“Nice!” he said.
Inspired, Cassie kept working until her shoulders were sore and her arms were tired. She was beginning to see that being an outdoorsy woman was a lot of work.
“Do you mind if I take a break?”
“Not at all,” Cody said, and she sat on a log. He called the dogs. “I’ll go get some smaller pieces and then show you how to start the fire. Dogs, stay.”
Timber and Diamond laid down at Cassie’s feet, and Cody vanished into the forest. Cassie clutched the ax and shivered. She wasn’t physically cold, thanks to the layered clothing, but she was nervous being alone in what was by New York standards the absolute wilderness. Anything could be out there—or anyone.
The dogs, lazily resting at her feet, kept her from freaking out because she knew they’d perk at the first hint of danger. Still, she kept her hold on the ax. It felt like half an hour, but was probably less than ten minutes, when Cody reappeared carrying two large bundles of firewood on his shoulders, reminding her again of his strength. As if she needed a reminder. She’d never admit it, not anymore, but he was a sight for sore eyes.
“Miss me?” he called cheerfully as he approached.
More than I should, she thought.
“It’s getting cold,” she said. “And even windier.”
“Now all we need is some sideways snow to make it really fun.”
“In July?” Cassie said. “Does it really snow this early?”
“Nah, we might get an inch or two in September, and then October starts hitting hard with snow every couple days, although usually not more than a couple inches at a time.”
“October! But that’s autumn! It’s not supposed to snow in autumn.”
“Autumn will arrive any day now, as soon as it hits August, and believe me, it’s a sight to behold,” Cody said. “In September, this whole valley will be covered in orange and gold. It takes your breath away.”
You take my breath away, she thought, seeing in his eyes and hearing in his voice just how much he loved Alaska. It was deep in his soul. She was sure none of the men she’d dated in the past had ever thought twice about forests and nature and the change of the seasons.
“Maybe I could go hunting for good photographs instead of moose,” she said, only half-joking.
“You could,” he said, but he looked disappointed and so she quickly took it back.
“I’m just kidding. I’ll do whatever you want me to do.”
He raised an eyebrow, and she thought, What the heck. Have a little fun with him.
“Did you hear that, Cody? I’ll do whatever you want.”
He chuckled nervously. “I heard you.” He dropped the firewood by the fire ring. “Let’s collect the rest of what we need.”
He’d rebuffed her again, and she was none too pleased about it as she collected dry twigs, sticks, and pine needles to use as kindling. When they knelt down together to make the fire, they were deliciously close, and he smelled like Irish Spring, and she didn’t care at all about making the fire. She just wanted to kiss him. It was such a romantic setting, and it could have been such a romantic date!
But no, Cody was focused entirely on the task at hand.
“Fire needs two things,” he told her. “It needs oxygen and combustible material. And—”
He said more, but Cassie couldn’t pay attention. All she could think about was her desire to push him onto the ground, climb on top of him, and have her way with him.
“Yo, Cassie.” He brought her out of her daydreaming. “You got it?”
She was so busted.
“Sure,” she said. “Oxygen, and, uh, what?”
He looked at her questioningly. “Have you had enough? Want to head back? We could do this a different day, or move onto something else. Or—”
Stop! Don’t say it! Panic seized her as she suspected he’d been about to say they could simply end their Alaska lessons right then.
“No, I want to do this,” she assured him.
It’s just that I want to kiss you even more. And I want to fuck you, too. Sooooo much, I want to fuck you. Do you really not feel the same?
“I can’t imagine anything that would be more fun than starting this fire,” she said. “Can you?”
The look she gave him was pointed, and meaningful, and she hoped a little teasing.
Cody cleared his throat. “So what you’re going to do is create a little stack, like a teepee, with the small twigs and bark pieces.”
Rejected, and finally resigned, she began to follow his instructions, chastising herself as she did. She didn’t want to become an annoyance to him, coming onto him when he clearly wasn’t interested. She’d had encounters with annoying, persistent guys in bars who wouldn’t take no for an answer, and she knew how tiresome it could be. So the flirting would stop.
Immediately.
“How’s this?” she said as she built a foot-high teepee structure.
“Perfect,” he said. “Now go ahead and push some of the dry needles in there … good … you can also cheat by using paper or Kleenex or something, but this is the wilderness way.”
“You know so much about this,” Cassie said. “It’s ridiculous how little I know. How inept I am.”
“Well, I’d be equally inept in the city. Can you see me figuring out the subway system or hailing a cab?”
She laughed. “You’d figure it out eventually.”
“You will, too. This stuff just takes practice.”
His words reassured her. “Now what?”
“Now you try to spark flames.” He brought out a low-tech tool she’d never seen before that looked like an extra-wide screwdriver. “This is a ferro rod. A fire starter. It uses magnesium. All you do is hold it close and use the striker to hit it.” He demonstrated, sending sparks showering into the air “Soon enough, it’ll catch. Here, your turn.”
He turned the fire starter over to her. She took it and knelt down, holding it just above and to the side of the kindling.
“Like this?”
“Perfect. Go ahead.”
She brought the striker down on the rod, but nothing happened.
“Do it like you’re mad,” Cody said.
Not a problem, she thought. I am mad!
Why won’t you date me?
Why don’t you want me?
She took out her frustration on the fire starter, and a little shower of sparks rained down onto the kindling. A few seconds later, smoke appeared. Cody knelt down next to her, cupped his hands, and blew softly into the pile. Cassie joined him, figuring a gentle blow would give it oxygen, but not too much to put it out.
A tender flame took hold.
Once the kindling was started the rest was a snap. He taught her how to place the mid-size pieces into a similar teepee shape, and then as the fire got going, larger pieces were placed in a crosshatch formation. Within ten minutes the fire was burning merrily and it cut the chill in the air to almost nothing.
“Now if this were a proper bonfire, not just a practice one, we’d add massive logs, big knots, things that burn for hours. And we’d have beer and whiskey and whatever else and make a real event of it.”
“Marshmallows?”
“Some people do marshmallows. I’ve never liked them.”
“Me neither, actually.”
They watched the fire in a companionable silence for a few minutes.
“It feels like it should be dark by now,” she said, as it was after nine and still light.
“The Land of the Midnight Sun,” he mused. “How are you sleeping, by the way? Do you have blackout curtains?”
“I use a sleeping mask,” Cassie said. “I don’t like to draw my curtains when it’s light out. Something feels wrong about it.”
“Alaska’s got its own peculiar rhythms,” he said. “It takes some getting used to.” He searched her eyes. “Are you glad you’re here?”
“Here as in Alaska?” Her heart started beating fast. “Or here as in today, with you?”
�
��As in …” Cody paused, as if deciding what to say.
Cassie’s heart skipped faster.
“Alaska, I guess,” he said.
“Oh.” She looked into the flames. If he wasn’t going to get personal, then neither was she. Remember, no flirting, she told herself. Not anymore. “Yes, it’s been very … educational.”
There was a long silence. Then Cody said, “Ready for that reindeer dog and some craft beer? The Sled Dog’s the best brewery in town.”
In the days since their kiss, Cassie had built up so many pictures in her mind of the two of them acting on their attraction. Teasing. Flirting. Stealing kisses, and then other things. The idea of sitting across from him at a brewery, looking at his gorgeous body that was no longer hers for the taking, was not something she was the least bit interested in doing. Maybe eventually she could put him in the friend zone like he’d clearly done with her, but not that night.
That night, she was just sad.
“I’ve got an early day tomorrow,” she said. “Would you mind if I took a rain check?”
“Of course not.” She could hear the disappointment in his voice that he tried to disguise, and the petty part of her was glad about it. “Let’s just put out the fire, and I’ll take you back home.”
It was fitting that Cody was so adept at smothering the flames. She let him do it, while she sat on the log with the dogs at her feet.
At least they still liked her, she thought miserably, even if Cody didn’t.
12
“You are the world’s biggest idiot,” Sean told Cody. “You had a verifiable sex goddess who wanted you—you!—and you dumped her? Idiot.”
They were at the home of Jack Barnes, who was hosting a Station One A-shift get-together, something he did regularly. His A-frame log house was large, with unique octagonal elements in certain areas like the kitchen and the great room. A massive river-rock fireplace was the focal point of the great room, and the large back deck, in full use that day, had a hot tub, a grill, and a built-in bar. Jack’s was the go-to place for big gatherings of firefighters and their families.
In fact, the place must have been built with a family in mind, although Jack was single. He and Tom Steele, his counterpart on the ladder crew, embarked together on extended international travels at least once year, choosing to have intense vacation flings with female fellow travelers, which left them single by choice the rest of the time.
Sean and Cody were in the back yard with intentions of tossing a football around. However, when Cody told him what had transpired with Cassie the previous day, Sean dropped the football and began to lecture him about the error of his ways.
And now Josh Barnes joined in, clamoring down the stairs of the deck and catching up with them.
“Idiot,” he echoed Sean’s insult and then looked at Sean. “Why is he an idiot?”
“Because Cassie Holt, the hot TV reporter, wants him. And he dumped her. He didn’t even have sex with her first.”
“What’s wrong with you, man?” Josh said. “Have you lost your friggin’ mind?”
“She’s a Cheechako,” Cody said, feeling defensive. He was already questioning his decision, and the guys weren’t helping. “She’s not gonna stick around.”
“All the better!” Josh said. “She leaves; it’s over; clean break. Sex while it lasts.”
“That’s not me,” Cody said. He bent and picked up a large stick, throwing it so the numerous dogs on site, including his own, would have something to chase. Timber won this round and came trotting proudly back to Cody, stick-in-mouth.
“Winter’ll be here before you know it,” Josh said. “Those nights can be awful long without a woman in your bed.”
Josh was a serial monogamist. He liked short, intense relationships, but he wasn’t looking for love. Women were a hobby to him, and they fell far below his other, all-consuming hobby of racing sled dogs.
But Cody didn’t want just any woman in his bed. He wanted Cassie.
It scared him how much he wanted her.
When they’d kissed at the fire station, electricity had shot down his spine as if every nerve ending was on fire. He felt a primal connection to her, a primal longing, yet he hardly knew her.
That didn’t stop him from fantasizing. Sexually, of course, but that wasn’t what had frightened him. The fantasies that scared him were the love-and-marriage kind. He’d been working around the cabin like he always did, chopping wood to prepare for the coming winter, and every stroke of the ax had him pretending she was there watching him, wanting him. And then it veered into the ridiculous, in which it was her cabin, too—they were together, married—and she went into the cabin and brought him a cold beer and one for herself, which they drank as they sat on the back porch and watched the dogs play.
He even imagined a couple of little kids running around with the dogs, covered in mud and laughing. He imagined Cassie watching the scene, delighted, mock-annoyed at the mess, and then hosing the kids down before they were allowed inside.
He knew then he needed to end things before they went any further. Cassie Holt wasn’t the type to get her manicured hands dirty out in the boonies with him. He thought maybe he’d been lonelier than he realized and that maybe it was time to take Sean up on his invitation to head down to Anchorage for a weekend of wild women. Maybe he was too pent-up.
And yes, as Sean and Josh suggested, he probably could have had a fling with Cassie before ending things, but he knew he wouldn’t be able to separate sex from emotion where she was concerned. Josh could, Sean could—but he couldn’t and didn’t really want to.
But several beers later, at Sean and Josh’s coaxing, it seemed like a good idea to text her anyway. The combined force of their insistence and the loosening of inhibitions made it all that much easier to press “send.”
Confession—I don’t want to be just friends, he wrote.
A few minutes later, Cassie wrote back. Confession—me neither.
I want YOU, he replied.
There was no immediate response. He put his phone in his pocket, hyper alert to its vibration, but it stayed silent and still. He wondered if he’d misinterpreted everything, if his original just-friends rationale had made sense to her, too. That she’d already moved on to some other guy in town, maybe that too-smiley male co-anchor of hers. Cody clenched his fists just thinking about it.
He regretted sending the texts. It couldn’t end well.
He decided another beer was a good idea. He walked across the deck to the huge cooler, fished out a bottle, and popped it with his belt buckle. He found Sean talking fly fishing to a firefighter from another shift and joined the conversation without much enthusiasm. It made him remember his day fishing with Cassie.
Feeling stupid, he brought out his phone again and checked it. No messages. He opened the thread with Cassie and saw his own last reply, hanging there, all alone.
I want YOU.
Just as he was about to put it away as a lost cause, a new message popped up. Cassie wrote, Then let’s not waste any more time.
A few days later, they met at the Sled Dog Brewery for the beer and reindeer dogs they’d rain-checked after their fire-building lesson. Cody arrived early to secure a table on the heated patio overlooking the Nanook River.
While he waited for Cassie he passed the time nursing a beer at the bar, chatting with Elizabeth Armstrong, the bartender who pretty much ran the place. She had some kind of baggage, Cody had heard, something awful her father had done, but he’d never paid attention to the talk. He knew full well parents could mess you up, even when they didn’t want to, and anyway he was the type to judge people on their own merits, not what their parents were like.
It was early, and the brewery wasn’t busy. Cassie arrived on time, looking alluring in high heels, black skinny jeans, and a sexy off-the-shoulder top. When she smiled at him, Cody felt like the luckiest man in Alaska.
He stood, leaving his beer on the counter, and met her halfway. He’d been thinking of this moment ev
er since they made their plans—what he’d say, what he’d do.
He wrapped his arms around her and pulled her close. He could literally hear his heartbeat as it pounded with pleasure at how good she felt in his arms.
“Fuck the friend zone,” he said.
She nuzzled her nose against his and giggled.
He took both of her hands in his own and grazed his thumbs across the softness of her bare knuckles. Then he kissed her gently, savoring the sweet softness of her generous lips for just a moment longer than was appropriate for a public space. This is a woman I could love, he thought.
“You’re so beautiful,” he whispered.
Her face was flushed, and her smile was open and inviting, beaming promises of more to come. Cody was already getting hard from one kiss … although he expected that with Cassie, the anticipation would be half the fun.
“I got us a table on the patio,” he said. “It’s a little more private out there.”
She waited while he went to the bar and picked up his beer.
“We’re moving to a table on the patio,” he told Elizabeth. “Can we get service out there?”
“We’re down a waitress, but I’ll take care of you.” She gave him a knowing wink. “Getting it on with the new reporter, huh? Good for you, Cody. I don’t think I’ve ever seen you in here with a date.”
“A guy needs to grow up sometime,” he said.
“Amen to that.”
Cody led Cassie to where he’d draped his jacket, a cozy table in the corner beneath an overhead space heater, with a good view of the river. The daytime temperature had been in the high sixties, but it was now in the mid-fifties and falling fast. Cody was prepared, dressing in layers that included a T-shirt and a flannel shirt left open; he still considered this weather relatively balmy. Cassie, on the other hand, had only a light fashion sweater to wear over her off-the-shoulder top, but she kept it in her lap.
“No dogs tonight?” she asked.
“No, I left the ragamuffins at home. This place is really dog-friendly, though. They’re always welcome on the patio.”
True North (Golden Falls Fire Book 1) Page 9