirt and he tugs several buttons free, my eyes fly open in renewed anger. “You don’t get to do that—” I stop speaking when my gaze locks on the black-feathered tattoo fanning over his left forearm and up his shoulder. I’d been too freaking angry to see it before. I meet his gaze. “Alana’s the one who paints your Steel tattoo?” When he nods, I press my lips together. “I saw her getting dressed, Calder.”
“It takes her hours to paint the tattoo while also covering up my real one, Cass. She gets hot, so yeah, she wears a sports bra so she can remove her shirt if she needs to while she works.”
I frown, unhappy with that answer. “So you’d be okay if I spent hours with some other guy half-naked? Maybe I should ask Noah how well nude modeling pays.”
Calder quickly clasps the back of my neck, tugging me partially off the floor as he bends close. “I don’t give a fuck what Alana does, but unless you want a shit ton of poor saps failing art class due to swollen black eyes, don’t even think about it.”
“That’s the biggest double-standard—” Calder kisses me with dominant aggression, thrusting his tongue past my lips in a kiss meant to completely obliterate all other thoughts.
I don’t kiss him back. Instead I bite his lip hard.
He draws back, scowling. “What the hell, Cass? Steel dies when the fight is over.”
“I don’t do bullshit, Calder.” I narrow my gaze. “Whatever set you off at my apartment earlier had nothing to do with protecting me. That’s why I came—to get you to talk. The last thing I expected to see was proof that I was right walking out your damn door!”
“You aren’t right,” he snarls. “The way I acted had every fucking thing to do with protecting you. From me.” Clasping my chin, he tilts it up and clamps down on the side of my throat, hard.
He may have been trying to prove a point, but I gasp and arch into him, unable to curb my response. Calder groans and releases his hold on my throat. As he places a hot kiss on the same spot, the guttural rumble of need vibrating from his chest melts my bones. “I don’t have a name worthy of you, angel. And I know it’s best for you if I stay away, but I can’t fucking stop wanting you.”
Releasing my arms, he lowers his body to mine, the ravenous heat in his gaze combined with his hardness pressing against me sending shivers all the way to my toes. “I crave every part of you, Cass…deeply and in every dirty, filthy, decadent way possible.”
I slide my fingers in his hair, then touch his jaw. “If you want all of me, then tell me the truth. Why do you think you’re not worthy?”
Calder rolls off me and sits up. Facing away, he rests his elbows on his bent knees.
When he doesn’t speak, but instead tilts his head back to stare at the ceiling, my heart twists and my gaze slides to the skull covering his entire back. At this moment its soulless eye sockets seem eerily appropriate for his brooding mood. Whatever is bothering him…he’s tortured by it.
I rise up on my knees and slide my hands along his muscular upper back, touching the intricate wing tattoo that partially covers the skull. Its black feathers spread at an angle from the top of his right shoulder to his left side, curving around his ribs. “This wing is awesome. I’d love to photograph you like this before it’s gone for good.” Leaning close, I whisper in his ear, “Talk, Calder.”
He exhales a harsh breath and tilts his head forward, staring straight ahead. “You can’t change who you are, no matter how much you wish you can, Cass.”
He sounds so disgusted, worry grips my chest. “Tell me,” I say, needing to know what he’s thinking.
“My mom didn’t have an affair. I recently found out the truth. The ‘incident’ she referred to in her letter was far worse.”
I squeeze his shoulders, but stay silent, letting him tell me at his own pace.
Calder silently rolls his head from one shoulder to the other. The tension in his muscles makes me want to shake the rest out of him, but I force myself to wait for him to continue.
“My mother was drugged and violated.” He lifts his shoulders, then lets them fall. “She might’ve kept it from my father because she thought it would destroy him, but in the end it destroyed her instead.”
My heart wrenches for Calder. He had to go through so much with his parents’ separate deaths, then learning he wasn’t a Blake…and now this? I flex my fingers against his skin, letting him know I’m here for him. “I’m sorry, Calder. To learn something like that must’ve devastated you.”
He drops his head between his arms and stares at the carpet. “I looked up sexual assault in the hopes I could bring charges against the sick bastard, but to my disgust even if I could prove it happened, the maximum statute of limitations here in New York is five years.”
Sadly, I know that timeframe by heart. I slide my fingers through his hair and over the feathered ink that curves just around the right side of his neck, hoping that my touch gives him comfort. “Please don’t tell me that’s why you don’t feel worthy, Calder. You couldn’t control the actions of that man.”
“You mean the vile fucker who created me?” he snarls. “My father?”
Sitting up, he pulls away from my touch. “That twisted monster’s blood runs through my veins. You won’t feel the same. I don’t feel the same.”
“It doesn’t matter to me whose DNA you have. What matters is who you are.”
He shakes his head. “It matters to me, Cass. It fucking matters a lot.”
My heart races and panic grips me. He sounds like he’s going to walk away from us, no matter what I say. I can’t let him do that. I won’t! I unbutton my shirt the rest of the way, then my bra, sliding out of them. “Why are you giving this horrible man so much real estate in your head? Why do that to yourself?” I ask as I slip off my shoes and the rest of my clothes.
“Because of you.”
He says it so softly I almost don’t hear it as I slip his dog tags over my head. “Me? But I just told you I don’t care.”
Calder grips his upper arms tight, his voice like gravel. “It matters because I’m a fucking Hemming, Cass!”
I stumble as I move to stand, floored by his unexpected answer. He’s Phillip’s son? Oh my God. I clench my hands and close my eyes, needing a second to calm the shock to my heart and process it. I open my eyes and stare at Calder sitting there, unmoving. He’s so beautiful in his self-effacing torture, my heart twists with love for him. How could I not fall for such a complex man? He’s everything I could hope for. But does he care for me enough that we can get past this? He hasn’t turned around or said a word. I don’t know what to do other than to shake a response out of him.
Taking a deep breath, I walk over and lean back against the wall next to his apartment door. “You’re right. I think you’d better walk me out,
Calder.”
The skull and raven’s wing flex with the sudden tensing of his back muscles.
When Calder exhales deeply and turns to get up, I say, “Unless you’d like to have all of me instead?”
His head snaps up and lust scrolls across his face as he takes in my naked state.
The fact he hasn’t moved worries me, so I up the ante. Tracing my fingers between my bare breasts, I touch the chain along the way until I reach the tags on the end. “I’ll bet there’s a lot more creative ways we could use this. What do you think?”
Calder is up and in front of me before I can blink. Cupping my jaw with one hand, he fists his other in my hair and yanks me close. “Don’t change your mind about us, angel. Fucking ever,” he husks against my lips before slanting his mouth over mine in an all-consuming, take-no-prisoners kiss of heat and want, pain and sadness, emotional desperation, and fierce dominance.
The need to possess me oozes from the tension in his hold. I know he still doesn’t believe he’s worthy, but all I can do is kiss him back and hold him tight, letting him know without words that—I’m his and he’s mine.
When Calder effortlessly lifts me up, I wrap my arms around his neck, loving that he doesn’t break our kiss as he walks us over toward his bed.
A cell phone starts ringing on the counter near us.
Calder halts and turns to stare at it, but I put my hand on his jaw. “No.”
He presses his lips together and sets me down. “It’s Bash. He usually texts. If he’s calling, it’s important.”
When he reaches for the phone and clicks to answer it, I snag it from him and hover my finger over the End button, whispering, “You can call him back.”
“Cald, you there?” Sebastian’s voice floats between us.
I glance down at the phone by my side, my finger still over the End button, and déjà vu hits me with such clarity, I lift an excited gaze back to Calder and put the phone to my ear. “Hey, Sebastian. Give us a couple minutes and we’ll call you back.”
Before he can respond, I hang up. Shoving the phone in Calder’s hand, I snatch up my pants and quickly slip them on. Stepping into my shoes, I reach down and grab my bra.
“What are you doing?” he asks, frowning.
Hooking my bra on, I grab my shirt from the floor, then wave my hand in a circle. “Hurry up and get some clothes on if you want to go with me. I need to drive to the Hamptons.”
As I start to button my shirt, Calder clasps my shoulders, his brow creasing. “Why do you need to go to the Hamptons right now?”
I meet his gaze, hope thrumming through me. “It’s a long shot, but it’s worth checking into. Do you remember that day you challenged Gregory and Phillip, demanding to talk to Celeste?”
When he nods, I take a breath. “Phillip was being a stubborn ass, refusing to give me Celeste’s cell phone back so I could call my parents. Gregory told him to give me the phone, but instead of Celeste’s, he handed me another phone to use.”
Calder shakes his head, his fingers flexing on my shoulders. “I’m still not getting why this is a good thing.”
“Because the phone he handed me isn’t the one I’ve seen him using. What if in his desire to keep Celeste’s phone out of my hands, he gave me his burner phone, Calder? The one that he used to send all those personal texts to Celeste?”
Calder nods, understanding flickering. “We’ll finally have a direct connection between that threatening text to Celeste that would lead right back to Phillip.”
“Which means the prosecutor could have his bond revoked and send him back to jail to await trial.”
After I button my shirt, Calder captures my hand. “Why do we need to go to the Hamptons? Can’t the police just pull the phone records?”
“I think normally they could, but I never talked to my parents that day. I got their answering machine instead and was just about to leave a message when Beatrice announced your arrival. So I hung up.”
“Are you saying they might have a partial recording?”
I nod. “My parents never check their voicemail. It might still be on their recorder which also logs the phone number.”
Calder picks up his T-shirt from the back of the couch and pulls it on, then changes into jeans. “It’s definitely worth a try.”
“When you call Sebastian back, you can fill him in on our trip to the Hamptons,” I say, while Calder locks his apartment door.
Once we reach my car, I start to walk around the front and a loud sound pops. At the same time Calder yells for me to get down, three more pops fire, one after the other. I barely have a chance to move before Calder’s grabbing me around the waist and hauling me behind the passenger side of my car.
“Can you see where the shooter is?” I keep my head low beside Calder, while he tilts my car door’s mirror to look up on the rooftop across the street. “Does anyone live in that building?
“No, it hasn’t been renovated yet. It’s too dark to see, but that can work to our advantage.” Taking my keys, he unlocks the passenger side door and partially opens it to slide a hand inside and flip the locks. “I’m going to get in the front. You get in the back. Stay low and I’ll start the car and then we’re gunning it. Got it?”
Nodding, I do as he says and quietly climb in the back seat.
The moment Calder starts the engine, a couple more shots ping against the hood, but Calder quickly jumps into the front seat and jams the gas, gunning down the street as fast as my car will go.
I don’t say anything until we’re a couple miles away. “Holy shit, that was intense!” Thankful we got away safe, I shake my hands to alleviate the adrenaline trembles. “We need to call the police.”
“No, Cass.” Calder pulls off to a side road and turns to look at me. “I need you to drive while I call Bash and let him know we’re on our way to his place.”
Nodding my understanding, I climb out and start to get into the front when I see a streak of blood smeared across my leather seat.
“Were you shot?” I immediately sit down and try to see where he’s wounded, but Calder just grimaces.
“If you’ve got a First Aid kit in the back, bring it up here. Otherwise Bash should have stuff at his place.”
Panicked and unsure just how hurt he is, I retrieve my kit from my trunk. “We’re going straight to the hospital,” I say once I get in and close the door.
Calder shakes his head as he presses gauze to his hip. “I can’t go to the hospital. Bullet wounds have to be reported, and I can’t afford for this to get back to the EUC. Any whiff of police involvement in my life, especially related to something illegal, and they’ll disqualify me.”
I gape at him. “That’s insanity, Calder. You’re bleeding. You need medical attention!”
He stares at me with hard eyes. “No hospital, Cass. I’m pretty sure the bullet just grazed me and it looks worse than it actually is. Take me to Bash’s place. He’ll be able to assess the damage and dress it for me.”
I set my jaw and drive, tension building in my shoulders as I listen to Calder talk to Sebastian. “It sounded like a handgun. Yeah, I think it’s a flesh wound, but I need you to look it over.” A pause. “Cass is bringing me to you now.” He glances my way. “No, she doesn’t.”
When he hangs up, I ask, “She doesn’t what?”
Calder sighs and leans his head back against the seat. “Agree with me.”
“You’re damn right I don’t,” I mutter, then clamp my lips shut before I’m tempted to yell at him for being so incredibly stubborn.
“Who do you think it was?”
Calder shakes his head. “Don’t know, but we’ll start investigating tomorrow.”
“All you’re doing tomorrow is resting.” When Calder lifts his head and starts to speak, I glare at him. “Don’t argue or I’ll drive your stubborn, bleeding ass straight to the hospital and report the gunshot wound myself.”
Calder’s gaze narrows for a second before pain flickers and he closes his eyes once more.
>
As angry as I am, my heart jerks with worry for him. I touch his thigh. “We’ll be there in five minutes.”
Calder just grunts and nods, keeping his hand pressed against the quickly staining gauze on his hip.
Sebastian meets us outside and pushes the remote to allow me access to the garage. Before I even shut off the engine, he’s pulling open the passenger door and hauling Calder out of the car.
Talia flicks on all the lights in the kitchen, gesturing to the cleared-off island. “This is the best lighting. Get up here, Calder, so Sebastian can see.”
Calder grunts as he hitches himself up onto the island and pulls his bloodied shirt off. When Talia pauses for a second to stare at his tattoo, then lifts a pair of scissors to cut his jeans, he grates, “This better just be a flesh wound.”
“Shhh,” she says and starts on his pants, cutting an opening for Sebastian to access his wound.
When Calder lets out a flurry of curses as Sebastian pours alcohol over his wound, his cousin frowns. “You know the drill, Cald. Grit your teeth and let me get this cleaned so I can see.”
Dabbing at Calder’s wound with cotton gauze, he glances up. “You’re right, the bullet grazed you. I can dress it, but it would be better if you got stitches, especially with your fight coming up.”
“Would you two stop talking like that fight is still going to happen?” When the men just ignore my comment, I turn to my friend. “Talia, tell them!”
Talia hooks her arm around my shoulders and pulls me away from the kitchen. “Calder’s going to be fine, Cass.” Stopping, she clasps my arms. “Are you okay? You were just shot at too.”
“I didn’t get hit.” My voice shakes as I look over at Sebastian and Calder talking in low voices. “We were on our way out of his apartment, planning to drive to my parents.” I shake my head and exhale to calm myself. “I’m honestly not sure who the person was shooting at, me or Calder.”
Talia nods. “Sebastian tried to call Calder when I couldn’t get a hold of you. He said you answered his phone, so why were you going to your parents this late? Did they insist on meeting the guy who’s been keeping you away from them lately?”
Steel Rush (In the Shadows#5) Page 22