by Rhonda Helms
Man, what I’d give to have that chaos back.
The door to the coffee shop dinged as I entered, and the rich scent of java hit me right in the happy spots. I couldn’t help but smile, breathe deeply. The room was large with wooden tables scattered around. People chatted in small clusters, and soft instrumental music played in the background. On the right wall was a row of wooden bookshelves filled to the brim with paperbacks. A sign at the top said to help ourselves and read whatever we wanted while in the shop.
This place was definitely new since I’d moved away. But now that I’d discovered it, I knew I’d be spending a lot more time here. Cheap coffee and books? Yes, please.
I made my way to the counter, where a girl who couldn’t have been more than eighteen shot me a beatific smile. Her blond hair was almost the same shade as mine.
“Hi. What can I get you today?” she asked me in that perky tone of someone who’d been mainlining coffee all day.
I laughed. “I’ll take twelve of whatever you just had.”
“Yeah, I’m a little wired,” she admitted with a chuckle.
“How about a café latte with…a shot of vanilla?”
“You got it. I’ll holler when it’s ready. What’s your name?”
“Anna. Thanks!” I found an empty table near the bookshelves and grabbed a seat. Checked my hair in the mirror once more just to make sure there weren’t any lingering mashed potatoes.
Which made me think about Gavin, which was irritating, so I pushed him right back out of my head.
A couple of minutes later, the door dinged and in walked Natalie, her brown hair dancing with the air current that followed her inside. Her gray knit dress hugged her figure, and the brown knee-high boots accented her curves. She shot me an ear-to-ear grin. “Oh good! You made it!”
Right on her heels was a girl around our age who had dark hair tipped in purple highlights. Her shirt was off the shoulder, and she’d been poured into her tight jeans and super-high red heels that matched her red lipstick.
I liked her style instantly.
“You must be Anna,” the girl said as she came around and shook my hand. “I’m Bianca. Do you sing or play an instrument?”
Natalie laughed, and both of them took a seat at the table. “Unless I’m remembering wrong, Anna can’t hold a note to save her life.”
“She’s right,” I said with a rueful grin. “I suck at music.”
“Damn. You’d look great in our band.” Bianca stood and shrugged. “Oh well. You can still come support us—we have a gig next month. I’ll go order our coffee.” She walked off, and several male eyes in the room strayed to follow her progress.
“She’s a spitfire,” I whispered.
“That’s why I love her. She tells it like it is.” Natalie’s eyes narrowed a fraction as she eyed me. “You okay? You seem a bit off. How was work?”
I shot her a sour look and explained about the Great Mashed Potato Debacle, including the mini-snack I’d stored in my hair.
She chortled. “Well, your hair looks great now, for what it’s worth. I bet that was a huge shock, seeing Gavin there. I forgot he worked at the school. I’m pretty sure that’s a new job for him.” She leaned closer, and her eyes flashed with interest. “Tell me, is he as hot as I remember? Because sometimes I’d see him around town and he looked so damn fine.”
“I hate to admit it, but he’s smoking.”
“Who’s smoking?” Bianca asked as she distributed three mugs to us. “Your coffee was ready, so I brought it back.” She settled into her seat and smiled at my nod of thanks.
“We were talking about Gavin Metcalf, the new kindergarten teacher at the elementary school,” Natalie supplied.
“Oh. Yeah. He’s sex on a stick,” Bianca said after taking a sip of her drink. She reached into her purse, tugged out a small flask then dumped a hearty dollop of booze in her coffee. “Want any?”
I snorted a laugh. “Nah, I’m good.”
“Anna,” Natalie said in a gentle voice. She reached over and patted my hand. “So…how are you doing?”
My heart sped up a touch at the concern in her eyes. When I’d asked her for help finding a job, she hadn’t pried for details. She’d just dug around town until she’d gotten me a lead. I’d told her about my parents’ separation, how we were on a tight budget, but like I’d done with everyone else, she didn’t know the full truth.
“I’m all right,” I said with a sigh and squeezed her fingers. “Thanks for asking. Just trying to get by every day, yanno?”
“If I can do anything, let me know, okay?” Natalie released my hand and drank from her coffee.
“Me too.” The sincerity in Bianca’s eyes struck me. “I know we just met, but any friend of Natalie’s is a friend of mine.”
“Thank you,” I told them, touched. I pressed a hand to my chest and blinked away the sting of tears hitting my eyes.
“I have an idea,” Bianca said. “We need a night out.”
“Oh God, yes!” Natalie exclaimed. She leaned back in her seat. “We’re taking you out, Anna. No arguments. Are you busy tomorrow night?”
“Let me check my busy social calendar,” I said drolly as I tugged my phone out and pulled up the calendar app. From here until eternity was blank except for my two hours of work every weekday. “I think I can pencil you in.”
“Awesome. There’s a local bar that’s a ton of fun, and the drinks are super cheap.” Natalie clapped and beamed at both of us. “Wear something hot, Anna. We’re going to take your mind off all your woes.”
Chapter Four
I sipped my beer and eyed the dimly lit bar as I shifted in my stool. For a Thursday night, it was packed. Probably because it was the only bar in Edgewood Falls, from what Natalie had told me. A bright white light flashing Tino’s Bar rested above the glass mirror behind the wood-trimmed bar, and the hum of conversation floated over the music playing from the digital jukebox.
After a few minutes, I saw Bianca and Natalie edging through the crowd toward me. Bianca looked like her skin-tight hot pink jeans had been spray-painted on, and her faded white T-shirt was ripped at the neckline to hang off her shoulder. I would have looked stupid trying to rock that look, but it worked on her. Natalie had on a black microskirt and a black sleeveless top.
I was glad I’d worn my cutest outfit—faded jeans that hugged my legs like a second skin paired with a sparkling tank top and my favorite black high-heeled boots. Though Dad and I had hawked a lot of our stuff—clothes, electronics, furniture, my car—I’d stubbornly held on to a few of my favorite items.
We might be broke as hell, but I couldn’t lose everything of myself.
I smiled and hugged both girls, and they took the two seats I’d saved for them on either side of me. The first few minutes were filled with compliments, catching up on our day and then ordering beers.
“Add a round of shots, please,” Bianca said to the bartender, an attractive older man with salt-and-pepper hair who was eyeing her with open interest. “Buttery nipples.”
Natalie blanched. “Those are grossly sweet.”
“You’ll drink your buttery nipple and you’ll like it, lady,” Bianca declared as the bartender lined up shot glasses and made the shots.
“Ugh. I guess. But I get to pick the next round,” Natalie said.
We counted to three then drank, and the warm, rich taste slid down my throat and seeped into my limbs within seconds. The light headiness of a good buzz hit my head.
“Oh man,” I said with a laugh. “I so needed that.”
Bianca shot Natalie a smug grin that said, See?
“Fine, fine.” Natalie rolled her eyes and spun in her stool to face the crowd. “So, Anna. You have a boyfriend, right? Are you missing him like crazy? Tell me all about him.”
My muscles tensed, and I sighed, dropping my hands in my lap. Truth was, I’d been so busy trying to get my life together that I hadn’t had much time to miss him as intensely as I should have. When I wasn’t working at
the school, I was pounding the pavement and filling out applications everywhere to find a supplemental job. Nothing had cropped up yet, to my dismay.
I bit my lip and struggled to find the right words. “I do miss him, of course. Steven is a great boyfriend. We talk every night before bedtime, and he tells me he can’t wait until I come back.”
“So why do you look all torn up?” Bianca asked bluntly.
I took a big chug of my beer. Suddenly, I wanted to confess the truth. I needed to talk to someone else about all of this, because the burden of carrying these secrets on my shoulders was starting to smother me. I had no one I could turn to.
In stuttering starts and stops, I revealed how Mom had left us flat broke. How I still couldn’t find her and all my leads had ended in a big, fat nothing. How I could hear my dad crying at night on the other side of our paper-thin walls and it killed me. As I spoke, Natalie and Bianca both got empathetic looks on their faces.
“So I never told Steven because I was embarrassed,” I continued. “Yeah, I know I shouldn’t be. And he’s my boyfriend—we should tell each other everything. But every night when we talk on the phone, I find myself stuck in a role. Pretending I’m totally fine, that this horrible thing didn’t happen to me, that I’m gonna be back in New York City in no time, picking up my life like I hadn’t left at all.”
“Oh, Anna.” Natalie tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. Her eyes poured compassion. “You have to tell him. It’s gonna eat you up inside if you don’t. My boyfriend and I share everything. If you care about him, there shouldn’t be secrets between you two.”
Bianca’s face flashed an emotion I didn’t recognize, and she opened her mouth then closed it just as quickly. Natalie shot her an equally complex look—apparently there was a story here. I was curious to know more but didn’t want to push.
“I know you’re right,” I admitted. “But…what if telling him changes everything? Because the truth is, these last few weeks have made me realize this isn’t going to be anywhere as straightforward as I’d thought. I don’t have any money saved away. Hell, I can’t even find another job.” I chugged the last of my beer. “I don’t want Steven to see me like this. I don’t want him to pity me.”
And there it was—the bald truth.
If I told Steven, I knew he’d feel bad. He’d want to help, would insist on it. But I didn’t want him to—and I didn’t want to be his poor lunch lady girlfriend either. I wanted to do this on my own, to conquer this without someone rescuing me.
Not to mention the fact that my mom’s shocking betrayal had taught me a hard lesson—you had to be careful who you leaned on. I hated that this made me doubt everything.
“I can help,” Bianca blurted out.
I blinked and turned to her. “How?”
“I’ll help you find another job. Hell, I work weird gigs all the time to make money. If you’re not afraid of doing whatever it takes—”
“So long as it’s legal, I’m willing to work hard,” I interrupted as a small blossom of hope unfurled in my belly. At this point, I didn’t care what I had to do. The condo hadn’t sold yet, even though we had interest from a couple of potential buyers, and we were going to owe another month’s payment on it, which would almost wipe us out. I wasn’t making enough to cover our expenses, and Dad had yet to find a job.
“Okay.” Bianca straightened and gave a curt nod. “I’ll hook you up.” She cleared her throat and shot a quick glance at Natalie. “And I have an idea about how to find your mom.”
Natalie stared at her for a moment, and then a frown of disgust creased her face. “No way. You can’t suggest that.”
“Don’t be goofy. You know he’ll be able to help.”
Natalie crossed her arms. “He’s an idiot. He can’t find jack squat.”
“Who are you talking about?” I interrupted. “And help with what?”
“We know a guy who’s a PI,” Bianca said, shooting Natalie a warning glare. “He’s super cheap, and he’ll work with you on payment because he’s desperate for business.”
A PI. Yeah, I’d thought of it before, but there was no way I could afford it.
“I’ll talk to him,” Bianca continued. “Just give it a chance. Doesn’t hurt to meet with him, does it?”
“It might,” Natalie muttered.
“And he’s not an idiot,” Bianca said in a huffy tone. “Natalie doesn’t like him because they don’t get along. But he’s good at his job.”
The two girls glared at each other, and for some reason I just started laughing. They shot me startled looks.
“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t laugh. But I just… God, I missed you, Natalie. I forgot how bullheaded you are. And Bianca, you’re cracking me up. And I’m buzzed, too, so there’s that.” My head and limbs felt light; I swayed my hands in the air.
They laughed in response, and the mood lightened.
“We’ll talk about this serious shit later,” Bianca said. “But you do have options. For now, let’s go dance.”
“I happen to agree with her on this one,” Natalie said as she tugged me off the stool. “Let’s shake our sexy asses. This song is one of my faves.”
We wiggled through the groups of people and took a spot on the dance floor, hands thrust in the air. I gave in to the music, let go of my stress, fears, hurts. My arms and legs grew liquid, and we got our groove on. It felt so good to be around friends who knew my secrets but didn’t judge me. They just accepted and, without anything to gain, offered to help.
As I did a little spin, I spied Gavin at the edge of the bar talking with a couple of guys. His dark hair was spiked on top, and his black dress shirt was slim-fit, accentuating his long limbs, and paired nicely with jeans and loafers.
My core gave a tight squeeze in response to the sheer sexuality pouring off him, and I tore my gaze away. You have a boyfriend, I reminded myself. And even if I didn’t, he wouldn’t be my type of guy anyway.
Okay, I’d found him attractive when I was ten. And okay, I found him attractive now. But that didn’t matter. I was here with my girlfriends tonight. This wasn’t a scoping-out-guys expedition.
“Holy shit,” Bianca breathed into my ear. “Gavin’s staring at you like he wants to eat you alive.”
That got my blood pumping even more, but I gave her a casual smile without looking at him to confirm. I was kinda disturbed by how much I wanted to though. “Huh. That’s interesting.”
The grin she shot me was filled with knowing. “Yeah. It is. You should go say hi.”
“I don’t need to say hi, and I don’t want to.” I raised my arms in the air with the rest of the crowd on the floor.
“Are you afraid?” she challenged.
I scoffed. “Afraid of what?”
“Afraid that the attraction you feel for Gavin is stronger than what you feel for this rich dude you’re dating.”
Shit. Nailed it in one. My cheeks flamed, and I dropped my arms. The truth I’d been trying to run from was thrust right in my face. I could blame my self-honesty right now on the alcohol buzz, but that wasn’t it. Gavin drew me closer, even as he aggravated me. Today at work I’d studiously avoided him while serving. He was a dangerous distraction, a temptation I couldn’t handle.
I didn’t want to be that girl. One cheater in the family was enough.
Bianca thrust a few bucks in my hand. “Can you get us water? Talk or don’t talk to him—I won’t push. But if he’s impacting you this much, you shouldn’t ignore that to stay with someone who doesn’t put a tingle in your vajingle.” With a knowing look, she shoved me off the floor.
I could have turned around and told her no, but stubborn pride made me lift my chin and go to the bar. I was an adult. I was in complete control of myself. Just because Gavin seemed like he’d melt a woman into a pile of butter in bed didn’t mean I couldn’t be around him and fall under his spell. I was strong, independent.
I nudged my way a few stools down from him and propped my elbows on the bar. The hottie older bar
tender came over and took my order.
“Hey, hairnet,” I heard from a few feet behind me.
I turned and found myself face to face with Gavin, who peered into my eyes with a strange intensity. “I have a name, you know,” I retorted, focusing on my frustration so I wouldn’t breathe deeply and inhale his scent. Good grief, the man smelled good. Lickably so.
Okay, maybe getting my buzz on hadn’t been the best idea after all.
His grin quirked. “You look nice when you don’t have food in your hair.”
Embarrassment heated my cheeks. I spun back around, grabbed the water bottles, left money on the counter then shoved past him. I thrust one bottle at Bianca and avoided her gaze as I woodenly moved to the music. My heart thunked in an unsteady staccato.
Why did I care so much that he was busting my chops? I shouldn’t. But it hurt my feelings, made me feel judged.
A soft touch on my elbow stopped me, and then Gavin was standing in front of me, his eyes surprisingly raw with emotion. He leaned down and his lips brushed my ear as he said, “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to be rude.”
Shivers erupted across my flesh, and I swallowed. Giving a curt nod, I pulled back a touch. “It’s fine. Whatever.”
“No, it’s not,” he continued and moved a fraction closer. Colored lights from above glinted off his dark hair. “I was a jerk. You deserve better than someone busting your chops when you’re working hard at your job. I’m sorry, and I’d like to be friends.” His eyes met mine.
My throat tightened at the sincerity on his face. This time, my nod was genuine; my hurt fell away just like that.
The song pouring through the speakers changed to a deep, throbbing bass, and the crowd’s mood shifted into a sensual vibe.
“Will you dance with me?” Gavin asked in a sexy tone that made my belly flutter.
I should say no, because I was beyond attracted to this guy, despite my efforts. But I found myself starting to sway. He didn’t touch me, just let the inches of space between us thicken with tension. We moved in silence, eyes locked in an intensity I’d never experienced before. It was like he could see inside me, knew the inappropriate thoughts I was having.